Melt-down yesterday

m_azingrace
m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Dear sisiters, I just need to vent. Okay, I finally fell apart. Yesterday I was scheduled at 1:30 for my monthly Zometa treatment. I arrived early, checking in at 12:45, and understanding that I might have to wait a while because they do things by the schedule there. The way I see it, when I check in, I'm turning myself over to them, and they'll call me when they're ready for me, so I don't pay any more attention to the time. There's always a jigsaw puzzle in progress, so I went to work on that. After a while, though I wondered what time it was. I went back to the desk. It was quarter to 2. You might be thinking "what kind of dunce lets that much time go by?". But here I am on meds that blur my mind and time seems to slip away. These "professionals" are supposed to be taking care of me. They had forgotten me! I started to cry. I cried waiting for the blood work to come back--which took over an hour yesterday, instead of the usual 30 minutes. I cried during the treatment, and when I got to my car I bawled like a baby.
The more you cry the less you pee. But no one wants to be forgotten.

Today, hubbydearest has an appointment at the same office. He said he's going to set them straight.

Comments

  • camsgram
    camsgram Member Posts: 106
    #2
    So sorry that happened to
    So sorry that happened to you. Good for your husband to go st them straight!
    I hope today is a better day for you! Take care
  • Cindy Ann
    Cindy Ann Member Posts: 101
    #3
    Meltdown
    I am 24 days into my diagnosis. The 1st week was pure H. I cried and cried. The second week I got very angry amd still am angry with my doctor and her different answers for the same questions. Well that second week. I lost it. I threw every throw pillow in my living room around and every magazine too.I didn't break anything. I just lost it. I cried and sobbed until I almost threw up. I haven't done that since. But I will tell you this I have a long road as you know ahead of me. I needed that loss of control badly. I did not know it but my pyschi did. You needed your meltdown just at the right time for your pyschi to process it. We hold so much inside. We cry and think that is getting all that junk stuffed deep inside out. But sometimes it is just not enough! If I am ever treated that way by a clinic I can see myself doing worse then you did. You most likely reached your breaking point. You were 100% right to feel as you did.They treated you like you weren't important to them. Everyone is important and no one should ever be made to feel differently. I hope your husband gets them good. Does not matter what you were doing. You were signed in and they knew you were there. So you never feel that you cannot have a meltdown. Trust me they really help. I felt pleasantly numb after mine. I am sure for me there are more to come. Just do not judge yourself ever for how you feel. It's your right to feel whatever you want, whenever you want..

    Cindy Ann
  • SunnieC
    SunnieC Member Posts: 37
    #4
    Cindy Ann said:

    Meltdown
    I am 24 days into my diagnosis. The 1st week was pure H. I cried and cried. The second week I got very angry amd still am angry with my doctor and her different answers for the same questions. Well that second week. I lost it. I threw every throw pillow in my living room around and every magazine too.I didn't break anything. I just lost it. I cried and sobbed until I almost threw up. I haven't done that since. But I will tell you this I have a long road as you know ahead of me. I needed that loss of control badly. I did not know it but my pyschi did. You needed your meltdown just at the right time for your pyschi to process it. We hold so much inside. We cry and think that is getting all that junk stuffed deep inside out. But sometimes it is just not enough! If I am ever treated that way by a clinic I can see myself doing worse then you did. You most likely reached your breaking point. You were 100% right to feel as you did.They treated you like you weren't important to them. Everyone is important and no one should ever be made to feel differently. I hope your husband gets them good. Does not matter what you were doing. You were signed in and they knew you were there. So you never feel that you cannot have a meltdown. Trust me they really help. I felt pleasantly numb after mine. I am sure for me there are more to come. Just do not judge yourself ever for how you feel. It's your right to feel whatever you want, whenever you want..

    Cindy Ann

    I'm so sorry you had a meltdown
    but we all have them... and they are very necessary... Your emotions are just one of many parts of you... allow yourself to have these feelings and you will eventually feel better about going thru it all...

    I didn't have a meltdown today but decided I needed a "down & blue" day... I stayed in bed till noon, I haven't answered the phone or the door, I have no intention of getting out of my pj's, and I'm certainly not cooking dinner or doing laundry!!! I'm having a day to do absolutely nothing that I don't want to do and I know by allowing myself this day, tomorrow will be better...

