Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Megan
Comments
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We all go thru this Megan.
We all go thru this Megan. I got sick of hearing it too, so, I just ignored those comments. They mean well, they just don't understand. People close to me understand that I am still going thru a lot and will for awhile. It doesn't just go away after our treatments end. Hang in there and I promise, it will get better for you. And vent anytime you want. The rest of us do. LOL
Hugs, Angie0 -
I so get what your saying.Angie2U said:We all go thru this Megan.
We all go thru this Megan. I got sick of hearing it too, so, I just ignored those comments. They mean well, they just don't understand. People close to me understand that I am still going thru a lot and will for awhile. It doesn't just go away after our treatments end. Hang in there and I promise, it will get better for you. And vent anytime you want. The rest of us do. LOL
Hugs, Angie
I so get what your saying.0 -
I Hear Ya
I think it hit you wrong because you know you cannot go back to the way you were. Having cancer changes you physically and emotionally. Those around you cannot understand what they cannot see. If they are really your friend, they will come to understand and accept the new you. If they don't, it's their loss.
Take care,
P0 -
I hear you
Hi there,
I'm brand new, surgery scheduled for Thursday, and already I hear the word "just." So, they say, just lummpectomy? Just radiation? Number one, that's what's scheduled, but who knows what they will find, how many nodes, clear margins or not, blah blah blah. And number two, it's that word "just." I haven't even begun and it's already minimized.
I hope to be as strong and real as all of you.
Victoria0 -
same fears..
Megan,
I have been in the cancer world since 2004 as caregiver for my husband and so I have learned way too much already. Now, when anyone says I will get back to the old me- I tell them, "the old me was gone once I got the cancer diagnosis. Nothing will ever be the same again." I am not being dramatic, just truthful. Every thought you mentioned in your post will not quit buzzing through my head too....and I have no idea who the new me is. I too am definitely struggling with day to day.
Keeping you im my prayers.
Mary Kay0 -
I'm with you Megan. I
I'm with you Megan. I believe the old me is gone, and as already stated if people can't accept the new us then we have to just go on. I know that I'm still a good hearted person but I've lost a lot and I will never be the same. We are however better than we were because we are warriors and we have fought the biggest fight anyone can ever fight!! Remember your a beautiful person and you should be accepted for who you are through all of your changes and times of trial.
Mountains of Love and Big Hugs,
~Kari0 -
I agree with everyone. Thepinkkari09 said:I'm with you Megan. I
I'm with you Megan. I believe the old me is gone, and as already stated if people can't accept the new us then we have to just go on. I know that I'm still a good hearted person but I've lost a lot and I will never be the same. We are however better than we were because we are warriors and we have fought the biggest fight anyone can ever fight!! Remember your a beautiful person and you should be accepted for who you are through all of your changes and times of trial.
Mountains of Love and Big Hugs,
~Kari
I agree with everyone. The old me is no longer here, but, the new me isn't bad. I think it hurts us to hear people say that as we had nothing to do with the changeover. Like Kari said, we are warriors and for that alone, we have become stronger.
Hugs, Debby0 -
Thanks for letting me knowaisling8 said:I hear you
Hi there,
I'm brand new, surgery scheduled for Thursday, and already I hear the word "just." So, they say, just lummpectomy? Just radiation? Number one, that's what's scheduled, but who knows what they will find, how many nodes, clear margins or not, blah blah blah. And number two, it's that word "just." I haven't even begun and it's already minimized.
I hope to be as strong and real as all of you.
Victoria
Thanks for letting me know that it isn't just me feeling like this. It just hit me wrong yesterday when my girlfriend said that and I needed to vent. You are all the best!
Megan0 -
It's never over...DebbyM said:I agree with everyone. The
I agree with everyone. The old me is no longer here, but, the new me isn't bad. I think it hurts us to hear people say that as we had nothing to do with the changeover. Like Kari said, we are warriors and for that alone, we have become stronger.
Hugs, Debby
I wish it could be over. Onc visits every 3 months, frightening mammos every 6 months and don't get me started on the Arimidex side effects. I'm fatter and crabbier than ever before. It has been a rough year and lots is behind me but like the rest of you I'm clear about my mortality and try to make the most of each day. I'm not bitter but it is odd that people are surprized that I still come to the website and read about cancer. We've been tramatized and that doesn't go away with the end of our treatments. In fact, it can be more of a challenge when there is nothing more we can do but wait and hope it doesn't hit again. Hugs to all.
