divorce

ninnyscott
ninnyscott Member Posts: 12
edited March 2014 in Head and Neck Cancer #1
How many people do you know that go through a separation or divorce during this? My husband is jealous of my older daughter caring for me. He doesn't want to do it. He has mental issues already and I had to have him leave because he was starting to scare me and the kids. Now he is hospitalized for another suicide attempt. Don't know how much I can handle. Will find out tuesday about my radiation treatments. manybe the slim possibility that I don't have to have any? Don't mean to dump my baggage, I am just frustrated that I can't seem to have one day of peace since my surgery.

Margie

Comments

  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #2
    Hi Margie
    Sorry to hear you have added problems to deal with besides your cancer. I hope you will not need treatment like you said but if you do you will need all the support and help you can get from all of your family. If you do need treatment one major thing that you will need is the ability to keep a positive attitude as the treatment is not easy.

    Do worry about dumping baggage here, sometimes we all need to vent and get rid of what is building up on our inside. Most of us here have been through treatment and some are like you just starting. Our job as survivors is to help you become a survivor too, God be with you in you journey.
  • Kimba1505
    Kimba1505 Member Posts: 557
    #3
    Margie,
    I am new on the
    Margie,
    I am new on the boards with a newly diagnosed partner. I am divorced from a man who had bipolar mood disorder. From what you posted I wonder if your marriage was like mine was in that your husband counts on you to hold things together. If he does have mental health issues, which it sounds like he does, the flip flop in roles will send him into a tailspin. I am preparing myself for a serious serious fight with my partner as we finalize diagnosis and get into the treatment phase. It is going to take everything I have and a tremendous amount of support around me to help get him through this. You are deserving of nothing less. I fear your husband will be "heavy" emotionally...clearly not in your best interest. Divorce and separation are big matters, but fighting for you life is bigger. If he cannot be on board to help you through, perhaps he can step aside for a time and allow your daughter and others to be the support you need. He needs someone to help him understand this...a therapist perhaps. My thoughts and prayers are with you...you need good energy all around you.
  • stevenl
    stevenl Member Posts: 587
    #4
    Baggage
    Hey Margie,

    Don't ever worry about dumping your "baggage" here. That is what this place is for. My mother ,though now deceased for 27 years, helps me to understand your problem. She tried suicide several times and finally accomplished it. You can not have someone who is mentally unstable , whatever the severity, around you. You need help and support only right now. And to your daughter, keep up the good work and take care of your mother. I am hoping for good news about your treatment regime.

    Take care and God bless,
    Steve
  • ninnyscott
    ninnyscott Member Posts: 12
    #5
    stevenl said:

    Baggage
    Hey Margie,

    Don't ever worry about dumping your "baggage" here. That is what this place is for. My mother ,though now deceased for 27 years, helps me to understand your problem. She tried suicide several times and finally accomplished it. You can not have someone who is mentally unstable , whatever the severity, around you. You need help and support only right now. And to your daughter, keep up the good work and take care of your mother. I am hoping for good news about your treatment regime.

    Take care and God bless,
    Steve

    Thanks
    Thanks for all the supportive comments. It means a lot to me. I keep reminding myself I have to take care of myself and my kids right now and not him. My friends are all supportive in the fact that he cannot be at home with us now. All he wants to do is get out of the hospital. I explained to him just because he goes to the hospital for a few days it doesn't fix anything. It is hard to convince someone that they don't have a true grasp of reality. He always tells the doctors everything is fine and they just release him. Anyway I have to meet with the social worker tomorrow and he doesn't want me to go because I am going to tell them to keep him. Unfortunately I don't think they will keep long.

    It is hard to tell if it is my recovery from my surgery or all the stress wearing me out. I don't think I have had a day of peace in I don't know how long now. The good thing is I have moments of being positive and I know I will get through this... eventually! It helps to read the different posts and know there are others just like me trying to navigate through all these bumps in the road.

    Margie
  • pattyanny
    pattyanny Member Posts: 544
    #6
    ninnyscott said:

    Thanks
    Thanks for all the supportive comments. It means a lot to me. I keep reminding myself I have to take care of myself and my kids right now and not him. My friends are all supportive in the fact that he cannot be at home with us now. All he wants to do is get out of the hospital. I explained to him just because he goes to the hospital for a few days it doesn't fix anything. It is hard to convince someone that they don't have a true grasp of reality. He always tells the doctors everything is fine and they just release him. Anyway I have to meet with the social worker tomorrow and he doesn't want me to go because I am going to tell them to keep him. Unfortunately I don't think they will keep long.

