Good News on Mom but I have reservations...

minky1225
minky1225 Member Posts: 70
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
I have great news to report....Mom is getting released from the hospital tomorrow after being admitted on Jan. 11!!! I am very excited that she has made it this far!!!! I am extremely proud of her!

Mom is going into a rehab/nursing home that is attached to a hospital so that she can still get her treatments. She will need to get her legs and body strength back. She still gets very tired and getting dressed/taking a shower can be a chore. I know she has anxiety to transition into another place after being in the hospital for so long.


I am nervous for her because I don't know what kind of care she will get there. I know it is a reputable place but she's still my Mom.
I cannot get rid of these guilty feelings that I have... I wish I could just take her in and care for her. I would have to uproot everything in order to make this happen...sell my house,quit my job, move closer,most likely jeopardize my marriage..I have the most wonderful husband in the world but I just can't expect him to give up everything that we've worked so hard for. This would probably leave us in financial dire straights. I have 3 older siblings and they all have the same situation as me. I really feel like such an awful person. How can I let my mother go into a nursing home? What can I do? This bothers me so much that I find myself crying to sleep alot.

I just want to be happy and grateful that Mom is well enough to take the next step in her recovery. I keep thinking that there will be this miracle, like winning the lottery, where I can buy a house that is one level so I can set Mom up comfortably. I guess it's nice to dream.

Thanks for letting me vent Ladies. I often feel more comfortable chatting on here than I do with some of my family members. I just feel very lost lately.

Hugs and prayers to all.

Comments

  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #2
    Minky...there is an old
    Minky...there is an old saying: a son is a son 'til he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter, all of her life. It's so true! We girls try so hard, and want so much, to be there for our moms, just like they were there for us. Sometimes we can be....and sometimes we can't.

    My mom had Parkinson's Disease and for the last few years of her life, I was her primary care-giver. I had to hire someone to help, because I had a job, a husband, and four children. Still, I often felt guilty that I could not do it all. It was a juggling act and more often than not, I had way too many balls in the air. By the time she died, I was exhausted and depressed, suffering from guilt and anxiety on all fronts. Was I neglecting my husband and children to take care of my mother? Or was I abandoning her in order to meet the needs of people who could, if push came to shove, take care of themselves? Should I have quit my job? Would she have lived longer, or been happier, if I had moved in with her? Who knows. I just did the best I could, one day at a time. And I know now that I truly did do the best I could. And that's what counts.

    Remember that we can't be all things to all people - even our beloved moms. And for what it's worth, I think you are a super daughter.

    Carlene
  • msfanciful
    msfanciful Member Posts: 559
    #3
    Minky,
    It is truly difficult
    Minky,

    It is truly difficult to come to the realization that even we do all we can do it will never, ever be enough.

    But you have been by her side it seems night and day as much as your body, spirit and worldly obligations will allow you to. God knows what is in each and every mans' heart and as long as you desire to give your mother the best and do your best what more can you?

    Does your mother have her mental faculties intact? If so, hopefully that will give you some peace of mind in knowing that she is aware of what is happening to her and that she will have at least the ability to speak-out in the event things don't quite please her.

    I guarantee a mother knows when she has a wonderful child and looks as if you fit that bill just fine; so pray and know that you are giving all you've truly got to give your wonderful mother and also pray that your mother gains her strength in the healing process, and that God continues to look over her as he has. (Just look at the progress she's already made!!!)

    My prayers to you for strength,

    Sharon
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #4
    Please stop feeling guilty about things beyond your control, and start thinking more positive about your mother's rehab experience. Compared to the hospital, rehab centers are great! Much less noisy, with things to do (physical therapy, occupational therapy, etc). After my Dad died and Mom needed a knee replacement, she asked to go to rehab for a week before going home, and it worked out great. My mother-in-law made such good progress post stroke that she checked herself out of rehab and went home four days early.

    As my mother's primary caregiver, I have to remind myself that my job is to lighten Mom's burden, remembering that I can never take it from her altogether. Nobody can carry it but her.
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #5
    nursing home
    I worked in a facility as you mentioned above....a hospital based nursinghome/rehab center. Visit: http://www.medicare.gov/NHCompare/Include/DataSection/Questions/ProximitySearch.asp?bhcp=1

    if that link doesn't work just go to medicare.gov and look for nuring home compare. If you have a hard time finding it let me know the name of the facility and I will research it for you. You can see how the nursing home ranks and how well they do on surveys.

    I would make a visit to the unit and ask for a 'tour'. I would ask what is the nurse to patient ratio and what is the nursing assistant to patient ratio....across all 3 shifts. How much rehab can she expect to recieve. Are there specific sleeping areas/rooms for rehab patients or might they room with the general population?

    Can your Mom get in and out of bed by herself? Waiting for assistance to the bathroom is usually a BIG complaint in nursing homes. I worked in nursing homes as an RN then as an RN MDS Coordinator for several years. Any questions, please ask, I'd be happy to put some knowledge to use. I stopped working when I was diagnosed in 2008....sometimes I miss it.

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