I am having a very bad day today
Maybe it is because a lot has happened in my life in the last year and 1/2 and now it seems overwhelming. I want my life back to normal--this does not mean I want my ex back--never again will that happen.
Some days I just want to be held and be told everything will be alright and want someone to appreciate me for who I am and what I do.
Thanks for listening to me vent--I feel a little better just getting that off my chest-so to speak.
Hugs to all,
Margo
Maybe I need a well deserved vacation or spa day for myself.
P.S. for my facebook friends please don't mention anything on there.
Comments
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To You
Margo.
Sorry to hear about your hard day. I know. I have lost so many friends, the ones who said they would always be there. When everything started happening to me...my Mom first then me, well the folks I counted on took a hike.My best friend walked up to me in the middle of a workday and said there was too much tension between us and walked away from me. We did not speak for over a year..her choice. Have no clue what she was talking about and when I brought it up she didn't know why it even happened. We are not close at all anymore. The two friends who said they would handle things if something ever happened to me...I gave them house keys and my funeral arrangements...I am lucky if they call me once a year now.I have lost my Mom, my job and moved in the last 3 years as well as battle breast, ovarian and recover from a spinal cord tumor.I am struggling with anemia now. I have no family left so I look to friends. I have some good people in my life now, but I know what you mean about feeling alone. Dating...foget it. One walked after 2 dates even though he knew all about me and asked me to be honest. I now concentrate on trying to treat myself as best I can and be very appreciative of those who have stayed in my life. I also do church and volunteer at hospice. That helps me. But there are days I would rather just hide away from all the pain in the world. It is not easy at all Margo, so many of us here can relate to you. I think that all that we have gone through makes us better people. I know that sounds like something you just say but I believe it's true. We appreciate things so much more. I wish I could be there to give you a hug, that is what I have missed the most in my life. I wish I could do something to take your pain away. But all I can do is post to you and wish you all the best that I can. Everyone has something that is hard in their lives and everyone deals with things in different ways. We have stared death down and sometimes others who have not have a hard time being around folks like us. I don't know. I do know that my heart reaches out to your..take ccare friend and let me know how you are doing...big hugs...Cindy0 -
Hi MargoCindy54 said:To You
Margo.
Sorry to hear about your hard day. I know. I have lost so many friends, the ones who said they would always be there. When everything started happening to me...my Mom first then me, well the folks I counted on took a hike.My best friend walked up to me in the middle of a workday and said there was too much tension between us and walked away from me. We did not speak for over a year..her choice. Have no clue what she was talking about and when I brought it up she didn't know why it even happened. We are not close at all anymore. The two friends who said they would handle things if something ever happened to me...I gave them house keys and my funeral arrangements...I am lucky if they call me once a year now.I have lost my Mom, my job and moved in the last 3 years as well as battle breast, ovarian and recover from a spinal cord tumor.I am struggling with anemia now. I have no family left so I look to friends. I have some good people in my life now, but I know what you mean about feeling alone. Dating...foget it. One walked after 2 dates even though he knew all about me and asked me to be honest. I now concentrate on trying to treat myself as best I can and be very appreciative of those who have stayed in my life. I also do church and volunteer at hospice. That helps me. But there are days I would rather just hide away from all the pain in the world. It is not easy at all Margo, so many of us here can relate to you. I think that all that we have gone through makes us better people. I know that sounds like something you just say but I believe it's true. We appreciate things so much more. I wish I could be there to give you a hug, that is what I have missed the most in my life. I wish I could do something to take your pain away. But all I can do is post to you and wish you all the best that I can. Everyone has something that is hard in their lives and everyone deals with things in different ways. We have stared death down and sometimes others who have not have a hard time being around folks like us. I don't know. I do know that my heart reaches out to your..take ccare friend and let me know how you are doing...big hugs...Cindy
I'm sorry you're
Hi Margo
I'm sorry you're having a hard day. Maybe if you got out and took a short walk you'll feel better with the sun on you. I remember hearing life coach Tony Robbins saying "motion = emotion". So when I'm sad I try to work outside in my garden or take a walk. I also work from home once in a while and some days my frame of mind is not always good when I don't see people. I live alone and sometimes it's too much time with me and my thoughts. As far as your friends not doing what they say they would, I'd tell them you are upset with them. You deserve to be treated better then that. Here's a big hug coming your way and as my mother always said "this too shall pass".