Roseann0 -
I think
People minimize it because they don't want to deal with it. Your response "yea sure" tells them to back off and that's what they want to do. We give them the ok to back off. I got the "just a lumpectomy", and boy you were lucky no lymph nodes were involved. What they did not realize is that it has a high "rate of return" indicated by the Oncotype DX test, so I had 6 rounds of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation. I've been out of treatment now since last June, so everyone just assumes I am 100% better. Every time I get undressed I realize how "not better" I am. I guess this is what we have to deal with every time we are in other people's company, and its incredibly sad, isn't it.
Hugs - Pat0 -
What you just wrote Pat madepadee6339 said:I think
People minimize it because they don't want to deal with it. Your response "yea sure" tells them to back off and that's what they want to do. We give them the ok to back off. I got the "just a lumpectomy", and boy you were lucky no lymph nodes were involved. What they did not realize is that it has a high "rate of return" indicated by the Oncotype DX test, so I had 6 rounds of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation. I've been out of treatment now since last June, so everyone just assumes I am 100% better. Every time I get undressed I realize how "not better" I am. I guess this is what we have to deal with every time we are in other people's company, and its incredibly sad, isn't it.
Hugs - Pat
What you just wrote Pat made so much sense. They don't want to deal with it or maybe even face the fact that someone they know or love has been afflicted with this terrible disease. So maybe they, our friends and family, just want to move on past it because they don't want to have to face it, never realizing that we can't do that so easily. Thanks!
Megan0 -
I so understand the way youMegan M said:What you just wrote Pat made
What you just wrote Pat made so much sense. They don't want to deal with it or maybe even face the fact that someone they know or love has been afflicted with this terrible disease. So maybe they, our friends and family, just want to move on past it because they don't want to have to face it, never realizing that we can't do that so easily. Thanks!
Megan
I so understand the way you felt too Megan. I wish I could go back to the old me, but, I can't either. I am sure that with time, we will all feel better. I haven't been out of treatment that long either, so, I just need to be patient. Good luck!
HUGS0 -
I don't believe that we'll
I don't believe that we'll ever be our "old self" again and until you walk in our shoes I don't think you can understand that either. I can say that I've had my mortality brought before my eyes and I just don't look at life the same way anymore. I certainly don't take it for granted and try to live each day to the fullest. I try not to put off until tomorrow anything that I can do today...tomorrow is not a given, anymore. So, yes, things are different but not necessarily in a bad way. Life is precious and I intend to live it that way!!0 -
I'm so tired
I don't even remember the old me and don't know who the new me is yet. I do know I have an ever present thought about treatment not working, if it does, recurrance, etc. And Lymphadema. How can you not constantly be aware of playing with pets, gardening, bug bites, paper cuts....
People mean well, but they just don't get it.
Sue0 -
Megan, this post comessurvivorbc09 said:I so understand the way you
I so understand the way you felt too Megan. I wish I could go back to the old me, but, I can't either. I am sure that with time, we will all feel better. I haven't been out of treatment that long either, so, I just need to be patient. Good luck!
HUGS
Megan, this post comes around about every three months, and each time someone experiences the reality that the "old me" is gone, it makes me sad. I am almost a year and a half out of treatment (lympectomy, chemo TAC, rads, and on year 2 of tamoxifen), and I still am offended when someone tells me "you are looking so good". Only those of us who have experienced the bc journey can understand that just because you look okay on the outside, the inside is forever changed. The day I finished my last rad treatment, I came home to cards, flowers, and phone calls telling me how wonderful it was going to be to get back to my real life. Little did anyone know, my "real life" is what I carry with me every day since diagnosis....not the before. We learn from our experience with the fight for our lives, we welcome all who carry us when we can't do for ourselves, and now we just wish that all of those concerned people could feel what we feel every day of our life...and that is that we are different, and still are in a healing mode of some kind. Some of us have our hair back, some have gained the weight back that was lost, some have new hair color or texture, some have gained weight because of the hormone receptors. But all of us carry the scars that breast cancer leaves, both physically and mentally. I feel lucky to be alive, happy to watch as my family grows and become their own persons, and sad that I can't go back to the way I was before diagnosis. My favorite placque is still sitting on the counter in my bathroom, and it says, "Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow". Our tomorrows are different than they were before diagnosis, but they are something we all look forward to celebrating. I have accepted my new world, and hope you can find a "new you" and celebrate it every day. Hugs. Judy0 -
I don't want to sound allcreampuff91344 said:Megan, this post comes
Megan, this post comes around about every three months, and each time someone experiences the reality that the "old me" is gone, it makes me sad. I am almost a year and a half out of treatment (lympectomy, chemo TAC, rads, and on year 2 of tamoxifen), and I still am offended when someone tells me "you are looking so good". Only those of us who have experienced the bc journey can understand that just because you look okay on the outside, the inside is forever changed. The day I finished my last rad treatment, I came home to cards, flowers, and phone calls telling me how wonderful it was going to be to get back to my real life. Little did anyone know, my "real life" is what I carry with me every day since diagnosis....not the before. We learn from our experience with the fight for our lives, we welcome all who carry us when we can't do for ourselves, and now we just wish that all of those concerned people could feel what we feel every day of our life...and that is that we are different, and still are in a healing mode of some kind. Some of us have our hair back, some have gained the weight back that was lost, some have new hair color or texture, some have gained weight because of the hormone receptors. But all of us carry the scars that breast cancer leaves, both physically and mentally. I feel lucky to be alive, happy to watch as my family grows and become their own persons, and sad that I can't go back to the way I was before diagnosis. My favorite placque is still sitting on the counter in my bathroom, and it says, "Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow". Our tomorrows are different than they were before diagnosis, but they are something we all look forward to celebrating. I have accepted my new world, and hope you can find a "new you" and celebrate it every day. Hugs. Judy
I don't want to sound all depressed, because I am not. What she said just irritated me, a lot. I am thankful to be free of cancer and look forward to a long and healthy life. I just wish others that haven't been thru breast cancer could understand a little bit better, but, I know that isn't possible.
