lost my love, my life

2

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #22
    closs86 said:

    each day
    Hi Fay,
    You give me some hope, I don't want to give up, I am just so scared of being alone. I am going to a bereavement group on Monday, I hope that it will help me figure things out, I don't even know what that means, figure things out, what is there to figure out?
    I am going to try to go back to work tomorrow, I am trying so hard, I still feel like it is all fake and I am in a whirlwind, but I am functioning, I take care of the dogs, and I am forcing myself to eat, but my head feels like I am not in reality, weird. Hope I am not cracking.
    Thanks for listening and thanks for the good advice
    Karen

    Hi, karen
    I may have mentioned before that one book I read had a chapter about what they called the fog of grief. I was glad to have a name for feeling that I was just going through the motions of living for the first few weeks. I'm retired so I didn't have to worry about work. I don't know if that is good or bad. At times I thought I would have liked to have something to go back to. I hope going back to work proves to be a good thing for you. Eating was and continues to be a problem for me. I have a hard time fixing an actual meal for myself. I do try to do that at least once a day. There are so many things that we are not used to doing alone. Since both Doug and I were retired we did most things together. Each time I face one more thing alone it does get a little easier. Take care, Fay
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #23
    halsons said:

    cutting myself some slack
    You are so right I do need to cut myself some slack. I think at work and at home with my kids I try to be so strong and don't want to break down in front of anyone. Especially in front of my 10 year old. Everytime I cried she would jump up and run over and try to comfort me. I felt so bad here my 10 year old should be upset and I should be conforting her. The hospice counseler said it is not really good for her to comfort me all the time that she should be dealing with her own grief. I kind of agree with her so I try very hard not to break down in front of the kids. I like what you said about " maybe not getting better but it does get easier." I hope it gets easier for the kids they are all taking it very differently but very hard. I have put a call into the counseling group for my 10year old. She is still having panic attacks and bad dreams where her dad comes back and tries to hurt all of us. Kind of worried about that but like I said before I don't know what normal is with this. Thanks for giving me somethings to think about. You hang in there too. Haley

    Hi, Haley
    I am so glad you are going to get grief counseling for your daughter. Sometimes adults forget that children need to grieve, too. I can see the hospice counselors point, but I don't see a problem with you both comforting each other. If you are honest with your daughter with your grief and encourage her to share her grief, I would think it would help her. She needs to know that it's ok to cry, be angry, or whatever. One thing I used to tell the parents of my students was that they are the ones who know their children best. Getting help with grief counseling for yourself and your daughter is good. I know that you will do what is best for all of you. I really believe that we each grieve in our own way and time. There is no one right way. Take care, Fay
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #24
    grandmafay said:

    Hi, Haley
    I am so glad you are going to get grief counseling for your daughter. Sometimes adults forget that children need to grieve, too. I can see the hospice counselors point, but I don't see a problem with you both comforting each other. If you are honest with your daughter with your grief and encourage her to share her grief, I would think it would help her. She needs to know that it's ok to cry, be angry, or whatever. One thing I used to tell the parents of my students was that they are the ones who know their children best. Getting help with grief counseling for yourself and your daughter is good. I know that you will do what is best for all of you. I really believe that we each grieve in our own way and time. There is no one right way. Take care, Fay

    Hi Haley
    Your daughter would benefit from counseling, she is at an age where she understands, and she must find it so hard when she sees you upset, she probably wants to be strong for you, but she is only a little girl and needs comfort too. I hope the counseling helps.
    Hugs Karen
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #25
    grandmafay said:

    Hi, karen
    I may have mentioned before that one book I read had a chapter about what they called the fog of grief. I was glad to have a name for feeling that I was just going through the motions of living for the first few weeks. I'm retired so I didn't have to worry about work. I don't know if that is good or bad. At times I thought I would have liked to have something to go back to. I hope going back to work proves to be a good thing for you. Eating was and continues to be a problem for me. I have a hard time fixing an actual meal for myself. I do try to do that at least once a day. There are so many things that we are not used to doing alone. Since both Doug and I were retired we did most things together. Each time I face one more thing alone it does get a little easier. Take care, Fay

