Man, when does the "WANT" come back...

backachedp said:

Medical Marijana
My husband Bob has Cancer..but I am on Med MJ..I dropped 70 lbs in a very short period of time. I have chronic pain. I have had several Surgeries. I get Merinol..it is Marijauna in a pill form. It has helped me increase my eating and make me want to eat..Bob has not tried it...maybe he will after he starts to try eating again. He finished Radiation & Chemo on Jan 28th. The week following his last Radiation he slept the entire week & felt worse then he ever had. He had a Dr aapt on the following Thursday & just could not go. We went to the Dr this past Wednesday & she said after what he had just been thru no wonder..his body needed to rest. He was told yesterday he will have an operation on his Tognue in the future for Scar Tissue...left side in the back. He was told he can start to eat on WQednesday, but the Mucus is still a big problem, so he is a bit hesitant to start yet...she sugested Applesauce,Yougert,jello...we will see when he feels comfortable he will try. I think he is afraid to choke. I tell him what people on here have tried and to keep water nearby when eating and gravy on things so they slide down better..I thank you all again for all you have done to help us thru this tough time...we do see an end to this road we have been on since Sept 29..Good luck to all:)

afraid of choking
backachedp, I completely understand your husband's fear of choking, it happens to me quite oftern. If I don't choke the food gets stuck in my throat and I sometimes have to put the handle of my toothbrush down my throat to dislodge it. One thing I've found that helps is putting water in my mouth before I swallow. The water helps the food to go down much easier. I wish you and your husband the very best and I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck.
God Bless,
Debbie

Hondo said:

Hi Greend
I have the same problem with the wife always asking me what I feel like eating, and I always use the same line, “I don’t know dear”. Really to tell you the truth I don’t know, if something is put before me I will eat it.

I enjoyed reading your story it kind of reminded me of how fast we all want to get back to our Normal self, we just need to take time and get uses to the new normal

Take care and keep posting

Your right, Hondo. Greend did bring on memories
Thanks for being so candid Greend. Fatigue has haunted me these last three years. It is finally getting better through thyroid treatment. Going back to work after your treatments must have been horrific!! I went to a dance with my wife for a few hours after treatment. It was horrible. My wife could see me slowly sinking away and took me home. It was a long time before we tried anything like that again.

I am in awe of anyone who works during and after treatment. As a heavy equipment operator who is required to work long and dusty hours on the job I would never have been able to do my job. To this day I am not able to concentrate on the tasks at hand so finish work on a blade or a dozer is not going to happen. I still feel guilty about not working. I think I hate my midwest upbringing. Ya...that's it!! I will blame my parents. LOL!!

OF late food has started to become enjoyable. I have been experiencing strange cravings for ground white pepper on just about everything that is hot when served. I can say that this is part of the new normal I am beginning to like. So this is a monumental moment in my recovery. Could it be the start of acceptance? Thanks Greend for helping to bring that out in me!!

dennis318 said:

I know where your coming from
I don't know if was radiation, chemo or what, I gained a exrtra 20 lbs before treatment started, after everything started i lost the taste, lost the energy as well, 3rd, 4th week i become violently sick and couldn't eat for 2 weeks. I lost 40lbs, depressed, could care less, you are not a lone, i hate this with a passion, i had a few support people, but the doctors worried more about my weight, and wanting to plug me with a tube, i refused. your drained, tired, and want to live in bed, i worked full time, boss was great at first. now she wants to know when i will get my voice back? I wish they could have this once, to feel the hurt and anguish we all go threw. It does get better, I'm eating better, but my body and mind have totally changed it's lifestyle. I am so thankful there are people like yourself and everyone where we can ask questions and voice are opinions, I'm sorry, when it boils down to it, if you haven't been threw this yourself, you will never know the frustration and pain. Hang in there guy, I know where your coming from.Take Care. Dennis

dennis318
Glad you found your way in here. Seems those of us that needed this place have found our way in here somehow. I see many paralells in your post, and I know your frustration. Good to take strength in the numbers here. Seeing that somehow they have been able to get thru to the other side. Hoping I can get there too. At least now I am feeling like it might be possible for me to get there someday.

cwcad said:

At least now I am feeling like it might be possible
Gosh it has been rather cathartic for me since joining the forum. I felt so agitated when I first found the forum. In my head I was on my last legs. I also need to point out that it was needless to be stressed out but I was. It is so true that no one knows how you feel unless you have had the problem. Reading these forums has made a difference. I am trying and don't feel alone.

Sweetblood you keep writing things that hit me dead center. I have the same feeling of possibilities and know that I am not alone. IT seems like I am commenting on your responses on the forum a lot lately. Like I tell my wife when she has cooked a great meal, "That was some good cooking." She has over the years started saying, "Oh, you always say that." Which I reply to her, "Yes, you are right. I always do say that and the reason is...it is always good. Don't discount me since you are the one doing the cooking."(or in your case...posting...lol!)

Thanks Sweetblood and all the members of this forum that post!! I am so happy to feel the possibilities!!!!

Now why am I depressed
Well lets see

1) I went through pure hell treating a very scary disease and wondering if I would live or die
2) I had to wear a stupid mask and listen to that damned x-ray machine killing me
3) They put poison in my blood stream and told me it wa "good for me"
4) I puked my guts up in the toilet
5) I can't "hock a lugie" (spit for you folks up north)
6) Can't eat like I used to and food tastes different.
7) My beard fell out all at once one night and all I had was the hair in the middle of my chin. It looked like I had a turkey beard.

and the list goes on

Here I am 13 years later -

I look back and now consider all my military days of going out and getting drunk and then "worshiping the restroom goddess" as on-the-job-training for cancer and the related nauseau. I never missed the bowl thanks to years of intensive training :>).

