Just Me Dorion

dorion
dorion Member Posts: 183
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Hi Ladies
Well today I had enough of laying here, so in increments I did laundry, forturnately the laundry mat is right next door so I would put a load in come home and nap, get up take another laod, put wash in dryer and so forth, this went on all day long. LOL....she accummulated a lot of laundry, but I got it all done!!!! My kankels are back and it looks like I have a burn all down the back of my calves, it's hidious, I look hidious, with my belly swollen and kankels to boot (no pun intended). The belly wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't lost so much weight.....anyone else have this with the taxol? I"m trying to laugh at myself but at the same time I want to cry, I don't recognized myself anymore. Love love love to all of you.

Linda

Comments

  • BonnieR
    BonnieR Member Posts: 1,526 Member
    #2
    Hugs N Prayers
    Dearest Dorion, I have tears as I read your post and I bet you are still beautiful. Remember no matter what the cancer does to our body and what we can and can't do, it never can change who we are. I have wept of my limitations, of being home bound but then the words are in my head and pop out (thank you Lord) that I am still me that part the cancer can never ever take away and to all those who see me (again thank you LOrd) they just see the beauty of me and my smile and my spirit. Your beauty still shines as I can only does your smile as it is radiant.

    Love N Prayers Bonnie
  • lindaprocopio
    lindaprocopio Member Posts: 1,980 Member
    #3
    BonnieR said:

    Hugs N Prayers
    Dearest Dorion, I have tears as I read your post and I bet you are still beautiful. Remember no matter what the cancer does to our body and what we can and can't do, it never can change who we are. I have wept of my limitations, of being home bound but then the words are in my head and pop out (thank you Lord) that I am still me that part the cancer can never ever take away and to all those who see me (again thank you LOrd) they just see the beauty of me and my smile and my spirit. Your beauty still shines as I can only does your smile as it is radiant.

    Love N Prayers Bonnie

    I think we all look at our pre-cancer photos and think, 'wow'.
    Dorian, I hope the taxol helps the swelling to go down. Honestly, when I started the weekly taxol I felt BETTER! I couldn't believe that getting chemo could make me feel BETTER, but the pain in my armpit from the swollen node went away,...and I think getting steroids every Monday in my chemo cocktail and the Pepcid they give right before chemo ALL made my aching guts feel a lot better. I even think the taxol helped with the fluid retention I get in my pelvis and ankles. (I figure it must have been the carboplatin in my old chemo-cocktail that caused the yukky side affects because I felt good on the single-agent taxol in the fractionated weekly dose,...just tired and bald, but no other side effects.) So I hope your chemo begins to give you some relief.

    We have an enlarged photo in our living room of my husband and I at the Grand Canyon, a trip we took shortly before my diagnosis, less than 2 years ago. I look at that slim strong healthy woman in that photo and then look in the mirror and could cry. I see how I've aged 10 years in less than 2, (not to mention the huge belly scar, bald head, bulging tummy, dark undereye circles, papery skin), and I just can't believe this is me. So I know how you feel, sweetie. But we're still HERE! And we're still US inside. And cancer just moved the inevitable into warp speed, because we were all going to age and lose our physical beauty, cancer or not, eventually. And those who love us will still find us beautiful. As I'm sure your Meghan does.
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #4
    lindaprocopio said:

    I think we all look at our pre-cancer photos and think, 'wow'.
    Dorian, I hope the taxol helps the swelling to go down. Honestly, when I started the weekly taxol I felt BETTER! I couldn't believe that getting chemo could make me feel BETTER, but the pain in my armpit from the swollen node went away,...and I think getting steroids every Monday in my chemo cocktail and the Pepcid they give right before chemo ALL made my aching guts feel a lot better. I even think the taxol helped with the fluid retention I get in my pelvis and ankles. (I figure it must have been the carboplatin in my old chemo-cocktail that caused the yukky side affects because I felt good on the single-agent taxol in the fractionated weekly dose,...just tired and bald, but no other side effects.) So I hope your chemo begins to give you some relief.

    We have an enlarged photo in our living room of my husband and I at the Grand Canyon, a trip we took shortly before my diagnosis, less than 2 years ago. I look at that slim strong healthy woman in that photo and then look in the mirror and could cry. I see how I've aged 10 years in less than 2, (not to mention the huge belly scar, bald head, bulging tummy, dark undereye circles, papery skin), and I just can't believe this is me. So I know how you feel, sweetie. But we're still HERE! And we're still US inside. And cancer just moved the inevitable into warp speed, because we were all going to age and lose our physical beauty, cancer or not, eventually. And those who love us will still find us beautiful. As I'm sure your Meghan does.

    Beauty
    Dear Linda,

    I find real beauty in your strength, sense of humor, fighting spirit and most of all your devotion to Meghan.
    (((HUGS))) Maria
  • dorion
    dorion Member Posts: 183
    #5
    Mwee said:

    Beauty
    Dear Linda,

    I find real beauty in your strength, sense of humor, fighting spirit and most of all your devotion to Meghan.
    (((HUGS))) Maria

    This feels so good
    It feels so good to just have you ladies here, let me tell you. I read the replies and I smile and then I cry. You all talk about my sense of humor and my mojo, but you need to give yourselves a round of applause for being here for people like me. You are the warriors in my book, you are the ones that I draw all my senses from, for without you gals, I'm not sure what I would have done. I remember the very first time I found this place, over 2 years ago, and "used" it occationally, never really committed to hanging around for prolong periods of time. Whenever I felt bad I would sign on. Now I find myself, looking forward to seeing you ladies every day and when and if I start to feel better I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here for all those who need me too.

