I think my husband is angry/upset with me
Comments
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Thinking of You
My heart goes out to you. It sounds like going to the hospice house for a few days is a good plan. We actually met with a pain specialist the last several months of my husband's life. The specialist also consulted with hospice the last couple of weeks. It was an easy decision for us since the pain specialist had at one time been our family dr. He had gone back to school to get the pain specialist training. He was able to control my husband's pain for the most part. My husband did have trouble with bathing the last few days. The nurse and aide gave him a bath the day before he passed away. He yelled at them to stop when they turned him on his side because of the pain. One of our sons was there, and he said they weren't going to do that again no matter how dirty his dad got. It is so hard to watch a loved one in pain. We feel that pain in a different way, but we still feel it.
I'm sure your husband is concerned about not coming back home. The only thing I could suggest, and I'm sure you have already done so, is to reassure him that you will insist that he be brought home if it looks like the end is near. I might add that the hospice nurse told us the last time she saw my husband that it could be hours or it could be days. She thought it would be days because his vitals were still strong. It turned out to be hours. I add this because I want you to know that they don't necessarily know when the end is near. If something happens and you don't get him home, please don't feel guilty. You are doing the best you can now. That's what counts. You don't want to see him in pain. You love him too much and are doing what you think is right out of that love. Fay0 -
grandmafay,grandmafay said:Thinking of You
My heart goes out to you. It sounds like going to the hospice house for a few days is a good plan. We actually met with a pain specialist the last several months of my husband's life. The specialist also consulted with hospice the last couple of weeks. It was an easy decision for us since the pain specialist had at one time been our family dr. He had gone back to school to get the pain specialist training. He was able to control my husband's pain for the most part. My husband did have trouble with bathing the last few days. The nurse and aide gave him a bath the day before he passed away. He yelled at them to stop when they turned him on his side because of the pain. One of our sons was there, and he said they weren't going to do that again no matter how dirty his dad got. It is so hard to watch a loved one in pain. We feel that pain in a different way, but we still feel it.
I'm sure your husband is concerned about not coming back home. The only thing I could suggest, and I'm sure you have already done so, is to reassure him that you will insist that he be brought home if it looks like the end is near. I might add that the hospice nurse told us the last time she saw my husband that it could be hours or it could be days. She thought it would be days because his vitals were still strong. It turned out to be hours. I add this because I want you to know that they don't necessarily know when the end is near. If something happens and you don't get him home, please don't feel guilty. You are doing the best you can now. That's what counts. You don't want to see him in pain. You love him too much and are doing what you think is right out of that love. Fay
Thank you! I
grandmafay,
Thank you! I really need some support with this - I know it's what we need to do but that doesn't make it any easier does it?! I know he knows I've taken good care of him and he's very grateful. I don't blame him for being upset - what a scary time and he just wants to be home. I just don't think I can take care of him with the current situation. Everyone is supportive of my decision but noone feels good about it! I know they say his vitals are strong and they said it could be two months - I just have a hard time believing that and I see how much he's deteriorated in the last couple of weeks. Honestly, I don't think it would be good for him to live another two months. His pain is so great now and he's on so much medication, truly they would have to just put him in a comatose state if this goes on that long. For all of our sakes, I truly hope we don't get to that point. None of us wants to see him go but we don't want him to suffer any longer than possible either. No good answer!
Thanks again - I always look forward to hearing from you! Hugs!!!0 -
it's a good planSamsWife said:grandmafay,
Thank you! I
grandmafay,
Thank you! I really need some support with this - I know it's what we need to do but that doesn't make it any easier does it?! I know he knows I've taken good care of him and he's very grateful. I don't blame him for being upset - what a scary time and he just wants to be home. I just don't think I can take care of him with the current situation. Everyone is supportive of my decision but noone feels good about it! I know they say his vitals are strong and they said it could be two months - I just have a hard time believing that and I see how much he's deteriorated in the last couple of weeks. Honestly, I don't think it would be good for him to live another two months. His pain is so great now and he's on so much medication, truly they would have to just put him in a comatose state if this goes on that long. For all of our sakes, I truly hope we don't get to that point. None of us wants to see him go but we don't want him to suffer any longer than possible either. No good answer!
