I lost my mommy

allison731 said:

Thanks for checking in
I am doing okay, taking everything one day at a time. Every day is so different from the others. My sister and brother were both home for the holidays, so I really enjoyed their company. By the way, I hope you had a great holiday. I know it is oh so difficult to not have our loved ones there on such special days. It was better than expected for me though. I just kept myself busy. But now my sister and brother moved back to where they go for college and I am the only one left here in this big house. Man, does it get lonely and it makes me miss my mom that mcuh more everyday. Everything is so empty and everywhere I go I am reminded of her, sometimes making me happy and other times making me sad. I am very truly happy my mom is in a better place but I don't think I will ever be fully comforted because of my own selfish reasons. Thanks again for checking in. Talk to you soon.

afterapril said:

Feeling the same.
It's literally like you took the words right out of my mouth. I lost my mom this April to lung cancer and I can't even begin to explain the way I feel. I miss everything about her - the smell of her perfume, her laugh, the click of her heels when she went out to dinner with my dad.

I know how you feel about deserving a mom for longer than that - I'm 18 now, was 17 in April and I'm filled with such an anger that I had to lose her so early. I graduate in June and I have no idea how to be excited or happy anymore without her here.

Even writing this post makes me cry. I have my good days and my bad days - but none will quite be as bright as when she was here.

If you ever need to talk, you can email me at arprice18@gmail.com.

xo

Ali

SamsWife said:

Losing Your Mommies

Dear Allison731 and afterapril,

I'm so sorry you've both lost your mommies and at such young ages. Unfortunately, having gone through this you have wisdom beyond your years and a deeper understanding of the truly important things in life that most others your age don't have yet. I'm sorry for your sadness and anger and you definitely have reason to feel that way! I would like to offer some perspective as a mother - I hope I don't offend you or minimize what you're feeling - I truly do understand those feelings. I have two different perspectives to offer. The first one is as a mother - I have four children. My husband is currently losing his battle with colon cancer and my children very soon will be losing their father. I now have some fear about what if something happens to me? My children aren't raised yet. My prayer is that I will live long enough to raise them. Having gone through this with my husband, I've thought about what will my end of life be like and how will it effect my children? HERE IS THE POINT I WANT TO MAKE: I don't want them to be consumed with sadness. I raised them to be good, kind, joyous people and I want them to enjoy the gift of their lives - the gift of life that I gave them. I want them to have fond, loving, happy memories of the time that we had together. I know they will be sad and very, very sad when they first lose me (I hope I go before them!) but I want them to move on and make the most of their lives - I want them to be happy! I don't want them to feel angry and sad all the time. I'm sure your mommies want the same for you - it sounds as if you've both had close, loving relationships with your moms and that's a wonderful blessing in life. Celebrate them and the bonds you had - think of them with happiness for the good times. Remember the bad and admire their courage and strength and yours but celebrate the good. I really believe that's what they want for you - I'm sure they're hurting knowing that you're hurting - believe me for every pain our children experience, we experience it right along with them!

People say that time heals all wounds. I don't believe that - I believe that we find a place for our grief so we can survive and have joy. There will be times in your lives that this deep pain of missing your mothers will surface - when you graduate, when you marry, when you have your children, etc. and that's okay - it just means they're still alive in you and you love and miss them. In time, you will find that place but you do have the right to live and be happy - again, that's what your moms want for you. I know about the pain of losing a parent - my father died when I was 9. He was sick for 5 years before he died and I really never got to know him very well but I still miss him and wish I had him in my life.

I'm sorry this is so long but there is one more point I want to make. You are so fortunate to have good, loving memories of your relationships with your moms. Again, I'm not taking away from what your feeling now - you're completely validated in feeling that way. My mother is still living but we don't have a close relationship. I've learned how to "deal" with her after many many years of heartache with her. My mother became an abusive alcoholic after my father died. I don't think she ever really knew how to be a mommy. My brothers and I pretty much raised ourselves. I feel very empty when I think of my mother. I don't mean for this to be a waa waa story for me. I just hope you can find more joy than anger or sadness in the time you did have with your mommies.

I do know this: you're both going to be lovely mommies!

I hope this helps and I'm sorry for being preachy.

I also wish I could give you both hugs. Take care of yourselves and take time to grieve but try to nurture joy not sadness.