Scary

poidog1970
poidog1970 Member Posts: 4
edited March 2014 in Anal Cancer #1
K, I am going in for surgery on Wednesday to remove pre cancerous cells. To say that the last week has been difficult would be an understatement. The biggest problem that I'm facing at the moment is the fact that my Husband is so angry lately. He's picking at every I do and don't do, what I say and how I say it. I'm just trying to get through the next couple of weeks and calm as possible and he just raises my stress level. I try to understand where he's coming from - but I can't, I don't understand why he would rather argue about things rather than stand back and realize that things are just going to be different for a little while and go with the flow. I mean I'm the one with it, ya know !!!

Why is he being so mean ???

Comments

  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    #2
    poidog
    Hi, What kind of surgery are you having?
  • sissy310
    sissy310 Member Posts: 300
    #3
    poidog
    Hello...I can understand you trying to get through the next couple weeks calmly (very hard to do to say the least as I am trying to do the same). Your mind races in 9 different directions. I do not know what type of relationship you have had with your husband all along, if he was angry before but if you are noticing it more now it could be simply because he is scared and does not know how to deal with everything. That does not give him the excuse to be mean or angry towards you. This is not your fault. We all are scared during this time and react differently to the situation. I'm sorry you do not have the support you need right now. Good luck on your surgery. Marilyne
  • poidog1970
    poidog1970 Member Posts: 4
    #4
    z said:

    poidog
    Hi, What kind of surgery are you having?

    going in the anus to cut out
    going in the anus to cut out some lumps...
  • poidog1970
    poidog1970 Member Posts: 4
    #5
    sissy310 said:

    poidog
    Hello...I can understand you trying to get through the next couple weeks calmly (very hard to do to say the least as I am trying to do the same). Your mind races in 9 different directions. I do not know what type of relationship you have had with your husband all along, if he was angry before but if you are noticing it more now it could be simply because he is scared and does not know how to deal with everything. That does not give him the excuse to be mean or angry towards you. This is not your fault. We all are scared during this time and react differently to the situation. I'm sorry you do not have the support you need right now. Good luck on your surgery. Marilyne

    He's scared. dosen't want
    He's scared. dosen't want the worse to happen so he's lashing out i think. It's nice to have a forum like this to vent !!!
  • sissy310
    sissy310 Member Posts: 300
    #6
    poidog1970 said:

    He's scared. dosen't want
    He's scared. dosen't want the worse to happen so he's lashing out i think. It's nice to have a forum like this to vent !!!

    Poidog
    Of course he is scared...you both are, this is natural. I'm kind of going through what you are right now...things are a bit new. I do not know much of what is going on yet - have dr appts this week. Had some hemi's taken out and they found the squamous cell - not sure if it was removed totally, a little or not at all but the biopsy showed squamous so now that has to be dealt with. This forum from the little bit I've been in here myself has been wonderful. The individuals in here are kind, loving and since they have been through this know just what to say. Let me know how the surgery goes for you and what they say.
  • SueRelays
    SueRelays Member Posts: 485
    #7
    He probably feels like his
    He probably feels like his world is crumbling. I think it is so hard on our loved ones....
    My boyfriend acted like I was completely immobilized as soon as we found out I had anal cancer. He wanted to do EVERYTHING! Made me feel like an invalid. I told him " You need to stop....it's making me feel like I'm not normal...and I need to feel NORMAL for now".....
    At other times, he was snappy. I swear we got in an argument EVERY time I was undergoing surgery or a procedure. Finally I figured out it was stress. I thought like, you, REALLY...is this how you want to act right now??? Can't say, unfortunately, 2 years later, he's changed much LOL! I had liver surgery and we were pretty much at each others throats on the way to the hospital. Weird too....because all the time leading up to the surgery, he was as sweet and supportive as could be. We cried together, and poured out our emotions....but then BAM....back to not being able to deal with it and acting like an ****!
    It takes them a while to come to terms with it. They're scared, as you are.....sometimes it helps them to talk... to have an outlet also, but really, I can't offer advice....cuz he still acts that way at times!!!!
  • sissy310
    sissy310 Member Posts: 300
    #8
    SueRelays said:

    He probably feels like his
    He probably feels like his world is crumbling. I think it is so hard on our loved ones....
    My boyfriend acted like I was completely immobilized as soon as we found out I had anal cancer. He wanted to do EVERYTHING! Made me feel like an invalid. I told him " You need to stop....it's making me feel like I'm not normal...and I need to feel NORMAL for now".....
    At other times, he was snappy. I swear we got in an argument EVERY time I was undergoing surgery or a procedure. Finally I figured out it was stress. I thought like, you, REALLY...is this how you want to act right now??? Can't say, unfortunately, 2 years later, he's changed much LOL! I had liver surgery and we were pretty much at each others throats on the way to the hospital. Weird too....because all the time leading up to the surgery, he was as sweet and supportive as could be. We cried together, and poured out our emotions....but then BAM....back to not being able to deal with it and acting like an ****!
    It takes them a while to come to terms with it. They're scared, as you are.....sometimes it helps them to talk... to have an outlet also, but really, I can't offer advice....cuz he still acts that way at times!!!!

