My Best Friend's Son

welcome
I am so sorry for what you and your friend and her son/family are dealing with. It is very hard when you are sitting on the outside and can't seem to do anything to fix the problems. I have to say that there really isn't anything YOU can do, outside of be there for your friend to support her and listen when she needs to vent. As far as her son, I agree with what Sonia said, does he have a regular doctor? His mother should be able to speak to him about the mental changes she is seeing and possibly get the help he so desperately needs. Of course, it sounds like his mental issues have been around a lot longer than the cancer diagnosis has been, so it makes things a little bit more difficult. If he doesn't want help, it's very hard to get it for him. However, the fact that he has a gun in his house and may be mentally unstable should be brought to the attention of the local police. I'm not sure if anything even then can be done, but at least they'll have been warned! Perhaps somebody on this board has experience along these lines and can offer you some real solid advice. Good luck and I hope you come back often!
mary

I'm sorry
I'm sorry about your friend,and her son.I agree that it sounds like he has more problems than just depression,and he should be taking medication.Here in colorado if a person is a threat to himself or to other people the police can put a mental health hold on them,and have them put in a hospital.I think it's like that in most states.I also think it's a good idea to get the gun away from him.I hope this helps,I will be praying for them.

Two Tough Battles at the Same Time
Hi Doris

Wow, this is a bonafide situation, alright. I'm not sure I've got the answers, but we can talk about this for a minute.

First, Mental Illness can be very hard to overcome without the proper help and medication. I've experienced this first hand with my mom, so I know how difficult it is to overcome and to stand in there and take a verbal beating every time you call or show up on the doorstep.

To be able to help, a person has to be willing to accept help and have decisions made for them or guided to. The old saying, "you can lead a horse to water, but can't make him drink" sounds a bit like this story.

His behavior sounds like it could be "Manic Depression." His constant verbal attacks towards his mom sounds like the flags are there for that. Whether that could turn violent are not is open to speculation, but loaded weapons at the house would sure put some concern for my safety, if I were his caregiver.

I know where I live you have to prove that you are a harm to yourself or to others, before one could be committed.

And to answer your earlier question, this behavior is not considered normal. When you have mental illness such as this, one cannot recognize and appreciate the loved ones who are around who can help you. You just don’t have the cognizance to understand that this is the person, who cares for you and is helping you. The person just lashes out at those closest to him – in this case his mom. Of course, the other side of this equation, is that nobody else would put up with it – folks would just walk away and distance themselves.

Cancer is such a tough fight all by itself. It’s probably one of the toughest fights there is as you are fighting for your life. In doing so, you have to be aware of what is going on and be in a mental state where you are willingly able to accept help.

Doctors, oncologist, nurses and medical technicians are not going to be able to work with a belligerent individual, who verbally lashes out, or who will not do the treatments and all this is required with a cancer diagnosis.

The son has got to be willing to accept instructions from his doctors and be able to go with the prescribed plan, or there are going to be some issues. There are numerous side effects with cancer treatments and surgeries, so the road is not an easy one to traverse.

It really sounds like he has got to get the mental side of things working better, before he can begin to address a cancer diagnosis and all that it entails. If your best friend could get him some counseling, and some medication to see if this would help, would be very encouraging and a great start.

The road will be full of obstacles and challenges but there are many here who have survived and are surviving cancer metastasized to the liver and other organs. But the son will have to be strong enough mentally to tackle this challenge and all that needs to be done.

And his mom, as his caregiver, will certainly have her hands full providing care. She’ll have to take time for herself, or this type of thing could just swallow her whole, especially since the son is acting out with her and being verbally abusive. A person can only take so much and just because he is her son, will not lessen this.

I wish them all the luck in the world and hopefully they will be able to work together to get him all of the help that they both need so much.

-Craig