Thanks to all of you. You make me feel so much more a part of this board!
Hugs, Megan0 -
From one Judy to another...creampuff91344 said:Megan, this post comes
Megan, this post comes around about every three months, and each time someone experiences the reality that the "old me" is gone, it makes me sad. I am almost a year and a half out of treatment (lympectomy, chemo TAC, rads, and on year 2 of tamoxifen), and I still am offended when someone tells me "you are looking so good". Only those of us who have experienced the bc journey can understand that just because you look okay on the outside, the inside is forever changed. The day I finished my last rad treatment, I came home to cards, flowers, and phone calls telling me how wonderful it was going to be to get back to my real life. Little did anyone know, my "real life" is what I carry with me every day since diagnosis....not the before. We learn from our experience with the fight for our lives, we welcome all who carry us when we can't do for ourselves, and now we just wish that all of those concerned people could feel what we feel every day of our life...and that is that we are different, and still are in a healing mode of some kind. Some of us have our hair back, some have gained the weight back that was lost, some have new hair color or texture, some have gained weight because of the hormone receptors. But all of us carry the scars that breast cancer leaves, both physically and mentally. I feel lucky to be alive, happy to watch as my family grows and become their own persons, and sad that I can't go back to the way I was before diagnosis. My favorite placque is still sitting on the counter in my bathroom, and it says, "Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow". Our tomorrows are different than they were before diagnosis, but they are something we all look forward to celebrating. I have accepted my new world, and hope you can find a "new you" and celebrate it every day. Hugs. Judy
Your post is so true.... one of my friends called me a "hero"....I am not a hero, I am just trying to get through this. Chemo, lumpectomy and now half way through rads. And, as you said, we might look good on the outside, but the inside is full of fear, doubt and frustration. The only time I forget about all of this is when I spend time with my 2 year old granddaughter, who lives 200 miles away, so I don't see her as often as I need to.
Judy0 -
Hi All,sbmly53 said:I'm so tired
I don't even remember the old me and don't know who the new me is yet. I do know I have an ever present thought about treatment not working, if it does, recurrance, etc. And Lymphadema. How can you not constantly be aware of playing with pets, gardening, bug bites, paper cuts....
People mean well, but they just don't get it.
Sue
Remember the phrase "Until you've walked a mile in my shoes"? Well I feel it works in reverse. What I mean is, no one can possible even come close to imagining what we, or any big time illness survivor, has gone thru. How could they? In my wildest imagination I could not phathom all the anxiety, pokes, pains, surgeries, sickness from treatments and then all the side effects that are so horrible and on and on, not including the loss of hair, body parts, early menopause plus, plus, plus. I know I couldn't. My niece was dx 3yrs ago next month and although I was there with cards, flowers, concerns and prayers, I truly had no idea until it was me last June. I truly had no clue what I was sympathizing about, but I thought I knew. And when it was "over" and she was in bed still depressed and not taking phone calls, I couldn't possiblly understand. Til last June. When I used to think I could never be that brave, I didn't realize bravery has nothing to do with it. You do what you have to because you want to live. Someone said to me today when we were talking about someone having some illness and I said "Wow, I'm such a whimp etc." and she said not you, you are such a trooper etc. I'm not. Yesterday I hosted a luncheon for 50 of our volunteers and most hadn't seen me since our Xmas fundraiser the beginning of Dec 09 when I was too sick to put on make-up and wore a cap and no wig and they thought they would have to call 911 I looked so awful, tht yesterday (out of treatment since 12-11) that they all came up and hugged me and said how great Ilook and how great my "hiar" looks, all knowing it's a wig, and I was in my glory. I do feel great and I know my wig looks great and it's ok if they don't really know, I don't want them to feel bad for me. I'll do my "grieving" in private and when I'm out I forget and feel like the old me. I hope none of my dear friends ever will understand...that means they would have joined our group.
