Alone.................................................

sweetblood22 said:

First of all, you are a
First of all, you are a strong woman. You can fight head and neck cancer, you can fight anything else that comes your way. I can see that in you. You are not alone in having a less than compassionate husband. As one who has kept her cards close for her whole life, I understand that too.

I have been living all my life with a genetic blood disorder, Fanconis Anemia. Whenever I was ill, my ex husband never so much as made me a cup of tea. Once when I was very ill, he had the nerve to ask me why I was laying on the couch in the dark, and had not cooked him dinner. I had been ill for months, lost 22lbs, had not been able to eat in 4 days, and was laying on the couch, a huddled wreck with no strength and a migraine. Unbelievable. I had to go through my cancer battle alone. On September 11, 2007. I had come home to find out my ex was having an affair with a 25 year old bimbo. (he was 40, she was also married and had like 3 kids) I left that night not knowing where the heck I was going to go, but I knew I was not staying there. We had just celebrated our 15 wedding anniversary. He actually told my best friend he cheated. My friend's wife tried to get him to tell me. He would not. He even had the nerve to have a huge party at my home with all my family and friends and invited that bimbo to my home with all my friends and family there. My best friend finally called me after almost 2 weeks of calling him everyday telling him he better tell me. He was too chicken. Anyway, my friends called me and said, "we are here for you when ever you need us. for whatever you need us. day or night you can always call us. we are here for you. if you do not know what we are talking about go home and talk to your husband." I knew then.

I was a wreck. For a long time. Less than 4 months after I moved out I had to put my beloved 15 year old dog, Kiaya, down. I was sad and the affair and divorce totally killed my self confidence. I was upset because I was alone. The bimbo that he was with ended up not leaving her husband. He slept with her once, and ruined our marriage. He asked to get back with me. Nope. (maybe if I had kids, I would have gone to counseling, but no. I could never trust him again. and could never imagine him touching me again. period. Not when I stuck through 15 years of serious financial hardship to support him in HIS dream. Working 48 to 65 hours a week to assist him in his dream.) It still to this day bothers me that I kept my vows, and I am alone, and no one wants me, and he has someone in his life. ( Now, I even feel worse about myself after this cancer. Scars, and being so skinny. Not talking normally. )



I just started to feel a little better after 10 months. My parents had let me stay in the home they purchased for my grandmother. She is 84 and very hard to live with because her mind is not what it was. But I saved and was going to buy a house, and put down a deposit on a house in June of 2008. It was held up and held up, then fell thru in october, because I could not get a clear title, and I think there was a judgement on it. Anyway, I was really sad it fell through. Every one kept saying, It happened for a reason. Was not meant to be. Well, ended up with a swollen lymphnode and cancer. I would not have been able to pay the mortgage on that house since I have not worked for a year now.

It is a good thing I was not with my ex through my ordeal. He would have just been worried about the financial aspects of fighting cancer and me not working. He would have been worried about how much it would cost to save my life. Not worried about saving my life. He would not have been there for me, he would have just given me more greif and stress that I did not need. He was always suspicious of me and jealous. Now I know why. Guilty consious. He was a cheater. They are always thinking you are up to something. He is a sad, bitter person. So many people could not believe that I stayed with him for lo those 15 years. He is not well liked in this town. Most of the people here were happy that I was no longer with him.

I am a "waif" too. Was down to 88lbs, I am 5'2". Up almost 10 lbs since getting my pump the end of January. Yay! Have had my Peg tube for a year. I don't feel like me yet. I am still tired and weak. My mouth is still in pain, and I finished rads in May of last year. I can get maybe 1000 cals by mouth a day. Still having a hard time with swallowing. Rads closed my throat down below 2mm. Had two stretchings just to be able to eat soft foods.

Yes, Patty, focus on you. Focus on your kids, and mom. Maybe he will come around. Can you or would he go to counseling with you? Maybe he is scared and overwhelmed, IDK. No offense to the men on this board, but it has been my experience women are much better at verbalizing fears, concerns, and stresses. Men go into cave man mode sometimes. Locking them selves away from things that pain or stress them. Or do not express what they are really feeling. I hope what ever should happen that you find happiness and be healthy. If you ever need to vent or need a friend, you can always PM me. Maybe I have shared too much, IDk. But I want women who may be going through illness and marital problems, or divorce that they can be strong even when they think they aren't. You seem like you know you are strong, and you are. Praying for you.

d

Fire34 said:

Vows
Patty
All I can say is he isnt living up to his part of the "for better or for worse: part. My prayers are with you that things will work out as they are with everyone on this site.
Dave

Kent Cass said:

Suggestion
Your husband can say it's because he doesn't trust you, or whatever. Could be the best way for you to get a handle on where he's really at: ask, or maybe even plead with, him to see a marriage counselor with you. If he refuses that, Patty, then I reckon he's lying to you about his reasoning for splitting. It'll be a test for him to take. Beware, though- you might not like his answer(s).

So sorry for you, girl. All you got going-on, and now this. Do they have a Gilda's Club in your area? Might be good for not only the C support, but also very possible they might know of legal help. If he is leaving you due to your C-related physical changes, then he just might have some financial concerns of significance with a split-up.

Realize that with the C- you gotta have insurance, Patty. My Pet/CT costs a little over $5K, for instance. Very critical, you know. Don't know if you're on his plan at work, but do know your individual costs would be large with C, and trying to get an insurance co. to start coverage with you would be very difficult. Heck, my recent med history makes my continued employment critical- nobody is gonna hire me with my recent med-history. That's reality.

Hopes and Prayers for you

kcass

Pam M said:

Feel For You
Patty,

Very sorry to hear of your heartbreak. I'm hoping that hubby is having a meltdown phase, and will come out of it soon, and see that he got lucky. I'd rather have a hero for a spouse than a model for a spouse (OK, but in all honesty, if I could have a hero who is ALSO a model . . .).

Hoping for the best, and knowing that, like the man says, you are blooming wherever you are planted. I admire your focus, and the example you're setting for your kids.

delnative said:

Oh, gosh
What an awful thing to happen at such a difficult and pivotal time in your life.
I know it's trite, but that old saying about when one door closes another opens has an element of truth in it. I hope that the door that's opening leads to a better life and a brighter future.
And, like everyone here has said, we're here for you.

--Jim in Delaware