How strong do we have to be?

sbmly53
sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
How much 'extra' do we have to deal with? I could actually respond to the 'feeling sorry for myself' thread (aleady did), but...

Just got off the phone with my mother. I never told her about my bc. Had lumpectomy 12/7 and now finishing rads. Took some 'good pics' to send to her to cover any absences. Both my parents have COPD with complications. Both are hanging on by a thread and I can't imagine how they are. My dad looks like a holocaust victim, and I fear it won't be long. My mother is 1 cold/flu/asthma attack away from... It's a race to see who goes first.

My almost 22 yr old daughter - who has dificulties: learning disorder - Multiplex Developmental Disorder - is having a very difficult life right now with finding work, her marriage, etc. My wonderful hubby is 19 yrs older than me (& I'm 56). I have noticed - just in the past few weeks, that he is slowing down. Maybe my bc has affected his health, too? Or maybe it would have happened anyway, but I feel so guilty and burdensome.

And then I come here and my heart just aches for others who are dealing with even more than I am. So many times I read, but can't post, because I just don't know what to say.

I guess it is just going to be 'one of those days'. But no one but you all would understand.
And for that I thank you all, each and every one, and thank God for you.

Sue

Comments

  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
    #2
    How strong?
    Sbmly53, I'm so sorry to hear about your parents, and the other problems on top of your BC.

    Sometimes I wonder if strength is a requirement at all? Maybe it's more about perseverance, courage and endurance. We see muscle-bound weight lifters who can bench press twice their own weight, yet would surely finish last in any race.

    You are right about the women here. They are all strong. But more than that, they are courageous. They are diligent. And they are truly a blessing to this website. I also thank God for each and every one.

    Hugs and prayers. Gracie
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #3
    m_azingrace said:

    How strong?
    Sbmly53, I'm so sorry to hear about your parents, and the other problems on top of your BC.

    Sometimes I wonder if strength is a requirement at all? Maybe it's more about perseverance, courage and endurance. We see muscle-bound weight lifters who can bench press twice their own weight, yet would surely finish last in any race.

    You are right about the women here. They are all strong. But more than that, they are courageous. They are diligent. And they are truly a blessing to this website. I also thank God for each and every one.

    Hugs and prayers. Gracie

    Gracie is right. I would not
    Gracie is right. I would not characterize myself as strong but others do. I see when I break down, or vent especially here. but people here pull you through and it sounds like you are needing support. So write anytime you want to. Is there support groups in your area? check at the hospital you are receiving rads at. Do not minimize what you are going through.
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
    #4
    carkris said:

    Gracie is right. I would not
    Gracie is right. I would not characterize myself as strong but others do. I see when I break down, or vent especially here. but people here pull you through and it sounds like you are needing support. So write anytime you want to. Is there support groups in your area? check at the hospital you are receiving rads at. Do not minimize what you are going through.

    It's just a bad day
    And it's all piled up. I needed some sympathy/empathy. And I'm sorry to ask it from those who need it, too.

    Maybe I'll watch a real tear-jerker, cry like a baby, eat some ice cream and get over it.

    Sue
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #5
    sbmly53 said:

    It's just a bad day
    And it's all piled up. I needed some sympathy/empathy. And I'm sorry to ask it from those who need it, too.

    Maybe I'll watch a real tear-jerker, cry like a baby, eat some ice cream and get over it.

    Sue

    Life doesn't seem fair at all ..
    I too find myself ready to cry like a baby several times a week. When I do, I feel better.

    Hoping you get some much needed relieve.


    VickiSam
  • snowbaby1209
    snowbaby1209 Member Posts: 5
    #6
    Strength and Courage
    Dear sbmly53 and others needing strength and courage...

