Mom in hospice

Love4Cora
Love4Cora Member Posts: 7
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
I just wanted to talk to anyone that has anything to share about having their mom in hospice care. My mom has been battling cervical cancer for 2 years. She was first diagnosed with stage 3b. She did radiation treatments and they were able to get rid of the tumor. But the cancer metastasized to her right lung & liver a few months later. She's been on so many types of chemos for almost a year. Then she had an episode about 2 weeks ago due to cancer in her lung, she couldn't breather. They wanted to out a ventilator down her throat and she refused it. The doctors thought she was going code that day. A few days later they sent her to hospice.

Everyday has been a struggle since then....is there anyone that can share any similar experience?

Ive been taking care majority of the time. My step dad lives with her but is starting to wear down emotionally. I've missed almost 3 weeks of work and thiking about going on medical leave.

As of today, she almost wants to give up walking and going to the bathroom by herself. I get so frustrated and mad while taking care of her then the guilt of why I got mad kills me after. I've been crying in front of her more than I would like to. But eventhough it's heartbreaking seeing my mom my angel like that.

Comments

  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #2
    powering down
    I'm watching my Mom powering down, too. She's been fighting 3c ovarian cancer for just over a year, and is a widow who lives by herself. She now feels rotten and is too sick to have fun, after being a funster all her life.

    Please ask for more intensive hospice services. Sometimes you do have to ask. I have heard that high-energy women with terminal cancer reach a point where they give up and go to bed. They do have that right, don't you think?

    I'm self-employed, and my "medical leave for mom" is now pushing 4 months of accumulated time. Needless to say, I'm broke. It's a temporary situation, so I try not to think about it.

    If you have medical leave you can take, do it. I've read other posts here where people shared regrets. A common one is that they spent time working instead of sitting with their dying parent. I don't want that weighing on my heart if it doesn't have to be that way.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Hospice
    I am so sorry you are going through this. Hospice is a very special program and time, but it is very hard. I called hospice for my husband during his last days. When he totally gave up walking or even getting out of bed into the wheelchair, I knew the end was nearing. He only lasted a couple of days after that, just enough time to say goodbye to those he wanted to see one last time. Although I was the primary caregiver, our sons spent those last few days with us as well. As hard as it was, both cherish that time with their dad. It's ok to cry. Like I told my husband, if he had been an s.o.b. we wouldn't care. It is hard to watch them go and leave us behind. Just hold those you love, including your mom, close, and tell them you love them. Life truly is shorter than we would like. Take care of yourself, too. Fay
  • Love4Cora
    Love4Cora Member Posts: 7
    #4
    Barbara53 said:

    powering down
    I'm watching my Mom powering down, too. She's been fighting 3c ovarian cancer for just over a year, and is a widow who lives by herself. She now feels rotten and is too sick to have fun, after being a funster all her life.

    Please ask for more intensive hospice services. Sometimes you do have to ask. I have heard that high-energy women with terminal cancer reach a point where they give up and go to bed. They do have that right, don't you think?

    I'm self-employed, and my "medical leave for mom" is now pushing 4 months of accumulated time. Needless to say, I'm broke. It's a temporary situation, so I try not to think about it.

    If you have medical leave you can take, do it. I've read other posts here where people shared regrets. A common one is that they spent time working instead of sitting with their dying parent. I don't want that weighing on my heart if it doesn't have to be that way.

    Thank you for sharing
    Hi Barbara. My name is Symphony by the way and thank you for sharing. Powering down is a good description of what is happening to our moms. My mom is only 54 yrs old and yes like your mom always loved doing things. She is re-married and my stepdad takes care of her too. My mom used to spend weekends with me and we would be out and about together. She is my best friend and my heart is broken watching this horrible disease take her over.

    I work for a financial firm that is very supportive of the days I need to take off for my ma. But those days are "no pay". So needless to day my next paycheck is going almost zero. You are right I don't want to have any regrets on how I spent the last days with her.

    I live in California, I can file for disability for up to 6 weeks.

    Thanks again. Keep in touch.

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