Adult Child Living with Parents thru Treatment

JillyB
JillyB Member Posts: 50
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Adult Child Living with Parents thru Treatment
Submitted by JillyB on February 20, 2010 - 1:42am
Hi,
I am very grateful to have a home to come to with a mother who will do anything needed at the drop of a hat, so I hate to complain. Right now I am on Taxotere for 12, well 5 more weeks, and it is kicking my butt. I have been told it's not really "supposed" to. That after the Adriomycin and Cytoxin, this was supposed to be a breeze, but I have had more side effects and hospital stays with Taxotere than the others. As a matter of fact, I am on a 2 week break, as I started to sleep about 8 hours a day plus 12 hours a night or so....
Has anyone else been thru this on Taxotere?
My father, is getting annoyed with me, thinks I am being lazy, by not trying to exercise as much as he thinks I should be, and my mom, who is at EVERY Dr. appointment and treatment, hears the Onc. and nurses say the exhaustion is due to the Chemo, yet she doesn't stick up for me when my father is, what feels to me, like berating me. I don't know what to do. It just makes me depressed and sleeep more. Any suggestions? Anyone been thru this? I can't sit here any longer..

Comments

  • someboysmom
    someboysmom Member Posts: 1
    #2
    To JillyB
    I'm the mother of 26 year old with AML who had to move back home during treatment. Have you invited your dad to a doctor's visit with you? Do you think you could get him to read any of the information your doctor could provide you regarding the side effects of chemo. My husband, daughter or I are alot like your mom....one or more of us is at every doctors visit. We hear what the doctor is saying to him...sometimes we hear when our son doesn't seem to and that is good. Maybe you and your mom need to include your dad more and get information for him to read. Share this webside with him and let him filter his way through the rest of us parents whose adult children have cancer. The pain is real. The tiredness is overwhelming. I understand and I'm sorry you have this situation. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Someboysmom
  • GaDonna
    GaDonna Member Posts: 9
    #3
    Taxotere was tough on my boyfriend
    I agree with trying to get your Dad to an appointment. He could ask the doctor questions first hand and maybe better understand what you are going through. However, I caution you. You said that you are having a harder time than you are "supposed" to. No one reacts exactly the same to thier chemo treatments. My boyfriend's doctor told us (yes I was at every appt) that he should be walking every day to keep his strength up. He couldn't get out of bed, much less go for a walk. He was also in the hospital for 4 months straight!!!! The doctors told him he should be able to work throughout his treatment. You just never know. He got through it and he is reocvery nicely and getting stronger every day. As a matter of fact I am in the waiting room while he is having his first PET scan post treatment. (saying another prayer)

    That being said, it is so hard for the caregiver and I know your Dad wants the best for you. If he sees you up and about, it comforts him. He is worried about you and loves you. Men tend to be a little less nurturing, so try not to let him get to you. Do what your body is telling you and keep your doctors well informed of your reactions to the chemo. I will pray for you and know that you will get through this. I know it's tough, but you can do it. Hang in there and keep us posted.
  • lmchils57
    lmchils57 Member Posts: 59
    #4
    Maybe he just Feels this way
    Maybe he just Feels this way because he feels so helpless and watching you go through this he just wants to see his healthy little girl up and running around again. I am actually the mother of an adult child with stage IV colon cancer who is living with us, we have just started our road so I would like to say that we will not be this way but I know even now all I want is for my "little boy" to be healthy and active again. The pain that sent him to the ER where they found that cancer has really put him down already so it scares me to death what he is going to be like once he starts the chemo. As parents it is not right to have the possiblility of outliving your child and we are suppose to fix them and make them better so when we can't we feel helpless.I am not condoning your dad but maybe understanding him, I agree keep him involved, this is what I am hearing from my other two sons about my husband. I have this tendency to take over with my childrens care and not include him as much as I should, it just the way I am but as my boys tell me I have to let my husband be involved also because he too needs to feel he is doing something. I am betting for your mom she is overwhelmed and just wanting to take care of you but does not always think to include him in the everyday care and information. We mothers area the nuturers and we tend to let it all be heaped on our shoulders so also encourage her to involve your dad. Ask me in a few months how well I have done this myself, I may not do so well either.
    Take care and remember your parents do love you.
  • JillyB
    JillyB Member Posts: 50
    #5
    lmchils57 said:

    Maybe he just Feels this way
    Maybe he just Feels this way because he feels so helpless and watching you go through this he just wants to see his healthy little girl up and running around again. I am actually the mother of an adult child with stage IV colon cancer who is living with us, we have just started our road so I would like to say that we will not be this way but I know even now all I want is for my "little boy" to be healthy and active again. The pain that sent him to the ER where they found that cancer has really put him down already so it scares me to death what he is going to be like once he starts the chemo. As parents it is not right to have the possiblility of outliving your child and we are suppose to fix them and make them better so when we can't we feel helpless.I am not condoning your dad but maybe understanding him, I agree keep him involved, this is what I am hearing from my other two sons about my husband. I have this tendency to take over with my childrens care and not include him as much as I should, it just the way I am but as my boys tell me I have to let my husband be involved also because he too needs to feel he is doing something. I am betting for your mom she is overwhelmed and just wanting to take care of you but does not always think to include him in the everyday care and information. We mothers area the nuturers and we tend to let it all be heaped on our shoulders so also encourage her to involve your dad. Ask me in a few months how well I have done this myself, I may not do so well either.
    Take care and remember your parents do love you.

