Mom died 1 week ago

kyanne
kyanne Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
New to boards, have been in chat a few times.

My Mother died 1 week ago today. She was diagnosed with uterine/cervical cancer in January, chemo/radiation had no effect and spread to her lungs. She was in the hospital from Easter until May 18, when she came home for Hospice care. Me, my step-dad, and my daughter (19) was there for her every day. Her first day home she was obviously happy. But then she slept a lot. She had a few times when she was alert and would talk, but mostly she was hallucinating. On Saturday, all of our friends and family came by to say their goodbyes.
She never woke up for any of them. That night, when my and my step-dad where cleaning her up for the night, we had noticed a change. She wasn't responding to any pain stimulus (rolling her over etc...she had rheumatoid arthritis as well) and her breathing had gotten much worse. At that time, I had the thought flash through my head that I had to end it for her. I could make it so much easier. She eventually did stop breathing that night, but I wish I could have saved her some of that pain.

Has anyone else every considered this, or am I just insane?

Comments

  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #2
    you're not the first
    You are not insane. The first such story I heard was more than 20 years ago. My friend and her husband were poised over her mother's rattling, struggling body with a syringe filled with all the liquid medications they could get into it, and she died.

    I did not end my father's life, but for years I worried that I did. I took care of him during his last night, and he became agitated and I was never sure how much liquid morphine I squirted into his cheek during the hours between 1 and 3 am. He died around 5 am.

    I know much more now, and there was no way I hastened his death, but the coulda woulda shoulda yes or no, what happened there? bothered me for years. Maybe it's another way to hold on?

    Good luck, K. It sounds like your mother had a good death. I hope for the same for mine.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Not Insane
    I think it is normal for us to want to end the pain of a loved one. As my husband neared the end, I prayed for a quick, peaceful end. We were blessed with just that. Before he had cancer, I would not ever have imagined that I would pray for my husband's death. It really hurts to see them in pain, though, when you know that there is nothing we can do to fix them. I am very sorry that you lost your mom. Keep her close in your heart and memory. Fay
  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #4
    After
    watching my mom suffer for several years, I had the same thoughts toward the end. She was on some serious drugs and most of the last 2 months she didnt know who I was most of the time (I was 13 - 14).
    I wished, hoped, and prayed that she would go and for many many years I struggled with a guilt over that.

    Many will disagree with me, but Dr Jack Kevorkian (SP?) has the right idea. uthenasia (SP again?) should be legal. I dont mean "off" grandma cause she has the flu and a monster life insurance policy, but when someone is in a condition that there is no return from and is in pain, let them go in peace.

    Technology can keep most people alive forever, when do we say enough is enough?

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