    Hi Fay
    Do you know the name of that book, I am glad to hear that other people also experience this fog, It is hard to prepare a meal for yourself, when I do eat it is anything, we only used to eat very healthy, now when i do eat it is junk. Work was hard today, seeing everyone for the first time after the funeral, it was a hard day, but I stood until the end of the day, I surprised myself, I didn't think I would be able to., Monday night is my first group counseling, I hope that it is good for me, I haven't driven in years, have a license, but Johnny always drove, this is something I will have to do, I can't be dependent on everyone to go places. I hope I will get my confidence back, and be able to do it. So many life changes, I have to go on the train to get to the support group, haven't been on the train in years, i have so many changes to face.
    Hugs, Karen
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #26
    grandmafay said:

    Hi, Haley
    I am so glad you are going to get grief counseling for your daughter. Sometimes adults forget that children need to grieve, too. I can see the hospice counselors point, but I don't see a problem with you both comforting each other. If you are honest with your daughter with your grief and encourage her to share her grief, I would think it would help her. She needs to know that it's ok to cry, be angry, or whatever. One thing I used to tell the parents of my students was that they are the ones who know their children best. Getting help with grief counseling for yourself and your daughter is good. I know that you will do what is best for all of you. I really believe that we each grieve in our own way and time. There is no one right way. Take care, Fay

    ok to cry
    Thanks Fay, I do think I know my daughter pretty well, at least better than the school counselor. I know she seems so much stronger than I am most of the time. I do need to let her know it is ok to cry it is just very hard for me to show my emotions with the kids right now. I know they are going through so much right now and with me being upset I think this might upset them more. When we have my daughter talk with the hospice counselor I ususally participate by being there if she needs me that is about it. I know I should get some counseling of my own at least that is what the psycholigist told me last week when I took my 17 son who is now starting to have problems sleeping and depression. I was so upset to see the kids falling apart I just needed to get them help first. I know each of us grieve in different ways it is just hard for me to do it with anyone else around. I guess I am weird. What can I say. Haley
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #27
    closs86 said:

    Hi Haley
    Your daughter would benefit from counseling, she is at an age where she understands, and she must find it so hard when she sees you upset, she probably wants to be strong for you, but she is only a little girl and needs comfort too. I hope the counseling helps.
    Hugs Karen

    getting counseling
    Thanks Karen I am working on counseling for my daughter and my 17 year old son so far. I will look for some for me after I get the kids taken care of. I would have thought that after three months this would start getting better but after talking with the hospice counslor she said this has just begun. I guess things are starting to wind down and now is when reality is starting to hit the kids and even with me. This is all new to me. Thanks Haley
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #28
    halsons said:

    ok to cry
    Thanks Fay, I do think I know my daughter pretty well, at least better than the school counselor. I know she seems so much stronger than I am most of the time. I do need to let her know it is ok to cry it is just very hard for me to show my emotions with the kids right now. I know they are going through so much right now and with me being upset I think this might upset them more. When we have my daughter talk with the hospice counselor I ususally participate by being there if she needs me that is about it. I know I should get some counseling of my own at least that is what the psycholigist told me last week when I took my 17 son who is now starting to have problems sleeping and depression. I was so upset to see the kids falling apart I just needed to get them help first. I know each of us grieve in different ways it is just hard for me to do it with anyone else around. I guess I am weird. What can I say. Haley

