It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to, need to vent!

Sonia32
Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
So if I've come to my online family, this has to be the worst birthday I have ever had apart from my mum dying or last year being on chemo. Maybe it's not so bad if you look at it that way. Ok where do I start husband filed for divorce on the 13/5 only got told on the 18/5. Doctors and psychatrist say I'm in no fit state to take on any legal proceedings for the time being. When I heard the news, I shut down like I did when my mum was dying I didn't speak for several hours, my sister was worried I would try and kill myself so she took me to hospital. I had a psychatrist appointment the next day, I put all my feelings down in a letter in case I forgot anything. Good news they say I'm not mad as ex is trying to make out, I have recurrent depression and very very slight traits of a boderline personality disorder as I was abused as a child etc etc. But he may not even put that down. Not allowed to work for three months. On new anti anxiety medication lyrica 75mg twice a day and that just knocks me out, or I get side effects of being drunk. Oh and I have been banned from drinking as those with a sensitive brain if you drink it can cause you to self harm and alsorts. Oh psychatrists said I was very intelligent and insightful ok.
Today a so called friend who I helped get a job at my work place says shes not inviting me to her wedding as it might cause trouble as she has invited people from work, as at the moment work wont let me back unless I go back full time, and so it's gone to tribunal.
Have a scan on the 29th June, I would not be suprised if something shows up, as I have had so much stress since the separation, plus with work problems. If it happens then we all know stress is a contributing factor to cancer ha, they say that anyway. I just wonder what else can be thrown my way, argghhhhhh. And those who are still under going chemo etc forgive me for my rant. Btw want to thank Lisa(i will mail you both soon) and Donna for looking out for me, and Rob with his wise words

Hugs to you all
Sonia

Comments

  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #2
    Sonia,
    I am sorry you are
    Sonia,

    I am sorry you are not having the wonderful birthday you deserve. You have gone through and are going through a lot. I want you to know I am thinking about you and hope you are feeling better soon. Happy Birthday wishes are being sent your way.
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #3
    I am very sorry
    You are having such a crappy birthday. Sometimes that happens and it sounds like you are getting the help you need. My marriage broke up right before my diagnosis so I got to go through the divorce as I navigated this wonderful (?) journey, but I made it and here I sit! I pray you continue to get the help you need as you move forward through your new life. We never know what life is going to throw our way, we just have to trust that we will have the strength to get through it on a day by day, hour by hour and yes, sometimes minute by minute basis! Hang tough and please keep us posted on how you are doing.
    mary
  • abrub
    abrub Member Posts: 2,174 Member
    #4
    I used to dread my birthdays
    but now they are gifts - I was told by a doctor when I was diagnosed that I probably wouldn't see my last one, and now another is approaching.

    You've had a lot of crappy things happen, and they are piling up on you. You've been slammed recently with the divorce proceedings. It's a lot for anyone. You have a right to scream, cry, yell, vent, cuss. And we're glad that you are here to do it.

    Check, however, on your meds - if they are making you non-functional, then perhaps the doses need to be adjusted. The meds are there to work with you, not against you.

    Yes, stress lowers our immunity, but that doesn't mean you'll have a bad scan. I can't say I know you'll be fine - I don't know that. But I do feel confident that you will come out of these depths. Time heals, and birthdays are tough - a reminder of what has passed or been lost. Take care, and try to find something small to celebrate. Or celebrate something big: Life.

