help and support

goody_63
goody_63 Member Posts: 7
edited March 2014 in Bladder Cancer #1
my husband was just diagnosed with bladder cancer on March 2010. He went through the surgery to remove most of the tumor. Now we just found out that is was indeed cancer and am waiting for a bone scan and ct scan to see if it did spread or not. That is schedule for May 5th. Then our follow up is May 13th. Why is such a waiting period between? How does one cope with this. He has his good days and his bad day with depression, anxiety, he gets mad at everything little thing then blames himself for the mess he is in. The doctor says if it did spread then he will probably end up doing kemo or radiation but if it didn't spread they will remove the bladder and make a new one out of his intestates.I am trying to keep positive outlook but he is not making it any easier for me. Can anyone help me and let me know what I can do to help him out!

Comments

  • fathersson
    fathersson Member Posts: 121
    #2
    2nd opinion
    Hi,

    I have bladder and postate cancer. My tumor in the bladder was low grade and removed in Feb of this year. So far, so good. I am very confident with my Drs. abilities..hopefully you are as well. In any event,I would seek a 2nd opinion on what to do after you get the results of the scans.

    Best wishes and good luck.

    Frank
  • brightstargal
    brightstargal Member Posts: 4
    #3
    The waiting is the hardest part
    Hi there,
    The waiting is indeed the hardest part. I was diagnosed on Feb 26th with a bladder tumor, had two TurbTs (one was considered a biopsy) and now am scheduled for a radical cystectomy on May 7th. I believe all the feelings and thoughts I have are "normal", much like the grieving process. Anger, depression, denial, the "why me's" etc. My husband went through the same experiences too. Talking to a professional therapist may help. Both of us have been prescribed Xanex to help relieve the sudden panic attacks. I never took anything before. It helps! Now I am resigned to my "fate" - it will help me live! I am now looking forward to getting over the "mountain" and returning to "normal" life on the other side. I am fairly young - 51, work full time and am a part-time exercise instructor. The best thing you can do for your husband is be positive! Yes, life will change for the two of you and no one likes change. Talk about all your concerns and issues together. It's the not knowing that makes things scarier. When you talk and come up with solutions it helps. He may be terrifed of not being the main financial support for a few months. Men fear that more than women. He also may be terrified of the sexual implications. My husband and I take 3 mile walks together to have the time to talk - no tv,no telephones,no emails, no interruptions. I also found it helpful to discuss most of the details with our good friends. They can be very supportive and help you resume "normal" activities. There is nothing you can do about the waiting except realize that it won't last forever. You both will get through this!
  • goody_63
    goody_63 Member Posts: 7
    #4
    fathersson said:

    2nd opinion
    Hi,

    I have bladder and postate cancer. My tumor in the bladder was low grade and removed in Feb of this year. So far, so good. I am very confident with my Drs. abilities..hopefully you are as well. In any event,I would seek a 2nd opinion on what to do after you get the results of the scans.

    Best wishes and good luck.

    Frank

    thanks
    Thanks it helps good luck
  • goody_63
    goody_63 Member Posts: 7
    #5
    brightstargal said:

    The waiting is the hardest part
    Hi there,
    The waiting is indeed the hardest part. I was diagnosed on Feb 26th with a bladder tumor, had two TurbTs (one was considered a biopsy) and now am scheduled for a radical cystectomy on May 7th. I believe all the feelings and thoughts I have are "normal", much like the grieving process. Anger, depression, denial, the "why me's" etc. My husband went through the same experiences too. Talking to a professional therapist may help. Both of us have been prescribed Xanex to help relieve the sudden panic attacks. I never took anything before. It helps! Now I am resigned to my "fate" - it will help me live! I am now looking forward to getting over the "mountain" and returning to "normal" life on the other side. I am fairly young - 51, work full time and am a part-time exercise instructor. The best thing you can do for your husband is be positive! Yes, life will change for the two of you and no one likes change. Talk about all your concerns and issues together. It's the not knowing that makes things scarier. When you talk and come up with solutions it helps. He may be terrifed of not being the main financial support for a few months. Men fear that more than women. He also may be terrified of the sexual implications. My husband and I take 3 mile walks together to have the time to talk - no tv,no telephones,no emails, no interruptions. I also found it helpful to discuss most of the details with our good friends. They can be very supportive and help you resume "normal" activities. There is nothing you can do about the waiting except realize that it won't last forever. You both will get through this!

    Thanks
    Dear brightstargal,
    Thanks so much for your comment it ment a great deal to us. We will take your advice and do more things together and talk to friends. Good luck to you and let us know how you make out!
    Lisa

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