    Not weird
    No, you are not weird. You are human. On second thought, maybe all of us humans are a little weird. I tend to keep a lot of my grieving to myself, too, but then I am by myself a lot. I agree that three months is not a long time grieving wise. Historically, women used to wear black for at least a year. Queen Victoria wore black for many years. In our modern world, we expect everything to happen quickly. Maybe grieving is something we can't hurry. You have many responsibilities that you now have to face alone. That's tough. I'm glad you are getting help for the son and daughter. Remember, though, that the number one rule of caregiving is taking care of yourself. I'm glad you are thinking along those lines as well. I read on another post that you are walking in a Relay for Life this weekend. I did that last weekend. Ours was very upbeat and well supported by the community. It helped me feel like I was doing something positive. One granddaughter (16) did it with me, and I think it was good for her, too. Several people had bought luminaria for Doug. Our granddaughter decorated most of them and both of us lit them during the evening ceremony. Then we gave each other a big hug. It was good. Take care, Fay
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #29
    closs86 said:

    Hi Fay
    Do you know the name of that book, I am glad to hear that other people also experience this fog, It is hard to prepare a meal for yourself, when I do eat it is anything, we only used to eat very healthy, now when i do eat it is junk. Work was hard today, seeing everyone for the first time after the funeral, it was a hard day, but I stood until the end of the day, I surprised myself, I didn't think I would be able to., Monday night is my first group counseling, I hope that it is good for me, I haven't driven in years, have a license, but Johnny always drove, this is something I will have to do, I can't be dependent on everyone to go places. I hope I will get my confidence back, and be able to do it. So many life changes, I have to go on the train to get to the support group, haven't been on the train in years, i have so many changes to face.
    Hugs, Karen

    Sorry
    I'm sorry, I don't remember the name of the book. It was one given to me by Stephen ministry at church. That's a one one one lay ministry we have. Doug and I had actually trained for that before he got sick so I had it. I read through it and put it away some place safe. You know, that place I can never remember where it is? I have a lot of those these days, and it drives me crazy. I know that there are a number of good books out there. I'm sure hospice could recommend one. Hope you have as good a weekend as is possible. Take care, Fay
  • Menaff
    Menaff Member Posts: 9
    #30
    bingles said:

    Hello Karen....
    First of all
    Hello Karen....
    First of all my deepest sympathy for your loss...I am right in the same place you are...my Bill started showing illness in January...chalked it up to "just getting old" he was 70yrs young.
    Long story short got him to go to the ER the first week in March...next day they found metastatic lesions on his spine and subsequent lung mass.
    The only treatment at that point was pallitive and he choose to opt out of it...and just go home and live for as long as he could.
    Took him home and got him on Hospice..best move we ever made.
    His condition declined rapidly but with constant care and 02 support he was holding his own...
    His doctor told me that he had "a couple of months" at best...he never knew that...as a matter of fact..he placed an order for some flower bulbs..to be planted next season...he was hopefull and an eternal optimist.
    On April 21st...he had a reunion with his estranged children...that night he was so happy and content...that very night...he passed away in my arms..while I was putting him to bed...it was so fast but totally painless...
    The anguish I feel right now is right to my core....we were married for 34yrs and in that time I can count the times we were apart overnight....and this past year due to my retiring early...we were together 24/7...and now he is gone.
    I try to find solace in that he did not suffer for long and that he was the master of his care.
    I cry alot but the tears don't last long because my mind goes to the fact that he was able to choose his final days.
    Having him home during the final weeks gave us time to share and we both understood each others feelings...he was sad to be leaving me behind and I was sad to be losing him....but I also know that had he gone on longer he would have lost all independence and that would be unacceptable for him..
    Try to quiet your thoughts and reflect on your life with your husband...with the focus on the living....know that he would have wanted you to go on....we can live though this....the wonderful men in our hearts taught us that....we owe it to them to keep going...knowing that I was a real homebody..Bill told me get out and be with people...get a little job to keep me active....I promised him I would and I will.
    Cancer is a demon...but its becoming more common and so many people suffer with it....its sad.
    We need to keep those guys in our hearts and show them that they left strong ladies behind...
    I feel a connection with you...the time line being so close...lets keep in touch...ok ?
    Your in my thoughts.
    Blessings to you...
    Pat