Sher0 -
me too margo and I reallySher43009 said:Hi Margo
I'm sorry you're
Hi Margo
I'm sorry you're having a hard day. Maybe if you got out and took a short walk you'll feel better with the sun on you. I remember hearing life coach Tony Robbins saying "motion = emotion". So when I'm sad I try to work outside in my garden or take a walk. I also work from home once in a while and some days my frame of mind is not always good when I don't see people. I live alone and sometimes it's too much time with me and my thoughts. As far as your friends not doing what they say they would, I'd tell them you are upset with them. You deserve to be treated better then that. Here's a big hug coming your way and as my mother always said "this too shall pass".
Sher
me too margo and I really dont know why. I am tired of being sick. I am tired of not being able to do the things I want to. I am tired of being alone, my kids and granddaughters are here but I am still alone. I want a normal life and I dont think I will ever ever have one. Its stupid but I think about this cancer killing me and wonder if people at my funeral will say o how sad Libby died alone. Two worthless ex husbands who get to live and see the kids grow up and the grandchildren grow up - and I dont! WHY NOT???? and its not like any man will ever want to be a part of this mess, who would?
of done feeling sorry for myself back to pretending like Im ok.
thanks for letting me vent in your tread
and same for me on facebook -- please dont post anything on there about this.0 -
Margo and the others thatpinkflutterby said:me too margo and I really
me too margo and I really dont know why. I am tired of being sick. I am tired of not being able to do the things I want to. I am tired of being alone, my kids and granddaughters are here but I am still alone. I want a normal life and I dont think I will ever ever have one. Its stupid but I think about this cancer killing me and wonder if people at my funeral will say o how sad Libby died alone. Two worthless ex husbands who get to live and see the kids grow up and the grandchildren grow up - and I dont! WHY NOT???? and its not like any man will ever want to be a part of this mess, who would?
of done feeling sorry for myself back to pretending like Im ok.
thanks for letting me vent in your tread
and same for me on facebook -- please dont post anything on there about this.
Margo and the others that have posted with that down in the dumps feeling. Cancer is so difficult on so many levels, but I truly think that the worst is the doubt and the destruction to our self confidence. It's hard to be confident about the other aspects of your life when you are worried about just having a life. The everyday problems that we experience are so magnified by the cancer diagnosis. For the single ladies, those going through divorce etc. there is the added baggage of how can I find someone who will love me with my scars, my health issues, etc. It's a hard battle even with an arsenal of friends and family at our side, but if we don't have that it is harder. And even with that arsenal, it really is a solo battle in many ways. It just plain hard. I rarely ever get down, it's just not who I am. Not that I'm a pollyanna but I really trust that things will get better and mostly they do. But when I get down or when someone I care about is down (and that is all of you) then I really feel sad. It can seem hopeless at times, but I do feel that life has so many good things and we should focus on that. But it doesn't always work. So for my friends that are feeling the sandpaper side of life right now, I wish for velvet for you all.
Stef0 -
You always have us and most importantly you always have Jesus
Hi Margo,
I don't know if you are a woman of faith but for me I cannot imagine going through this time of my life without Him. Know this...that people will ALWAYS fail you sooner or later...we are forever imperfect in this human flesh....but there is One who cannot fail you and that is Jesus Christ. He is the great I Am. Which means He is all things to us...whatever we need...He is. Counselor, Provider, Friend, Savior, Father, Comforter, Healer...the list goes on forever. He promised to NEVER leave or forsake you once you invite Him into your heart. He has been my strength through all of this cancer thing and I know He will continue to carry me and strengthen me always and forever until my days here are done and gone. Trust Him and lean on him and know that you have all of our support on this network as well. Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might and receive His peace that passes all understanding. Love and Hugs,
Lorrie Balentine0 -
Big cyber hugs!!!