Thanks again - I always look forward to hearing from you! Hugs!!!
It is a good plan, and Sam may like the facility more than he thinks. A family member went to one for her last weeks, and it worked out great for everyone.
Yet Fay is right, the end can come quickly. We were on the verge of moving my Dad into inpatient hospice when he got so sick we didn't want to traumatize him with a move. He died the next day, at home.
When you act out of love and compassion the way you have been doing, you rarely make a really wrong decision.0 -
There is no wrong decision
My husband had stage 4 head and neck cancer. During the last month of his illness, he fell in the middle of the night and had to be admitted to the hospital. He was there for two weeks when I had to make the decision to bring him home or admit him to a hospice facility. After many discussions with hospice, Mike's various doctors and the social worker, I decided to have Mike admitted. It was done under the premise that while he was there, I could prepare to bring him home if I wanted. Mike had made it very clear that he wanted to die at home. However, when he was admitted to hospice, he needed 24 hour care (he was comatose for the most part, needed to be bathed in bed - I helped, but it took at least 2 people, anxiety and pain meds needed to be given - even though he was on a pain pump, he still got agitated, his throat needed to be suctioned. . .) This facility and the staff, doctors, social worker etc were incredible. Mike stayed there 5 days (hospice provided a fold out bed, so a member of the family was with him 24 hours a day) and I made the decision to bring him home (this was hard as we have a child as young as 13 and were not sure if it would be ok for Mike to pass at home - I had a family meeting with all my kids and we made the decision to bring him home). The people at Hospice had him home within 3 hours. They also had a nurse here 24 hours a day. Mike passed the next evening. My family and I are very much at peace with Mike passing at home. After my long rambling, I guess what I am trying to say that as the days pass, you will know more what is right for you and your husband. There is no wrong or right answer. It is a personal decision that you will need to make. (I stayed up all night in Mike's hospice room and spoke to him - even though he could not respond - about him coming home. At 7 in the morning I knew that I wanted him home). I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will be saying prayers for you and your husband. ~Cheryl0 -
There is no wrong decisionCherylMike said:There is no wrong decision
My husband had stage 4 head and neck cancer. During the last month of his illness, he fell in the middle of the night and had to be admitted to the hospital. He was there for two weeks when I had to make the decision to bring him home or admit him to a hospice facility. After many discussions with hospice, Mike's various doctors and the social worker, I decided to have Mike admitted. It was done under the premise that while he was there, I could prepare to bring him home if I wanted. Mike had made it very clear that he wanted to die at home. However, when he was admitted to hospice, he needed 24 hour care (he was comatose for the most part, needed to be bathed in bed - I helped, but it took at least 2 people, anxiety and pain meds needed to be given - even though he was on a pain pump, he still got agitated, his throat needed to be suctioned. . .) This facility and the staff, doctors, social worker etc were incredible. Mike stayed there 5 days (hospice provided a fold out bed, so a member of the family was with him 24 hours a day) and I made the decision to bring him home (this was hard as we have a child as young as 13 and were not sure if it would be ok for Mike to pass at home - I had a family meeting with all my kids and we made the decision to bring him home). The people at Hospice had him home within 3 hours. They also had a nurse here 24 hours a day. Mike passed the next evening. My family and I are very much at peace with Mike passing at home. After my long rambling, I guess what I am trying to say that as the days pass, you will know more what is right for you and your husband. There is no wrong or right answer. It is a personal decision that you will need to make. (I stayed up all night in Mike's hospice room and spoke to him - even though he could not respond - about him coming home. At 7 in the morning I knew that I wanted him home). I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will be saying prayers for you and your husband. ~Cheryl
Thank you Cheryl,