    April 21
    My husband of 27 yrs. passed away on this day. And I was here in our bedroom when he left this world. I was in denial while it happened but thankfully his daughter was here with me and knew it was the end. I am devastated about his loss and yes I was strong when he was here and now I am the exact opposite. I feel like I can't go on. What happened to my independence, where did my positive attitude go? I want him back so much. I watch the memorial video that was put together for the service and cry, cry, cry. I watched it for hours today. God please remove the pain from my heart. And give me the will to go on.
    He would never have wanted or expected me to be so weak. I wish that more had been said, but you want to be optimistic and not speak of the end. I knew when hospice came that was the beginning of the end. They only came one time and he was gone. Please God give me my life back. Please give me peace. I have never felt so helpless. Thank God for my kids because they have been great and supportive of my ups and downs. And thanks to all our friends for all the prayers that were sent our way. I know that prayer helped me get thru the illness now I need them to get me thru this part. I always thought we would have more time. He was 63 and me 53. Too young to be a widow. Too young to be alone. Thanks for listening.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #31
    Menaff said:

    April 21
    My husband of 27 yrs. passed away on this day. And I was here in our bedroom when he left this world. I was in denial while it happened but thankfully his daughter was here with me and knew it was the end. I am devastated about his loss and yes I was strong when he was here and now I am the exact opposite. I feel like I can't go on. What happened to my independence, where did my positive attitude go? I want him back so much. I watch the memorial video that was put together for the service and cry, cry, cry. I watched it for hours today. God please remove the pain from my heart. And give me the will to go on.
    He would never have wanted or expected me to be so weak. I wish that more had been said, but you want to be optimistic and not speak of the end. I knew when hospice came that was the beginning of the end. They only came one time and he was gone. Please God give me my life back. Please give me peace. I have never felt so helpless. Thank God for my kids because they have been great and supportive of my ups and downs. And thanks to all our friends for all the prayers that were sent our way. I know that prayer helped me get thru the illness now I need them to get me thru this part. I always thought we would have more time. He was 63 and me 53. Too young to be a widow. Too young to be alone. Thanks for listening.

    Also 63
    My husband was also 63 when I lost him 7 months ago. I am also 63 so I am not as young a widow as you are. Yet I still feel it is too soon, and I hate that word. We do need to find ways to move forward. It sounds like you have a strong support system. It is ok for you to lean on them a bit. Grieving is hard. It takes time. You will find your way. One month is a very short time. You are still in the fog of grief. It is real. I, too, have been supported by prayer and have a strong faith. That doesn't relieve our hurting, but it does tell us that we will see our loved ones again. We know that we are not alone in our journey. Crying is good, but you may want to stop watching the video for a few days. Only you can decide if that is a good idea for you. Each of us must grieve in our own way and time. Know that there are many on here who have some understanding of what you are going through. I will say a prayer for you. Fay
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #32
    Menaff said:

    April 21
    My husband of 27 yrs. passed away on this day. And I was here in our bedroom when he left this world. I was in denial while it happened but thankfully his daughter was here with me and knew it was the end. I am devastated about his loss and yes I was strong when he was here and now I am the exact opposite. I feel like I can't go on. What happened to my independence, where did my positive attitude go? I want him back so much. I watch the memorial video that was put together for the service and cry, cry, cry. I watched it for hours today. God please remove the pain from my heart. And give me the will to go on.
    He would never have wanted or expected me to be so weak. I wish that more had been said, but you want to be optimistic and not speak of the end. I knew when hospice came that was the beginning of the end. They only came one time and he was gone. Please God give me my life back. Please give me peace. I have never felt so helpless. Thank God for my kids because they have been great and supportive of my ups and downs. And thanks to all our friends for all the prayers that were sent our way. I know that prayer helped me get thru the illness now I need them to get me thru this part. I always thought we would have more time. He was 63 and me 53. Too young to be a widow. Too young to be alone. Thanks for listening.

