Scared 20yr old Girl-Doin my best to care for my boyfriend

DefiantsMooch
DefiantsMooch Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
ive been with him for almost 3 years.... between the 2 of us we have 5 kids... i work and i come home to find him lost in his own thoughts.... he is in so much pain usually that he gets mean... and i know its just him getting sicker... his doctors told him there is nothing else they can do... he has tumors on his spine... tumors on his liver (which is a transplant he already had liver cancer 1 time) and he has been battleing since 05'.... i just dont know what im gonna do when he is gone or what im going to have to do when it gets close.... i keep saying that there is still hope that we can find some1 to help him but he has given up i think.... i just dont know what to do but try and keep him happy which seems like nothing does anyways.... nobody understands because nobody else is 20yrs old and watching the love of their life die in front of them slowly?!?! im scared.... some1 just reach out i need a friend who GETS IT!!!--Bree

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  • SamsWife
    SamsWife Member Posts: 50
    #2
    Hi Bree-
    I'm so sorry for
    Hi Bree-

    I'm so sorry for all of your heartache right now! I'm not 20, actually I'm almost 50, but I just lost my husband on March 1 to colon cancer and I cared for him through his illness -he fought for three years. He ended up with cancer metastisizing (sp?) to his bones/on his spine and it was very painful. I'm so sorry for your situation - I'm not sure life could be any harder for you! I have four children but they are older than yours, I'm sure. Three are still home but they are able to be self-sufficient when necessary and my oldest at home drives so that was helpful. Also, I didn't have to work - I could stay home to take care of my husband. Not to pry, but I really hope your boyfriend has health insurance. Has anyone recommended hospice to you yet? We had them come into our home to help out and they were wonderful! They were so helpful and supportive - just knowing I could call them when things got tough. I don't know if hospice helps in uninsured situations but, if your boyfriend is not insured, I would still check with them and see what is available for him. As far as your boyfriend getting mean, there should be some med's available to help with how he is feeling. Also, hospice can provide counseling for him, you and your children for all that are agreeable to it.

    Are you affiliated with a church? Do you have supportive family/friends nearby? This is definitely a time to not be an island! Let others help you as much as they are willing. Maybe your boyfriend doesn't want others to help but you need to make decisions that are right for your family and really, mostly for you. You're the one holding it all together and taking care of everyone and everything - impossible without help! If you crumble, everyone elso will also! I found that our friends so wanted to help us in any way they could and were very happy to do anything we needed.

    Again, I'm not 20 but I've been 20 - I doubt I could have handled all of this at 20 years old! I do understand how difficult it is to watch someone you love deteriorate before your eyes.

    I'm thinking of you and hoping there will be some help for you somewhere! Life is pretty tough sometimes! Take care of yourself - you might just hate that phrase - I'm sure you have so little time to devote to any one thing and I'm sure your needs are always pushed aside - but please try to take care of yourself also!

    Tina

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