I feel much better about my decision to send Sam to Kobacker. He's so much more comfortable - they've been able to monitor him and make the right med. choices for him. He was having body tremors at home and they've been able to stop that and he's feeling much better - he's very sedated and they are going to try and cut back a little to see if he can wake up a little more. He's having a lot of difficulty swallowing his pills and he is also completely bedridden. He was having trouble urinating so they put in a catheter and removed over a liter of urine that first day - that probably made him feel better! I've been able to rest much better at home and I have a lot of bills, healthcare, financial, funeral planning, etc. that I need to spend some time on so this has been a much needed break! I talked with Sam yesterday about where he is and he said it was okay so that also made me feel a lot better. His mom is there and is spending time with him while I'm out getting business taken care of. I feel kind of bad that we don't have someone staying with him around the clock - the social worker told me to go home and not to worry about being there - that this break is time for me to rest and get things done - so I've done that - she said they would call me if they need me. I'm really not sure if Sam even knows if and/or when any of us are there - he looks at us and answers questions that usually don't make sense. I just don't know. The kids seem to have needed a little break as well - I have four and they range from 21 to 14 - my oldest is away at college and this is all hard for her because she's not here to see him each day. I have to figure out when to tell her to come home - her spring break is in a week and a half so we were trying to hold off until then - hospice doesn't think Sam is in the active dying stage yet but I can't imagine it will be very far away - the cancer is in his bones and possibly in his brain now - they're not sure about the brain but they said that's the progression after it gets in the bones. I'll know more on Friday - that's when the doctor said he will let me know where things are and what the recommendation will be - I'm just going to wait and see how things are then - I also need to talk with my kids and see how they feel. They've been incredible through all of this the last three years as I'm sure your children were.
Thank you so much - this site is so helpful - I feel like this is the one of the few places where people really "get it"!
God bless you - what a hard thing for families to go through! Thanks so much! Tina0 -
Admiration for Your Love and CareSamsWife said:There is no wrong decision
Thank you Cheryl,
I feel much better about my decision to send Sam to Kobacker. He's so much more comfortable - they've been able to monitor him and make the right med. choices for him. He was having body tremors at home and they've been able to stop that and he's feeling much better - he's very sedated and they are going to try and cut back a little to see if he can wake up a little more. He's having a lot of difficulty swallowing his pills and he is also completely bedridden. He was having trouble urinating so they put in a catheter and removed over a liter of urine that first day - that probably made him feel better! I've been able to rest much better at home and I have a lot of bills, healthcare, financial, funeral planning, etc. that I need to spend some time on so this has been a much needed break! I talked with Sam yesterday about where he is and he said it was okay so that also made me feel a lot better. His mom is there and is spending time with him while I'm out getting business taken care of. I feel kind of bad that we don't have someone staying with him around the clock - the social worker told me to go home and not to worry about being there - that this break is time for me to rest and get things done - so I've done that - she said they would call me if they need me. I'm really not sure if Sam even knows if and/or when any of us are there - he looks at us and answers questions that usually don't make sense. I just don't know. The kids seem to have needed a little break as well - I have four and they range from 21 to 14 - my oldest is away at college and this is all hard for her because she's not here to see him each day. I have to figure out when to tell her to come home - her spring break is in a week and a half so we were trying to hold off until then - hospice doesn't think Sam is in the active dying stage yet but I can't imagine it will be very far away - the cancer is in his bones and possibly in his brain now - they're not sure about the brain but they said that's the progression after it gets in the bones. I'll know more on Friday - that's when the doctor said he will let me know where things are and what the recommendation will be - I'm just going to wait and see how things are then - I also need to talk with my kids and see how they feel. They've been incredible through all of this the last three years as I'm sure your children were.
Thank you so much - this site is so helpful - I feel like this is the one of the few places where people really "get it"!