    so sorry
    Hi
    I am so sorry for your loss, it is the hardest thing that I think we will ever have to do, dealing with this grief, it is unpredictable, you never know how you are going to feel when you get up out of b ed, and through the day I have ups and downs, I also agree with grandmafay, maybe it would be good for you to not watch the video every day, it might be to much for you, It is very good that you have a good support system, I do to,. although it is not the same, but at least there is someone to lean on. I have a journal, and I am trying out some bereavement groups, I am not sure that they will do anything, but I will give it a few trys, I hope that you find strength from god, I am trying to find strength also, It is a very hard journey we are on now, but I believe that we will be with them again, that is how I am getting through the days.
    Take care of yourself
    Karen
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #33
    Menaff said:

    April 21
    My husband of 27 yrs. passed away on this day. And I was here in our bedroom when he left this world. I was in denial while it happened but thankfully his daughter was here with me and knew it was the end. I am devastated about his loss and yes I was strong when he was here and now I am the exact opposite. I feel like I can't go on. What happened to my independence, where did my positive attitude go? I want him back so much. I watch the memorial video that was put together for the service and cry, cry, cry. I watched it for hours today. God please remove the pain from my heart. And give me the will to go on.
    He would never have wanted or expected me to be so weak. I wish that more had been said, but you want to be optimistic and not speak of the end. I knew when hospice came that was the beginning of the end. They only came one time and he was gone. Please God give me my life back. Please give me peace. I have never felt so helpless. Thank God for my kids because they have been great and supportive of my ups and downs. And thanks to all our friends for all the prayers that were sent our way. I know that prayer helped me get thru the illness now I need them to get me thru this part. I always thought we would have more time. He was 63 and me 53. Too young to be a widow. Too young to be alone. Thanks for listening.

    Too young to be a widow
    I hear you and agree that I too was kind of in denial about my husbands cancer. I always thought he would get better but he didn't and after battleing it 10 months he left me and our four kids. We were married 25 years and I am 46 and yes I said the same thing you did that I was too young to be a widow. He was 26 years older but he never looked his age I think the kids made him younger and kept him so busy he didn't even think about his age. Our kids are 22,19,17, and 10. I think the kids help in someways and also make it harder for me in others. I don't have the energy to sometimes even get up and when I do I feel guilty cause I don't have the energy to help them with their grief. It is hard enough to go through it myself let alone help all four with their different grief issues. The 12th of May will be 5 months and I can't believe it has been that long. It still seems like yesterday I lost him. Hang in there and keep going. Haley
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #34
    halsons said:

    Too young to be a widow
    I hear you and agree that I too was kind of in denial about my husbands cancer. I always thought he would get better but he didn't and after battleing it 10 months he left me and our four kids. We were married 25 years and I am 46 and yes I said the same thing you did that I was too young to be a widow. He was 26 years older but he never looked his age I think the kids made him younger and kept him so busy he didn't even think about his age. Our kids are 22,19,17, and 10. I think the kids help in someways and also make it harder for me in others. I don't have the energy to sometimes even get up and when I do I feel guilty cause I don't have the energy to help them with their grief. It is hard enough to go through it myself let alone help all four with their different grief issues. The 12th of May will be 5 months and I can't believe it has been that long. It still seems like yesterday I lost him. Hang in there and keep going. Haley

    to young to be a widow
    Hi Haley,
    This is just so terrible, you are young and 4 children that has to be so hard for them, My sons are married and have children of their own, so they are grieving, but they have to think of their families and what is happening at their house. So I am pretty much on my own, no sisters or brothers, good friends, but friends can't replace the void in our hearts. A lot of times I don't even want to see anyone, so I make up stories that I am doing something else. June 6 will be 2 months that johnny passed, I still have that tightness in my body, the anxiety.
    Well I am going to write in my journal,
    Take Care
    Karen
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #35
    closs86 said:

    to young to be a widow
    Hi Haley,
    This is just so terrible, you are young and 4 children that has to be so hard for them, My sons are married and have children of their own, so they are grieving, but they have to think of their families and what is happening at their house. So I am pretty much on my own, no sisters or brothers, good friends, but friends can't replace the void in our hearts. A lot of times I don't even want to see anyone, so I make up stories that I am doing something else. June 6 will be 2 months that johnny passed, I still have that tightness in my body, the anxiety.
    Well I am going to write in my journal,
    Take Care
    Karen