    Alice
  • Crow71
    Crow71 Member Posts: 679 Member
    #5
    Sorry you're having such a
    Sorry you're having such a tough time and a crappy birthday. I'll sing "Happy Birthday" to you now and hope that it reaches you. Sending you sparks of happiness and hope as well.
    Roger
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    #6
    Happy birthday
    Try and have as good a birthday as you can under the circumstances,maybe you should try and get your medication ajusted,I take ativan twice a day,and zoloft once a day and have no problems.I will pray you have a good scan,and remember living well,and staying strong is the best revenge.Try and not let the stress get to you,and never ever give up.When I was dx I swore I would survive,no matter what,and so far I'm still here.Don't worry about your friends wedding,you probably wouldn't have had a good time anyway.I will pray everthing works out ok.And feel free to rant anytime.
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #7
    still am here and looking out
    Hi Sonia,

    I'm still here looking out for you- you've been thrown a very tough lot, but I believe you are going to get through this. Please work with your doctors and keep looking forward. I know that must be so very hard to do right now, but you must. You will get through this and someday may be someone who can help others through this kind of garbage.
    I'm praying hard for you right now and will continue to do so.

    Hugs across the many miles,
    Lisa
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    #8
    lisa42 said:

    still am here and looking out
    Hi Sonia,

    I'm still here looking out for you- you've been thrown a very tough lot, but I believe you are going to get through this. Please work with your doctors and keep looking forward. I know that must be so very hard to do right now, but you must. You will get through this and someday may be someone who can help others through this kind of garbage.
    I'm praying hard for you right now and will continue to do so.

    Hugs across the many miles,
    Lisa

    Awwww big hugs
    to you all, hope people don't mind double hugs to lisa as she has been keeping watch from across the pond, along with donna. I feel so so today, your right about the medication I possibly need to have it adjusted as it's too strong. I may not have got cards or presents yesterday (I did from my dad and a card from my friend) but I got so many messages of support from here and facebook that it showed me how much people do care, even those who you haven't met in years or have never met! I agree about celebrating life, especially after cancer and I was trying to do that after my mum passed and with the ex, but this year so far that big black cloud has been hanging over me, but I have been fighting it like anything. my sister said to me the other day you are stronger then you look, I suppose if I fought cancer (still think somethings going to show up on the 29th June, but have to be positive), and I saw my mum fight it, you can do anything. But damn it have to beat that big black cloud, hopefully it will start to go away. Btw if anyone remembers I posted about my liver blood results coming out abnormal, well after that I started to take detox liver vitamins, and vitamins in general and trying to exercise. They took test agaon on Monday, everything is normal accept the levels that measure your drinking intake, but I did start to drink everyday in January up to March, so I did the damage but thank god it's getting better, and I still have to fight to keep well. Lol how many times have I used the word fight. Anyway it's 9:00am here, I think the drugs are still making me sleepy so if I sound like I'm rambling I apologise. But thank you again and hugs to all who sent me a reply, love you my online family. You are the reason I survived last year, and hopefully this year :-)

    Sonia
  • Eltina21
    Eltina21 Member Posts: 173 Member
    #9
    Happy Birthday
    GOD loves you. HE never closes a door without opening a window. Happy, happy birthday.
    Peace and Blessings,
    Karen
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #10
    Oh, dear.
    Oh, Sonia.

    I'm very, very sorry your birthday has been such a bad one. That's very unfair after all the things you've been through already!

    I will be praying for some really great things to happen in your life SOON.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #11
    Happy Belated B'day
    Hi Sonia

    I'm sorry your birthday is not what you had hoped it would be. It saddens me that your husband has filed for divorce. That is quite a bit for anyone to have to go through in a lifetime much less a year's time.

    Hopefully, you will emerge from this a much stronger person and your life can begin anew with your renewed confidence and your health intact. I hope your scans are clear as a bell:)

    Job situations are tough during health and personal crisis - I hope that the next 3 months will allow you to think, rest, and plan a new beginning for yourself. Hopefully, your work will reinstate you and you can keep that going - always important.

    I'm sorry your friend is saying no to her wedding because of her work friends - lots of politics in the workplace, sometimes it's hard to mix business and pleasure.

    I'm so glad that Lisa and Donna have been there for you, and Rob too. They are incredible people and I'm sure they have been a comfort to you during this time.

    Well, I'll let you go - just wanted to say Hi and hope that time will help things get better for you.

    -Craig

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