    The 3rd week after my lumpectomy I got an email from my brother. He said my Dad wanted us to fly out and see my Mom because she was not taking in much food the past few days. I didn't know if I was able to fly so called my surgeon who said go ahead. My mom had suffered from Alzheimer's the past 11 years and had gone downhill the past year. All 6 of us kids met and spent the next 2 days sitting with my Dad at my Mom's bedside sharing memories of growing up; laughing, crying and singing our favorite hymns. My Mom laid there unresponsive but we all hoped that maybe she could hear a little of what was going on. We kept telling Mom that it was okay to let go. My arm had been giving me a lot of pain because of the axillary cord (I didn't know what it was at the time) but I focused on what I needed to do. The staff at the nursing home gave me Ibuprophen and warm packs for my arm. I wanted to do for my Mom what she had done for me when I was sick as a child. Between my sister and I (she was a nurse and I still am) we kept my Mom's mouth moist. I also helped the staff turn her. On Saturday, January 16th, my sister had come back to the nursing home after seeing to her family. It wasn't 5 minutes later when my Dad said, I think Mom is going. She had opened her eyes a few minutes earlier and they were cloudy, glassy looking. Now she had her eyes open again and they were the clearest blue and looking right at my Dad. My Dad bent down and kissed her and my Mom kissed him back. She took her last breath and died. We were there to experience that moment and felt a special energy and a sense of calm/relief afterwards. We knew Mom had passed into the arms of Jesus. For those of you needing strength and courage, if you believe in Jesus, you know where to turn. It has helped me a lot these last few months. --Pam
  • jbug
    jbug Member Posts: 285
    #7
    snowbaby1209 said:

    Strength and Courage
    Dear sbmly53 and others needing strength and courage...

    The 3rd week after my lumpectomy I got an email from my brother. He said my Dad wanted us to fly out and see my Mom because she was not taking in much food the past few days. I didn't know if I was able to fly so called my surgeon who said go ahead. My mom had suffered from Alzheimer's the past 11 years and had gone downhill the past year. All 6 of us kids met and spent the next 2 days sitting with my Dad at my Mom's bedside sharing memories of growing up; laughing, crying and singing our favorite hymns. My Mom laid there unresponsive but we all hoped that maybe she could hear a little of what was going on. We kept telling Mom that it was okay to let go. My arm had been giving me a lot of pain because of the axillary cord (I didn't know what it was at the time) but I focused on what I needed to do. The staff at the nursing home gave me Ibuprophen and warm packs for my arm. I wanted to do for my Mom what she had done for me when I was sick as a child. Between my sister and I (she was a nurse and I still am) we kept my Mom's mouth moist. I also helped the staff turn her. On Saturday, January 16th, my sister had come back to the nursing home after seeing to her family. It wasn't 5 minutes later when my Dad said, I think Mom is going. She had opened her eyes a few minutes earlier and they were cloudy, glassy looking. Now she had her eyes open again and they were the clearest blue and looking right at my Dad. My Dad bent down and kissed her and my Mom kissed him back. She took her last breath and died. We were there to experience that moment and felt a special energy and a sense of calm/relief afterwards. We knew Mom had passed into the arms of Jesus. For those of you needing strength and courage, if you believe in Jesus, you know where to turn. It has helped me a lot these last few months. --Pam

    Pam...thanks for sharing
    Pam...thanks for sharing your story!

    sbmly53...I pray you'll be encouraged. Sometimes all we can say is "i'm sorry". Thinking about you...

    God Bless...
    Julie
  • CarrWilson
    CarrWilson Member Posts: 111
    #8
    sbmly53 said:

    It's just a bad day
    And it's all piled up. I needed some sympathy/empathy. And I'm sorry to ask it from those who need it, too.

    Maybe I'll watch a real tear-jerker, cry like a baby, eat some ice cream and get over it.

    Sue

    I agree
    I agree with the ice cream part!....We need to cry when we need to.

    My thoughts are with you that you will be able to get thru the difficulties you have to face.

    - Carrie
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    #9
    jbug said:

    Pam...thanks for sharing
    Pam...thanks for sharing your story!

    sbmly53...I pray you'll be encouraged. Sometimes all we can say is "i'm sorry". Thinking about you...

    God Bless...
    Julie

    Pam, what a beautiful story
    I just got goose bumps.

    My husband and I went to California in Dec to be with my sister who was dying of bc and I got there on her last good day. So weird that it happened that way. We had spoken on the phone every day up til then and she had all these plans for us when I got there. I had no idea how bad off she was, but after visiting all afternoon and helping put her to bed little did I know that she would never truly wake up again. She died 5 days later. I was able to say goodbye.

    We all have our share of sadness. We just have to move on and take one day at a time.

    God bless all of us!
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    #10
    definitely one of those days...
    Sue,
    I am thinking maybe it is the cycle of the moon or something--I have not been able to quit crying all day either...I finally gave into it and watched old videos of my husband and cried all the more...I think everyone has their own heartaches and they are real to each of us in our own way. I don't understand, but I do feel that God has a plan-He has chosen though not to share it with me...so faith is what holds it all together. You have every right to be honest with yourself and be sad. I think it is healthy to realize it, feel it and then move on with life...not any other choice. I believe it is true what they say that when you share your sorrow-it cuts in half and when you share your joy -it doubles.
    Thanks for sharing..keeping you in my prayers and hoping tomorrow is a brighter day for you.
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #11
    snowbaby1209 said:

    Strength and Courage
    Dear sbmly53 and others needing strength and courage...

