Need to vent, stupid people

junklady
junklady Member Posts: 88 Member
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
I just need to vent. I am so hurt and upset by comments made by stupid people. Today, someone said his color looks good. I wanted to reply with "Yes, I guess so as opposed to death". Then another one laughingly says "Aren't you glad you can play charades and he can't talk anymore". I had to excuse myself and go elsewhere to cry. Breaks my heart. I wanted to say that until you're in my shoes don't make any stupid comment. My loved one cannot verbally tell me "I love you" anymore. I will never hear his voice again. You stupid idiot. Then there are the ones who laugh at everything. This cancer is just NOT FUNNY. People who can't make a phone call to ask if it's okay to visit. They just show up anytime they like. Why can't they be considerate. He's sick and dying and sleeps most of the time. I am just fed up with stupidity today. If I had enough nerve, I would tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. However, I am not going to lower myself to their level. I guess all this comes with the caregiver territory. Thanks for letting me vent here. This site is the best place to do it.

Comments

  • HeartofSoul
    HeartofSoul Member Posts: 729 Member
    #2
    Its unfortunate that people
    Its unfortunate that people lack sensitivity and common decency as they show their ignorance when someone with cancer is the topic of conversation. As a caregiver you have every right to be upset but your wise enough to not lower yourself to their level. Were here for you
  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #3
    I understand the need
    to vent, but I have come to the realization that the stupid comments are probably due to a lack of understand, fear, and just flat not knowing what to say.
    Since my wife was diagnosed, the comments to both of us have been from one side of the spectrum to the other. At this point I just let them roll off and move on. I have more important things to do.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband, family and loved ones.
    Good luck and God bless you.
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #4
    Vent
    You go ahead and vent all you want, this is the place to do it. Us caregivers, unfortunately, listen to stupid comments all the time. If one more person tells me "Well, at least George has the good cancer" I think I will scream. Hello, he has Stage IV cancer, there is no Stage V, and that is all you got to say, he has the good cancer. Hey, how about if I mix you up a good, strong chemo cocktail and see how you like it but before I do that, how about we rip out a good portion of your colon!

    Sorry, see, venting can do a soul good.

    Best wishes and take care - Tina
  • SuzyQ67
    SuzyQ67 Member Posts: 31
    #5
    You have every right to vent
    Hi there,
    I think at this point all polite "chat" goes out the window. Feel free to tell the idiots that don't get it- to stick it where the sun never shines. You aren't stooping to their level. You would be educating them. They obviously are't getting it, and won't.
    Place a sign on your front door- NO VISITORS - Please respect our wishes.Don't answer to the univited spure of the moment visitor.
    My best friend does emails to let us know when it's a bad time for them. She just notes that she'll contact us when she is able and all prayers are appreciated.
    I wish you peace and cannot say anything to ease what you are going thru, but I understand. My prayers to you both.
  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #6
    SuzyQ67 said:

    You have every right to vent
    Hi there,
    I think at this point all polite "chat" goes out the window. Feel free to tell the idiots that don't get it- to stick it where the sun never shines. You aren't stooping to their level. You would be educating them. They obviously are't getting it, and won't.
    Place a sign on your front door- NO VISITORS - Please respect our wishes.Don't answer to the univited spure of the moment visitor.
    My best friend does emails to let us know when it's a bad time for them. She just notes that she'll contact us when she is able and all prayers are appreciated.
    I wish you peace and cannot say anything to ease what you are going thru, but I understand. My prayers to you both.

    I understand.
    We didn't get much stupidity or lack of feeling from our friends. The two younger kids were often exceedingly unfeeling, and sometimes to me when I was alone brutal. The youngest never stopped asking Don to give her the car, give her the car, give her the car. The oldest didn't bother to visit much the last month or more.

    I was grateful for the people who really did care and were supportive, who came and talked and made Don laugh and forget everything for a little while. They were wonderful!

    Not everyone is.

    Okay, I have to add two things. When Don was being tested to make certain the cancer had spread, someone we both knew asked me if he had life insurance. I avoided her like the plague for months.

