Lung Cancer Anger!

RE said:

Acceptance
Well I do not have lung cancer I have had my battles (3) with breast cancer. I have watched cancer ravage my mom over a 26 year period (she had many a great day during that time) ravage my oldest sister, sister in-law, brother in-law and an aunt. It is always heart breaking and life changing but it will never ever be life destroying even if I should end of dying of cancer. You see cancer can take my breasts, destroy my arm and cause me lung problems, but It simply cannot have my happiness. I have worked so hard to be here so I can enjoy my family and my life. I myself draw my strength from my faith (Christian) and family you may find your peace elsewhere. The sister I mentioned about was manic depressive and had many emotional issues with what was happening to her. She choose to see a physch doctor once a week and had many a conversations with a pastor who would minister to her in the bar that she owned. Upon her death in her final day she spoke continuously and it was not to us. She was talking to God and would tell us to shush because we were interrupting her conversation. She spoke so much we were amazed, she died that night with her heart where it needed to be. I can only tell you that I believe we choose to be happy or angry, it is our decision. I do not feel cancer has any right to my mental health and I do my best to see to it that cancer does not ruin my happiness. Find a religion you feel comfortable with (I sugguest Baptist as I have found them to not sugar coat the bible and read what is there). I hope in some way I have helped you, you are a survivor you have much to celebrate and live for. I wish you much happiness and will be praying for you.

♥ RE ♥

robinvan said:

Inner Peace
Hi Beverly,

It sounds like you are still dealing with what I call the "emotional aftermath" of your cancer treatment. I hope this response isn't too long and wordy!

Anger is probably one of the most common responses to cancer, grief, fear, and things that threaten us. I think it is natural and normal.

I find that the first step towards handling anger is to "name" and "accept" it as a valid emotion for what I am going through. If I deny or repress anger it will only harm me in other ways. Acknowledging my anger; becoming aware of how it affects me, emotionally, mentally, and physically; can help me to accept and relinquish it.

I find it also helps to be clear of the difference between "anger" as a natural emotional response which I can't always prevent, and "angry behaviour" which is how I act, or react, when angry and over which I can excercise some restraint and control.

When we are unable to "let go" of our anger it can often take on a more deep seated stance such as "bitterness" or "resentment". This is when it can really wreak havoc on our relationships and well-being. We can become, in the words of John Prine, "...wrapped up in a trap of our very own chain of sorrow"

I like what Kathy has said above. If we can find hope, joy and peace in the midst of what we are going though then even our cancer journey can be life-giving. Prayer, meditation, music, walking, and reading are all things that I do to help me let go of anger and many of the other "afflictive" emotions that go along with this dread disease.

If anger is becoming a real problem in your life and affecting your relationships and quality of life then you could consider looking for some anger management programs. They can be very helpful in providing an understanding of the dynamics of anger and providing useful tools for coping.

There is a great bible passage which says...
"Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger."

This has always been helpful to me in affirming the validity of anger in certain circumstances but cautioning me against acting violently or rashly when angry. It also reminds me not to carry my anger from day to day.

Here's a piece on "serenity" and "inner peace" that I wrote while suffering a recurrence in 2007...
Serenity

So... I hope a little "spiritual wisdom" from the Bible and John Prine is helpful to you.

Peace and blessings... Rob; in Vancouver

You can gaze out the window get mad and get madder,
throw your hands in the air, say "What does it matter?"
but it don't do no good to get angry,
so help me I know

For a heart stained in anger grows weak and grows bitter.
You become your own prisoner as you watch yourself sit there
wrapped up in a trap of your very own
chain of sorrow.
John Prine