TIRED OF BEING SICK

DLS_MA
DLS_MA Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Esophageal Cancer #1
HELLO,

MY HUSBAND WAS DIAGNOSED WITH EC APPROX. 2 AND HALF YEARS AGO. HE DID NOT OPT FOR SURGERY, BUT RADIATION AND CHEMO. HE IS NOW ON HIS THIRD SESSION OF CHEMO. THE CANCER DID SPREAD TO HIS LYMPH NODES. HE HAD HER 2 IN HIS TISSUE AND IS TAKING HERCEPTIN 2 WHICH IS FOUND IN BREAST CANCER PATIENTS. HE IS TIRED OF BEING SICK. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. ANY SUGGESTIONS? I DO WORK, BUT I TOOK A WEEK OFF AND WE HAD OUR GRANDAUGHTER WHO HE ADORES, SHE IS 5 YEARS OLD. SHE LOVES HIM ALSO

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  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #2
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • unclaw2002
    unclaw2002 Member Posts: 599
    #3
    Hi,
    Te good news is that you
    Hi,

    Te good news is that you have had your husband with you over two years since his diagnosis - the bad news is that this is a long and difficult fight.

    Sometimes we get weary and feel that we can't take another step and just want to lay down and give in to everything around us. I would imagine that everyone touched by cancer has felt that way sometime during their fight, during their darkest hours . . . so what we can do as their loved ones is help them through that time with gentle and kind encouragement and lean on others, friends, family, the folks on boards like this. I have learned in just a short time that it takes many, and sometimes the kindness of strangers, or people you have never met to get you through.

    One day at a time is how we look at it in my family. My dad is a stage III victim, he is 78 with other complications that make his treatment challenging. I look at each day as a gift, each call or visit as something I need to cherish. Some days I just cry and feel sorry for myself, other days I feel strong and capable, some days I don't want to get out of bed . . . and I'm not even the one fighting for my life. So I can understand your husband being tired of the fight and wanting to complain.

    Sounds like you work full-time, perhaps you could get some friends to visit when you are at work, or have him if he is strong enough do some activities outside the house with a club or group. Perhaps you could see if you could get FMLA and use a half a day of sick leave a week if he isn't having treatment to spend time with him. As William says you don't say how old or what his condition is so it is hard to suggest specific options. But maybe it might be as simple as a change in his routine to give him a different perspective. We are all different but my last word of advice is to trust your instincts, you know him best, you know what has worked in the past and how he responds to things don't forget those things that brought you to the dance just because this is cancer --- you probably know deep in your heart some special things that would soften his heart, make him look beyond his pain and decide to keep on going because you, his family and life is a special gift to be cherished.

    Good luck,
    Cindy
  • DLS_MA
    DLS_MA Member Posts: 5
    #4
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    TIRED OF BEING SICK
    HI WILLIAM,

    Thank you for replying to me. My name is Lucille and my husband's name is David. David is 65 and I am 59. He was diagnosed approx. 2-1/2 years ago with Esophageal Cancer. The cancer is at the junction. Thank goodness it did not migrate into his stomach. His doctor recommended the operation, but at that time he just got over a very bad kidney stone removal (he had drainage tubes, etc. it was very painful for him) and did not want to go through another painful operation. He had radiation and chemo. We did go to Boston and they too recommended the operation. He was cleared from cancer when he had the pet scan. It came back after a year and it metsasised into his lymph nodes, another session of chemo. It remained their in both his esophagus and lymph nodes, did not spread anywhere else and did not grow. Two months ago he had an endoscopy again and it showed that it was growing in his esophagus again. The physcian took a tissue sample, it came back with Her 2 anitbody present in his tissue (which is in women with breast cancer) he is now on herceptin and another type of chemo. He is getting tired of being sick. I give him all the love that I can. It is so hard to watch someone you love going through what he is going through. We go one day at a time, if he is okay we would do something, which we are going for a ride to Vermont today (after I write this note) He is not in any pain he is on the patch. He has been in and out of hospitals. It is like a roller coaster with his white and red blood cells.

    I am so glad that I have a sounding board other than my friend, who by the way is our best friend and her husband has the same cancer as David, but his went to his stomach. He did have the operation. He has a feeding tube (which David said that he would never have). They came over the other day. He is still weak, not eating a whole lot (he lost over 100 lbs). David is loosing some weight also. I don't want him to give up, he wanted to give up last night, I told him no way. But I learned this morning that he did not put his patch on two days ago, so I told him he was going through withdrawal symptons. He put it back on and he is doing better. I advised him don't take it off again, until we speak with the doctor. He is suppose to get another treatment on Tuesday. I hope that he will be up to it. He has one treatment every three weeks. It takes a lot out of him.

    Thank you for listening, Lucille
  • DLS_MA
    DLS_MA Member Posts: 5
    #5
    unclaw2002 said:

    Hi,
    Te good news is that you
    Hi,

    Te good news is that you have had your husband with you over two years since his diagnosis - the bad news is that this is a long and difficult fight.

    Sometimes we get weary and feel that we can't take another step and just want to lay down and give in to everything around us. I would imagine that everyone touched by cancer has felt that way sometime during their fight, during their darkest hours . . . so what we can do as their loved ones is help them through that time with gentle and kind encouragement and lean on others, friends, family, the folks on boards like this. I have learned in just a short time that it takes many, and sometimes the kindness of strangers, or people you have never met to get you through.

    One day at a time is how we look at it in my family. My dad is a stage III victim, he is 78 with other complications that make his treatment challenging. I look at each day as a gift, each call or visit as something I need to cherish. Some days I just cry and feel sorry for myself, other days I feel strong and capable, some days I don't want to get out of bed . . . and I'm not even the one fighting for my life. So I can understand your husband being tired of the fight and wanting to complain.

    Sounds like you work full-time, perhaps you could get some friends to visit when you are at work, or have him if he is strong enough do some activities outside the house with a club or group. Perhaps you could see if you could get FMLA and use a half a day of sick leave a week if he isn't having treatment to spend time with him. As William says you don't say how old or what his condition is so it is hard to suggest specific options. But maybe it might be as simple as a change in his routine to give him a different perspective. We are all different but my last word of advice is to trust your instincts, you know him best, you know what has worked in the past and how he responds to things don't forget those things that brought you to the dance just because this is cancer --- you probably know deep in your heart some special things that would soften his heart, make him look beyond his pain and decide to keep on going because you, his family and life is a special gift to be cherished.

    Good luck,
    Cindy

    TIRED OF BEING SICK
    hi Cindy,

    Thank you for your response.

    Yes I do have many friends. But, you don't keep wanting to ask for their help all the time. They say that they will do anything for us.

    He wanted minced meat pie, so I made it for him last night. He did enjoy his slice.

    We do belong to a support group, which helps us tremendously. We have many friends from that group.

    Please see the note that I replied to William, it will explain a little more about us.

    Well, I am going to get dress and take him out for a ride and maybe have lunch in VT, he really likes this restaurant there.

    Again, that you for your concern.

    Lucille

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