Just feeling blue

chicoturner
chicoturner Member Posts: 282
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hi, I will start with saying I am sorry, but I am feeling whiny and have no one to cry too but friends here. That's just part of how I feel. I am waiting to hear from UCSF and feeling anxious about what, when,where I will get my next treatment. I am stage 4 with mets to my lungs.. I feel good, but sometime am just plain scared. That's the big lump sum of it! I feel badly being so scared as my family and friends tell me with their silence that I am doing well and should be happy that I am where I am in this battle. They never use the word battle like I do.But some days are just plain a battle. I am 58 years old and have knowledge of a friend of one of my adult kids who is no doubt going to die in the next week or so. He has 2 babies. I have another friend who has has a friend who just got devastating news this week. I sometimes wish I didn't have to hear anymore. I just have so many emotions going through me that I want to scream.(not out loud though!) I know I can't be the only one who feels this way or has felt this way. I have faith in God but some days even that falters greatly. Maybe I am just spoiled because I have had it pretty easy, but now I am in a rough spot. Well thank you for listening to me. It feels good to just say it. Thanks, Jean

Comments

  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #2
    so sorry you are having a bad day
    I hope venting here helps, even if only a little! I know I sometimes scream inside my head to release some of the tension! I am lucky to have 2 sisters who INSIST I call them to cry and vent if it gets bad. I hate to cause it upsets them as well, but they insist that they don't mind crying and it helps them to know they can be of such help when they live too far away to help in person. I hope this funk doesn't last long and you are back to full fight mode! Put your armor on and fight, fight, fight! Stay strong!
    mary
  • sheri22
    sheri22 Member Posts: 273
    #3
    You are welcome to vent
    Jean I think we all go through it espically when we get bad news. It does get scary, I have had my share of venting I am lucky though my husband can useually get me to talk when I get in that mood, I wont give you any advice just wanted to say we understand, Hope it gets better for you soon until then keep venting

    Sheri22
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #4
    Jean,
    I am so sorry you are
    Jean,

    I am so sorry you are having a rough day. We all have those, + venting is good. I hope tomorrow is a better day!
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    #5
    Don't
    Don't be sorry for being human,we all go thru the same thing at some time,that's why we are here.I know how you feel,I feel the same way every time I have to take another test,or wait for the results.My brother died 2 months before I was DX.He had pancriatic cancer,and we knew he was dieing.All you can do is pray alot.Sometimes I feel like that when I get to thinking about things.I then go out and work on my car where I have to concentrate,and can't think about other things.The main thing is that you can come here to vent,whine,or anything else you want.You are not alone,and don't ever,ever give up.I will pray for you.
  • Crow71
    Crow71 Member Posts: 679 Member
    #6
    Hey Jean - Man, I'm sorry
    Hey Jean - Man, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I feel the same way sometimes. I'm particularly troubled and upset about your adult child. I think that if you want to scream, you should scream out loud. Keep fighting the good fight.
    Roger
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #7
    Crow71 said:

    Hey Jean - Man, I'm sorry
    Hey Jean - Man, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I feel the same way sometimes. I'm particularly troubled and upset about your adult child. I think that if you want to scream, you should scream out loud. Keep fighting the good fight.
    Roger

    vent away Jean
    bad days, bad minutes, bad seconds, bad nights,,,,,who doesn't have have em????

    sorry you are having one...perfectly understable....sometimes if I am with friends who don't have cancer and we don't talk about cancer, I think great! this is nice....and then sometimes I think...whooaa you guys could we acknowledge the elephant in the room here.

    on we go....

    mags
  • Steve Z
    Steve Z Member Posts: 51
    #8
    Hope todaty is better
    We all have the bad day's, and look forward to the better ones. I agree with you that other people's cancer seems to impact me more now. I seem more aware of how many people and the impact on their lives. It can be overwhelming at times. It really hits hard when other's fall and instead of feeling for their family I project their experience on my own.

    Mags I can relate to the elephant in the room too. It depends on my mood as to whether it's brought up. The best is when people ask, "How are you?" It takes a minute to process whether they're just saying hello or they want to know that I'm in my 5th month of chemo.
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #9
    Steve Z said:

    Hope todaty is better
    We all have the bad day's, and look forward to the better ones. I agree with you that other people's cancer seems to impact me more now. I seem more aware of how many people and the impact on their lives. It can be overwhelming at times. It really hits hard when other's fall and instead of feeling for their family I project their experience on my own.

    Mags I can relate to the elephant in the room too. It depends on my mood as to whether it's brought up. The best is when people ask, "How are you?" It takes a minute to process whether they're just saying hello or they want to know that I'm in my 5th month of chemo.

    oh steve i know
    how bout "how are you?" wellllllllllll :):)

    mags
  • 5678dance
    5678dance Member Posts: 39
    #10
    me too!
    I'm being a whiney baby today too! I've learned that it is part of my life right now, but not a BIG part of it. I let myself have a melt down every now and then. Then, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and go on.

    I have completed 7 rounds of folfox of the 12 I was prescribed. I spent last week in the hospital. I had a friend visit, who did not know he was sick. Woke up with a fever of 102.8 last Tuesday. I just got "sprung" yesterday.

    Chemo sucks! That's a fact! Life is good though, and I know what I have to go through to make it. I will have my melt down, let it all out, and I will go on! You can too! :-)
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    #11
    Hi Jean....
    Vent all you want... Last week was a total wreck for me and I don't have it near as bad as some others in here, which made me feel even worse.

    We're all friends in common in here. It's even OK to scream. I think we deserve it. We deserve to sit down and cry and have a pity party for ourselves once in a while.

    I'm so sorry that you've had a bugger of a week. Please keep your faith in God. He didn't do this to us, but He will always help us through.

    Love to you! XOXOXOX

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