    Adult Child Living with Parents thru Treatment
    Thank you all for your help/responses. I have taken it all to heart. I had my mom read what you wrote, which I will only do this time, but I wanted her to see what others were thinkinig also, as I thought what ya'll had to say was great. She thinks he would come to a Dr.'s appointment. He wouldn't come to a chemo session, which is what I would really want because then he could talk to the nurses who know me well, and would have a good amount of time, but he just is not good at sitting around for that amount of time. (4-5 hours)...and I understand that, I do. BUT, I just had the idea that he could tough it out and come to the hydration session the next day, as with this Taxotere, I am in and out in about 2 hours! And the Dr. is walking around and basically avaiable. I had a scheduled chat today with the Social Worker at the Cancer Center, and she is going to send out to him in the mail tomorrow, a Federal News Letter about how "Chemo Brain" has actually become a medical term and what it involves. She is also going to send alot of other useful things, some of it published by my Doctor. So that is good. My mother said today as we were going thru this website that he feels extremely bad about what I have to go thru and IS scared of what might happen in the future, and I know that, but to me, actions speak louder than words from others and I'm sorry, for my sake and mental health just to know my dad really cares, I think he needs to suck it up and say something emotional to me, no matter how hard it is for him. If he cries, it's not going to kill him. Right? Oh, we are going to family therapy, the 3 of us in 2 weeks with a counselor who's specialty is treating people/families with serious illnesses. So that is good. Wow, that was long. Thanks so much for listening, and responding.
  • JillyB
    JillyB Member Posts: 50
    #6
    GaDonna said:

    Taxotere was tough on my boyfriend
    I agree with trying to get your Dad to an appointment. He could ask the doctor questions first hand and maybe better understand what you are going through. However, I caution you. You said that you are having a harder time than you are "supposed" to. No one reacts exactly the same to thier chemo treatments. My boyfriend's doctor told us (yes I was at every appt) that he should be walking every day to keep his strength up. He couldn't get out of bed, much less go for a walk. He was also in the hospital for 4 months straight!!!! The doctors told him he should be able to work throughout his treatment. You just never know. He got through it and he is reocvery nicely and getting stronger every day. As a matter of fact I am in the waiting room while he is having his first PET scan post treatment. (saying another prayer)

    That being said, it is so hard for the caregiver and I know your Dad wants the best for you. If he sees you up and about, it comforts him. He is worried about you and loves you. Men tend to be a little less nurturing, so try not to let him get to you. Do what your body is telling you and keep your doctors well informed of your reactions to the chemo. I will pray for you and know that you will get through this. I know it's tough, but you can do it. Hang in there and keep us posted.

    Taxotere was tough on my boyfriend
    ""he is having his first PET scan post treatment. (saying another prayer)""....GaDonna, I will be praying too. If it's not too personal, may I ask what kind of cancer he had? So right about this Taxotere and not just that, but every medication..I don't know why Dr's tell you the little side effects, as they are sooooo different for everyone. The big ones, I get and was happy about, cuz some of them you think you are dying, but realize it's normal. It's the little ones that differ so much. I made a friend at the center who went thru Taxo and hardly had fatigue,but had probs with others that I didn't.
    Well, really I just wanted to say that I hope the PET scan comes out clean. I am not a god driven person, but I WILL pray.
  • JillyB
    JillyB Member Posts: 50
    #7
    someboysmom said:

    To JillyB
    I'm the mother of 26 year old with AML who had to move back home during treatment. Have you invited your dad to a doctor's visit with you? Do you think you could get him to read any of the information your doctor could provide you regarding the side effects of chemo. My husband, daughter or I are alot like your mom....one or more of us is at every doctors visit. We hear what the doctor is saying to him...sometimes we hear when our son doesn't seem to and that is good. Maybe you and your mom need to include your dad more and get information for him to read. Share this webside with him and let him filter his way through the rest of us parents whose adult children have cancer. The pain is real. The tiredness is overwhelming. I understand and I'm sorry you have this situation. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Someboysmom

    To JillyB
    Hi SBM, which I feel is such a demeaning name for you! You are so much more than that!! I was wondering what AML is....

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