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Comments
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I understand how you feelDiana77 said:i had surgery about a month
i had surgery about a month ago and just found out that I don't need chemo, but JUST radiation. My family, friends feel like the big fight is over and I should be good to go, but I feel like I'm still fighting and will always.. So far I have already changed in that I see life in a new way and that I have to take each moment and cherish it.
I understand how you feel Diana77. It seems if someone hasn't been thru what we have, they just don't get it. I wish they did somewhat. Take care0 -
You sound like you are doingpscheer said:the girls should be dressed in pink
I am new to this site. How can I view your post of The girls should be dressed in pink?
Thank you.
You sound like you are doing better now Megan. I hope so. Vent here anytime you need to. That is why we are here, to help.0 -
Thoughtless
People unfortunately don't think before they speak ... and you friend didn't. This life changing event leaves you very changed ... your philosophy of life, your emotions, your body, all changed. Some changes are good and some are bad but that's life. Hang in there and discount the insensitive comments, they don't mean ill, they just don't know and they don't think before speaking. I have a good friend who won't even call me and then I have acquaintances who call weekly and offer to help and listen and whatever.
I think maybe our friends, some of them, are uncomfortable around words like cancer ... they don't know what to say or how to act, and she probably spoke honestly she wants you to be better and she wants you to be the same not knowing that it doesn't work like that. It's hurtful because she wants it for herself more than for you, although she probably doesn't know that either. We want to go back too, but we know we can't.
I made up a sign at work, "Today Pity Party My Place ... BYOD (bring your own depression). Everyone laughs and tries to cheer me up. Those who really care for you will want to know the new you and will be patient. Tell them you cannot go back, but the future is still bright. Most of all be kind to yourself, and find friends who can be kind to you too!
It's a good news bad news thing.
The good news is my life has changed from having cancer (I am more aware of what other people are going through, my friends and family are closer (some of them), I work less and play more, I relax more, I meditate, I listen.
The bad news is my life has changed from having cancer (I am tired, I am sick, my hair is gone, I have more wrinkles, I look older, I am depressed sometimes, I worry about not getting better, nothing tastes right, my wig itches)
Thanks for listening to my rant!0 -
You Nailed Itkumanakaya said:Thoughtless
People unfortunately don't think before they speak ... and you friend didn't. This life changing event leaves you very changed ... your philosophy of life, your emotions, your body, all changed. Some changes are good and some are bad but that's life. Hang in there and discount the insensitive comments, they don't mean ill, they just don't know and they don't think before speaking. I have a good friend who won't even call me and then I have acquaintances who call weekly and offer to help and listen and whatever.
I think maybe our friends, some of them, are uncomfortable around words like cancer ... they don't know what to say or how to act, and she probably spoke honestly she wants you to be better and she wants you to be the same not knowing that it doesn't work like that. It's hurtful because she wants it for herself more than for you, although she probably doesn't know that either. We want to go back too, but we know we can't.
I made up a sign at work, "Today Pity Party My Place ... BYOD (bring your own depression). Everyone laughs and tries to cheer me up. Those who really care for you will want to know the new you and will be patient. Tell them you cannot go back, but the future is still bright. Most of all be kind to yourself, and find friends who can be kind to you too!
It's a good news bad news thing.
The good news is my life has changed from having cancer (I am more aware of what other people are going through, my friends and family are closer (some of them), I work less and play more, I relax more, I meditate, I listen.
The bad news is my life has changed from having cancer (I am tired, I am sick, my hair is gone, I have more wrinkles, I look older, I am depressed sometimes, I worry about not getting better, nothing tastes right, my wig itches)
Thanks for listening to my rant!
I think you nailed it. I know I have changed. The problem is no one can see it or may don't want to. The event, the chemo, the radiation, the medicines, the medicines to take care of the effects, the medications to take care of the effects from the medication, etc. all of that changes us. I do find myself playing more but my boss won't let me work less. And I too get really tired. My stomach doesn't always cooperate with my schedule nor does it tell when those times are going to happen. I get sad, mad, and want to go hide out. And my chemo brain rears its ugly head at most unopportune times but I am still here. We got to hold onto that.
Hang on.
