Anyone had a spouse diagnosed with temporal lobe dementia

Youcandothis
Youcandothis Member Posts: 79
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I'm just about a year post completion of all treatment except the daily arimidex. I've noticed my husband turning more and more negative and unpleasant, but he was losing his memory too and I thought that would be enough to make anyone negative. He just got dx with frontal lobe dementia; turns out it's alzheimers evil twin. Families call it their worst nightmare, and spouses, even those of sweet caring men, come in for vicious emotional abuse. The condition is bad enough, and my children are wonderful and supportive, but only you my sisters in pink will know my special fear. This dx and his behavior are generating enough stress to feed a hundred tumors. I've tried yoga, it stresses me because it's so boring. What can I do to counteract the stress and keep the beast at bay. I'm really scared of opening up that door..

Comments

  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #2
    I do understand your fear.
    I do understand your fear. My husband has alzhelmiers in his family and I'm so concerned that he will also suffer from this down the road. I know the support we all receive in regards to our breast cancer from this site, is there perhaps a site for support of those diagnosed with frontal lobe dimentia? Just a thought. Know that you can always come here and receive encouragement and support from this group of amazing people. Continue to post and I hope your experience is not on the severe side. Remember, just like bc, all of the potential side effects suffered by individuals with this diagnosis are reported, doesn't necessarily mean you too will suffer from them. Good luck!!
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #3
    Is this also called Pick's
    Is this also called Pick's Disease? I had a good friend that had this type of dementia. It was hard to watch her decline. My prayers will be with you. She did not exhibit abusive behavior but that can vary from person to person. I believe it has a faster mortality rate than alzheimers and occurs at an earlier age. She was only in her early fifties. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this along with your own diagnosis. Please look into any and all resources available to you and again my prayers are with you.
    Stef
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #4
    First...I am so sorry for
    First...I am so sorry for your husband's diagnosis, and of course, it's impact on you and your children. I wish I had The Magic for you, I do have cyber hugs and loving, supportive thoughts.

    I know many love yoga; I did not! If this is ( was) a class you were taking outside of your home, perhaps there is a jazzercise, a step-aerobics, or some other endorphin producing stress-buster you could do instead. I like the movement, the raised heart rate, the calorie bust, the camaraderie with other women, and just knowing I did something good for my physical and mental self. I have also been surprised at how the 2 mile walk, with Leslie Sansone ( available on TV, if you have the On Demand feature) is a really energice workout! I do that when I don't want to go to the Y, or the weather stinks, or I just WANT to! I always feel better afterward. I also like that it is available 24/7~ as we just never know when we will have the living room to ourselves!

    Hugs, and all good things to you!

    Chen♥
  • Youcandothis
    Youcandothis Member Posts: 79
    #5
    chenheart said:

    First...I am so sorry for
    First...I am so sorry for your husband's diagnosis, and of course, it's impact on you and your children. I wish I had The Magic for you, I do have cyber hugs and loving, supportive thoughts.

    I know many love yoga; I did not! If this is ( was) a class you were taking outside of your home, perhaps there is a jazzercise, a step-aerobics, or some other endorphin producing stress-buster you could do instead. I like the movement, the raised heart rate, the calorie bust, the camaraderie with other women, and just knowing I did something good for my physical and mental self. I have also been surprised at how the 2 mile walk, with Leslie Sansone ( available on TV, if you have the On Demand feature) is a really energice workout! I do that when I don't want to go to the Y, or the weather stinks, or I just WANT to! I always feel better afterward. I also like that it is available 24/7~ as we just never know when we will have the living room to ourselves!

    Hugs, and all good things to you!

    Chen♥

    Thanks
    for the caring, I knew I would find it here. What my husband has is in the same family as Picks. He is becoming increasingly emotionally abusive yet just seems moderately forgetful to others. I struggle more with this than with the bc, I've had 2 clear mammos since treatment, now I'm terrified stress will undo everything.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #6
    Youcandothis said:

    Thanks
    for the caring, I knew I would find it here. What my husband has is in the same family as Picks. He is becoming increasingly emotionally abusive yet just seems moderately forgetful to others. I struggle more with this than with the bc, I've had 2 clear mammos since treatment, now I'm terrified stress will undo everything.

    There are many reasons that
    There are many reasons that you would feel this is worse than breast cancer.
    It's not you but someone you love. It's not something that will get better and that is so heartbreaking. Emotional abuse from whatever source or reason is still abuse and hard to deal with. You cannot control any of this. I think that dementia in a loved one is probably one of the hardest things to have to accept. You need to find ways to get assistance with your husband. Call in the friends, family etc. to give you time off from care giving (my friend's husband had several of us that would come over for a hour or two once a week so he could have some time off). Try to find a support group or online site that can give you suggestions on coping mechanisms. Practice breathing exercises and walk away if you can when he gets abusive. Say over and over to yourself, this is not him, it's the disease. Tell your doctors exactly what is going on and ask for whatever help, medical or emotional, they can give. And if things progress to the point that this is impacting your physical and mental health, then you need to seriously think through what is the best solution for all of you. You cannot jeopordize your health and I don't think your husband would want you to. This is just my opinion and it is not given lightly or I know it may sound harsh, but this type of disease affects the caregivers like no other. I watched my friend slip away bit by bit until there was no recognition left. And I watched the toll it took on her husband. He cared for her until it just became too difficult and when he was at the point that he needed to place her in a care facility she passed away from an infection I understand with Pick's that often happens). Pick's does not have the long prognosis of Alzheimers but it shows up much younger. We are here to vent to if you need to, but you need to investigate all your physical resources. Stress is bad for us with cancer but it is also bad for our general health. So find an outlet for your needs, be it exercise, a class at a local college, a evening out with friends, something that you do just for you and that relieves the caregiving and all that is going on. I wish I could offer more help as I know this is so hard and so unfair. We should have only one problem on our plates at a time.
    Stef

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