Squamous cell carcinoma with unknown primary

SCC with unknown primary
Hi Texxlisa,

I'm also a vet and a Survivor of stage 4a SCC. My primary was in my right tonsil. I'm a Vietnam veteran and subsequently I'm considerably older than your boyfriend. I have a son two years older than your boyfriend.

Please thank your boyfriend for me for his service to his country.

You might consider looking on the head and neck cancer discussion board as well. Lots of people there who have been through the very same thing that your boyfriend is currently facing.

Going to tell you right up front that your job as a Caregiver is no cakewalk either. The emotional rollcoaster that you are about to jump on is probably tougher than going through any cancer treatment. God Bless you for being there for your boyfriend.

There is also a discussion board for Caregivers. I'm sure that you'll find a great deal of support and encouragement there as well.

Caregivers are an absolutely blessing to those that have to go through treatment. Remember to take really good care of yourself. Eat right and get adequate rest. You will need to take breaks from your job as a Caregiver. If you get burned out your not going to be much help to your boyfriend. When you get an opportunity to go out with your friends, do it. Your not abandoning him. Your taking a well deserved break. View it as an opportunity to recharge your batteries.

You'll both survive this. As Regina Brett has said, "You can get through anything if you stay put in today".

Wishing you both nothing but the best.

Take care,

Jim

texxlisa said:

They found the primary
Hi Jim,

Thank you, they found the primary, it's in his tongue and most probably caused from HPV....I will join the other discussion boards for supporters.He wants to fight this alone and let me 'Live my life"...move on.I'm crushed, as we have been together for 2 years. This is the worst emotional roller coaster of my life. I know I have to respect his wishes, but I still want to be there for him. Did you feel the need to push those close away when you were first diagnosed?

Thank you,

L

Found Primary
Hi Texxlisa,

I'm sorry that I didn't get back to you before today. It was a busy three-day weekend.

Please tell your boyfriend for me, that the journey he is about to embark upon is absolutely no place to go by yourself. As an experienced combat veteran he may think that he can go it alone. But in this battle, its oh so important to be surrounded by those who love you.

He can beat this demon if he choses to do so. But it's so much easier when you have the support of your loved ones. He's fighting a real nasty enemy. Love and understanding are the cornerstones to kick the crap out of this enemy. I'm sure that he doesn't want to see you get hurt by cancer. He doesn't realize that it has already effected your life. He needs to consider the fact that you are willing to help him fight. If it wouldn't have been for my loved ones, I don't know that I could have beat cancer by myself.

He is indeed a very lucky young man to have someone so special in his life. I'm hoping that he realizes how important you are to him and how important your love will be to him to get through this battle.

I'm hoping that your boyfriend realizes how much you love him and just how benefical your love and support can be in this fight for his life.

May God Bless you Both!!!

Jim

texxlisa said:

They found the primary
Hi Jim,

Thank you, they found the primary, it's in his tongue and most probably caused from HPV....I will join the other discussion boards for supporters.He wants to fight this alone and let me 'Live my life"...move on.I'm crushed, as we have been together for 2 years. This is the worst emotional roller coaster of my life. I know I have to respect his wishes, but I still want to be there for him. Did you feel the need to push those close away when you were first diagnosed?

Thank you,

L

Alone is no place to be for him
Lisa,

I agree with Jim, you really need to check out the head and neck forum. Lots of really good folks there and loads of "tricks of the trade" from the veterans that have been battling this demon. It is beatable without help, but WHY would a guy go through this hell alone?

I am truly blessed to have my wife of 20 years to be my caregiver, and I give this advice as a guy that has not yet gotten to the nastiest parts of treatment. I have fully educated myself and my wife has done her own research as well. We know the enemy that we are up against and what it is going to take to beat it.

He probably just can't believe it is happening to him. I know I stayed in "the fog" for at least the first month, post diagnosis.

I didn't push anyone away when I was diagnosed, I drew close to all and buckled down for treatment. Education here is key.

God bless you for being there and god bless him for his service to this great country and his speedy recovery from treatment.


Blessings and prayer to you both,

Mike