Other Caregivers

crick
crick Member Posts: 8
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hello,

I was on the CSN Chatroom a day ago and once I indicated that I was a caregiver the response of the participants was that I was not sick. Does anyone know of a chatroom specifically for Caregivers.

My wife was diagnosed with lung cancer in January 2010, we have been married for 28 year and the thought of her being ill is extremely heart breaking. We both have been trying to absorb this situation. I feel that being her husband it is my duty to support her through this journey, but I need to keep myself grounded and strong. This is were I need support myself to continue. I understand that the primary focus is on her, but I also need to share with other caregivers on how they have and/or are managing with their love ones.

Currently, I was able to take time off from work and have been able to devote 100% of my time to her, but I need to start working next month and hoping that I would be able to balance both the stressors of my job and taking care of my wife. Unfortunately, we do not have a support system, most of our close friends and family reside in another state.

I guess I am just looking for a group that were I can express my feelings without insulting others that are not in a similar situation.

Any suggestions - thank you
Crick

Comments

  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #2
    they never get breaks
    Crick, you are being such a good husband and I think you know it. I'm caring for my mother. While driving home from a 2-week stint as caregiver, I realized that we caregivers can step out of it, go away for an hour or a day or a week, but the patient never gets that priviledge. This makes for a very different experience!

    I haven't had the chatroom experience you describe, but have noticed that caregivers use restraint in the main cancer forums, but in this one there are no limits in the degree of honesty allowed. It's our territory, and there are several sweet souls here caring for their spouses.

    As much as the ones we care for love and appreciate us, they also resent everyone who is not sick. Forgive those who must manage this ever-present monster.
  • AnnaLeigh
    AnnaLeigh Member Posts: 187 Member
    #3
    We understand your heartbreak and need for support
    Crick,

    I am sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis and can fully understand your need for a safe place to ask questions, vent your frustrations and doubts, and receive practical advice. There are many caring and compassionate people in this forum who will listen and respond without criticism or judgement and who will help guide you through the harrowing process of taking care of your loved one while she is in treatment.

    Caregivers, who are also the spouse, find themselves dealing with the stressful emotions of watching their loved one be ill, processing an enormous amount of information regarding treatment and care, and juggling decisions of how to be in more than one place at a time in order to be sure all of the responsibilities of life are not neglected. And we are not hired professionals who can clock out when the five-o'clock bell rings, therefore, support is extremely important.

    Most treatment centers or oncologist's offices have a referral service or social worker that can direct you to organizations like Visiting Angels or The Wellness Center which can help you find providers of hourly, paid assistance for household duties, personal care, or therapeutic counseling. There are cancer support groups in every town and they are a wealth of information about resources for you no matter how small or how large the need.

    Best wishes for a successful treatment and please do not be afraid to post your deepest thoughts or intimate and personal questions. No one here will be offended.

    Been there, DOING that,

    AnnaLeigh
  • SueC21
    SueC21 Member Posts: 11
    #4
    AnnaLeigh said:

    We understand your heartbreak and need for support
    Crick,

    I am sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis and can fully understand your need for a safe place to ask questions, vent your frustrations and doubts, and receive practical advice. There are many caring and compassionate people in this forum who will listen and respond without criticism or judgement and who will help guide you through the harrowing process of taking care of your loved one while she is in treatment.

    Caregivers, who are also the spouse, find themselves dealing with the stressful emotions of watching their loved one be ill, processing an enormous amount of information regarding treatment and care, and juggling decisions of how to be in more than one place at a time in order to be sure all of the responsibilities of life are not neglected. And we are not hired professionals who can clock out when the five-o'clock bell rings, therefore, support is extremely important.

    Most treatment centers or oncologist's offices have a referral service or social worker that can direct you to organizations like Visiting Angels or The Wellness Center which can help you find providers of hourly, paid assistance for household duties, personal care, or therapeutic counseling. There are cancer support groups in every town and they are a wealth of information about resources for you no matter how small or how large the need.

    Best wishes for a successful treatment and please do not be afraid to post your deepest thoughts or intimate and personal questions. No one here will be offended.

    Been there, DOING that,

    AnnaLeigh

    You are not alone
    Hi Crick, you are not alone. I don't know if you remember but I spoke to you in the chat room last week or so? I am sorry about your experience in the chat room, I have been very well received as a caregiver in the chatroom and that was unfortunate that people did not offer you more compassion.

    As I have mentioned before my husband who is 43, was dx in Dec 09 with Stage 4 NSCLC. It has been difficult news to hear. I am lucky enough to have family members for support, but they don't realize the emotional toll this takes on the caregiver/spouse. I also have to work full time and have a stressful job, so I know how you feel. My employer has been wonderful but I don't want to be a free loader, I need to pull my own weight at the company.

    I have found that if I take some time away to do something nice for myself, I come back feeling much better and can continue on. So don't forget to take care of yourself too.

    Feel free to reach out to us here, we know how you feel. Wishing you and your family all the best.

    Sue
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #5
    Hello Crick
    I am so sorry you were not welcomed in the chat room. I have never gone there and personally feel that is just plain rude. My husgand has Stage IV Colorectal Cancer and I am his caregiver. I usually post on the colorectal board where caregivers are very much welcome. In fact, it is often expressed how they, as patients, could not do what they do medically if not for their caregivers. I am sorry you are in the postion you are in, as a caregiver. Sometimes, it is harder on us watching our loved one go through cancer. Just do the best you can. That is the only advise I can offer. I know what you mean about working. George continues to work even with his diagnosis and so do I. Of course, a lot of the routine home stuff you will have to shoulder yourself but you just have to figure out how to manage time, sometimes it is not easy. I have family around if I need to call upon someone but so far George's treatment is going very well and that has not been necessary. Just hang in there for your wife. If she gets a little harsh, just remember, that is not her, that is the chemo talking and walk away. Try posting questions on the lung cancer board. The boards are a very good source of information and when well informed, the anxiety level goes way down. Take care - Tina
  • wifeforlife
    wifeforlife Member Posts: 189
    #6
    geotina said:

    Hello Crick
    I am so sorry you were not welcomed in the chat room. I have never gone there and personally feel that is just plain rude. My husgand has Stage IV Colorectal Cancer and I am his caregiver. I usually post on the colorectal board where caregivers are very much welcome. In fact, it is often expressed how they, as patients, could not do what they do medically if not for their caregivers. I am sorry you are in the postion you are in, as a caregiver. Sometimes, it is harder on us watching our loved one go through cancer. Just do the best you can. That is the only advise I can offer. I know what you mean about working. George continues to work even with his diagnosis and so do I. Of course, a lot of the routine home stuff you will have to shoulder yourself but you just have to figure out how to manage time, sometimes it is not easy. I have family around if I need to call upon someone but so far George's treatment is going very well and that has not been necessary. Just hang in there for your wife. If she gets a little harsh, just remember, that is not her, that is the chemo talking and walk away. Try posting questions on the lung cancer board. The boards are a very good source of information and when well informed, the anxiety level goes way down. Take care - Tina

    Crick
    My husband of 25 years has been diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer. I also have concerns about sharing feelings...I wonder if I will be judged by some of the things I worry about. If you find a place to share please post it! It's all well and good to talk about how hard this is...how we need to make memories, etc. Those postings help!...But what about those feelings you can't share with a sick spouse...what about those feelings you don't want to share with friends... those feelings that only someone going through it would understnd. You might feel something one day...that you regret the next.

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