    Oh My
    I can somewhat relate to this so far...not sure how my hubby will be once we begin the actual process and see what happens after that. I'm sure he will be a bit cranky and ornery himself...I hear you though (SueRelays) we don't need that right now...feeling normal is what we need.
  • SueRelays
    SueRelays Member Posts: 485
    #9
    sissy310 said:

    Oh My
    I can somewhat relate to this so far...not sure how my hubby will be once we begin the actual process and see what happens after that. I'm sure he will be a bit cranky and ornery himself...I hear you though (SueRelays) we don't need that right now...feeling normal is what we need.

    It's a tough go Sissy. It's
    It's a tough go Sissy. It's such an, as one of my friends said " undignified" cancer. going to the bathroom is something I always kept private. It's hard to share some of the things you'll be going through...and hard for them to hear/understand. I soooowish this board was available when I was diagnosed in April of 08. I would go to chemo and everyone seemed to have breast cancer....I didn't know ANYONE that had anal. So it was really tough not to have anyone to talk to that could relate to what I was going through.....
    I'm not happy for what you are going through, but am glad we can be here for you!!! There is so much support and great information here!!!!
  • poidog1970
    poidog1970 Member Posts: 4
    #10
    SueRelays said:

    It's a tough go Sissy. It's
    It's a tough go Sissy. It's such an, as one of my friends said " undignified" cancer. going to the bathroom is something I always kept private. It's hard to share some of the things you'll be going through...and hard for them to hear/understand. I soooowish this board was available when I was diagnosed in April of 08. I would go to chemo and everyone seemed to have breast cancer....I didn't know ANYONE that had anal. So it was really tough not to have anyone to talk to that could relate to what I was going through.....
    I'm not happy for what you are going through, but am glad we can be here for you!!! There is so much support and great information here!!!!

    OK, it's tomorrow
    K, BF's been doing good with his attitude since. Anyway, I guess I would be really more nervous if I wasn't concentrating on food. I'm so hungry and I need something solid.

    I'll tell you all how it goes !!!
  • pjjenkins
    pjjenkins Member Posts: 173
    #11
    poidog1970 said:

    OK, it's tomorrow
    K, BF's been doing good with his attitude since. Anyway, I guess I would be really more nervous if I wasn't concentrating on food. I'm so hungry and I need something solid.

    I'll tell you all how it goes !!!

    Hang in - this is one of the hardest parts
    "Tomorrow" is hard because of the anxiety and uncertainty. You know it will be over pretty soon but every hour seems forever. Hang in, sleep if you can, play solitaire, watch TV, listen to your favorite music - distract yourself. Trust all will go well and we'll look for your next post. Ask BF to hang with you - maybe watch a movie with you, whatever you guys like to do together. But if he is like my mate, he wants to make himself scarce until after! Mine felt better looking for a movie we would both like... TG for NetFlix!
    Priscilla
  • sissy310
    sissy310 Member Posts: 300
    #12
    SueRelays said:

    It's a tough go Sissy. It's
    It's a tough go Sissy. It's such an, as one of my friends said " undignified" cancer. going to the bathroom is something I always kept private. It's hard to share some of the things you'll be going through...and hard for them to hear/understand. I soooowish this board was available when I was diagnosed in April of 08. I would go to chemo and everyone seemed to have breast cancer....I didn't know ANYONE that had anal. So it was really tough not to have anyone to talk to that could relate to what I was going through.....
    I'm not happy for what you are going through, but am glad we can be here for you!!! There is so much support and great information here!!!!

    Understood
    I'm beginning to realize what you mean by 'undignified' -- especially since it does not affect as many people. I agree, I'm seeing a lot of support and information. From what you said, it appears this site was not here a few years back? Wow. While I do not want more people to be in here knowing what they will be going through, on the other hand, it is a wonderful resource for information and support. I will also be in here helping out when I can.
  • sissy310
    sissy310 Member Posts: 300
    #13
    poidog1970 said:

    OK, it's tomorrow
    K, BF's been doing good with his attitude since. Anyway, I guess I would be really more nervous if I wasn't concentrating on food. I'm so hungry and I need something solid.

    I'll tell you all how it goes !!!

    To Poidog
    Hi...just wishing you well on your surgery. Please keep us posted on what transpires.
  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #14
    sissy310 said:

    Understood
    I'm beginning to realize what you mean by 'undignified' -- especially since it does not affect as many people. I agree, I'm seeing a lot of support and information. From what you said, it appears this site was not here a few years back? Wow. While I do not want more people to be in here knowing what they will be going through, on the other hand, it is a wonderful resource for information and support. I will also be in here helping out when I can.

    This site is wonderful!
    I was diagnosed in June 08 and had no clue about what to expect or how to deal with side effects, other than what my doctors told me. As those of us who have gotten past the newbie stage in this disease know all too well, the docs are really not much help sometimes. On the other hand, survivors who have walked this path have a wealth of knowledge that can help others. I was not aware of such forums when I was going through treatment--how I wish I had known that this kind of support was available. You really can't understand this disease and everything that goes along with it unless you've been there.

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