Dry mouth no longer keeps me awake at night and my hands are permanently cupped to hold a water bottle.

I know that anything that happens to me physically can't be any worse than what I have experienced so I am a stronger man for it. I will say that e-coli came close but that was very short term.

Mask - what mask? I don't have no stupid mask :>)

I no longer worry about cancer returning, I can't control that and there is nothing I can do about it, so now I concern myself with things I can control/influence.

FAMILY

I now know I am not afraid to die. When the doctors were trying to determine if I should have "just one more treatment" I made the decision - I said the answer is "no" and if I die so be it - that's how beat down I was a that time. This really provides me with an inner peace and helps me put "the small stuff" in perspective and just ignore it in most cases. (who really cares if Aunt Ruth is having an affair with the mailman other than Uncle Buck).

I have been blessed these past 13 years - remarried, grandchildren, supporting my mother as she goes through chemo, bought a neat truck (ok stretching it a bit here) and have met a great bunch of like minded people on this addictive board who are going through the same things I did yet seem stronger than I was at the time.

Maybe I should not be so depressed. CW (and the rest)- you will do fine. By the way CW, you know you could ask your wife if she could at least share some of her cooking with the rest of us.

cwcad said:

At least now I am feeling like it might be possible
Gosh it has been rather cathartic for me since joining the forum. I felt so agitated when I first found the forum. In my head I was on my last legs. I also need to point out that it was needless to be stressed out but I was. It is so true that no one knows how you feel unless you have had the problem. Reading these forums has made a difference. I am trying and don't feel alone.

Sweetblood you keep writing things that hit me dead center. I have the same feeling of possibilities and know that I am not alone. IT seems like I am commenting on your responses on the forum a lot lately. Like I tell my wife when she has cooked a great meal, "That was some good cooking." She has over the years started saying, "Oh, you always say that." Which I reply to her, "Yes, you are right. I always do say that and the reason is...it is always good. Don't discount me since you are the one doing the cooking."(or in your case...posting...lol!)

Thanks Sweetblood and all the members of this forum that post!! I am so happy to feel the possibilities!!!!

your welcome
but it was more like an even exchange. since a lot of what you said hit home for me.

Greend said:

Now why am I depressed
Well lets see

1) I went through pure hell treating a very scary disease and wondering if I would live or die
2) I had to wear a stupid mask and listen to that damned x-ray machine killing me
3) They put poison in my blood stream and told me it wa "good for me"
4) I puked my guts up in the toilet
5) I can't "hock a lugie" (spit for you folks up north)
6) Can't eat like I used to and food tastes different.
7) My beard fell out all at once one night and all I had was the hair in the middle of my chin. It looked like I had a turkey beard.

and the list goes on

Here I am 13 years later -

I look back and now consider all my military days of going out and getting drunk and then "worshiping the restroom goddess" as on-the-job-training for cancer and the related nauseau. I never missed the bowl thanks to years of intensive training :>).

Dry mouth no longer keeps me awake at night and my hands are permanently cupped to hold a water bottle.

I know that anything that happens to me physically can't be any worse than what I have experienced so I am a stronger man for it. I will say that e-coli came close but that was very short term.

Mask - what mask? I don't have no stupid mask :>)

I no longer worry about cancer returning, I can't control that and there is nothing I can do about it, so now I concern myself with things I can control/influence.

FAMILY

I now know I am not afraid to die. When the doctors were trying to determine if I should have "just one more treatment" I made the decision - I said the answer is "no" and if I die so be it - that's how beat down I was a that time. This really provides me with an inner peace and helps me put "the small stuff" in perspective and just ignore it in most cases. (who really cares if Aunt Ruth is having an affair with the mailman other than Uncle Buck).

I have been blessed these past 13 years - remarried, grandchildren, supporting my mother as she goes through chemo, bought a neat truck (ok stretching it a bit here) and have met a great bunch of like minded people on this addictive board who are going through the same things I did yet seem stronger than I was at the time.

Maybe I should not be so depressed. CW (and the rest)- you will do fine. By the way CW, you know you could ask your wife if she could at least share some of her cooking with the rest of us.

Greend
You said that so well. I had finally for the most part gotten over my feelings of depression after surviving my head/neck cancer when recently, bam, breast cancer. Crap. But, as you said, going through cancer before has made me a stronger person today, and so I am confident I will beat this new cancer as well. I hope 13 years from now I will look back and be right where you are mentally. You're very blessed in so many ways and I'm glad you see that and can share it with others. Good for you!!

Elaine in Georgia

GRAVEY said:

Thanks sweet, I am feeling a
Thanks sweet, I am feeling a little better, Im now at my 17th day back to work, the first two weeks I did part time until about 1:00,then I would go straight home and crash out until the next morning. Now Im on my second week of full time, and I can make it until 5:00, but then I go straight home and crash until around 10:00, I'll get up get something to eat, and then go back to bed. Oh, I also take a shot of Hydrocodone liquid that my radiologist perscribed me. Im really achy when I get home from work and it does wonders to help me relax, both after work and to go to sleep at night.
Im still smoking MJ to help with my nausea and help me want to eat, and it has really done the trick. I have actually pretty much halted drinking the ensure plus's, and pretty much just eat regular food now. I have about 25 to 30 percent of my tastebuds back, and between that and the MJ, I have gained about 5lbs.
Im stoked for that, and look forward to a clean test so I can get this F'ing tube out of my stomach and port out of my shoulder.
So really my only complaints are the non-saliva issue and the fatigue.

Hopefully this note finds you well as well

GRAVEY

gravey
Glad to hear you are doing a little better.