So sorry you're feeling down. I wish I could hug you in person, but Sher's suggestion of movement is I think a good one.
Hope you feel better soon, but vent away whenever you need to.
Take care,
Cindy0 -
Margo, I'm so sorry you arecindycflynn said:Big cyber hugs!!!
So sorry you're feeling down. I wish I could hug you in person, but Sher's suggestion of movement is I think a good one.
Hope you feel better soon, but vent away whenever you need to.
Take care,
Cindy
Margo, I'm so sorry you are having a bad day. I've always been so impressed by the strength that you show no matter how difficult things are: so I know that you must be feeling really down today. And, that saddens me.
I know that you questioned whether telecommuting was a good thing for you, and I have to tell you that I really wouldn't want to do it. I'm a real introvert, but even so, I really enjoy the interaction with other people. If you can arrange to go into work, that might be the best for you. Or, if you can at least get out to see people during breaks, or at lunchtime, that might help.
Cancer is a lonely journey, and your journey has been even more difficult because of your divorce. We all have our days when we feel really lonely, even if there are lots of people nearby. I pray that the darkness and loneliness will lift for you soon.
Sending you lots of cyber hugs.
Joyce0 -
Bad day
I hope this evening finds you in better spirits. I agree that the Lord is always listening. We just have to ask. He might not do what we want exactly when we want it, but in His time He will. There were times when I hurt so bad and I felt so mentally exhausted (even though I did nothing but lay in a recliner), that prayer was all I had, mine and the others that were praying for me. I can't imagine the feeling of being alone, because my husband made me feel beautiful and loved when I felt I was definitely not beautiful, however, I did have some family members that basically turned their backs on me. Out of four sisters-in-law, only one came and visited and brought food for us. The others might have called maybe once, but even my mother-in-law did nothing. It didn't really surprise me about most of them, but one in particular did. We were really close most of our married lives and then we didn't see her during my illness. I think cancer scares people, but do they not understand how scared we, the ones that actually have the disease, feel? I'm usually not one to moan and groan, but sometimes we have to. I have a friend who says you can go to the pity party as long as you don't stay too long. When I realize that's where I've been, I pray. I hope this helps. I know it helped me.0 -
Margo, unfortunately thesereeseslover1234 said:Bad day
I hope this evening finds you in better spirits. I agree that the Lord is always listening. We just have to ask. He might not do what we want exactly when we want it, but in His time He will. There were times when I hurt so bad and I felt so mentally exhausted (even though I did nothing but lay in a recliner), that prayer was all I had, mine and the others that were praying for me. I can't imagine the feeling of being alone, because my husband made me feel beautiful and loved when I felt I was definitely not beautiful, however, I did have some family members that basically turned their backs on me. Out of four sisters-in-law, only one came and visited and brought food for us. The others might have called maybe once, but even my mother-in-law did nothing. It didn't really surprise me about most of them, but one in particular did. We were really close most of our married lives and then we didn't see her during my illness. I think cancer scares people, but do they not understand how scared we, the ones that actually have the disease, feel? I'm usually not one to moan and groan, but sometimes we have to. I have a friend who says you can go to the pity party as long as you don't stay too long. When I realize that's where I've been, I pray. I hope this helps. I know it helped me.
Margo, unfortunately these days just happen. out of the "blue" try to do something good for yourself, you have given so much to this forum, I wish I could take away your sadness. know that you are getting a big cyber hug right now. Penny0 -
Hugs~ Hugs~ Hugs!
