crying

heidijez
heidijez Member Posts: 441
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Okay, so when I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer, I was very calm and said, what do we do now. Chemo started and I was okay with it. Then we needed another biopsy of one of the inflamed lymph nodes. As soon as I walked into the breast surgeon's office I began to cry. Then I would cry in the oncologist's office. Last week, when I went for my labs, I barely walked into the hospital and I was crying. I cried through the blood tests, on my way to the elevator, and in the dr's office. The weird thing is, I don't really cry anywhere else. I might tear up for a minute or so when someone asks a pointed question at work, but then I am fine.

Now on Monday, I meet with the breast surgeon to set up my mastectomy. I don't want one, but know it's necessary. How do I get through this appointment? Would Valium help? Or do I just take extra tissues and let the tears flow?

Comments

  • Dawne.Hope
    Dawne.Hope Member Posts: 823
    #2
    I'm so sorry
    Dear Heidi,

    I just want you to know that you have reason to cry. Maybe the Vallium is a good idea, I don't know, but don't keep the tears in, they are going to come one way or another and I think it is good to let them flow. So many of us who couldn't cry during our diagnosis are now suffering emotionally. I think it would have helped me if I could have cried.

    I had a bi-lateral masectomy last month and I want you to know that it is not as bad as I feared. It sounds so trite, but it really is true; take it one day at a time. That's all we can do.

    We're here for you to listen, to cry with and to celebrate with ... you're going to get through this.

    Sending you great big hugs,
    dh
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #3
    Dawne.Hope said:

    I'm so sorry
    Dear Heidi,

    I just want you to know that you have reason to cry. Maybe the Vallium is a good idea, I don't know, but don't keep the tears in, they are going to come one way or another and I think it is good to let them flow. So many of us who couldn't cry during our diagnosis are now suffering emotionally. I think it would have helped me if I could have cried.

    I had a bi-lateral masectomy last month and I want you to know that it is not as bad as I feared. It sounds so trite, but it really is true; take it one day at a time. That's all we can do.

    We're here for you to listen, to cry with and to celebrate with ... you're going to get through this.

    Sending you great big hugs,
    dh

    Valium helps for anxiety.
    Valium helps for anxiety. you have reason to cry, I cried alot too, its normal. We go to a place we dont want to be, where we are reminded so profoundly of whats going on. If you cry because you are anxious maybe valium would help. but if not just let the feelings out.
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #4
    crying
    I think the fact you are crying is good. When I was diagnosed and had my bilateral mastectomy, I was numb. I kept thinking that I would wake up one day and it would have just been a bad dream!! That it was a mistake, or temporary. But as we know, that wasn't true and now I have to deal with suppressed emotions, and occasional "pity parties". It has taken time and yes, the meds can help "take the edge off" --as my oncologist told me as he prescibed them for me!
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #5
    lizzie17 said:

    crying
    I think the fact you are crying is good. When I was diagnosed and had my bilateral mastectomy, I was numb. I kept thinking that I would wake up one day and it would have just been a bad dream!! That it was a mistake, or temporary. But as we know, that wasn't true and now I have to deal with suppressed emotions, and occasional "pity parties". It has taken time and yes, the meds can help "take the edge off" --as my oncologist told me as he prescibed them for me!

    I think when we are at the
    I think when we are at the doctors or Hospital this makes it very real for us. Like no bad dream here this is for real. Meds for me helped a lot.
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
    #6
    Kat11 said:

    I think when we are at the
    I think when we are at the doctors or Hospital this makes it very real for us. Like no bad dream here this is for real. Meds for me helped a lot.

    Take a Valium or Ativan or whatever helps...
    I too would cry in my surgeon's office everytime...in fact he asked my onc if I cried there too cause he felt bad and thought it was only him that made me cry. It wasn't. I was ok for everything else...but I took an Ativan eveyday from the first day I felt the lump. Also to help sleep at nite and it worked.

    It's ok to cry, this is scary stuff. All the tests, needles, x-rays and on and on, plus the dx of cancer itself is the scariest. Let your emotions go and don't worry about it. Better to let it out than try and hold it in...which I could never do.