But here is where we let our hair down, here everyone understands, here is comforting to know it's not only me that feels depressed, or angry etc. Sometimes we just don't feel up to a group and that's ok...before bc I felt that way sometimes anyway. I feel there is no right or wrong way to feel and our moods shift and change and some days some jerky person can really get to us, just can't help it.
I forgive most people because they just don't know...I didn't either. I posted a wonderful video yesterday titled "The girls should be dressed in pink". If you haven't seen it yet, take a look...it's all about us here, it's very moving and I felt very inspired about this group and a few select friends/ relatives "on the outside".
Megan, I'm glad you're feeling better. I don't work so I don't have to put up with the jerks at work anymore and boy there are some real jerks. But they were before bc and we probably ignored them then too.
The sun is shining today and I feel very hopeful...
Hugs, Judy :-)0 -
Thanks Judy. Your postSkeezie said:Hi All,
Remember the phrase "Until you've walked a mile in my shoes"? Well I feel it works in reverse. What I mean is, no one can possible even come close to imagining what we, or any big time illness survivor, has gone thru. How could they? In my wildest imagination I could not phathom all the anxiety, pokes, pains, surgeries, sickness from treatments and then all the side effects that are so horrible and on and on, not including the loss of hair, body parts, early menopause plus, plus, plus. I know I couldn't. My niece was dx 3yrs ago next month and although I was there with cards, flowers, concerns and prayers, I truly had no idea until it was me last June. I truly had no clue what I was sympathizing about, but I thought I knew. And when it was "over" and she was in bed still depressed and not taking phone calls, I couldn't possiblly understand. Til last June. When I used to think I could never be that brave, I didn't realize bravery has nothing to do with it. You do what you have to because you want to live. Someone said to me today when we were talking about someone having some illness and I said "Wow, I'm such a whimp etc." and she said not you, you are such a trooper etc. I'm not. Yesterday I hosted a luncheon for 50 of our volunteers and most hadn't seen me since our Xmas fundraiser the beginning of Dec 09 when I was too sick to put on make-up and wore a cap and no wig and they thought they would have to call 911 I looked so awful, tht yesterday (out of treatment since 12-11) that they all came up and hugged me and said how great Ilook and how great my "hiar" looks, all knowing it's a wig, and I was in my glory. I do feel great and I know my wig looks great and it's ok if they don't really know, I don't want them to feel bad for me. I'll do my "grieving" in private and when I'm out I forget and feel like the old me. I hope none of my dear friends ever will understand...that means they would have joined our group.
But here is where we let our hair down, here everyone understands, here is comforting to know it's not only me that feels depressed, or angry etc. Sometimes we just don't feel up to a group and that's ok...before bc I felt that way sometimes anyway. I feel there is no right or wrong way to feel and our moods shift and change and some days some jerky person can really get to us, just can't help it.
I forgive most people because they just don't know...I didn't either. I posted a wonderful video yesterday titled "The girls should be dressed in pink". If you haven't seen it yet, take a look...it's all about us here, it's very moving and I felt very inspired about this group and a few select friends/ relatives "on the outside".
Megan, I'm glad you're feeling better. I don't work so I don't have to put up with the jerks at work anymore and boy there are some real jerks. But they were before bc and we probably ignored them then too.
The sun is shining today and I feel very hopeful...
Hugs, Judy :-)
Thanks Judy. Your post brought tears to my eyes as you understand and explained it all so well. Yes, the sun is shining and I want to make the most of my day however I can.
Thanks again!
Hugs, Megan0 -
I hear you. I am not
I hear you. I am not anywhere near done, still have over a year of treatments with the Herception. And I feel right now that my life will never be the same again. I am not sure why people think that life will just got back to the way it was before or that we will be the same person. There is a bitter sweet feeling about it. There is a loss of naivety when we have cancer and brush with death, it opens our eyes a little or pushes in directions we would never have chosen to go and confront aspects of ourselves. It is very very different from how we were before.
I did hear from the breast cancer educator and counsellor at the clinic where I go tell me that women after cancer they really transform into truly amazing people. I see that already on this site with what all of us are enduring as a result of this cancer and even in the down moments you are all so amazing.
I don't think trying to go back to the way you were before breast cancer is the answer and as you said you cannot. The best to do is to keep moving forward with what you have, your health and life.0
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