Ahhhh Margo, I wish I was near by I would come to visit you, you're are such a blessing I cannot understand why a friend would treat you in such a way. I hope by the time you read this your day has proven to have been a hundred times better than it started out to be. Please know that you are special and of great worth, you are blessed with a little boy who loves you immensely and I am sure loves you for who you are. Some friends simply do not know how to be friends after we have had cancer, they are clueless! Tomorrow is another day and it will be better.
Hugs,
RE0 -
Don't worry
I use facebook for fun, like farming. I am sorry you are sad. It will pass. Maybe you need to work around people. You know, that helped me not get down and it helped me not feel so alone. It also helped me take my mind off of things. I can't hold you but I can tell you it will be alright. we all have those feelings from time to time. The spa sounds great. I had a massage a few weeks ago and I slept like a baby. I want to make it a regular thing if I can afford it.
Take care.
P0 -
Thank you allRE said:Hugs~ Hugs~ Hugs!
Ahhhh Margo, I wish I was near by I would come to visit you, you're are such a blessing I cannot understand why a friend would treat you in such a way. I hope by the time you read this your day has proven to have been a hundred times better than it started out to be. Please know that you are special and of great worth, you are blessed with a little boy who loves you immensely and I am sure loves you for who you are. Some friends simply do not know how to be friends after we have had cancer, they are clueless! Tomorrow is another day and it will be better.
Hugs,
RE
Thank you all for your responses. I am feeling much better today. Yesterday afternoon I talked to a true friend that lives in my area and she invited me over to her house for a cookout. Stayed for a little while after supper and then came home and wrote my thoughts and feelings in a journal which helped me.
I was just thinking it could because I hadn't taken my Lexapro for three days because the pharmacy had to order some in and they called other pharmacies in the area and they didn't have any either. Took one last night so maybe that was the whole problem. I will always call the pharmacy a week in advance so that this doesn't happen again.
I hate to be on more meds but if the Lexapro keeps me sane and not feeling down then I will continue with it for a while longer and then after all treatment is done then the doctor and I can talk about decreasing the dose and then stopping it.
Hugs back at all of you.
Margo0 -
Margofauxma said:Margo and the others that
Margo and the others that have posted with that down in the dumps feeling. Cancer is so difficult on so many levels, but I truly think that the worst is the doubt and the destruction to our self confidence. It's hard to be confident about the other aspects of your life when you are worried about just having a life. The everyday problems that we experience are so magnified by the cancer diagnosis. For the single ladies, those going through divorce etc. there is the added baggage of how can I find someone who will love me with my scars, my health issues, etc. It's a hard battle even with an arsenal of friends and family at our side, but if we don't have that it is harder. And even with that arsenal, it really is a solo battle in many ways. It just plain hard. I rarely ever get down, it's just not who I am. Not that I'm a pollyanna but I really trust that things will get better and mostly they do. But when I get down or when someone I care about is down (and that is all of you) then I really feel sad. It can seem hopeless at times, but I do feel that life has so many good things and we should focus on that. But it doesn't always work. So for my friends that are feeling the sandpaper side of life right now, I wish for velvet for you all.
Stef
Cancer makes everyone feels lonely. When you are on a mission to beat cancer and vin your battle you are focus and determine. A lot of events , schedules, appointment. Yes, you won, and feel victorious for sometime. Now what? You have done it you are a champion! But the you question comes: So what?. I do not have any advice, just sending you a big hug!
New Flower0 -
Glad to Heartommaseena said:Thank you all
Thank you all for your responses. I am feeling much better today. Yesterday afternoon I talked to a true friend that lives in my area and she invited me over to her house for a cookout. Stayed for a little while after supper and then came home and wrote my thoughts and feelings in a journal which helped me.
I was just thinking it could because I hadn't taken my Lexapro for three days because the pharmacy had to order some in and they called other pharmacies in the area and they didn't have any either. Took one last night so maybe that was the whole problem. I will always call the pharmacy a week in advance so that this doesn't happen again.
