post cancer depression

It's the let down of
It's the let down of fighting the cancer that she's feeling now. When I was in treatment I felt I was being active in keeping the cancer away. After treatment I felt what now? How do I fight it--will it come back? Then the depression sets in and the downward spiral starts. Also the tamoxifen can cause depression. She needs to call her oncologist. He/she can help with this.

Good luck and hope this helps.
Sher

Dave
You sound like a very caring and loving fiance. I'm so glad you remembered this place of support to try to help.

I am still in treatment, and have not (yet) experienced the depression you're describing, but I have read several stories from ladies on these boards who have described a real feeling of letdown after their treatments ended. Both they and their loved ones/friends expect and hope for a return to normalcy that is just very elusive, if not impossible to find. Most eventually find a "new normal" which can be every bit as fulfilling and joyful as the old one, but with a new level of awareness of the fragility of life.

Please encourage her to talk to her doctor about her depression. There are medications that can really help with those symptoms. Also try to encourage her to come here herself if you can, or to go to the support group as you already suggested. It's not just about people telling their stories, but is also about sharing what has worked for them to get through this unbelievably difficult fight and to know that we are not alone in feeling scared and out of control.

Hang in there, and God bless you for coming here.

(((HUGS)))
Cindy

padee6339 said:

Almost a year
Out of treatment and still can't seem to find my footing. I turned 61 this year and want to retire sooo bad, but can't afford to. I find myself retreating from this board a lot, trying to remember what life was like before cancer, but just don't know how to do it. Everyone's gone back to their own lives and want me to get on with mine, but I feel I'm just a step behind everyone. Nobody wants to hear my cancer story any more and I feel I don't have anything in common with people any more. So if there is a magic pill out there that will bring us back to where we really want to be, I want to know about it.

life will slowly return to
life will slowly return to normal. a new one. it takes time as with any trauma. its a grieving process. I had cancer 16 years ago now agian. trust me your life will get better. hang in there. the feelings are normal. lexapro is compatable with tamoxifen too.

Kat11 said:

Hi Dave
Sounds like you have been a huge help to her already. I know what you mean about cancer every where, TV, Radio, Signs. I said the same thing to my husband one day on the way to treatment. Just can't get away from it. You did not mention, is she on any drugs for depression. If not you should tell her ONC that she needs something to help her through this. Just so you know most of us here are on some kind of meds to get us through the ruff times. I am also on Tamoxifen and I thought to that the drug was adding to my depression. Doctor said no it just if she is on tamoxifen than she is at the end of her treatments and there is a fear that now know one is watching her as close as before. So it's like your kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think to some degree the fear will always be there, just she will be able to handle it better as time moves on. Also I understand she does not want to sit in a group and talk about cancer. Could you get her to come on the boards here. I know how much the boards helped me and others. She could really vent and it would be with others who really get what is happening to her.The boards have helped you and I know they will help her. Just make sure you talk to her doctors and let them know how she is feeling. Good Luck Dave.

You've had some great advice here
I'll add three things: gently encourage her to do all the things listed here, and encourage her to exercise, it's a great natural antidepressant. Oh yes, the third? it's for you Dave. Your fiancée is not able to recognize nor appreciate what you are doing for her, but we are. You're a stand-up man and deserve thanks from all of us for supporting our sister. Recognize that and know she will too when she's able!

