Overwhelmed by the week from hell

kathyDDD
kathyDDD Member Posts: 34
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I am currently doing weekly Taxol treatments for subsequent bone mets with Zometa thrown in every third week. The treatment has been kicking my a$$, but I have still managed to be at school every day teaching my full schedule (except on chemo days). Last Thursday was a chemo day so I was only going to be at school for the morning. When I woke up that morning, my right side hurt so badly, I could barely move or breathe. I finally got in the shower and got ready for school. I went to school, but the pain was still pretty bad. Called my onc to see what he wanted me to do. He told me to go to the ER for a chest x-ray and an evaluation and he would call the hospital to set it up. After the x-ray and CT scan, the attending doc comes in and says they are getting ready to admit me because I have 3 cracked ribs and 2 fractured ribs as well as pneumonia! Have no idea how it happened other than the weakened state caused by the treatment. I was in the hospital for 2 days with a wonderful little button that dispensed dilaudid at 10 minute intervals. Sheer heaven! I am back in school this week, still sore, but functioning. Unbeknownst to me, my colleagues and students have arranged a "party" this Thursday to move my stuff to a first floor classroom because it takes me 20 minutes to get from my car to my second floor classroom every day. I actually was upset yesterday when they told me because I felt like I was "giving in" and letting the cancer control me again. They assured me they were doing it because they truly want to help me and this was one way they saw to do it. I feel better about it today and am so thankful that I work with such great people. They are going to do it while I'm at chemo on Thursday and I am not to pack up anything. They will move everything. They have also arranged for a parking space at the door right outside my new classroom. My 20 minute exhausting and painful walk will now be 2 minutes. I can't help feeling like this will never be over. For every 2 steps I take forward, I take 15 back. Sorry for the long tale, but I feel so overwhelmed sometimes and need to vent.

Thank you for everything,
Kathy

Comments

  • jbug
    jbug Member Posts: 285
    #2
    Dang!
    You have been thru the ringer! Loved what your students did for you...sometimes people around us just want to "do" something! Hang in there...Blessings...
    Julie
  • Sharon40
    Sharon40 Member Posts: 93
    #3
    slow down girl!
    You know you have some sick days that you can take!! Take them!! Your kids will be okay for a few days while you recover during chemo! This is NOT the time to be working your self so hard . . . I'm so glad your colleagues are looking out for you! Let them help you when they can (it is their way of trying to support you). Take care of yourself - you deserve it! Just reading this, I can tell you are a devoted teacher that truely cares about your kids. They care about you too and want you to get better, so slow down! Good luck to you! *PS . . . I teach 8th grade!
  • susanleeann
    susanleeann Member Posts: 58
    #4
    submitting to the kindness,
    submitting to the kindness, generousity and caring of people is the hardest thing of all for me. people i barely know have brought by casseroles, plates of brownies, made sure i have their phone # so they can run to the grocery or drug store, even take me to doctor's appointments. when you have been so independent as i have my whole 61 years, knowing you can lean on so many others is humbling and encouraging. i have done for others for so long, it is my turn to let them do for me. i am learning to give to my circumstances and it is okay to let it happen.
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #5
    susanleeann said:

    submitting to the kindness,
    submitting to the kindness, generousity and caring of people is the hardest thing of all for me. people i barely know have brought by casseroles, plates of brownies, made sure i have their phone # so they can run to the grocery or drug store, even take me to doctor's appointments. when you have been so independent as i have my whole 61 years, knowing you can lean on so many others is humbling and encouraging. i have done for others for so long, it is my turn to let them do for me. i am learning to give to my circumstances and it is okay to let it happen.

    Kathy
    I am really sorry that you have been through another complication. Your colleagues and students have been caring and helping you. You do need more rest and time off even your job and students mean a world to you. Have you discussed with your oncologist that you have continued a full time job during your treatment? What is his professional opinion about this matter? Let other people care for you, your body need help, rest, and nurturing. I hope spring break will bring relive and relaxation.
    Wishing you easy healing and feel better soon.
    New Flower
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #6
    Wow!!
    What a story. You are quite the pink soldier, working with fractured and broken ribs and then going back after released from the hospital. I don't think I am tough enough for all of that.