    And yesterday one of Don's friends said I looked good, but I wasn't smiling as much as I used to. unh hunh.
  • panks
    panks Member Posts: 36 Member
    #7
    ruthelizabeth said:

    I understand.
    We didn't get much stupidity or lack of feeling from our friends. The two younger kids were often exceedingly unfeeling, and sometimes to me when I was alone brutal. The youngest never stopped asking Don to give her the car, give her the car, give her the car. The oldest didn't bother to visit much the last month or more.

    I was grateful for the people who really did care and were supportive, who came and talked and made Don laugh and forget everything for a little while. They were wonderful!

    Not everyone is.

    Okay, I have to add two things. When Don was being tested to make certain the cancer had spread, someone we both knew asked me if he had life insurance. I avoided her like the plague for months.

    And yesterday one of Don's friends said I looked good, but I wasn't smiling as much as I used to. unh hunh.

    stupid comments
    I posted on the surviving caregiver site the other day about stupid comments. So far this one is at the top of my list. I had a man tell me when you are done grieving let me know I'd like to ask you out on a date..

    Panks
  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #8
    panks said:

    stupid comments
    I posted on the surviving caregiver site the other day about stupid comments. So far this one is at the top of my list. I had a man tell me when you are done grieving let me know I'd like to ask you out on a date..

    Panks

    But...
    Did you smack him?
  • panks
    panks Member Posts: 36 Member
    #9
    ruthelizabeth said:

    But...
    Did you smack him?

    did better then that
    I looked him straight in the eyes and said thank you for the compliment, but insensitive people are not my type..
  • panks
    panks Member Posts: 36 Member
    #10
    ruthelizabeth said:

    But...
    Did you smack him?

    did better then that
    I looked him straight in the eyes and said thank you for the compliment, but insensitive people are not my type..
  • cb girl
    cb girl Member Posts: 56 Member
    #11
    panks said:

    did better then that
    I looked him straight in the eyes and said thank you for the compliment, but insensitive people are not my type..

    Not surprised anymore
    I have been met with many stupid comments-yours is one of the "best". some which I only had nice 4 letter word replies. It's good to hear to others feel the same way. Today I started crying in the grocery store when I ran into a friend because I didn't know what to buy my husband-he asked for energy and I just didn't know what to get. At least that friend just hugged me and found some power bars and juice. For all the stupid ones out there, there are just as many if not more smart. good ones.
  • pattyanny
    pattyanny Member Posts: 544
    #12
    Vent
    Well, you are in the right place! I cannot believe the ignorance & insensitivity! Your post, and the others here infuriated me!
    I did not tell anyone I had cancer, even outer family, because I did not want to see those "pity eyes". I guess I have dealt with the opposite reaction. I am 5"9 and 110lbs. When I met a friend in the supermarket, she exclaims "You look so skinny!" I said "Thank you!" and smiled. I believe prayers and faith have gotten me thru, AND guided my tongue! :)
    I am so sorry you have to go thru dealing with these ****. You are right in not stooping to their level, but some people you need to be bold with, they are stupid. As others here have said, you have to get tough, and don't let them overstep YOUR boundaries. Create them
    starting today!
    You have been so strong for so long, you can do this too!
    My prayers are with you and your hubby. God Bless You! Patty
  • caretaker41
    caretaker41 Member Posts: 3
    #13
    i can relate to this. i find
    i can relate to this. i find myself getting angry at others a lot more often now that my partner has cancer. when i hear other people in the hospital complain about how bad they have it with a broken leg it makes me angry. when i hear visitors come and say "you're so strong, just keep it up", it makes me angry. people simply don't understand what you're going through and i think the isolation of it causes you to resent others to some degree
  • kimmygarland
    kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
    #14
    caretaker41 said:

    i can relate to this. i find
    i can relate to this. i find myself getting angry at others a lot more often now that my partner has cancer. when i hear other people in the hospital complain about how bad they have it with a broken leg it makes me angry. when i hear visitors come and say "you're so strong, just keep it up", it makes me angry. people simply don't understand what you're going through and i think the isolation of it causes you to resent others to some degree

    I agree and relate
    I think people just dont really know what to say and sometimes speak without thinking about how sensitive the situation may be.

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