This lonleness is killing me.......

I understand the loneliness
Hello
I am so sorry to hear about the pain and trauma you have had to endure, and then end up alone. It is strange how our family wants to help if there is a chance we may die but as soon as our health improves, they abandon us.
I am new to my condition and they say the cancer is gone, so I should be greatful. I struggle everyday with trying to understand why this has happened to me and why no can understand. I feel so alone, even when others try to understand me. I get so frustrated when they answer their own way, which will NOT relate to my comment.
My days feel like they are running together and my depression is out of control. The doctors try to prescribe more meds but they do not appear to help. Know you are not alone in spirit...

Scambuster said:

Hi Charles, Speek and Survivor,

It is a tough time you are all going through and you are dealing with a lot. The people around you can not understand what you're going through, but they mean well and also have their 'bags' to carry in life. Getting upset by their actions is futile. My new norm is much less stressed by outside forces I cannot really change.

I don't get road rage anymore, I don't get stressed too much when people push in front of me. Why let myself get upset ?? There is generally no point. Carry a good book with you always to fill in time well in case of delays. Just last Friday I was stuck in a traffic jam for five and a half hours on what should be a 2 hour trip from Vung Tau To Saigon (5 1/2 !!). No Sweat. Pre 'C' I would have been out screaming at the drivers to clear the road and getting acid reflux burning me up inside -- AAAAAAAARRRRRRRH !!!

For your friends and family - try to adopt an: " I'm getting along fine, and thanks for asking, and I really appreciate you coming around to see me..." attitude. Make is just standard, even if you sometime feel differently. Take some heat off. Use your energy to get better. That's what's important.

Words from a famous guy:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

The courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Scam

My feelings exactly!!!
Scam - It's amazing how cancer can change us for the better. Pre-cancer I was always stressed out about something, always in a hurry and had NO patience. Post cancer I am a much better person, a lot of people I know laugh at how laid back I've become. It's probably because I have learned the hard way just how short life can be. I can't think of anything that is worth getting myself upset about, I prefer to let things slide and enjoy my remaining time - however long that may be.

Neither of my cancers are curable (NSCLC in left lung and SCC laryngeal cancer) but I am now in remission. It could be 5 months, 5 years or 10 years, there is no way of knowing so I intend to spend my life enjoying what I have been given - more time!!!

Life is definitely not the same as it was before cancer but at least I still have some life in me and I intend to enjoy it ;-)

My best to everyone - Glenna

survivor31 said:

thanks glenna
glenna you are an inspriration to have the attitude you have is awesome and will inspire me to try harder as I go through this recovery process thats why I said im glad I came here to meet people who have been there and done that and can inspire me to get to where they are im getting there slowly but surely thanks and scam i never said I was angry with my family I said they just dont understand thts why im here so i can speak to others in the HNC community such as you and the others that can help in ways my family cant thank you guys

Survivor
I am so happy that I was able to help you. That's why I come to these forums everyday. It's a tough battle, some days are worse than others, but it is a battle we must fight and then enjoy the "rewards".

I know what you mean about your family not understanding. My husband, friends and family were terrific during my treatment and were always there to encourage me. When treatment stopped it was as if they thought - okay, she's fine now. Only cancer patients understand that it doesn't stop when the treatments end, the emotional part and the fears may be with us for the rest of our lives ;-( I have tried to explain to everyone how I feel and what I am thinking but they "don't get it" so I have stopped explaining and now just try to enjoy every moment I have with them.

You may still have bad days but you will soon find that most days are good. Just waking up each day is a sign that it's going to be a good day ;-)

My best to you and may you improve physically and emotionally every day - Glenna

Irishgypsie said:

Roller Coaster days!!
Hi Scam, I wanted to thank you and everyone else; I guess some days i let the negative emotions get the best of me. I'm doing better today; I find that I'm better during the week when I'm moving on with my treatments. Weekends are like limbo and everyone is out living life and having a great time; would rather just skip the weekends and continue with the treatments. I know that i have to stay positive and that there is a lot that I should be thankful for; it's just hard some times to stay so positive. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone!

Charles

Charles
I think my dad is the same way. During the weekend he has too much time to think. He says he feels guilty watching me mow the yard and all the other things that he did before. During the week he is busy and seems to feel better. I always tell him that it is not hurting me to do some work. I would rather get a little tired and know that he is getting better.

I am glad that you are feeling better. Please contiue to have a positive attitude. Just remember that it will get better.

rozaroo said:

Irish!
How your feeling is totally normal. I felt exctly the same way. Weekend's were long & very lonely. Once treatment was over I had withdrawl pains. Plus was very scared as contact with my cancer centre has ceased except for phone call's & appointment's. I felt so lonely, scared
& isolated. Now I am three month's post treatment & am doing so much better. Slowly getting some normalcy back in my life. Everything has a way of working itself out. At least you are not afraid to express your feeling's. That is such a good thing. I kept to myself & that was a mistake in itself. Now I think differently about opening upt to my friend's & family!

to all who feel friends and
to all who feel friends and family don't understand, you're right, they don't unless they have traveled our road. But that's ok, they don't have to. In the end they still love us and want us to be better. And to all of us, it is normal and ok to have negative thoughts and wonder if we'll ever be loved again. It's ok to come here an complain or let us know that you are having a hard day, that's why we are all here. All the feelings are normal and most/if not all here have felt those. We will more than likely be negative again in the future even tho we know we are very blessed for winning this battle. We also know that we are more blessed than others. Don't beat yourselves up over negative thots, just remember that you must eventually get back to the positive thoughts. You must remember all you've come thru and that life is for living and it will get back to a new "norm" sooner or later. When you need understanding because you're having a rough day, come here and talk to people who have traveled the same road. Our family and friends can only do so much so let them do what they can and come here when you need more. I wish you all the very best and you are all in my prayers. I am glad that God blessed me with this site as it has helped me more than I could ever explain!!! People here truly understand and care and most times have the answers to any of my questions. Thank you all for caring and being there with an encouraging word! You're all AWESOME!
God Bless you friends,
Debbie

finz2lft said:

It's Your Time
Where are yall from. I am from Eastern N C, as I saw the Carolinagirl67. Lonliness was not as big of an issue as ignorance people exhibit towards a cancer patient like me. Some people will not shake my hand or hug me. They think that I can give them cancer. I was taught by my old boss CW-5, that no matter how hard you try that you can't over come ignorance. You just can't do it, no matter what. But, that absolutely blows my mind that some think that I can give them Cancer. But, others are fantastic. I to Carolina East Hospital, or what ever the name is this month, in New Bern NC, and I have never met kinder,more emphathetic, upbeat or nicer people in my life-Mr. Ray Leggette(Pres of Hospital). My Primary-Dr Cho, and Dr Grady, and Dr. Papagikos are all the same, the Nurses, Reception, I can go on and on. But,everybody welcomes me with a smile, takes the effort to know my name, and just make me feel special. They are special people. I am so happy to be treated like this and alleviate the reality of my situation. They are all awesome people.

finz, I couldn't agree with
finz, I couldn't agree with you more. A good attitude from the nurse checking me in for surgery was always EXTREMELY important to me so when I was going for CANCER trmnts, it was even more important. I was already down knowing I had cancer and if the people giving my the trmnts weren't nice and called me by name, it sure would have made my treatments even harder. SO, you are right, the attitude of our caregivers really matters!
God Bless,
debbie