God bless you - what a hard thing for families to go through! Thanks so much! Tina
I'm glad you are getting some rest and time alone or with your children. It sounds like your husband is being well cared for and is more comfortable now. I'm sure you can take some comfort from that as well. I can only guess how hard this is for your daughter not being there, but I'm sure that's how her dad wants it. I know you are doing everything right. You have so much to deal with. My children are both grown with children of their own. I can't imagine going through this with children still at home. I really admire how you are caring for all of your family. You are in my prayers. Fay0 -
My Heart Goes Out toYou~SamsWife said:There is no wrong decision
Thank you Cheryl,
I feel much better about my decision to send Sam to Kobacker. He's so much more comfortable - they've been able to monitor him and make the right med. choices for him. He was having body tremors at home and they've been able to stop that and he's feeling much better - he's very sedated and they are going to try and cut back a little to see if he can wake up a little more. He's having a lot of difficulty swallowing his pills and he is also completely bedridden. He was having trouble urinating so they put in a catheter and removed over a liter of urine that first day - that probably made him feel better! I've been able to rest much better at home and I have a lot of bills, healthcare, financial, funeral planning, etc. that I need to spend some time on so this has been a much needed break! I talked with Sam yesterday about where he is and he said it was okay so that also made me feel a lot better. His mom is there and is spending time with him while I'm out getting business taken care of. I feel kind of bad that we don't have someone staying with him around the clock - the social worker told me to go home and not to worry about being there - that this break is time for me to rest and get things done - so I've done that - she said they would call me if they need me. I'm really not sure if Sam even knows if and/or when any of us are there - he looks at us and answers questions that usually don't make sense. I just don't know. The kids seem to have needed a little break as well - I have four and they range from 21 to 14 - my oldest is away at college and this is all hard for her because she's not here to see him each day. I have to figure out when to tell her to come home - her spring break is in a week and a half so we were trying to hold off until then - hospice doesn't think Sam is in the active dying stage yet but I can't imagine it will be very far away - the cancer is in his bones and possibly in his brain now - they're not sure about the brain but they said that's the progression after it gets in the bones. I'll know more on Friday - that's when the doctor said he will let me know where things are and what the recommendation will be - I'm just going to wait and see how things are then - I also need to talk with my kids and see how they feel. They've been incredible through all of this the last three years as I'm sure your children were.
Thank you so much - this site is so helpful - I feel like this is the one of the few places where people really "get it"!
God bless you - what a hard thing for families to go through! Thanks so much! Tina
Tina~ I am glad that you are feeling more at peace and that Sam is able to communicate with you. My husband's cancer had also mets to his bones - I know this is very painful. Mike's cancer never went to his brain, but did get into his liver. From your posts, you sound like you are handling this situation with courage, compassion and love. I know how painful being in this place can be. I think watching their dad fight for 2 years helped them when Mike passed away. They knew their dad loved them and that he fought so hard to live so that he could spend more time with us. I think it was very important to talk to my kids about each step of their dad's final journey. It helped that we could be strong for each other and help each other when we needed a shoulder.
I think you are in the right place with hospice. They helped me through Mike's final days in a way that no one else could. I wish you and your family strength and love. ~Cheryl (Mike also had trouble swallowing his pills - those that could not be crushed, I put the pill in a small amount of yogurt.)0 -
TinaCherylMike said:My Heart Goes Out toYou~
Tina~ I am glad that you are feeling more at peace and that Sam is able to communicate with you. My husband's cancer had also mets to his bones - I know this is very painful. Mike's cancer never went to his brain, but did get into his liver. From your posts, you sound like you are handling this situation with courage, compassion and love. I know how painful being in this place can be. I think watching their dad fight for 2 years helped them when Mike passed away. They knew their dad loved them and that he fought so hard to live so that he could spend more time with us. I think it was very important to talk to my kids about each step of their dad's final journey. It helped that we could be strong for each other and help each other when we needed a shoulder.
I think you are in the right place with hospice. They helped me through Mike's final days in a way that no one else could. I wish you and your family strength and love. ~Cheryl (Mike also had trouble swallowing his pills - those that could not be crushed, I put the pill in a small amount of yogurt.)