    The 3rd week after my lumpectomy I got an email from my brother. He said my Dad wanted us to fly out and see my Mom because she was not taking in much food the past few days. I didn't know if I was able to fly so called my surgeon who said go ahead. My mom had suffered from Alzheimer's the past 11 years and had gone downhill the past year. All 6 of us kids met and spent the next 2 days sitting with my Dad at my Mom's bedside sharing memories of growing up; laughing, crying and singing our favorite hymns. My Mom laid there unresponsive but we all hoped that maybe she could hear a little of what was going on. We kept telling Mom that it was okay to let go. My arm had been giving me a lot of pain because of the axillary cord (I didn't know what it was at the time) but I focused on what I needed to do. The staff at the nursing home gave me Ibuprophen and warm packs for my arm. I wanted to do for my Mom what she had done for me when I was sick as a child. Between my sister and I (she was a nurse and I still am) we kept my Mom's mouth moist. I also helped the staff turn her. On Saturday, January 16th, my sister had come back to the nursing home after seeing to her family. It wasn't 5 minutes later when my Dad said, I think Mom is going. She had opened her eyes a few minutes earlier and they were cloudy, glassy looking. Now she had her eyes open again and they were the clearest blue and looking right at my Dad. My Dad bent down and kissed her and my Mom kissed him back. She took her last breath and died. We were there to experience that moment and felt a special energy and a sense of calm/relief afterwards. We knew Mom had passed into the arms of Jesus. For those of you needing strength and courage, if you believe in Jesus, you know where to turn. It has helped me a lot these last few months. --Pam

    Thanks Pam for sharing that
    Thanks Pam for sharing that with us! God bless you!
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877 Member
    #12
    Sue, we have these days!! It
    Sue, we have these days!! It seems for me, I think I need to stay strong for everyone else and in the process forget that I'm battling an aggressive cancer that has advanced and maybe I should take care of me. I like the idea of a good movie that gives us a good cry along side a big bowl of ice cream. Big Hugs to you Sue and remember this site is for YOU and you come here anytime and vent anything you like, we love you!!
    Keep on keeping on,
    ~Kari
  • mema1963
    mema1963 Member Posts: 18
    #13
    snowbaby1209 said:

    Strength and Courage
    Dear sbmly53 and others needing strength and courage...

    The 3rd week after my lumpectomy I got an email from my brother. He said my Dad wanted us to fly out and see my Mom because she was not taking in much food the past few days. I didn't know if I was able to fly so called my surgeon who said go ahead. My mom had suffered from Alzheimer's the past 11 years and had gone downhill the past year. All 6 of us kids met and spent the next 2 days sitting with my Dad at my Mom's bedside sharing memories of growing up; laughing, crying and singing our favorite hymns. My Mom laid there unresponsive but we all hoped that maybe she could hear a little of what was going on. We kept telling Mom that it was okay to let go. My arm had been giving me a lot of pain because of the axillary cord (I didn't know what it was at the time) but I focused on what I needed to do. The staff at the nursing home gave me Ibuprophen and warm packs for my arm. I wanted to do for my Mom what she had done for me when I was sick as a child. Between my sister and I (she was a nurse and I still am) we kept my Mom's mouth moist. I also helped the staff turn her. On Saturday, January 16th, my sister had come back to the nursing home after seeing to her family. It wasn't 5 minutes later when my Dad said, I think Mom is going. She had opened her eyes a few minutes earlier and they were cloudy, glassy looking. Now she had her eyes open again and they were the clearest blue and looking right at my Dad. My Dad bent down and kissed her and my Mom kissed him back. She took her last breath and died. We were there to experience that moment and felt a special energy and a sense of calm/relief afterwards. We knew Mom had passed into the arms of Jesus. For those of you needing strength and courage, if you believe in Jesus, you know where to turn. It has helped me a lot these last few months. --Pam

    Amen to that Pam! Jesus is
    Amen to that Pam! Jesus is the only thing keeping me strong
    without jesus in ,y life i would be a wreck! Thank's for speaking out!
    Be Blessed> Sophia

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