    Get your meds, they really help and don't be ashamed. But the meds do help to take some of the edge off..

    Hugs,
    Judy :-)
  • tommaseena
    tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
    #7
    Skeezie said:

    Take a Valium or Ativan or whatever helps...
    I too would cry in my surgeon's office everytime...in fact he asked my onc if I cried there too cause he felt bad and thought it was only him that made me cry. It wasn't. I was ok for everything else...but I took an Ativan eveyday from the first day I felt the lump. Also to help sleep at nite and it worked.

    It's ok to cry, this is scary stuff. All the tests, needles, x-rays and on and on, plus the dx of cancer itself is the scariest. Let your emotions go and don't worry about it. Better to let it out than try and hold it in...which I could never do.

    Get your meds, they really help and don't be ashamed. But the meds do help to take some of the edge off..

    Hugs,
    Judy :-)

    crying
    I have only cried twice since my diagnosis 12/8/08. First time was the day my hair started falling out in late March 2009 and then yesterday.

    I am wondering why I don't cry more. Why am I so strong--maybe because of my son. Maybe I'm too busy with work, treatments and Jake's schedule to take the time to just relax and that is maybe why it hit me yesterday--sitting at home by myself with nothing to do and then it happened--the tears. My tee shirt was soaked from crying when I was typing and couldn't see the screen--thank god I know where all the letters are on the keyboard because I don't think I made one spelling error.

    When you go to your appointment remember that we are all with you in that room in spirit to support you.

    Let us know how you did.

    Hugs,
    Margo
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #8
    Continue to cry.
    Hi Heidi,

    You are in mourning and people in mourning cry. Cancer changes our lives and we mourn the loss of what life was. You are also mourning the loss of your breast. Repressing our emotions is not the answer. Your doctors understand. If they were facing what we have faced they would cry, too. Get it all out whenever you need to and by the time your treatments are done you will be in a much better place. Our lives may not be the same but they can still be terrific after bc. Hugs.

    Roseann
  • Stephanie123
    Stephanie123 Member Posts: 10
    #9
    Good Luck
    i hope everything turns out okay but i have no idea what Valium is but if i were you i would let the tears flow its better to let it all out then hold it all in..i hope everything turns out good and you get good results, you are in my prayers!
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    #10
    so sorry
    So sorry.. this totally sucks!!! Valium might to take the edge off, but don't be afraid to let your emotions out. because if you don't it will consume you.

    No one wants a double mastectomy. (I too have one) but I find some comfort in the knowledge We can be some what whole again... Unlike years ago when they just cut you up and sent you home leaving all of your femininty in the hospilal.

    wish you luck... hope you find some peace...
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #11
    So Sorry
    So sorry that you are so upset. It is a lot to deal with and it moves pretty fast. You probably need to let it all out. You may want to get something from the onc or your doctor to calm you down. I had crying spells after my lympectomy. I could not stop. They put me on some meds for it and I am alright.....as long as I take my meds. You will be alright, too.

    Take care,

    P
  • ladybug22
    ladybug22 Member Posts: 646
    #12
    heidijez
    Talk to your doctors. Please take it one day at a time there is so much to take in. i was dx with i b c in 07 i am clean how. it IS not a easy walk but you can do this and come out on the better side clean. my love to you and your family. We are here for you.
  • TawnyS
    TawnyS Member Posts: 144 Member
    #13
    I think you should be
    I think you should be however you feel. If you feel like you still have it in you to cry, then do it. I wish I'd have cried more. I cried the day I was diagnosed and that was it. I find myself wanting to cry and thinking, "Boy, if I start this now it could take days!" One day....I don't know when....I am saving just for me to cry! I think the longer you leave it in you the worse the build up. I do think meds help with everything.....anxiety, crying, mind racing. If you aren't on something you might want to check into it. I wish you the best of luck with your appointment. I know it is all overwhelming right now. Crying is healthy....especially for what you're going through right now. : )

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