blaming yourself?

terato said:

Don't even think about blaming yourself!
Testicular cancers are among those malignancies that can't possibly result from anything done by the person afflicted.

Courage and Peace of Mind,

Rick

Blame your maker!!
From what I've been told in my case, mine was embryonic / stem cell. Meaning it started in the womb and the ground work foundation was laid from there, it just took 36 years to surface!!

I said to my wife that TC would happen to be the only cancer I could get, I mean, I live a healthy lifestyle, exercise eat right, pray This is just one of those that you're pre-programmed to get and there's isn't a damn thing you can do about it! LIVESTRONG

Paul

It's not about fairness.
Like everyone else said, blame has no place here. This was a big issue in my experience. I didn't blame myself. I knew that no matter what I had done before I would never have avoided getting TC. At least that's what I thought to begin with.

Believe it or not, my mother made me question this. Let me say this first, my family including my mother, father, sisters and all of my extended family were so extremely supportive during my experience that they deserve full credit for my success. Now, why did my mother make me question who was to blame? She would very often say that this wasn't fair. Why would I get this horrible disease when there are criminals and bad people or just plain rude and mean people out there? I've always had very good manners and never once wasn't polite. My mother also went to great lengths when raising me to make sure I was living a healthy life. She specifically made me eat blueberries and other fruits and foods because they are supposed to prevent cancer.

Every time she said it wasn't fair I would immediately and strongly reply with, "It's not about fairness." Still, there were times that I would think about this and that brought back all of the bad things that I'd ever done in my life. I tried to justify that it was fair. Damn me for being analytical. So I questioned every little bad deed I had ever done. No one is perfect. I may have been a really good behaved little boy and always did everything I was told but sure, I did some bad things.

However, I always came to the conclusion that getting testicular cancer had absolutely nothing to do with fairness.

P.S. If you smoke and get lung cancer, then yeah, you're an idiot and I'll blame you.

P.S.S. Even though my mother doesn't say it anymore I'm sure she believes that it wasn't fair that I got cancer.

jsm1861 said:

testicular cancer
I don't blame myself for getting it specifically. I blame myself for what has happened to my family as a result of it and me being the cause of that for getting sick in the first place. I first got it in apr 08 had "it" removed and did radiation. then in jan 09 the same type of cancer came back but in my abdomen. Long chemo treatments and not able to work we ended up losing everything and am now having to start over at 38. Had to uproot family and move 400 miles back home to live with mom for a while. wife and kid hated it.
to say "might have been better off" letting the lung clots get me has entered my mind.

I have been where you are.
jsm,

My nightmare began in 1980, with two surgeries and a two-year protocol of combination chemo, accompanied by job loss and eventual divorce. I was a broken man, physically, emotionally, and financially. However, my life got better. After 5 years of post-treatment rejections, I got a job. I also started dating, meeting some interesting women. I even changed careers, going back to grad school for a second masters degree. Although I live alone, I actually prefer it that way. If you had asked me how I felt about things back in 1982, I would have sounded pretty much as you sound now.

Where there is life, there is hope!

Courage and Peace of Mind!

Rick

Whom to blame???

Not sure should but this question will come to everyone asking suffering not just from cancer .Even I think, should I blame myself or the doctor who made fun of me when 3 months prior I went reporting lower back pain and met two different ortho doctors or parents who most of the time says what problem can happen to you at this age and not to worry about any pain in your body or my friends who kept making fun and used to complaint that I always have some or the other problem when I ask , if is this pain is unusual and I complain problems with my stomach after having food.

 I still think why it happened and one question that always keeps asking me which I cannot forgive myself thinking why I couldn't find it earlier. I thought I was taking care of my body and health. 

I drank occassionally (2 or sometimes 3 peg in a week).Just smoked 1 cigaratte (light brands) every day for the last 6 months before diagnosis and before that probably 2-3 cig every day. No drugs at all. Had restricted the my fav foods a lot,like  eating very very little red meat  once or twice in two months  ,very less fried items, and making sure just drink 1 glass of coke/pepsi in a week.Yes, T.C is never spoken in the country I live and even now. So like me,many not aware and no awareness are given to young boys and men. 