P.0 -
What you said was perfect!kumanakaya said:Thoughtless
People unfortunately don't think before they speak ... and you friend didn't. This life changing event leaves you very changed ... your philosophy of life, your emotions, your body, all changed. Some changes are good and some are bad but that's life. Hang in there and discount the insensitive comments, they don't mean ill, they just don't know and they don't think before speaking. I have a good friend who won't even call me and then I have acquaintances who call weekly and offer to help and listen and whatever.
I think maybe our friends, some of them, are uncomfortable around words like cancer ... they don't know what to say or how to act, and she probably spoke honestly she wants you to be better and she wants you to be the same not knowing that it doesn't work like that. It's hurtful because she wants it for herself more than for you, although she probably doesn't know that either. We want to go back too, but we know we can't.
I made up a sign at work, "Today Pity Party My Place ... BYOD (bring your own depression). Everyone laughs and tries to cheer me up. Those who really care for you will want to know the new you and will be patient. Tell them you cannot go back, but the future is still bright. Most of all be kind to yourself, and find friends who can be kind to you too!
It's a good news bad news thing.
The good news is my life has changed from having cancer (I am more aware of what other people are going through, my friends and family are closer (some of them), I work less and play more, I relax more, I meditate, I listen.
The bad news is my life has changed from having cancer (I am tired, I am sick, my hair is gone, I have more wrinkles, I look older, I am depressed sometimes, I worry about not getting better, nothing tastes right, my wig itches)
Thanks for listening to my rant!
What you said was perfect! Thank you so much! You write beautifully and explained how I feel exactly. It is amazing how other bc sisters understand me so perfectly. You have helped me so much. I hope you know that!0 -
the good news about the bad newskumanakaya said:Thoughtless
People unfortunately don't think before they speak ... and you friend didn't. This life changing event leaves you very changed ... your philosophy of life, your emotions, your body, all changed. Some changes are good and some are bad but that's life. Hang in there and discount the insensitive comments, they don't mean ill, they just don't know and they don't think before speaking. I have a good friend who won't even call me and then I have acquaintances who call weekly and offer to help and listen and whatever.
I think maybe our friends, some of them, are uncomfortable around words like cancer ... they don't know what to say or how to act, and she probably spoke honestly she wants you to be better and she wants you to be the same not knowing that it doesn't work like that. It's hurtful because she wants it for herself more than for you, although she probably doesn't know that either. We want to go back too, but we know we can't.
I made up a sign at work, "Today Pity Party My Place ... BYOD (bring your own depression). Everyone laughs and tries to cheer me up. Those who really care for you will want to know the new you and will be patient. Tell them you cannot go back, but the future is still bright. Most of all be kind to yourself, and find friends who can be kind to you too!
It's a good news bad news thing.
The good news is my life has changed from having cancer (I am more aware of what other people are going through, my friends and family are closer (some of them), I work less and play more, I relax more, I meditate, I listen.
The bad news is my life has changed from having cancer (I am tired, I am sick, my hair is gone, I have more wrinkles, I look older, I am depressed sometimes, I worry about not getting better, nothing tastes right, my wig itches)
Thanks for listening to my rant!
The good news is that most of the bad news you mentioned will go away. Your energy level will slowly increase, your hair will grow back, you'll learn to live with and appreciate your "mature" look of wisdom and experience, you'll find more to feel blessed about and less to be depressed for, your worries of getting better will ease up as the days and weeks pass and you see you ARE better, your taste buds will return to normal, and you can donate your wig to a cancer resource center once your hair comes back.
Ladies, please be patient with yourself! It takes time to heal from the extreme treatment you received. Give yourself at least a year (after treatment) to start to get back to somewhat of a normal level of activity. I know that sounds like a long time, but small steps over the months will be big leaps in retrospect.0 -
Thanks RE! You are such anRE said:Been there~am still there.