Hi. I have been thinking about you and your family these last few days. You are in my prayers~Cheryl0 -
Hi Cheryl - Thank you soCherylMike said:Tina
Hi. I have been thinking about you and your family these last few days. You are in my prayers~Cheryl
Hi Cheryl - Thank you so much for checking in with us - Sam passed away yesterday at Kobacker House - even though he did die at Kobacker, I think it was the right choice for us - the nurse asked if we wanted to take him home but it hurt him so much just to move him in the bed that I just wanted to leave him as comfortable as possible - the kids expressed to me last week that they felt like they could rest at home; that it was really hard for them to see Sam so sick all the time. We spent a lot of time with him and had some very special moments. We laughed with him and shared hugs and lots of love - even though he wasn't aware all of the time I know he knew we were there and enjoyed it - he smiled a lot and he hugged us - at one point on Sunday he was lying very still and smiling (it was a peaceful moment which was rare - he was usually moving around a lot because of the pain); I was holding one hand and our son was holding the other and I asked him what he was smiling about and he said "all the love"; I loved that! Those times made yesterday much more bearabole for everyone and I know they'll be good memories for us - Sam suffered a lot of pain last week but everyone at Kobacker was wonderful and took excellent care of Sam and he was okay with being there - I asked him on Tuesday if it was okay that he was there and he said yes - he had lots and lots of support and visitors over the week. I know that Heavenly Father blesses us even in times of great sadness - we could not have had a better weekend with Sam considering what we're dealing with - I mean even down to the fact that none of the kids had homework this weeked - that's unheard of! My son's team won his basketball championship tournament - we filmed the final game - which my son scored half of the points for his team - and we took it down for Sam to see - he responded to the video and enjoyed hearing it. Oh, he was so childlike that last week - very sweet! I can't believe he's gone - it seems so unreal - I'm glad he's at peace though - he suffered so much - I have to believe that things are better for him now. The kids have been amazing through it all. Isn't it ironic that he died on March 1 - the first day of National Colorectal Awareness Month! Thanks so much for your support, Cheryl - God bless you and your family - Tina0 -
I am so sorry for your loss~SamsWife said:Hi Cheryl - Thank you so
Hi Cheryl - Thank you so much for checking in with us - Sam passed away yesterday at Kobacker House - even though he did die at Kobacker, I think it was the right choice for us - the nurse asked if we wanted to take him home but it hurt him so much just to move him in the bed that I just wanted to leave him as comfortable as possible - the kids expressed to me last week that they felt like they could rest at home; that it was really hard for them to see Sam so sick all the time. We spent a lot of time with him and had some very special moments. We laughed with him and shared hugs and lots of love - even though he wasn't aware all of the time I know he knew we were there and enjoyed it - he smiled a lot and he hugged us - at one point on Sunday he was lying very still and smiling (it was a peaceful moment which was rare - he was usually moving around a lot because of the pain); I was holding one hand and our son was holding the other and I asked him what he was smiling about and he said "all the love"; I loved that! Those times made yesterday much more bearabole for everyone and I know they'll be good memories for us - Sam suffered a lot of pain last week but everyone at Kobacker was wonderful and took excellent care of Sam and he was okay with being there - I asked him on Tuesday if it was okay that he was there and he said yes - he had lots and lots of support and visitors over the week. I know that Heavenly Father blesses us even in times of great sadness - we could not have had a better weekend with Sam considering what we're dealing with - I mean even down to the fact that none of the kids had homework this weeked - that's unheard of! My son's team won his basketball championship tournament - we filmed the final game - which my son scored half of the points for his team - and we took it down for Sam to see - he responded to the video and enjoyed hearing it. Oh, he was so childlike that last week - very sweet! I can't believe he's gone - it seems so unreal - I'm glad he's at peace though - he suffered so much - I have to believe that things are better for him now. The kids have been amazing through it all. Isn't it ironic that he died on March 1 - the first day of National Colorectal Awareness Month! Thanks so much for your support, Cheryl - God bless you and your family - Tina
