I can't believe my mom is gone.

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  • Cindy Bear
    Cindy Bear Member Posts: 569
    #22
    I remembered
    Hi Hollyanne. I actually remembered today was the memorial service. Which is very surprising because ever since my mom was first diaganosed I can't seem to remember anything. I don't know if it's stress or depression or the fact that I've aged 20 yrs in the last year.
    I hope that everything went okay for you today. I was thinking about you and hope that you were (heavily medicated?) or in my case, I would have tried to stay slightly inebriated all day. LOL A good friend once told me , You don't know how strong you are until you have to be. I think you're a very strong person and you'll get thru this. Hugs, Cindy
  • Hollyanne
    Hollyanne Member Posts: 26
    #23
    Cindy Bear said:

    I remembered
    Hi Hollyanne. I actually remembered today was the memorial service. Which is very surprising because ever since my mom was first diaganosed I can't seem to remember anything. I don't know if it's stress or depression or the fact that I've aged 20 yrs in the last year.
    I hope that everything went okay for you today. I was thinking about you and hope that you were (heavily medicated?) or in my case, I would have tried to stay slightly inebriated all day. LOL A good friend once told me , You don't know how strong you are until you have to be. I think you're a very strong person and you'll get thru this. Hugs, Cindy

    Thanks for the support.
    Well, it actually went really well. See, I can't drink. I have some sort of recurrent pancreatitis so hard liquor is impossible for me but my doctor had given me a prescription for ativan (antianxiety) after mom died. So that took care of that! It was really beautiful and it made me realize how many people knew (like I do) that she was really special and amazing. It was a celebration of her and I know she was there with us. Good food, champagne, lots of happy memories so it was good. Thanks for your support Cindy Bear, it means a lot to me. Love Holly
  • Hollyanne
    Hollyanne Member Posts: 26
    #24
    Lois_daughter said:

    I'm so sorry
    Hollyanne, Cindybear,

    Hollyanne, CindyBear, I am so sorry to hear about your moms. I too lost my mom, my best friend, it will be a year 3/27. She was only 76. I still can't believe she is gone. She had fallen and we went to the ER where they diagnosed her with lung cancer, metastatic to her bone and pneumonia. I still see her face when they told her. It was awful. Mom stayed in the hospital 1 night and we went home with hospice the next day. I thought they would control her pain and she at least would feel better for a while. She didn't need oxygen before but she couldn't make it without after. She needed help sitting up and laying down. She didn't eat & really didn't even talk much. She liked how the hospice nurse moved her, I tried but could never do it very well. It was so hard. She suffered so much, and there is so much I wish I could have done so much better so I know exactly how you feel. I too have coworkers who complain about taking care of their moms who are alot older than mine. I just keep thinking I would give anything to have my mom back no matter how much work involved. Also my mom did not want any funeral services. She had a lot of friends and all of my friends knew and loved her too. I just had a simple gathering at my house (mom lived with me), I put out all of her artwork and quilts and had photoalbums. My friends at work were good enough to bring the food, it was hard but I was glad I did it. Mom had left me a note she had written years earlier. "Remember me with laughter and smiles for that is how I will remember you. If you can only remember me with sadness and tears then don't remember me at all". Almost impossible to do But I do try to remember the good times. I just have so many things I wish I would have done better. I miss her everyday. Hollyanne, I hope your memorial goes better than you think and maybe you will find comfort in how many people your mom touched. She sounds like a special person.

    To Lois' daughter
    Dear Lois' daughter, I bet if your mom could say anything to you right now, she would say thank you for everything that you did. She knows that everything that you did was done out of love for her and came from your heart. She appreciates everything that you did, exactly the way that you did it. Love Holly
  • Hollyanne
    Hollyanne Member Posts: 26
    #25
    wonderingalice said:

    So sorry.
    Hollyanne and everyone else, I cannot imagine your pain although I believe I will be facing the same thing. I found my way here due to the poor prognosis for my mother, who recently had a recurrence of a rare and aggressive uterine cancer (UPSC) stage III. She is so strong, still feeling well considering all she has been through; however, she can't handle second-line chemo at this time and even chemo is palliative at this stage (she has already had radiation and first-line chemo). I am so sad every day, wondering how much time we have and feeling helpless that I am eight hours away. There was so much we had planned to do together, so many places we wanted to travel. I am 33, an only child, my mom has given me everything. She lived a very healthy lifestyle, is only 57...I can relate to the feelings of unfairness. Every morning I wake up feeling okay and it takes a moment or two before I remember "my mom has cancer..." and everything goes dark again. I want to have hope but I also want to be realistic and I am a pragmatic person comforted by facts and a blueprint of the possibility of what is to come.

    Please know that my heart hurts for all of you...I don't know who I am without my mother, she is my favorite person in the whole world and I cannot fathom life without her.

    ~L.

    Dear wondering alice, your
    Dear wondering alice, your situation sounds a lot like my mom and I. Sometimes I feel like I've lost my twin. We were very close and she meant so much to me. I hate referring to her in the past tense because she still seems alive to me. I feel like I'm dismissing her or something. We also had a lot of plans, places to go. We even had a list. She is irreplacable. Things don't work out the way you plan sometimes. But it's still bs. I knew from the getgo that she was dying. As soon as the ER doctor told us what was on the CTscan. She didn't understand, but I did. It took her a while, and I hated her understanding. I'll be thinking of you. Take care of you while you're taking care of her.
    Love Holly
  • RichJP
    RichJP Member Posts: 1
    #26
    hey there
    i know how u feel, it hit my mom, so fast, really bad in 1 month but all together went downhill in like 4 months
    but just so dam fast, everyone like whoooo what happin, i understand how u feel, is horrible, dont wish that on your worst enemy, totally blows and sux for lack of better words at the moment

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