I hate to be on more meds but if the Lexapro keeps me sane and not feeling down then I will continue with it for a while longer and then after all treatment is done then the doctor and I can talk about decreasing the dose and then stopping it.
Hugs back at all of you.
Margo
Glad to hear that you are feeling better. It is not good to get off your meds like that. When I miss days, I get my crying spells back.
Take care.
P0 -
Oh good good good!tommaseena said:Thank you all
Thank you all for your responses. I am feeling much better today. Yesterday afternoon I talked to a true friend that lives in my area and she invited me over to her house for a cookout. Stayed for a little while after supper and then came home and wrote my thoughts and feelings in a journal which helped me.
I was just thinking it could because I hadn't taken my Lexapro for three days because the pharmacy had to order some in and they called other pharmacies in the area and they didn't have any either. Took one last night so maybe that was the whole problem. I will always call the pharmacy a week in advance so that this doesn't happen again.
I hate to be on more meds but if the Lexapro keeps me sane and not feeling down then I will continue with it for a while longer and then after all treatment is done then the doctor and I can talk about decreasing the dose and then stopping it.
Hugs back at all of you.
Margo
Oh Margo glad you are feeling better and glad you have such a wonderful friend in your life, she sounds special. I don't know if your pharmacy can do this but sometimes when mine does not have enough of my meds they give me a few pills to hold me over till they get the amount I need. Of course they deduct the ones they gave me but hey it is worth it, perhaps your's could do the same for you.
Re0 -
Hi Margo, (one of my
Hi Margo, (one of my favorite people on here) I was cruising and found your post. Just writing to tell you that I'm glad you are on the upswing. I feel the same way about meds.
Your humor and strength have helped me and I would love to give you a boost! You are one fantastic woman. As Stef says, velvet's on its way. xoxoxo Lynn0 -
Margo
so sorry you were feeling blue. And sorry I did not come across this post any sooner. Glad to know you are feeling better. I think you may need a vacation or two. Don't we all after the "stuff" we eventually go through? I bet venting helped more that you know. Especially working from home, you need to let that little escape hatch loose every once in a while, otherwise, you may blow. Someone is usually always here to listen.
Hope the rest of your weekend went better
Cat0 -
I am sorry Margo I did notcats_toy said:Margo
so sorry you were feeling blue. And sorry I did not come across this post any sooner. Glad to know you are feeling better. I think you may need a vacation or two. Don't we all after the "stuff" we eventually go through? I bet venting helped more that you know. Especially working from home, you need to let that little escape hatch loose every once in a while, otherwise, you may blow. Someone is usually always here to listen.
Hope the rest of your weekend went better
Cat
I am sorry Margo I did not see your post sooner. I think sometimes our friends hurt us more than the cancer does. We do however find out who are true friends are. I think also as time passes friends forget about us. Maybe to them its all over. I am glad your feeling better. Hugs
Kathy0 -
Thank you allKat11 said:I am sorry Margo I did not
I am sorry Margo I did not see your post sooner. I think sometimes our friends hurt us more than the cancer does. We do however find out who are true friends are. I think also as time passes friends forget about us. Maybe to them its all over. I am glad your feeling better. Hugs
Kathy
Thank you all.
None of the pharmacies in town had any not even one--I don't know if it was a manufacturers or an ordering problem with the Lexapro.
Now something new has popped up. I am seeing my plastic surgeon in Massachusetts tomorrow because the right implant has many ripples and is much softer than the left one. When I push on it with my finger the indentation stays there for awhile.
I am wondering why me but having the meds helps so at least I am not a basket case.
It looks like working from home will start in a few months. Really don't know if I am happy about it or not. If need be I can go in to the office with the laptop that I will have and be able to see people.
Thank you for your responses.
Margo0
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