    It is hard to tell if it is my recovery from my surgery or all the stress wearing me out. I don't think I have had a day of peace in I don't know how long now. The good thing is I have moments of being positive and I know I will get through this... eventually! It helps to read the different posts and know there are others just like me trying to navigate through all these bumps in the road.

    Margie

    Hi Margie
    Just wanted to ditto about the "baggage" thing. I have dumped so much baggage here on this forum - it must be like the lost luggage depot at JFK Airport! Lol! Please! My CSN Family here know more about me than some of my friends, because they do not judge, are going thru or have been thru.a similiar situation, are supportive, and have answers.
    I, too, have been dealing with an unsupportive spouse. Not mental issues (I don't think),
    but denial & fear. He has mentioned divorce, and at this point, I could care less.
    Going thru this hell either brings you closer, or tears you apart.

    I think you know in your heart, you should meet with the social worker, and let them know how he pretends everything is okay. They should have his hospital records of any previous behavior, and you should inform them, without being emotional and negative, about the impact of his actions on the children and your condition. He is a danger to himself. Maybe they would meet with you without him in the same room? A trained Social Worker should know he should not be with the children - very unhealthy for them.

    I don't know if you are spiritual, but I know my faith and all the prayers I have received from my forum family have gotten me thru to this point, and He will continue to guide me. May God bless you, and give you the strength and the answers to get you thru!

    Welcome to the family! Stay strong! Please keep us posted!
  • ninnyscott
    ninnyscott Member Posts: 12
    #7
    pattyanny said:

    Hi Margie
    Just wanted to ditto about the "baggage" thing. I have dumped so much baggage here on this forum - it must be like the lost luggage depot at JFK Airport! Lol! Please! My CSN Family here know more about me than some of my friends, because they do not judge, are going thru or have been thru.a similiar situation, are supportive, and have answers.
    I, too, have been dealing with an unsupportive spouse. Not mental issues (I don't think),
    but denial & fear. He has mentioned divorce, and at this point, I could care less.
    Going thru this hell either brings you closer, or tears you apart.

    I think you know in your heart, you should meet with the social worker, and let them know how he pretends everything is okay. They should have his hospital records of any previous behavior, and you should inform them, without being emotional and negative, about the impact of his actions on the children and your condition. He is a danger to himself. Maybe they would meet with you without him in the same room? A trained Social Worker should know he should not be with the children - very unhealthy for them.

    I don't know if you are spiritual, but I know my faith and all the prayers I have received from my forum family have gotten me thru to this point, and He will continue to guide me. May God bless you, and give you the strength and the answers to get you thru!

    Welcome to the family! Stay strong! Please keep us posted!

    had meeting with social
    had meeting with social worker today. It went so so. He got angry and walked out, blaming me that I don't want him to get out of the hospital. Social worker was very understanding. I don't want him to get out and then go through with another attempt. I know he is safe there. I know he isn't himself. It is just very tiring dealing with all this. I pray and God has sent many people to me. A good friend of ours that we don't see often found out about our troubles and went and talked with him at the hospital and it was such a blessing to me. Many times most people want to stay away from people that have mental issues, it is very sad. I guess that goes along with even people who have cancer, it make others uncomfortable. Thanks for the encouragement!
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #8
    ninnyscott said:

    had meeting with social
    had meeting with social worker today. It went so so. He got angry and walked out, blaming me that I don't want him to get out of the hospital. Social worker was very understanding. I don't want him to get out and then go through with another attempt. I know he is safe there. I know he isn't himself. It is just very tiring dealing with all this. I pray and God has sent many people to me. A good friend of ours that we don't see often found out about our troubles and went and talked with him at the hospital and it was such a blessing to me. Many times most people want to stay away from people that have mental issues, it is very sad. I guess that goes along with even people who have cancer, it make others uncomfortable. Thanks for the encouragement!

    Margie
    I find most of the time people don’t know what to say when we are going through treatment, so rather then say something wrong they stay away and other times they become afraid to look at us. This I did find out, true friends never give-up they are the ones with you through out treatment and after cheering you on to the finish line. I hope and pray God will work this out for you.

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