Hello Megan, there are some doctors and therapists who are equating how a cancer patient feels after being released from treat to a form of post traumatic stress syndrome the war vets are often treated for and I agree. I have lived with the knowledge of cancer most of my life since my mom was dx when I was 17, then my sister got it as well I guess you could say I was always waiting for my turn and I got it in "97", "98" and again in "07". I have other issues due to all the chemo and rads and I am on disability which I had to really fight to get and every few years have to fight to keep. Its not just friends that see us as "cured" its most everyone. I had to get an attorney to help me fight for disability and he treated me oddly (as if I was over stating my issues) until he obtained the two boxes of medical records my doctor sent him upon request. I met him with my husband at my side a few weeks later and he looked at me and he had no idea what I had been through and was still dealing with (by the way his mom is a bc survivor) then he looked at my husband and told him that he needs me to look and act more like the ill person that I am, geez thanks a lot! We work hard darned hard to deal with who and what we are after treatment ends, right now I am going to a bunch of dr. apt because I feel so lousy (stomach) issues of course the thought of cancer looms over me like a dark cloud. Now all that said I have learned through watching my mom and my sister fight their battles that its okay to have down days as long as the up days way out number them. I have only a few very close friends who get it and understand I will never be exactly who I was and that is okay because who I am now is pretty darned good. Cancer is a beast that steals our body parts, our health and sometimes our mental health but it has no right to our happiness and our right to enjoy the life we have worked so hard to keep. You will get thicker skin as time goes on and you will have days when cancer is not at the fore front; Megan you are a survivor and you will prevail!
Hugs,
RE
Thanks RE! You are such an inspiration to me and I am sure to so many others!
Love, Megan0 -
I re-posted the video someoneneephee said:the good news about the bad news
The good news is that most of the bad news you mentioned will go away. Your energy level will slowly increase, your hair will grow back, you'll learn to live with and appreciate your "mature" look of wisdom and experience, you'll find more to feel blessed about and less to be depressed for, your worries of getting better will ease up as the days and weeks pass and you see you ARE better, your taste buds will return to normal, and you can donate your wig to a cancer resource center once your hair comes back.
Ladies, please be patient with yourself! It takes time to heal from the extreme treatment you received. Give yourself at least a year (after treatment) to start to get back to somewhat of a normal level of activity. I know that sounds like a long time, but small steps over the months will be big leaps in retrospect.
requested a couple of weeks ago "The Girls Should Be Wearing Pink". The name of the post is "Greatest Video in a While....". Very inspirational,give it a looksee. Sorry it took so long to answer you.
This is a hot topic. Just another thought to add. Friday nite my husband, Ralph,and I went to a meeting with all old friends we haven't seen since a year ago (a few last June, when I had my dx but not my biopsy report and choose not to say anything as I had no real info). We go to this really neat place every April (16 couples) for a few days. We have a meeting a couple of weeks beforehand to finalize food etc. Over half of them were already there when we arrived, everyone knows and while I wasn't well enough to see anyone, keep in contact by email or by phoning Ralph. I decided to take the bull by the horns (I'm not shy to begin with) and as we walked in everyone was shouting Hi etc. I pulled off my hat to show my hair progress then opened my jacket and said "Guess which one?" Everyone laughed their heads off, couldn't tell which one, fake boobs are great. And the discussion was over. Throughout the evening a few of we ladies had a little discussion, questions and answers, but that was it. I had a ball.
I'll never be the old me, but marriage, child birth, divorce, death of parents, new marriage (39 wonderful years with my wonderful Ralphie), retirement...all have changed me each time. Life changes us, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. But as we grow and experience life, we will change, hopefully get wiser. This has been a true biggee and I'm glad I'm not one of the younger ones on this board, cause this is the grand-daddy of all changes. And I think I have been better able to cope than I would have been 20 years ago. But everyday new medicines and techniques are being developed and for you young ones, hopefully in your lifetime you will see this thing "cured" forever or wiped out completely.
We must all find our own way and this group has the wonderful maps to guide us.
Love you all,
Judy :-)0 -
People just have no idea at
People just have no idea at all what one goes through - I have an MRI scheduled for this Tuesday - and for the past month all I hear is that I will be fine and they just do this on the side of precaution. Inside me I get very frusterated....
As for you....my hat is off to you and my head is bowed to you. You have gone on an extremely difficult journey. I dont know what its like so I cant give you insight - but I can tell you that you can be whom ever you want to be. And we all change, learn and grow with each life altering experience we have. So happy re discovering who you are!!!!! I dont think its a bad thing to become a new person.0 -
I Don't Think People Know What to say....TawnyS said:Unless you've been through it...
