Not sure why I'm depressed...

sparky72156
sparky72156 Member Posts: 61
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction using a TRAM flap on Jan. 19th. The surgery went well, but discovered that the DCIS was actually invasive cancer, grade 2, in a .5cm area. Margins and nodes are clear. So I'm luckier than most. But for some reason, I am focusing on the side effects of the Tamoxifen that I'll probably have to take. I'm angry and tired and sad when I should be thanking my lucky stars that it isn't worse than it is. Maybe it's just the January weather........dark and dreary although the snowflakes are huge and beautiful. Maybe it's just one of those days.

Comments

  • Lynda53
    Lynda53 Member Posts: 210
    #2
    Yo Sparky, You ar entitled
    to feel ups and downs. Everything you have gone thru can be devsating to many. You sound as though you are handling "stuff" well. No one can feel perfect every day, and going thru this cancer crap does not have to.
    The anger may subside, altho yoou have a reason to be so. Try to focus on the positve aspects . Your surgery was good and is over. I am unfamilair w/tamoxifen side effects, but am sure someone will respond.
    Re: January it is cold here in New england, no snow today but about 31', however we are 44 days until spring!
    peace
  • jbug
    jbug Member Posts: 285
    #3
    Cut yourself some slack!
    You just went thru a major procedure, maybe 2 weeks AND you found out the beast was different w/more treatment! I your entitled to what you are feeling. Everyone battles bc in different ways. I've also felt that I shouldn't be upset, because others had it much worse than me. I took comfort in other posts that shared that bc is still bc, not matter the shape it takes in each of our lives. You've taken a big step, now You have a new normal to adjust to.

    Take it one day and a time. Get better from your major surgery and then move forward w/the next phase. God Bless....

    Julie
  • RiverGypsie
    RiverGypsie Member Posts: 13
    #4
    You're right....
    It's the time of year and one of those days. The huge white snowflakes are beautiful and I really enjoy watching the birds in our feeders. Better days to come. Remember, you are not alone...LOL!!
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #5
    RiverGypsie said:

    You're right....
    It's the time of year and one of those days. The huge white snowflakes are beautiful and I really enjoy watching the birds in our feeders. Better days to come. Remember, you are not alone...LOL!!

    Hoping you feel better
    Hoping you feel better sparky!

    Hugs, Debby
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #6
    I Hear Ya
    I hear ya. I will have to start some 5 year maintenance drug next week. A lot of them cause joint pain and other effects. It is always a situation of you get one drug to cure something like cancer and it causes some other ailment. Sometimes when you think about it, it is as if it will never be over. But I am committed to doing all I can to survive. And I promised my mother, who lives with me, that I would give it everything I got to beat it. Hopefully you will have more good days than bad.

    We're with you.

    P
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #7
    I have two words for you
    I have two words for you which may put into perspective why you are depressed: Breast Cancer! The fact that you are even having to post on the American Cancer Society Breast Cancer boards should be a big clue!

    Of course you are thankful for all of the many GOOD things in your life~the clean and clear margins, no lymphnode involvement, great surgery, etc. That doesn't take away from the emotional toll this has taken on your psyche~

    Add to that the normal seasonal doldrums, post holiday blahs, jobs, families, ya know, Life In General, and is it truly any wonder you are feeling depressed?

    If this is simply a case of the blues, you know it will pass. If it seems to linger, please don't rule out telling your doctor and getting medications to help you through the rough times. There is such as thing as "situational depression"; many of the Kindred Spirits here on the boards have experienced the very same thing.

    Be well, sister! We care about you!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • sparky72156
    sparky72156 Member Posts: 61
    #8
    chenheart said:

    I have two words for you
    I have two words for you which may put into perspective why you are depressed: Breast Cancer! The fact that you are even having to post on the American Cancer Society Breast Cancer boards should be a big clue!

    Of course you are thankful for all of the many GOOD things in your life~the clean and clear margins, no lymphnode involvement, great surgery, etc. That doesn't take away from the emotional toll this has taken on your psyche~

    Add to that the normal seasonal doldrums, post holiday blahs, jobs, families, ya know, Life In General, and is it truly any wonder you are feeling depressed?

