suggestions

pjnthehouse
pjnthehouse Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Wife recently diagnosed with breast cancer will start chemo in mid-June followed by radiation. What suggestions do you have for me as her caregiver? Special things to do to help her? Any specifics that would help her during and after chemo? Thanks to all.

Comments

  • greyhoundluvr
    greyhoundluvr Member Posts: 402
    #2
    Hi, PJ!
    I am so sorry for your wife's diagnosis but it is great that you are there for her and seeking information. I know you will get a lot of feedback on your questions but I remember when I first joined this board that another husband asked the question and got some responses that really impressed me. I just bumped that thread up for you....best of luck to both of you!
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #3
    Here are my suggestions:
    1.
    Here are my suggestions:
    1. Just be there...I mean make sure she knows you are available physically and emotionally. That does not mean you won't ever need to take a break or you won't need her to support you with your fears and concerns, just be sure she knows you are there for her.
    2. If you can take her to her appointments, do it and take a notebook with you to help write down the Drs. answers to questions (2 heads really are better than one, especially when you are dealing with such scary stuff).
    3. Keep communication open. Listen to her fears and pains and don't be afraid to express yours. You are in this together!
    4. If you both need help, get it! If friends offer to help, tell them something to do...come sit with her so you can go to the grocery store...take her to the Dr. when you can't...cook a meal and bring it to your house...come mow the lawn for you or clean the house a day or 2...whatever you both need.
    5. Get in touch with your local American Cancer Society. They can get you in touch with a support group, folks to drive her to treatments, "look good,feel better" support group, research on anything and everything related to cancer...
    6. Get her to post on this site when she is ready.

    She is fortunate to have a supportive spouse who wants to do what's best. Keep up the good work (don't forget to look after yourself too).

    seof
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398 Member
    #4
    seof said:

    Here are my suggestions:
    1.
    Here are my suggestions:
    1. Just be there...I mean make sure she knows you are available physically and emotionally. That does not mean you won't ever need to take a break or you won't need her to support you with your fears and concerns, just be sure she knows you are there for her.
    2. If you can take her to her appointments, do it and take a notebook with you to help write down the Drs. answers to questions (2 heads really are better than one, especially when you are dealing with such scary stuff).
    3. Keep communication open. Listen to her fears and pains and don't be afraid to express yours. You are in this together!
    4. If you both need help, get it! If friends offer to help, tell them something to do...come sit with her so you can go to the grocery store...take her to the Dr. when you can't...cook a meal and bring it to your house...come mow the lawn for you or clean the house a day or 2...whatever you both need.
    5. Get in touch with your local American Cancer Society. They can get you in touch with a support group, folks to drive her to treatments, "look good,feel better" support group, research on anything and everything related to cancer...
    6. Get her to post on this site when she is ready.

    She is fortunate to have a supportive spouse who wants to do what's best. Keep up the good work (don't forget to look after yourself too).

    seof

    Great Support you are...
    Remember something else,
    Most people with cancer want to spare pain to those we love and often are not honest about how we feel. Don't take it personally but in this survival mode we too realize we sound negative and don't want to push our loved ones away. I came to this site to vent and be honest about how I truly felt since my teenage son and partner really couldn't have handled it.
    Your wife is an incredibly lucky person to have you willingly by her side. That says allot about your love and your relationship.
    Tara
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #5
    Just being there
    I am sorry you and your wife are going through this. Just being there is wonderful. I am very fortunate that my husband has been by my side through this and I know your wife will be very glad you are there for her. I am happy when he just holds my hand or let's me cry on his shoulder.

    Hugs to you both
  • SunnieC
    SunnieC Member Posts: 37
    #6
    ladyg said:

    Just being there
    I am sorry you and your wife are going through this. Just being there is wonderful. I am very fortunate that my husband has been by my side through this and I know your wife will be very glad you are there for her. I am happy when he just holds my hand or let's me cry on his shoulder.

    Hugs to you both

    It makes me smile
    to hear of someone so willing to be there... You are a special man... and your wife is so very lucky to have you...

    Some of the things that my hubby has done that have helped me are:
    Listening, holding my hand, hugs, listening, crying with me, making me laugh, listening, talking with me about normal things, talking to me about this beast, bringing me flowers, listening, walking around the neighborhood with me, kisses (lots and lots of those:)), doing the dishes, cycling the laundry, oh...and did I say listening...

    You are both in my prayers...

    Health and happieness
    Sunnie
  • ms_independent
    ms_independent Member Posts: 214
    #7
    Hate you need to be here
    I'm sorry for the reason you have found this site. But, am glad you found it. There are lots of super people here to help you and your wife as she wages her battle. My husband found the book "Breast Cancer Husband" by Marc Silver it be particularly helpful.
    As you've already heard; just being there is a major help. It meant (and means) so much to know I was not in it alone. I think that she knows you are there for her already but, it never hurts to keep reminding her "you are not alone".
    Hugs, El
  • pjnthehouse
    pjnthehouse Member Posts: 2
    #8
    ms_independent said:

    Hate you need to be here
    I'm sorry for the reason you have found this site. But, am glad you found it. There are lots of super people here to help you and your wife as she wages her battle. My husband found the book "Breast Cancer Husband" by Marc Silver it be particularly helpful.
    As you've already heard; just being there is a major help. It meant (and means) so much to know I was not in it alone. I think that she knows you are there for her already but, it never hurts to keep reminding her "you are not alone".
    Hugs, El

    thanks to all for the
    thanks to all for the support, prayers, and answers...they mean a lot to me.
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    #9
    We're all so different!
    Let her know that she is "your LADY" no matter what!

    Be there for her - BUT don't smuther her. Give her her time and space. You have a lot to go through but not as much as she has. You can best take care of her/give her what she needs by taking care of yourself.

    We're all so different. I have taken myself to all my chemo and rads - my choice. Others need/want Hubby with them which is great. Hubby and I have been married for 34+ yrs - 20 of those years he was active duty USN so I always had to be ready to 'handle anything/anytime'. I can't tell you what's 'right for you and your Lady - really doubt that going out and slogging through snow/mud to feed the horses is what you need to take over doing like Hubby and Son had to do (LOL) but they did it and there are unique situtaion with all of us.

    Take care of yourself - then you can take care of your Lady and let her tell/show you what she needs/wants.

    God Bless!

    Susan

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