I know exactly how you feel. It always bothers me when people say, "Well....you look good." What do you say to that? I just usually say, "It's all a facade." I know people mean well.....sometimes it is just hard. : )
I know this time last year, I was so sick from Chemo, I had no hair anywear lol and my nails were gray and falling apart could't enjoy anything I ate,thrush in my mouth and sores could barely walk, and I had a Mothers day party and Bar B Que, it was a Blast, everyone would tell me how good I looked and I would say thanks it's the make up, and just leave it at that.
I went too a B-Day party yesterday and yes everyone was saying you look great as my hair is growing about 2 inches.
My husbands side of our Family is spanish, and I dont speak a lick of it so my mother in law made sure to tell me in english what everyone was saying, like you look great with wieght on and that I'm not skinny any more...I have never been like model type but I have put on the wieght a bit, darn it, but it is what it is and I just want to feel better.
I truly think our friends don't know how to aproach the situation and they probably are truly trying to make us feel better....it gets a little old but there hearts and HOPE are in the right place.
Take care Weazer0 -
I did it!TawnyS said:Unless you've been through it...
I know exactly how you feel. It always bothers me when people say, "Well....you look good." What do you say to that? I just usually say, "It's all a facade." I know people mean well.....sometimes it is just hard. : )
Just wanted to update all of you bc sisters! I finally got the courage to sit my girlfriend down and to explain, the best that I could, how her comment made me feel. It had been so much on my mind, and, I had to say something to her. I thought I could get past it, but, thru the weeks, everytime I would see her, it just popped back up, and, I knew I had to suck it up and explain to her. I actually called several of my girlfriends together so that I could let them all know how some of their remarks really hurt and affected me. And, they all listened very closely. By the time I was done, they were all in tears and giving me the biggest group hug ever. They all apologized and said they really had no idea how much what they might have said hurt me. I really wasn't looking for an apology, just some understanding, and, I think they do better now. Or, I hope so. Thank you again to all of you sweet, kind and understanding sisters! I hate being so sensitive, but, my cancer is still so new and still too fresh to me. But, I feel that I can finally move past the hurt I have been carrying now, and, just enjoy my friends, as I should.
Hugs to all of you, Megan0 -
I am very happy for youMegan M said:I did it!
Just wanted to update all of you bc sisters! I finally got the courage to sit my girlfriend down and to explain, the best that I could, how her comment made me feel. It had been so much on my mind, and, I had to say something to her. I thought I could get past it, but, thru the weeks, everytime I would see her, it just popped back up, and, I knew I had to suck it up and explain to her. I actually called several of my girlfriends together so that I could let them all know how some of their remarks really hurt and affected me. And, they all listened very closely. By the time I was done, they were all in tears and giving me the biggest group hug ever. They all apologized and said they really had no idea how much what they might have said hurt me. I really wasn't looking for an apology, just some understanding, and, I think they do better now. Or, I hope so. Thank you again to all of you sweet, kind and understanding sisters! I hate being so sensitive, but, my cancer is still so new and still too fresh to me. But, I feel that I can finally move past the hurt I have been carrying now, and, just enjoy my friends, as I should.
Hugs to all of you, Megan
I am very happy for you Megan. You sound like you feel better after talking to your girlfriends. It is never good to hang on to bad stuff. It only hurts you in the end. I hope you can just enjoy your girlfriends now and your life.
Leeza0 -
well done Megan!Megan M said:I did it!
Just wanted to update all of you bc sisters! I finally got the courage to sit my girlfriend down and to explain, the best that I could, how her comment made me feel. It had been so much on my mind, and, I had to say something to her. I thought I could get past it, but, thru the weeks, everytime I would see her, it just popped back up, and, I knew I had to suck it up and explain to her. I actually called several of my girlfriends together so that I could let them all know how some of their remarks really hurt and affected me. And, they all listened very closely. By the time I was done, they were all in tears and giving me the biggest group hug ever. They all apologized and said they really had no idea how much what they might have said hurt me. I really wasn't looking for an apology, just some understanding, and, I think they do better now. Or, I hope so. Thank you again to all of you sweet, kind and understanding sisters! I hate being so sensitive, but, my cancer is still so new and still too fresh to me. But, I feel that I can finally move past the hurt I have been carrying now, and, just enjoy my friends, as I should.