    If this is simply a case of the blues, you know it will pass. If it seems to linger, please don't rule out telling your doctor and getting medications to help you through the rough times. There is such as thing as "situational depression"; many of the Kindred Spirits here on the boards have experienced the very same thing.

    Be well, sister! We care about you!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Hello, Chen...
    Do you remember me? I lost my husband to brain cancer 4 1/2 years ago. Now I am going through this breast cancer thing without him, and I think that is making me miss him even more than I did before. Thank you for the kind and encouraging words.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #9
    sparky72156 said:

    Hello, Chen...
    Do you remember me? I lost my husband to brain cancer 4 1/2 years ago. Now I am going through this breast cancer thing without him, and I think that is making me miss him even more than I did before. Thank you for the kind and encouraging words.

    Oh Sparky~ we know each
    Oh Sparky~ we know each other from the chatroom, don't we? Gosh, sweetie, this does make everything more frightening and difficult; going through this battle without him. Bless your heart.

    I always call these boards our safe place to land~ especially at 2AM when we can't sleep and our hearts are heavy and our mind is full of fear. There are silly jokes, pictures, coupled with such encouragement. Plenty to read, and the option of posting or not. Unlike chat, which was wonderful for me~ except when it was empty!

    I am so sorry that you find yourself needing this place, but a more empathetic, intelligent, nurturing group of Kindred Spirits you will never find. Come in often...you will be warmly welcomed.

    Hugs,
    Chen
  • sparky72156
    sparky72156 Member Posts: 61
    #10
    chenheart said:

    Oh Sparky~ we know each
    Oh Sparky~ we know each other from the chatroom, don't we? Gosh, sweetie, this does make everything more frightening and difficult; going through this battle without him. Bless your heart.

    I always call these boards our safe place to land~ especially at 2AM when we can't sleep and our hearts are heavy and our mind is full of fear. There are silly jokes, pictures, coupled with such encouragement. Plenty to read, and the option of posting or not. Unlike chat, which was wonderful for me~ except when it was empty!

    I am so sorry that you find yourself needing this place, but a more empathetic, intelligent, nurturing group of Kindred Spirits you will never find. Come in often...you will be warmly welcomed.

    Hugs,
    Chen

    Yes. I remember how
    Yes. I remember how wonderful the chat room was but for some reason, I can't get into it now. So I am relying on the discussion boards....not as fun but still very informative. I hope that you are doing well.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #11
    sparky72156 said:

    Yes. I remember how
    Yes. I remember how wonderful the chat room was but for some reason, I can't get into it now. So I am relying on the discussion boards....not as fun but still very informative. I hope that you are doing well.

    You will be amazed at how
    You will be amazed at how attached you will be to these boards now that you have found them! I was very, very reluctant to come in here, as I thought I needed the immediacy of chat, and that this could in no way be as good. I couldn't see how this could be fun~ there was no instant reaction~ and how on earth could I connect with anyone the way I did in chat? How wrong I was!!

    We DO have fun in here! We tell jokes, and share lives, and we know about each others vacations, and Bad Hair Days, and birthdays, and The Stupid Things People Say To Us, and Drs appts...we do it ALL in here! What I thought would be hard, after the instant and hilarious connections made in chat, would be the lag time in here. Quite the contrary; having the time to ponder and read and think and edit and preview our responses ( if we want to make one) is truly a blessing.

    BTW...I initiated a holiday ornament exchange here on the BC boards and we had over 60 participants! It was incredible and heartwarming and a bonding experience the likes many of us have not felt in a long, long time.I think most of us were beyond surprised at how meaningful the exchange was.

    We are a true family in here, Sparky~welcome to the fold.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #12
    You CAN have a day...take 2....rofl!
    I'm glad for you that it was found, before it got worse....

    But it's still those 3 words 'You have cancer'....

    I have been taking Tamoxifen for almost 4 years, and I have very few side effects, if this helps. At 5 years, tho, I'll stop...cancer, at that point, will have taken more than 6 years of my life, and that is ENOUGH!!!

    Hugs, Kathi

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