Tina~ My prayers are with you and your family at this time. I am so glad that you made the choices that you did and your family was with Sam through the end of his journey. I know that the doctors had told us that Mike would not wake up anymore (5 days before he passed). He did wake up and speak to each of us before he passed. When we gathered around him to say a prayer, Mike said his own prayer at the end of the ministers. His eyes were closed and we did not hear him at first, but the one thing that he did say was that we will all be together again. I was very happy to hear that your son did such an outstanding job at his basketball tournament! My 13 year old (will turn 14 on Sat.) has done incredibly well with the passing of his father. However, he did have a very hard time last week - he said it was the first time he had really cried since his dad passed. Like you, I know that Mike is at peace (he also was in terrific pain - the bone stuff is bad). I had/still having a very emotional time. If you ever need to talk, please post and I will respond. I have been through/going through the paperwork, emotions, dealing with kids, family, finances etc. I might be able to help or least lend an ear. Take care and know that you and your family are in my thought and prayers.0 -
LossSamsWife said:Hi Cheryl - Thank you so
Hi Cheryl - Thank you so much for checking in with us - Sam passed away yesterday at Kobacker House - even though he did die at Kobacker, I think it was the right choice for us - the nurse asked if we wanted to take him home but it hurt him so much just to move him in the bed that I just wanted to leave him as comfortable as possible - the kids expressed to me last week that they felt like they could rest at home; that it was really hard for them to see Sam so sick all the time. We spent a lot of time with him and had some very special moments. We laughed with him and shared hugs and lots of love - even though he wasn't aware all of the time I know he knew we were there and enjoyed it - he smiled a lot and he hugged us - at one point on Sunday he was lying very still and smiling (it was a peaceful moment which was rare - he was usually moving around a lot because of the pain); I was holding one hand and our son was holding the other and I asked him what he was smiling about and he said "all the love"; I loved that! Those times made yesterday much more bearabole for everyone and I know they'll be good memories for us - Sam suffered a lot of pain last week but everyone at Kobacker was wonderful and took excellent care of Sam and he was okay with being there - I asked him on Tuesday if it was okay that he was there and he said yes - he had lots and lots of support and visitors over the week. I know that Heavenly Father blesses us even in times of great sadness - we could not have had a better weekend with Sam considering what we're dealing with - I mean even down to the fact that none of the kids had homework this weeked - that's unheard of! My son's team won his basketball championship tournament - we filmed the final game - which my son scored half of the points for his team - and we took it down for Sam to see - he responded to the video and enjoyed hearing it. Oh, he was so childlike that last week - very sweet! I can't believe he's gone - it seems so unreal - I'm glad he's at peace though - he suffered so much - I have to believe that things are better for him now. The kids have been amazing through it all. Isn't it ironic that he died on March 1 - the first day of National Colorectal Awareness Month! Thanks so much for your support, Cheryl - God bless you and your family - Tina
Tina, My heart goes out to you and your family. These first few days may seem to pass in a fog. I am sure you made the right decisions with Sam. It sounds like he knew he was surrounded by love and found some peace. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. It also sounds like your children will be there to support you as mine were. Hold tight to each other and share the many good memories you have. Blessings, Fay0 -
My condolencesgrandmafay said:Loss
Tina, My heart goes out to you and your family. These first few days may seem to pass in a fog. I am sure you made the right decisions with Sam. It sounds like he knew he was surrounded by love and found some peace. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. It also sounds like your children will be there to support you as mine were. Hold tight to each other and share the many good memories you have. Blessings, Fay
Hi Tina,
I am also a caregiver to my dad. He has beat esophageal cancer and is now fighting liver cancer. And.....my name is also Tina!! There are quite a few of "us" on this site. So glad to hear that your husband had a peaceful passing. For him to be surrounded by family and to be listening to the video of the children is wonderful. You were a wonderful caregiver for your husband. Thanks for sharing your story. May you find peace at this time.
Tina (too)0 -
Hi Tina -Tina Blondek said:My condolences
Hi Tina,
I am also a caregiver to my dad. He has beat esophageal cancer and is now fighting liver cancer. And.....my name is also Tina!! There are quite a few of "us" on this site. So glad to hear that your husband had a peaceful passing. For him to be surrounded by family and to be listening to the video of the children is wonderful. You were a wonderful caregiver for your husband. Thanks for sharing your story. May you find peace at this time.