I still remember my friends asked m once,why only you smoke just 1 cigaratte a day? I used to say, 'I just keep a rule not to smoke more inspite of more temptation and opputunites and thats because if we fall sick by not taking caring of ourselves then who will be there to take care of our parents.And I do not want my parents to suffer because of me in their old age'. 

I can't believe now all these are happenig to me and just ask the person above all of us ,why didn it happen and atleast why didnt you allow me find it earlier???

I've read in websites where the researches say people who smokes marijuana or HIV men also can get T.C. I dont understand how did they even conclude with those findings. Is that because most of the cases are reported in white men , and most of  of them (western and U.S countries) take marijuana and start having sex at early age?

 There are many reported T.C cases from these same men from these countries(western and U.S countries) and other parts of the world, who have not done all these but still affected by T.C , what about them???

Have they ever thought by saying all these kind of stupid findings ,how others will look at a person who is diagnosed T.C or surviving it.Especially for their family memebers will be thinking too?

My marriage was fixed (arranged .which is another custom to show our respect to parents) and was to happen in a months time before I was diagnosed with T.C. My marriage was called off. That is fine, I feel she was really  lucky and I was happy for her. But later I was thinking after reading these reasons could be for T.C, and now I think ,what  would be their family thinking that , I'm a guy who must have done all these and caught  T.C.Even I remember my elder rother saying after looking at the test results saying 'see they've done some other test also and the result shows negative".I did not understand what he meant to say that time, but later after my 3rd cycle of chemo I saw in websites where it says people who have marijuana or HIV men can also be a reason to get T.C.

I'm sure many of others who hears that a person has got T.C(because I had this experience), they will be thinking ' Doesn't this guy even couldn't find the lump earlier and that too in the testicles.How idiot and careless guy". Even if no one has asked you then,I'm sure many of them who hears that a person has/had T.C ,tey will be thinking inside when they see us.

Even after 7 months of my last chemo session, I'm still totally embarassed and depressed and  every night I wake up saying I dont have T.C and sits and cry like a child...

I'm 30 and never had even one time sex, thinking I should keep my virginity for the lady whom I marry. Here in the country in Asia, we have a lot of custom,beliefs,traditions. Yes , I know people feel funny about it.Even few of my friends used to make fun of me saying even at the age of 30 that I never had sex and that too when was working in a big IT industry and in a big city . But  I just give a smile and says 'Thats ok'

I dont say or mean ,I'm a really a good guy... just because I didn't do all these..

Sometimes I feel guilty and even think now why I got T.C, could be because of early puberty(which some of the websites says).I believe it was at the age of 12 or 13 when it happened in sleep, but I did understand  what was it that time but later after an year I understood what was it .Can that be a reason? Well could that be reason,I still ask that question to me.

Yes, it is true we think we're good and we see many others who live their lifes just dont care about anything or anyone, who enjoys only partying,pubs,sex,drugs,steal,murderers,always lies,always use bad words ,ignore their parents completely and never gives a little for their parents,never goes to church or pray to god and they live and nothing goes wrong in their life and they live happily and die. Even sometimes,I used to think why are these people like this and I tried to avoid everyone thinking I should be a good guy and so thinking God is guarding me .The truth, is we're not the one to judge who is good or bad.And sometimes I think is there someone really there to judge above us of all....

There is no discrimination for anyone when it comes to a person has cancer,paralyzed,comma,handicapped or if a person who has serious ill or injured  for many years and even from the birth who are paralyzed.Also if  you're good or bad person or child,young, or old, or any whether you're a christian or muslim or you workship any other God.But the truth is , everything is written in this world before we were born and nothing can change it.... I never used to understand why some people say"There is no God" having going to church most of the Sundays (if I dont go to ofz on Sundays) and also every day in our home we've evening prayers for 30 mins since the day I remember when I was a kid.

But now I understand why people say that and now I ask sometimes to myself "Is there a God"... 

I just wanted write it down somewhere what I've going inside me ,since I've been asking the same question to me everytime and I'm sure it can be same with many others too. Thank you for bringing it up here in this forum .  For sure people who've gone through this only will understand what we all say here...