    tightness in your body
    Wow, you have described what I went through again and again. As grandma Faye says" it does get easier." I think just getting up every morning is an accomplishment for us. I think most of my friends have no idea what I am going through. I do have three friends that lost their husbands and it is these girls that I can talk to somewhat. Karen we are all going through somewhat the same things you are going through so don't feel bad in expressing your thoughts fears ete... I might not be able to help much but I can listen. I think this will make us all stronger it will just take a lot of time for all of us to heal. I enjoy journaling but don't have a lot of time to do it. I think I will make sometime daily to do this. It can be very healing. Hey you are in my thoughts and prayers. Haley
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #36
    halsons said:

    tightness in your body
    Wow, you have described what I went through again and again. As grandma Faye says" it does get easier." I think just getting up every morning is an accomplishment for us. I think most of my friends have no idea what I am going through. I do have three friends that lost their husbands and it is these girls that I can talk to somewhat. Karen we are all going through somewhat the same things you are going through so don't feel bad in expressing your thoughts fears ete... I might not be able to help much but I can listen. I think this will make us all stronger it will just take a lot of time for all of us to heal. I enjoy journaling but don't have a lot of time to do it. I think I will make sometime daily to do this. It can be very healing. Hey you are in my thoughts and prayers. Haley

    Thanks
    Hi Haley
    Thanks for the support, I am trying to take one day at a time, some days it is a drop easier than others. But I still mostly have the tightness inside of me. I find a little peace in feeling that John is here with me, just can't see or hear him, but I know that he is with me, I sense his presence, and anything I need to do, I get direction from him. I miss him terribly, and some days I am so miserable, mad, sad, everything, but we have to go on. until it is our time to be with them. But I know that John will stay by my side until I go with him. Well I have to work tomorrow, so I better get ready for bed.
    God Bless
    Karen
  • anthonya
    anthonya Member Posts: 11
    #37
    Seek counseling right away
    I recently lost my mother, whom I was extremely close too,to cancer. She was 75 years old. It was detected too late. If she had gone to the doctor more often, it might have been a different story.

    The feeling of lose is horrible. The worst feeling I've ever experienced. I can imagine the horrible pain you are experiencing now.

    What made your husband most happy in life? What can you do to keep his essence alive? It helps my pain to become involved in things my mother wanted to do or would have wanted to do. Perhaps this is something that can bring you some comfort as well.

    Look into grief counseling. It really helps.

    a
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #38
    anthonya said:

    Seek counseling right away
    I recently lost my mother, whom I was extremely close too,to cancer. She was 75 years old. It was detected too late. If she had gone to the doctor more often, it might have been a different story.

    The feeling of lose is horrible. The worst feeling I've ever experienced. I can imagine the horrible pain you are experiencing now.

    What made your husband most happy in life? What can you do to keep his essence alive? It helps my pain to become involved in things my mother wanted to do or would have wanted to do. Perhaps this is something that can bring you some comfort as well.

    Look into grief counseling. It really helps.

    a

    trying so hard
    Hi A
    Thanks for your support, I am trying so hard, I am going to grief counseling, nothing seems to help, I will be feeling a drop better for a day or so, and then boom. Right now I am angry, I wish it would pass, i hate this feeling, don't know what to do, I have no patience, and don't really want to see anyone. I keep myself busy, I work, I write in my journal, I don't know what else to do, We were together 44 years, he was only 60, and it was totaly unexpected. so I don't know if I will ever recover.
    Take care
    Karen
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #39
    closs86 said:

    trying so hard
    Hi A
    Thanks for your support, I am trying so hard, I am going to grief counseling, nothing seems to help, I will be feeling a drop better for a day or so, and then boom. Right now I am angry, I wish it would pass, i hate this feeling, don't know what to do, I have no patience, and don't really want to see anyone. I keep myself busy, I work, I write in my journal, I don't know what else to do, We were together 44 years, he was only 60, and it was totaly unexpected. so I don't know if I will ever recover.
    Take care
    Karen