    Your hubby sounds like a gem... don't forget to have a romance day with him once in a while (even if it's just cuddling on the sofa)... it'll do wonders for both of your moods!

    Health and happieness to both of you...
    Sunnie
  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
    #5
    Cindy Ann said:

    Meltdown
    I am 24 days into my diagnosis. The 1st week was pure H. I cried and cried. The second week I got very angry amd still am angry with my doctor and her different answers for the same questions. Well that second week. I lost it. I threw every throw pillow in my living room around and every magazine too.I didn't break anything. I just lost it. I cried and sobbed until I almost threw up. I haven't done that since. But I will tell you this I have a long road as you know ahead of me. I needed that loss of control badly. I did not know it but my pyschi did. You needed your meltdown just at the right time for your pyschi to process it. We hold so much inside. We cry and think that is getting all that junk stuffed deep inside out. But sometimes it is just not enough! If I am ever treated that way by a clinic I can see myself doing worse then you did. You most likely reached your breaking point. You were 100% right to feel as you did.They treated you like you weren't important to them. Everyone is important and no one should ever be made to feel differently. I hope your husband gets them good. Does not matter what you were doing. You were signed in and they knew you were there. So you never feel that you cannot have a meltdown. Trust me they really help. I felt pleasantly numb after mine. I am sure for me there are more to come. Just do not judge yourself ever for how you feel. It's your right to feel whatever you want, whenever you want..

    Cindy Ann

    Thanks, Cindy Ann & Sunnie
    You're right about my needing the release. This was really the first time I've actually cried for myself since the dx last July. My cancer is not the only thing going on here. Hubby has health issues too, so there's probably a lot that is still bottled up inside me. But I do feel better today.
    I talked to HubbyDearest a little while ago, and he said they all know not to let it happen to me again. Of course, they were very apologetic, and contrite.
    Thanks for the encouragement and support. Hugs, and God bless you. Gracie
  • Chrispea
    Chrispea Member Posts: 123 Member
    #6
    Aww, I'm so sorry. I lost it
    Aww, I'm so sorry. I lost it big time in the car once on the way to a client meeting. I just starting telling my husband how hard it is to pretend that everything is normal and that I'm OK, when clearly I'm not OK... I mean, I was doing chemo for cancer for God's sake. I don't look normal, I don't feel normal, I can't do anything normal like I used to... it all just took it's toll.

    But, after that, I felt better, and found that I'd been holding it all in for too long. Now I shed a tear frequently, I'm not afraid to let it out. What the hell, let 'er rip.

    You're too cute how you said after you cry you don't pee as much. {{{hugs}}} sister!
  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
    #7
    Chrispea said:

    Aww, I'm so sorry. I lost it
    Aww, I'm so sorry. I lost it big time in the car once on the way to a client meeting. I just starting telling my husband how hard it is to pretend that everything is normal and that I'm OK, when clearly I'm not OK... I mean, I was doing chemo for cancer for God's sake. I don't look normal, I don't feel normal, I can't do anything normal like I used to... it all just took it's toll.

    But, after that, I felt better, and found that I'd been holding it all in for too long. Now I shed a tear frequently, I'm not afraid to let it out. What the hell, let 'er rip.

    You're too cute how you said after you cry you don't pee as much. {{{hugs}}} sister!

    Meltdown...feeling better now
    You ladies rock! I feel a lot better, having heard from you. This afternoon Hubby came home from his full day in town (morning dr appointment, then various errands), and he brought me flowers. 7 lovely carnations. How sweet is that?

    Thank you all for your kind replies. Hugs. Gracie
  • Cindy Ann
    Cindy Ann Member Posts: 101
    #8
    m_azingrace said:

    Meltdown...feeling better now
    You ladies rock! I feel a lot better, having heard from you. This afternoon Hubby came home from his full day in town (morning dr appointment, then various errands), and he brought me flowers. 7 lovely carnations. How sweet is that?

    Thank you all for your kind replies. Hugs. Gracie

    Meltdown.
    Your welcome Gracie(love the name.)This is a great site. I have only had one unkind reply since being on it. Most likely a person having a moment.. I am so glad you are doing better today.. Just never discount your feelings!! One day at a time girl and you will do this..

    Lots of Hugs,
    Cindy Ann

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