    So don't give me a whole lot of credit my dear ones for it is you that is deserving and you know how much I thank you all for that.

    I sure hope that I have the same success with this taxol as you Linda, I've only had one treatment on Wednesday, hopefully it will kick in and I'll start to feel better soon. Gosh I hope so. Yes this is all just external the physical appearance, I know, it's just for me, it's so darn uncomfortable is all. I can hide my hidious legs with pants I know and wear sandles. I just want to eat like crazy too....and this taste that I can't get rid of oh yuk!!!! Brushing doesn't help, it is awful. Ok enough complaining. Love to all of you wonderfuls!!!!!

    Linda
  • MK_4Dani
    MK_4Dani Member Posts: 314
    #6
    Dorion,
    You are always the
    Dorion,
    You are always the first person I say a prayer for each night. Your sense of humor in all of your discomfort is an inspiration. Hang in there..the taxol will kick in and give you some relief. We are our own worse critics....people who we come in contact with are in awe of our courage and have empathy for what we are going through...physically and emotionally. Drink lots of water! Thinking of you and I think you are beautiful.
    MK
  • msfanciful
    msfanciful Member Posts: 559
    #7
    dorion said:

    This feels so good
    It feels so good to just have you ladies here, let me tell you. I read the replies and I smile and then I cry. You all talk about my sense of humor and my mojo, but you need to give yourselves a round of applause for being here for people like me. You are the warriors in my book, you are the ones that I draw all my senses from, for without you gals, I'm not sure what I would have done. I remember the very first time I found this place, over 2 years ago, and "used" it occationally, never really committed to hanging around for prolong periods of time. Whenever I felt bad I would sign on. Now I find myself, looking forward to seeing you ladies every day and when and if I start to feel better I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here for all those who need me too.

    So don't give me a whole lot of credit my dear ones for it is you that is deserving and you know how much I thank you all for that.

    I sure hope that I have the same success with this taxol as you Linda, I've only had one treatment on Wednesday, hopefully it will kick in and I'll start to feel better soon. Gosh I hope so. Yes this is all just external the physical appearance, I know, it's just for me, it's so darn uncomfortable is all. I can hide my hidious legs with pants I know and wear sandles. I just want to eat like crazy too....and this taste that I can't get rid of oh yuk!!!! Brushing doesn't help, it is awful. Ok enough complaining. Love to all of you wonderfuls!!!!!

    Linda

    Hi my friend,
    Today was a
    Hi my friend,

    Today was a long day... finally dragged myself to the I.R.S. to sit for 2 and 1/2 hrs to find out why we had not received our refund (due from 2008!) Yeah! Anyway got it all worked out.

    I agree with the others, how you manage to find humor is beyond me, but I do find myself following your lead as well, no matter what YOU feel you do have an uplifting kind of effect on us. :-).

    With the taxol, I ate like there was no tomorrow and I remember hating the feeling of not looking like me anymore too. So you are not alone.

    Take care and just don't give up, it may sound selfish, but we depend on you too.

    Love,

    Sharon
  • zinaida
    zinaida Member Posts: 221
    #8
    dorion said:

    This feels so good
    It feels so good to just have you ladies here, let me tell you. I read the replies and I smile and then I cry. You all talk about my sense of humor and my mojo, but you need to give yourselves a round of applause for being here for people like me. You are the warriors in my book, you are the ones that I draw all my senses from, for without you gals, I'm not sure what I would have done. I remember the very first time I found this place, over 2 years ago, and "used" it occationally, never really committed to hanging around for prolong periods of time. Whenever I felt bad I would sign on. Now I find myself, looking forward to seeing you ladies every day and when and if I start to feel better I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here for all those who need me too.

    So don't give me a whole lot of credit my dear ones for it is you that is deserving and you know how much I thank you all for that.

    I sure hope that I have the same success with this taxol as you Linda, I've only had one treatment on Wednesday, hopefully it will kick in and I'll start to feel better soon. Gosh I hope so. Yes this is all just external the physical appearance, I know, it's just for me, it's so darn uncomfortable is all. I can hide my hidious legs with pants I know and wear sandles. I just want to eat like crazy too....and this taste that I can't get rid of oh yuk!!!! Brushing doesn't help, it is awful. Ok enough complaining. Love to all of you wonderfuls!!!!!

    Linda

    Hi! Linda! Look like you all
    Hi! Linda! Look like you all ready on a way to feel better. I feel so sorry about you beeng hungry. Every time when my chimo day coming, the night before I cook big cattle home made soup. I boiled soup ribs(beef or pork or chicken parts). I put 15 beansoup mix a lot potatoes and carrots, solt, black pepper, dry parsley flakes and bay leave. Fry up ho much shreded carrots and chapped onion in vegtable oil on frayng pan and put it in soup for flavor.It is a lot calories in this soup and vegetables and liquid. I also take tost of french bread with it. Soup can stay in refrigearator up to 4-5 days. Every time you hungry, just worm up needed amount in small cattle. It is work for me very well. Maybe talk to yours nurse or doc, if it is "OK" for you to eat somethink like this. I wish you can. And I wish you will feel better. Love, Zina.

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