Tina (too)
Thank you for your
Hi Tina -
Thank you for your support - how are things going for you and your dad? Well, I hope! Well, I just have to say that life does go on doesn't it - just when I'm trying to figure out the finances and we're trying to not spend money until I get a good handle on what kind of income I'm going to have - whether I need to work full or part-time (I haven't worked outside of my home for 23 years! all I've ever wanted to do is stay home and take care of home and family! I'm trying to put a resume together - thankfully, I've done a lot of volunteering so that should help!), healthcare, etc., my daughter ripped the front bumper off her car - $700; my kitchen faucet broke - can't use it until I get it fixed - I'm trying to do that myself - it looks minor so I want to try and figure it out with help from friends before I pay a plumber! Of course, I need to go through the mountains of bills, etc. that piled up over the last few weeks and, wow, do they pile up! And, of course, I've had the flu all week and really haven't felt like doing much of anything!
Anyway, I'm trying to keep in as good of spirits as possbible - I know everything will work out - it all just takes time! Of course, I didn't mention figuring out how to deal with the loss of Sam - that also is day by day. I'm finding that my kids and I are experiencing some of what others have experienced on this site - not really able to cry or grieve really - maybe we're all just still exhausted - it seems very strange that Sam is gone - not really real yet I think - my daughter asked me the other day if her dad really is gone - I said yes he is physically but he will always be here in spirit - in our hearts and minds - as long as we have that, he will always be here. Oh well, life does go on huh?!
Good luck to you,
Tina (too)0 -
Tina~SamsWife said:Hi Tina -
Thank you for your
Hi Tina -
Thank you for your support - how are things going for you and your dad? Well, I hope! Well, I just have to say that life does go on doesn't it - just when I'm trying to figure out the finances and we're trying to not spend money until I get a good handle on what kind of income I'm going to have - whether I need to work full or part-time (I haven't worked outside of my home for 23 years! all I've ever wanted to do is stay home and take care of home and family! I'm trying to put a resume together - thankfully, I've done a lot of volunteering so that should help!), healthcare, etc., my daughter ripped the front bumper off her car - $700; my kitchen faucet broke - can't use it until I get it fixed - I'm trying to do that myself - it looks minor so I want to try and figure it out with help from friends before I pay a plumber! Of course, I need to go through the mountains of bills, etc. that piled up over the last few weeks and, wow, do they pile up! And, of course, I've had the flu all week and really haven't felt like doing much of anything!
Anyway, I'm trying to keep in as good of spirits as possbible - I know everything will work out - it all just takes time! Of course, I didn't mention figuring out how to deal with the loss of Sam - that also is day by day. I'm finding that my kids and I are experiencing some of what others have experienced on this site - not really able to cry or grieve really - maybe we're all just still exhausted - it seems very strange that Sam is gone - not really real yet I think - my daughter asked me the other day if her dad really is gone - I said yes he is physically but he will always be here in spirit - in our hearts and minds - as long as we have that, he will always be here. Oh well, life does go on huh?!
Good luck to you,
Tina (too)
Hi Tina~ I think you have a wonderful, positive attitude! I know it was very hard for me to figure out the finances, the house etc. I am still working on it, but it was overwhelming at first. I did learn a couple of things - calling and speaking to the companies you owe debt to can be very helpful (some excused the bills, some were not as helpful, but did find out that Mike's Master's school debt was excused as it was on a FASFA loan) - you are eligible for social security until your kids are 16 and they are eligible until they turn 18 or graduate from high school (when I had a problem getting this started, I found that if I went to the local office and spoke to a person, things got done vs the phone)- take help from people when they offer, it will make you and them feel better - cry when you need to (keeping it bottled up is not good for the stomach) - keep a separate filing box for all the documents and finances that pertain to Sam's passing (that way everything is in one place - I have found that my concentration and memory is not too good at the moment) - keep an eye on your kids (I thought my son - 13 - was doing well and he had a complete breakdown at school - his counselor was there for him and called me, so all turned out well. My son said that this was the first time - 4 months out - since his dad died that he really cried) Like you, dealing with Mike's death is a day to day issue. Some are better than others. I still find myself thinking he will come through the doorway around dinner time or if I hear something funny, thinking "I can not wait to tell Mike". And you are right, life does go on. . .~Cheryl0
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