No News is Good News... I Hope!

I have never been one to worry. I'm the laid back problem solver. I went to my GP last Thursday for my annual health check-up. As I was getting up to leave, he mentioned I looked tired and asked if everything was ok. I told him I think life's daily dealings have caught up to me and I have been having a few issues but nothing too worrisome. He had me sit back down and told me, "let me decide that". I am hardly EVER sick. My husband is a police officer and I have a two year old so there are always germs around but even when they get sick, I manage to keep it at bay.I mentioned to him I had a lump in my neck but it didn't hurt at all. He noticed a slightly enlarged lymph node in my groin as well. He then asked me some "questions" and then said we have a potential issue he needs to rule out. He sent me the following day to an ENT specialist. He also asked me to make an appointment with my gynecologist to be seen as soon as possible. The specialist said he didn't feel anxious about it but felt it warranted a CT scan. I had an appointment arranged yesterday to see my gyn but they called first thing yesterday to say they had to cancel due to a surgery and could get me in next Monday. I called my GP's office at 11:00 and told the nurse my appointment had been changed to next week. I received a phone call at 3:30 telling me that I had a transvaginal ultrasound scheduled for 5:30 following my 4:30 neck CT scan! Sunday night it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! He was trying to rule out ovarian cancer. My husband's grandmother passed away 5 years ago from the disease because her doctor didn't listen to her. My husband's aunt is a nurse practioner and finally called in an MRI on her abdomen. The cancer was so advanced they gave her 2 months. She was a WARRIOR and lived 14 months before losing the battle. The woman was a WWII nurse and retired after 55 years as an RN. I began thinking about what symptoms she had and have not self-diagnosed myself with cancer but realize I should allow the thought to enter my mind so I'm not crushed if the news isn't what I hope. I have horrible lower back pain, urinate more often than when I was pregnant, have heartburn (never had it while preggo), constant pressure in my abdomen, have diahrrea one day (7 times yesterday) and constipated the next (today). I'm 5'8" and my weight is down to 116. I can be starving and get 4 or 5 bites into dinner and I can't eat anymore. I had 4 miscarriages before my son and was on clomid for three of the four pregnancies. My cycles have always been irregular so that never raised any concern. I have gas like I eat beans with every meal (and for a snack). I keep thinking I'm sure everything is fine... I don't get sick. I should get my test results Thursday or Friday. Oddly, I'm not scared for myself, but for my husband. I'm the optimist, he's the pessimist. If his grandmother hadn't died from OC, I think getting the diagnosis would be a little easier on him. I noticed he was crying last night while we were going to sleep (he took off work for my tests). We hadn't even been talking about the situation!!! Everyone here is SOOOOO strong and brave. What a relief to find such hope!!! My husband and his aunt are the only ones I've told about the situation. I've written a novel but it's been therapeutic to get the thoughts out of my head! ; ) Smiles and prayers to you all!!!