My mom just passed and Im 37 weeks pregnant, I feel so lonely

traceaxt
traceaxt Member Posts: 7
edited March 2014 in Surviving Caregivers #1
My mom passed away on Jan 28 2010, I still feel like its unreal. Im 25 and 37 weeks pregnant with my first child, my father and i were her primamry care givers and I love her so much it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel numb some days and somedays all i want to do is cry.She was my best friend. I just dont know what to do to feel better. Im one of five children I have a younger sister that is 16 and I dont know how to help her either. She keeps telling me im not her mom. I know im not her mom and i would never want to replace her. I just dont want her to feel alone. I dont now how to help her if i cant even help myself feel better. When my mom passed at home he wasnt even talking anymore, she hadnt in a few weeks. But my mom would never had said goodbye. If she was still talking she was still fighting, she made it almost five years with very aggresive breast cancer that had spread all over. I wish I was as strong as her:(

Comments

  • katiegrace
    katiegrace Member Posts: 3
    #2
    I am going through something similar
    Hi Traceaxt

    My mom has small cell lung cancer. She didn't have a symptom until January 11 and once she was diagnosed, she was so far along that the doctors recommended to keep her comfortable since she probably has less than three weeks to live. I am 22 weeks pregnant and 33. my father passed 2 years ago and I have two siblings. She is almost non-responsive now and well this has been devastating for me. I have taken some leave from work to be with her and spend most days at the hospital. She was my best friend too and I understand what you mean about feeling alone. I am the first of my friends to be facing losing both parents. Quite a few of my friends have no context for this and are so disturbed by seeing cancer attack so viciously and quickly that they can't talk to me. My mom was also extremely active in the community as a community leader so we have had to deal with those issues as well. Only a few weeks ago she was planning for my baby with not a care in the world. I don't know what comfort I can offer you, but you aren't the only first-time pregnant lady out there with this problem - I hope that helps. Also, when I feel my strength failing, I think of my baby and how she deserves a mommy who can be strong for her. I am still early enough along that I am worried about pre-eclampsia if i let my emotions run too much.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    katiegrace said:

    I am going through something similar
    Hi Traceaxt

    My mom has small cell lung cancer. She didn't have a symptom until January 11 and once she was diagnosed, she was so far along that the doctors recommended to keep her comfortable since she probably has less than three weeks to live. I am 22 weeks pregnant and 33. my father passed 2 years ago and I have two siblings. She is almost non-responsive now and well this has been devastating for me. I have taken some leave from work to be with her and spend most days at the hospital. She was my best friend too and I understand what you mean about feeling alone. I am the first of my friends to be facing losing both parents. Quite a few of my friends have no context for this and are so disturbed by seeing cancer attack so viciously and quickly that they can't talk to me. My mom was also extremely active in the community as a community leader so we have had to deal with those issues as well. Only a few weeks ago she was planning for my baby with not a care in the world. I don't know what comfort I can offer you, but you aren't the only first-time pregnant lady out there with this problem - I hope that helps. Also, when I feel my strength failing, I think of my baby and how she deserves a mommy who can be strong for her. I am still early enough along that I am worried about pre-eclampsia if i let my emotions run too much.

    Mommy Hat
    I am so sorry that both of you are going through this. You both have a lot on your plates. Now,I'm going to put on my Mommy Hat. I know I am not your mothers, but as a mom I can tell you that your moms would want you to take care of yourselves first. Grief is a very powerful emotion and stress can really wear you down. You are both going through difficult times. Your babies are a precious gift, and they will know your mothers through you. Mothers never truly go away. I know that both of your moms are/were special ladies. So are both of you, and you will raise children who will carry on that legacy. Grief never really goes away either. It changes and becomes more bearable with time. The happy memories help take care of the pain, but it does take time. It's important that you allow yourselves to grieve. It will take time, and each of us must grieve in our own time and own way. My greatest wish for both of you is a happy, healthy baby. I know that would be your mothers' wishes, too. Take care, Fay
  • katiegrace
    katiegrace Member Posts: 3
    #4
    grandmafay said:

    Mommy Hat
    I am so sorry that both of you are going through this. You both have a lot on your plates. Now,I'm going to put on my Mommy Hat. I know I am not your mothers, but as a mom I can tell you that your moms would want you to take care of yourselves first. Grief is a very powerful emotion and stress can really wear you down. You are both going through difficult times. Your babies are a precious gift, and they will know your mothers through you. Mothers never truly go away. I know that both of your moms are/were special ladies. So are both of you, and you will raise children who will carry on that legacy. Grief never really goes away either. It changes and becomes more bearable with time. The happy memories help take care of the pain, but it does take time. It's important that you allow yourselves to grieve. It will take time, and each of us must grieve in our own time and own way. My greatest wish for both of you is a happy, healthy baby. I know that would be your mothers' wishes, too. Take care, Fay

    Thank you for your kind words
    Hi Gradmafey

    Thank you for your kind words. You are right that mothers never truly go away and neither does grief, but the latter becomes bearable. I know for me, 4 weeks ago this wasn't even on the radar and so its been quite a shock. I am trying to take care of myself (I even have the nurses check my blood pressure when mom's get checked). Its just all overwhelming.
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #5
    Hi Traceaxt
    I lost my Mother some years ago and three of my brothers, I look at the good times we had while they were alive and the memories of them that stay for ever.

    If she was a strong person more then likely you will be too, teach your children about your Mother don’t let her memories die.

    Take care
  • MYFATHERSDAUGHTER
    MYFATHERSDAUGHTER Member Posts: 2
    #6
    traceaxt
    I lost my father Feb 15 2010. I was 33 weeks pregnant with twins. I was supposed to be on bed rest from the time I was 26 weeks. I had to keep going, to be there for him. My dad was more important at the time. I crawled in bed with him in the hospital and talked and cried. Even though I was pregnant. I took my dad to every dr apt chemo radiation and when he was in the hospital and his last two weeks he was in hospice I still made every effort to take care of him comfort him and make him the priority. I knew he was not going to make it much longer. It hurts terribly I miss him so much everyday. I had the twins on my 36TH birtday 12 days after my father passed. Loosing my dad has been the hardest thing in my life to have to deal with. I feel like I was robbed of many years with my daddy. But I remember the days I did have with him and hold on to those. I don't know if it will get easier but I just take it one day at a time. Sometimes hour by hour or even minute by minute. I am just glad that he is not in pain anymore.
  • katiegrace
    katiegrace Member Posts: 3
    #7
    MYFATHERSDAUGHTER said:

    traceaxt
    I lost my father Feb 15 2010. I was 33 weeks pregnant with twins. I was supposed to be on bed rest from the time I was 26 weeks. I had to keep going, to be there for him. My dad was more important at the time. I crawled in bed with him in the hospital and talked and cried. Even though I was pregnant. I took my dad to every dr apt chemo radiation and when he was in the hospital and his last two weeks he was in hospice I still made every effort to take care of him comfort him and make him the priority. I knew he was not going to make it much longer. It hurts terribly I miss him so much everyday. I had the twins on my 36TH birtday 12 days after my father passed. Loosing my dad has been the hardest thing in my life to have to deal with. I feel like I was robbed of many years with my daddy. But I remember the days I did have with him and hold on to those. I don't know if it will get easier but I just take it one day at a time. Sometimes hour by hour or even minute by minute. I am just glad that he is not in pain anymore.

    Hi
    Hi

    Its been a while since I have been back. My mom passed in my 23rd week and I am now in my 37th week of pregnancy. From the stress, i have had a reduced work load and now I am on basic bed rest. I find myself missing her (and my father who passed 2.5 years ago) more and more as I draw closer to my due date. I think that it doesn't do much get easier but time allows us to adjust to them not being in our lives. Congratulations on the birth of your twins. I find myself trying to concentrate on my baby, be happy for her and my husband and all of my blessings in my life.

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