Hugs to all of you, Megan
it took
well done Megan!
it took some great courage to speak out to your friends but i bet you're glad you did!
They will have never meant to hurt your feelings and they will think twice before commenting again.
I am 19 years clear of Hodgkins lymphoma and it DOES get easier!0 -
I missed this thread before, but....Megan M said:I did it!
Just wanted to update all of you bc sisters! I finally got the courage to sit my girlfriend down and to explain, the best that I could, how her comment made me feel. It had been so much on my mind, and, I had to say something to her. I thought I could get past it, but, thru the weeks, everytime I would see her, it just popped back up, and, I knew I had to suck it up and explain to her. I actually called several of my girlfriends together so that I could let them all know how some of their remarks really hurt and affected me. And, they all listened very closely. By the time I was done, they were all in tears and giving me the biggest group hug ever. They all apologized and said they really had no idea how much what they might have said hurt me. I really wasn't looking for an apology, just some understanding, and, I think they do better now. Or, I hope so. Thank you again to all of you sweet, kind and understanding sisters! I hate being so sensitive, but, my cancer is still so new and still too fresh to me. But, I feel that I can finally move past the hurt I have been carrying now, and, just enjoy my friends, as I should.
Hugs to all of you, Megan
I'm so glad you shared in a kind, patient way with your friends, instead of holding onto the feelings, or, worse, being nasty to them...
Most people (not all, unfortunately) are well intended and truly don't understand the 'cancer model' as psychologists call it...they seek to reassure, and just blunder into hurting us by using the wrong words...
Good for you, dear Megan, that you spoke up...you are, after all, your own BEST friend!
My life is not at all what it was before cancer, but that's ok...it's BETTER!!! Living thru the experience taught me to make choices that are not invested in 'someday'. My someday almost didn't come...5 years ago...
Hugs, Kathi0 -
jnl said:
I am very happy for you
I am very happy for you Megan. You sound like you feel better after talking to your girlfriends. It is never good to hang on to bad stuff. It only hurts you in the end. I hope you can just enjoy your girlfriends now and your life.
Leeza
What you did was so good for you! It took guts to do it too, so, I am proud of you. We all seem to come across these situations and never know what to say. I hope you and your friends can move past this now and just have a great time together!
Sue 0 -
I like your guts
I wish I'd been honest about my distress when a good friend poo-pooed my early concerns about mastectomy and reconstruction. She said plenty of her acquaintences had had breast enhancement and nobody had numbness, etc. She wouldn't stop urging me to get big "boobies." I was disgusted and didn't try to make her understand the difference between cancer and a "boob job." I distanced myself from her and really hurt her feelings.
Gradually, we got back together and she started to understand. Now she's one of my biggest supporters. So, who was "the bad guy" here? Me, I think, for being so non-confrontational. I've since told her that, yes, losing my hair is a big deal, and she got it and we moved on. It was no good being a little mousie and nursing my hurt in silence.0 -
I so agree with you Kathi!KathiM said:I missed this thread before, but....
I'm so glad you shared in a kind, patient way with your friends, instead of holding onto the feelings, or, worse, being nasty to them...
Most people (not all, unfortunately) are well intended and truly don't understand the 'cancer model' as psychologists call it...they seek to reassure, and just blunder into hurting us by using the wrong words...
Good for you, dear Megan, that you spoke up...you are, after all, your own BEST friend!
My life is not at all what it was before cancer, but that's ok...it's BETTER!!! Living thru the experience taught me to make choices that are not invested in 'someday'. My someday almost didn't come...5 years ago...
Hugs, Kathi
I so agree with you Kathi! Life has been better after cancer. It taught us to not waste one day!
Sue 0 -
I was a lil scared to talkm-star said:well done Megan!
it took
well done Megan!
it took some great courage to speak out to your friends but i bet you're glad you did!
They will have never meant to hurt your feelings and they will think twice before commenting again.
I am 19 years clear of Hodgkins lymphoma and it DOES get easier!
I was a lil scared to talk to ALL of them at once, but, I thought that was the easiest way to get my point across. I was really happy the way it turned out.
Congrats m-star on the 19 years!0
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