    I am in the same boat with you Karen when you said you don't know if you will ever recover. I think this same thought most of the time. I too do pretty good for a couple of days and then cruddy the next couple of days. I am angry and yell at my kids which I know they are going through grief with loosing their dad. I am dealing with my daughter who is 10 and she is having a really hard time with the loss of her dad. I have no patience and feel I want to yell at her when I try to get her to eat and after the 10 thing I make or suggest she won't eat it. I have had to walk away just about everyday so I won't explode. I hate this feeling but I don't know what to do. I have started some antidepressants but I don't think they are working very good. I have to make myself get out of bed in the morning but once I get to work I seem to do ok because there is so much for me to do it keeps my mind focused and I don't think of my loss and feelings. It is when I go home and everone is in bed then it really hits me. So I think or I am told it will get a little easier but I really don't know when it will this week it will be 5 months that my best friend and husband died. So hang in there and I will also. Haley
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #40
    halsons said:

    I am in the same boat with you Karen when you said you don't know if you will ever recover. I think this same thought most of the time. I too do pretty good for a couple of days and then cruddy the next couple of days. I am angry and yell at my kids which I know they are going through grief with loosing their dad. I am dealing with my daughter who is 10 and she is having a really hard time with the loss of her dad. I have no patience and feel I want to yell at her when I try to get her to eat and after the 10 thing I make or suggest she won't eat it. I have had to walk away just about everyday so I won't explode. I hate this feeling but I don't know what to do. I have started some antidepressants but I don't think they are working very good. I have to make myself get out of bed in the morning but once I get to work I seem to do ok because there is so much for me to do it keeps my mind focused and I don't think of my loss and feelings. It is when I go home and everone is in bed then it really hits me. So I think or I am told it will get a little easier but I really don't know when it will this week it will be 5 months that my best friend and husband died. So hang in there and I will also. Haley

    keep trying
    Hi Haley
    I can't even imagine having to help a child feeling like I do, it must be so very hard for you, you have to give the antidepressents a chance, they can take up to 6 weeks to start taking effect, and if they don't help they have different kinds that will help, it is hard to deal with the anger when you are alone, Is your daughter talking to anyone, any counselors or friends that she can let it out to. Work is good, I never thought I would hear myself say those words, but I am happy that I am working, I almost retired a few months before Johnny got sick, it is a good thing that I didn't, it helps keep your mind busy for a couple hours a day. This is so hard for us, they left us here to deal with this pain, I just don't know why. I was with some of our friends today, I was worried that it would be to much for me, his best friend since they were teens, but once we sat and talked I was happy that I went. One day at a time, when I don't want to face or do something and I push myself I am usually happy that I did, I am finding that out.
    Hope you have a good day today
    Peace in our hearts and minds
    Karen
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #41
    closs86 said:

    keep trying
    Hi Haley
    I can't even imagine having to help a child feeling like I do, it must be so very hard for you, you have to give the antidepressents a chance, they can take up to 6 weeks to start taking effect, and if they don't help they have different kinds that will help, it is hard to deal with the anger when you are alone, Is your daughter talking to anyone, any counselors or friends that she can let it out to. Work is good, I never thought I would hear myself say those words, but I am happy that I am working, I almost retired a few months before Johnny got sick, it is a good thing that I didn't, it helps keep your mind busy for a couple hours a day. This is so hard for us, they left us here to deal with this pain, I just don't know why. I was with some of our friends today, I was worried that it would be to much for me, his best friend since they were teens, but once we sat and talked I was happy that I went. One day at a time, when I don't want to face or do something and I push myself I am usually happy that I did, I am finding that out.
    Hope you have a good day today
    Peace in our hearts and minds
    Karen

    Hi
    Hi, just wanted you to know that I am still here and still reading. I still don't have any words of wisdom. Just feelings to share Fay

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