How Much Care Needed

soccerfreaks said:

driving
First, it is great that dad remains positive: that is an essential element of recovery, as his doctors would almost certainly agree with.

Second, your dad is fortunate to have such support, another key element in successful recovery.

To your questions, you have heard of some experiences from others, and while a short sample, you have seen pretty much the gamut from 'yes i could drive' to 'not a chance'. This is due to a number of factors including the nature of the cancer, the nature of the treatment, and the disposition and tolerance of the patient.

Because I was going to chemotherapy and radiation immediately following surgery, I was still on some heavy duty pain meds, so driving was out of the question. Even if that is not the case for dad, consider whether he needs meds prior to rads: I needed a small hit of valium before getting into the mask. And as another respondent indicated, he/she was fatigued by the treatment.

I would advise that you and dad look for support if transportation is a problem so that it is no longer a problem. Find friends and family and church members (if you are so inclined) who can help with these duties. I had soccer moms and other friends volunteer to take me to rads and to wait for me and to take me home, for instance. If dad is not a particularly friendly guy (that happens ), check with the church, or check with ACS. Learn about local groups that have been established in someone's memory who do this routinely. It is not a handout: they feel good when they help and dad will make new friends.

Otherwise, you can generally schedule dad's treatments for times when you can be available. It is not THAT hard to do. If you work until 10, you can make a 10AM appt if you are so inclined.

Your concerns about dad's mental state are right on, in my estimation. He should definitely get out and about if and as he can (although he might need to limit sunshine at the moment). I would suggest, as trying for your life as it might sound, that you assign a day for dad, a few hours with dad, every Wednesday, let's say. On Wednesday, you pick up dad and you two do the groceries, you take him to the shops he wants to go to. It may be a little early for that, but it is something to consider.

Best wishes to dad and his family.

Take care,

Joe

Kent Cass said:

Some answers
1) The driving depends on the side-effects, mostly, and that is directly tied to the treatment regime, and how he weathers the storm over the long haul. For me, I did drive myself the first six days, but things had gone south for me kinda fast, and morphine came into the picture. Did drive myself a couple more days in the middle, and also the last 2 1/2 weeks of just getting rads. ALSO depends on how far he has to drive, to and from, and typical traffic conditions.


2) Needed no help with the daily activities you mention.
Make sure he realizes that needing the meds to deal with this is entirely okay. And make darned-sure the Drs. are aware of how he is dealing with everything- C Drs. are well-aware of the battle it is, and usually do a great job of making sure Patients get thru the times of pain and misery okay. Your Dad might not wanna show weakness- but that weakness is being real. It is a major battle for the body and mind, Puma. It is my opinion that the pain and misery should be treated aggressively, because the body has enough to deal with- and does not need any more stress is possible to eliminate- pain does stress the body in a number of mental and physical ways. Keep a close eye on how he is managing the pain and misery, Puma.

3) Voice became a whisper for around 5 weeks.

4) As for the sleeping: some depends on the meds, of course, but every afternoon I took a nap, and a good night's sleep just didn't happen. I was doing good to get 3 1/2-hours sleep, but got used to it. The treatment does sap one of a lotta energy- the body is having to deal with a lot, you know.



Puma, your Dad's battle will be somewhat of a load on you and your Mom, but try to keep the positive perspective as the only mindset in play. May come a few times when you have to let his words bounce-off you- it will be the C speaking those words, Puma, not your Dad. Holding his hand now and then just might be what will help that scene. Be advised: the post-Chemo days can be the roughest.

The time before you is is historic to you and your family, Puma. He's not the only one that has to fight the good fight- you and your Mom are essential in his winning this battle. Down the road, you will look back on this time with recognition of how important it was to all of you. Trust me- you and your Mom will live-up to the tasks at hand. That ability is ingrained within us all. Just let yourselves go with the daily flow, and discover what you really are capable of accomplishing. It will amaze you.

And know that all of our Hopes and Prayers are with you three, Puma.

Believe

kcass

D Lewis said:

Notes from halfway through the process
Hi Pumakitty;

Posted to you on another thread, but here is some more information. I also have IV Base of Tongue, owing to the fact that the lymph nodes on BOTH sides of my neck lit up. 38 days of Radiation, of which I am now at day 17. Three rounds of chemo, of which I have completed two.

Your Dad's doctors may be able to offer some flexibility with regard to treatment times and schedules, to best help you out. Please ask, and explain why. At our hospital, radation treatments can be taken as early as 7:00 am. With the right treatment schedule, you may be able to transport your dad, and minimize work missed.

So far, I have driven myself to the radiation treatments. I have had family drive me to my chemo treatments (six total), because I am a whiney wuss during those, and because the anti-nausea meds cause fatigue and blurred vision. Radiation treatments last 20 minutes. For the longer chemo treatments (6 hours), my ride drops me off, and comes back later to get me. I can feed myself, bathe and do simple chores around the house. I also enjoy naps, or curling up with a good book. At start of week 4 the doc has noticed a drop in my white blood cell count, and I am less willing to do things that will expose me to germs, like shopping (think dirty shopping cart handles), gassing up the car, taking out trash, and cleaning up after pets. You might encourage your Dad to stay away from these.

So far, week 4, I still have a voice. I also have a tongue that seems to be the size of a hound dog's, and I am speaking less clearly. Family only mocks me sometimes, and I try to avoid answering the phone, as someone always wants to engage me in a conversation. Helps to carry water everywhere and sip it continuously.

As in my other post, things can change in a day. Good Luck.

Deb