post cancer depression
Hi Dave,
First let me say, that you are one of the most understanding of depression MALES/actually people, but really guys, in general, that I have ever come across. I have been dealing with Clinical Depression, which was then found out to be out to be Bipolar II for the last 15 years, well, my whole life I guess, but first Dx when I was 22, and that was way before the Cancer. So Big Props to you for sticking it through and even thinging to ask for help!. She is very lucky to have you. I agree with what mostly everyone is saying. While going thru treatment, you are so focused on getting thru it and getting it over, that you really do just have to stuff ALOT of emotions down. I don't know what your finace was like during treatment, but if she is taking it this hard,she may have checked alot of her emotions at the door very close to right after Her Dx. And if her Cancer Center was anything like mine, she may also be having a hard time dealing not only with the loss of scheduled time, but also the loss of staff that may have become quite close to her and she to them. I know I miss seeing the nurses and others that worked there Alot. Luckily, some of them that I felt the biggest connection to broke the rules and gave their email, facebook and phone #'s so we keep in touch and see each other,since they are close to my age... I finished Chemo on March 31, and begin Rads Monday. But already, I can hardly talk about the most mundane thing without crying. And it doesn't help that the Taxotere medication actually causes tears as a side effect, so no matter what, I have tears pretty much streaming down my face 24/7....lol! I, personally have to laugh, because before chemo, I never cried at movies, or commercials, and now, I can't even say good morning to my parents, whom I am living with, while I go thru treatment without getting all veklempt. (sp?)
But seriously, I think you should encourage her to talk to her oncologist about seeing if he/she can reccomend a therapist/social worker who specialized in talking to people who have gone through Cancer treatment (or some other serious illness). I see someone who does, and she completely understands, as she went through it herself many years ago. So that, and a couple support groups I found that I Love that I lucked out on and aren't pity fests at all, are great helps. I do go to a couple because I find once a month, esp. with the mush brain are too far apart,although I convinced one group to meet every 2 weeks, for that very reason, bringing up that if it was once a month there was a good chance we would not remember anything about each other, down to our names, so frequency has helped.
But also, try to get her out of the house. Is she working? If not, maybe ask her out on a date a couple days in advance, and if she says yes, then stews over it and backs out,ask her in the morning for that night. Or maybe visit some (no more than one other close couple) friends...just something to get her out. If she watches TV all day, unscrew the cable and say it went out? There's some incentive! I don't condone lying, but I don't know, if it gets too bad....Has she had depressio in the past?
OK, that's all for now, I'd love to know some history if you don't mind..
Adn I hope things are a bit better by now. Plus, if you live in New England, or somewhere that's NOT SoCal, it's tough this time of year.
You are doing great Dave, I think alot of guys would have bailed by now, and most definitely not gone to the lenths you have to help and understand. Since she can't say it right now, I am saying thank you for her.
Jilly B

tommaseena said:

Dave
Dave,
She does need to talk to her oncologist. Believe it or not she may have been depressed when she was going through her treatment but she was busy by going to her treatments and keeping herself as healthy as she could during that time and now when things have settled down it shows more and she is feeling it more.

I know for myself when I was going through my treatments every week I didn't have time to think and then when treatment schedule changed to less often then it hit me and I did something about it--talked to my oncologist and she gave me Lexapro which is for anxiety and depression and am able to hold myself more together for my son and myself. Yes there are still a day every once in awhile but very few and far between that I am sad or depressed.

You are a very caring person and she is lucky to have you in her life so suggest that she talk to her oncologist. I couldn't do the support group thing either and that is because the support groups around me were more or less a pity party meeting and I didn't want to leave a meeting feeling worse.

Hugs to you and your girlfriend,
Margo

Hi Dave
I am 12 months out of invasive treatment and on Tamoxifen too. I can completely understand your fiancee. Unfortunately many of your problems are common for cancer survivors. I still have to deal with my insurance even for 2008 surgical and anesthesiology services, collection agency (result of medical bills), lymphedema, lost my job.
As others already said there some constructive steps you can take together:
Medications such as antidepressants are helpful. Since she takes Tamoxifen the only compatible choice is Effexor - talk to her oncologist. Chemo could change chemistry of the brain and in order to return it back to normal one needs medications
Ask her to come here and join CSN board - it is not about cancer only we are helping each other with everyday real life problems. I never went to support group myself and found the best support here on this board!
Go out every weekend, take vacation or just a trip to the park. Spring is coming and everything is blooming. She needs to get out of the house especially because she works from home.
My husband and I watch movie every weekend, on weekdays show or comedies and trying to laugh everyday.
Hobby can be helpful or something new and enjoyable which is not related to her occupation. I am taking watercolor class and it takes my mind away.
Hugs to you and your fiancee.
New Flower