New update on husband-not good news

lindadanis
lindadanis Member Posts: 235
edited March 2014 in Esophageal Cancer #1
To all who have emailed me, talked to me on the phone and posted on my posts, I just wanted to update all of you. Eddie is not doing well, he is going into his second round of chemo next week after the past three rounds failed and showed that the cancer actually grew while doing those chemo sessions., his attitude is very very poor, he stays in his room most of the day and night. He says he has no or barely no pain, however, he has mentally shut down from my daughter and myself, he has basically been this way since being diagnosed last October. We have talked to his therapist, oncologists and they say he has 'failure to thrive"., which basically he eats and drinks minimally, that's it. I have been through hell and back as so with my 22 year old daughter. She brings him his food and drinks to his bedroom and he may come down in the morning for an half or so then heads back to his bedroom. Ed is going to see his therpist tomorrow only because his therapist is the one who called him today. He is taking 10 mg paxill since november, will not let the doctor increase it, he is being very very selfish as far as I can see, I feel as though he has left us way back to the day he was diagnosed., it is very very sad, I do not recognize my husband as he has lost 90 pounds since last July nor do I recognize this person whom I live with. I cannot seem to engage him in any conversation nor can I seem to get him to talk at all. I am at wits end as to what to do and am wondering if anyone has any advice for me.

He is not dehydrated, he gets enough fluid in daily, about 5-6 drinks, but emotionally, I believe he has given up.

thanks to everyone who has been there for me and I will keep you posted.

Linda

Comments

  • unclaw2002
    unclaw2002 Member Posts: 599
    #2
    I am so sorry to hear how
    I am so sorry to hear how difficult this has been for you and your family. Remember that your husband's anger and depression is coming from the cancer and not from your loving husband. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Best,
    Cindy
  • Donna70
    Donna70 Member Posts: 852 Member
    #3
    unclaw2002 said:

    I am so sorry to hear how
    I am so sorry to hear how difficult this has been for you and your family. Remember that your husband's anger and depression is coming from the cancer and not from your loving husband. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Best,
    Cindy

    your husband
    Hi,
    I am sorry to hear how your husband is doing and as Cindy says, this is not your husband, it is more his reaction to his cancer. Maybe the therapist needs to give him some tough love talk to remind him that his family has hopes for him and want him to try. It sounds like he has given up way too soon. If you can get him to engage in some form of interest in life, I just can't imagine what my husband would have done if I had retreated to our bedroom and not come out. It is hard to face all of this but when I see my kids and grandkids looking at me to be hopeful, I cannot do anything but show them they are worth the fight. I do not say this in judgement about your hubby, but am hoping someone can shake him out of the rut which maybe due to physical issues, I am no expert on dehydration but 5-6 glasses of fluids may still not be enough to keep the patient going after chemo. I am sorry I do not have any good advice, but I will keep you and your daughter and husband in my prayers and hope that this changes and he will fight for himself and for you. take care,
    Donna70
  • lindadanis
    lindadanis Member Posts: 235
    #4
    Donna70 said:

    your husband
    Hi,
    I am sorry to hear how your husband is doing and as Cindy says, this is not your husband, it is more his reaction to his cancer. Maybe the therapist needs to give him some tough love talk to remind him that his family has hopes for him and want him to try. It sounds like he has given up way too soon. If you can get him to engage in some form of interest in life, I just can't imagine what my husband would have done if I had retreated to our bedroom and not come out. It is hard to face all of this but when I see my kids and grandkids looking at me to be hopeful, I cannot do anything but show them they are worth the fight. I do not say this in judgement about your hubby, but am hoping someone can shake him out of the rut which maybe due to physical issues, I am no expert on dehydration but 5-6 glasses of fluids may still not be enough to keep the patient going after chemo. I am sorry I do not have any good advice, but I will keep you and your daughter and husband in my prayers and hope that this changes and he will fight for himself and for you. take care,
    Donna70

    thanks again
    Thanks again for your kind words, I do not know anyone who can get him out of this because the day he was told he had cancer which was october 7th of last year, he immediately declined from that day forward and never changed. I do believe he had somewhat of a breakdown but no one wants to get into it, especially him. He has been asking for a motorcycle since xmas and he has not be on one for thirty five years, he is 56 and has not had a bike since early twenty's. He is constantly asking me to go look with him for this big bike which he could not hold up yet alone drive it nor does he want a small one. This battle has turned nasty between us because he has lost over 90 pounds and I do not think he should buy a bike strictly due to safety reasons. We also have had no income since last october awaiting his ssdi payments whic will not start until may of this year. I am at my wits end with this motorcycle issue, he will not give it up. any suggestions?

    Linda
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #5
    lindadanis said:

    thanks again
    Thanks again for your kind words, I do not know anyone who can get him out of this because the day he was told he had cancer which was october 7th of last year, he immediately declined from that day forward and never changed. I do believe he had somewhat of a breakdown but no one wants to get into it, especially him. He has been asking for a motorcycle since xmas and he has not be on one for thirty five years, he is 56 and has not had a bike since early twenty's. He is constantly asking me to go look with him for this big bike which he could not hold up yet alone drive it nor does he want a small one. This battle has turned nasty between us because he has lost over 90 pounds and I do not think he should buy a bike strictly due to safety reasons. We also have had no income since last october awaiting his ssdi payments whic will not start until may of this year. I am at my wits end with this motorcycle issue, he will not give it up. any suggestions?

    Linda

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • lindadanis
    lindadanis Member Posts: 235
    #6
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Sherri
    Sherri, I am going to call his pcp tomorrow, ed has not seem him since being diagnosed back in october, his pcp backed out of the picture completely. He does not agree to up his paxill from the original dose of 10 mg., actually, he wants to stop it. I do not think he is right, I have not thought so since last October. Is he capable of making his own decisions, I do not know, I have power of attorney on him, I had my lawyer do it back in November, what does this paper mean to me, what rights does it give me, do you know? Yes, I am very concerned, he has not talked to me all day because of this motorcycle issue again, no, he cannot drive one, he is too weak and he just does not want to admit it or something, his sister rides a bike and she told him he is too weak, I am in a very bad situation here, I do not know where to turn, I am going to call his therapist that he saw today and see what he says but honestly, he never wants to tell me anything, he says it is between him and eddie. who do I turn to if I believe he is mentally not right, what rights to I have?
    Linda
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #7
    lindadanis said:

    Sherri
    Sherri, I am going to call his pcp tomorrow, ed has not seem him since being diagnosed back in october, his pcp backed out of the picture completely. He does not agree to up his paxill from the original dose of 10 mg., actually, he wants to stop it. I do not think he is right, I have not thought so since last October. Is he capable of making his own decisions, I do not know, I have power of attorney on him, I had my lawyer do it back in November, what does this paper mean to me, what rights does it give me, do you know? Yes, I am very concerned, he has not talked to me all day because of this motorcycle issue again, no, he cannot drive one, he is too weak and he just does not want to admit it or something, his sister rides a bike and she told him he is too weak, I am in a very bad situation here, I do not know where to turn, I am going to call his therapist that he saw today and see what he says but honestly, he never wants to tell me anything, he says it is between him and eddie. who do I turn to if I believe he is mentally not right, what rights to I have?
    Linda

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

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