    I think your kids and coworkers really care about you and truly want to help you. You are not giving in to the cancer; you are just accepting a gift. This gift will make it a little easier to deal with the cancer. Accepting help does not make us weak or lets cancer win. I had to learn this too.

    Take care.
  • kathyDDD
    kathyDDD Member Posts: 34
    #7
    aztec45 said:

    Wow!!
    What a story. You are quite the pink soldier, working with fractured and broken ribs and then going back after released from the hospital. I don't think I am tough enough for all of that.

    I think your kids and coworkers really care about you and truly want to help you. You are not giving in to the cancer; you are just accepting a gift. This gift will make it a little easier to deal with the cancer. Accepting help does not make us weak or lets cancer win. I had to learn this too.

    Take care.

    thank you all
    Trust me, I am not superwoman. I use an ELMO projector so I can just put my notes on ELMO and we then discuss them. I can sit down and do not have to write on the board. The only "muscle" I am using a lot is my mouth and, trust me, there ain't nuthin wrong with that. My colleagues and my kids have all emphasized that they just want to help. Obviously, I have trouble accepting help, but I am getting better. Being able to talk to the women on this board is wonderful and humbling. My onc knows my schedule but has promised me he will yank me out if he feels I am doing too much. He's pretty tough so I believe him. As of Monday, my life should be "easy." Ten foot walk into the building and then 20 feet to my classroom with no stairs. I have elves doing my copying and getting my mail. I will use this as a chance to rest and let my ribs heal. This board helps heal my soul. You are all in my thoughts and prayers daily. Thank you for allowing to be part of such a wonderful group of sensitive, strong women and men.

    Love,
    Kathy
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #8
    Wow, an unbelievable story.
    Wow, an unbelievable story. I guess we never know what will happen to us while on chemo. I'm glad that you got everything checked out and you are on the mend, so to speak. You work with an amazing group of people that have your best interest at heart. That's just wonderful!! Don't feel like you are giving in to anything, other than the remarkable kindness of those who care. Have a great rest of the week and enjoy your new room. Take care.
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #9
    When I had to make changes
    When I had to make changes because of cancer treatment I didn't see it as 'giving in'. I saw it as a necessary change to deal with life for awhile. You should do all you can to ease the pain. I'm glad you have so many people helping and thinking of you. That is special.
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #10
    Marcia527 said:

    When I had to make changes
    When I had to make changes because of cancer treatment I didn't see it as 'giving in'. I saw it as a necessary change to deal with life for awhile. You should do all you can to ease the pain. I'm glad you have so many people helping and thinking of you. That is special.

    Kathy, you are one strong
    Kathy, you are one strong and inspiring woman. I'm sorry you have had so much happen and just want to hear that you're feeling better and healing up. You have a wonderful group of people who love you and are trying to make it easier on you and that's a wonderful gift. You aren't giving in, we all have to make adjustments for this path we're on but you will get to the finish line and conquer this bc beast. Take care of yourself and accept help when its offered. It makes people feel good when they can help someone and now they're helping you. You can always give back later on when someone else needs it. Sending you love and hugs and let us know how you're doing.
  • mwallace1325
    mwallace1325 Member Posts: 806
    #11
    Taxol
    I did the 12 weekly treatments of taxol and didn't care what anyone said it was worse than adremyacin. I HATED the way I felt and went in one day and told my onc that "I quit". He told me since I'd done 8, if I did the 9th it'd be OK to quit. Then of course I had to cry because if I quit I was sure I'd die. You all know that mental state we all reach where no one can say or do anything that doesn't make us cry. Anyway, I finished 10/29/09 and believe it or not the side effects and that "awful" feeling are but a distant memory now. You can do it. You'll survive the treatment as well as the disease. Hang in there.
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #12
    jbug said:

    Dang!
    You have been thru the ringer! Loved what your students did for you...sometimes people around us just want to "do" something! Hang in there...Blessings...
    Julie

    You have been thru so much!
    You have been thru so much! Your students sound great! Sending you prayers and hugs!

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