acting like a spoilt brat
Well, today she fell and broke her left arm really badly, we just got back from the emergency, been there since 6pm. It is so bad such that she needs surgery. Her arm is in a cast and she can't really do a thing. She can't even dress or undress herself. And now I find myself taking care of her.
Where I feel really bratty, is that, whenever I have something going on with me that requires some attention sooner or later my mother ends up having an accident or some health problem and the attention shifts dramatically away from me to her. Right now, I am not ready to be thrown fully into my very demanding life as a single parent working fulltime. I cannot even carry the laundry to the laundry room as the muscle in my chest is still very week and hurts a great deal never mind do many other things. And there is my mother who now needs taking care of and she will make sure her needs are met regardless of the expense which all my life has been mine.
maybe I am just tired from spending 10 hrs in emergency!! sorry for the vent and bratty behaviour.
Comments
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Oh, my heart goes out to you!
Oh, Mariam, what a mess! You must be exhausted from your long day in the ER with your mother and from all the emotional aftermath. It must be so frustrating to have these things happen when you most need your mother's support. Here both of you are, needing each other to be hale and hearty, and neither of you is able!
I'm glad you're venting here--this is a safe place to vent! Sometimes the s*** hits the fan more than once, doesn't it? (And right as you're just barely getting the first mess cleaned up!!) ARRRGHGGHGH!
I don't know where you live, but I'm wondering if there's a housekeeping service near you that participates in the Cleaning for a Reason program for women with cancer? You can check through http://www.cleaningforareason.org .
If not, maybe you and your mother can put together a little cash to hire a high school girl to come help out for a couple of hours every day or every other day?
I can't come up with any other ideas at the moment, but if I think of anything, I'll let you know! Hang in there!
With prayers for extra strength for you,
Sandy0 -
I'm so sorry this isLadyParvati said:Oh, my heart goes out to you!
Oh, Mariam, what a mess! You must be exhausted from your long day in the ER with your mother and from all the emotional aftermath. It must be so frustrating to have these things happen when you most need your mother's support. Here both of you are, needing each other to be hale and hearty, and neither of you is able!
I'm glad you're venting here--this is a safe place to vent! Sometimes the s*** hits the fan more than once, doesn't it? (And right as you're just barely getting the first mess cleaned up!!) ARRRGHGGHGH!
I don't know where you live, but I'm wondering if there's a housekeeping service near you that participates in the Cleaning for a Reason program for women with cancer? You can check through http://www.cleaningforareason.org .
If not, maybe you and your mother can put together a little cash to hire a high school girl to come help out for a couple of hours every day or every other day?
I can't come up with any other ideas at the moment, but if I think of anything, I'll let you know! Hang in there!
With prayers for extra strength for you,
Sandy
I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I doubt your mom broke her arm on purpose, though (at least I surely hope not!). Stuff happens. If you are active with a church, perhaps some of their members would be able to help out too. Also, if you are involved with any parent groups, maybe some of them could lend a hand.
And then too, if you and your mom each have one good arm, maybe you could work together? As they say -- where there's a will, there's a way.
Hugs to you, Gracie0 -
Oh goodness
Sounds like you have your hands full. It would be difficult caring for your mom as a single mother yourself even if you were completely well. But to do it when you need caring for yourself must be really difficult. I would second the suggestion to call Cleaning for a Reason for some extra help. Since my diagnosis last year, my husband and I have a cleaning service come in twice a month and it has made all the difference. I love it so much, I am seriously considering weekly service, despite the expense.
I hope you and your mom are able to take care of each other until you both heal. Is your daughter old enough to help? Hugs.
Mimi0 -
That sounds like my husband!
Somehow he "hurt" his back and can't even get out of his chair. This has been going on for 10 days now (I had my mast. & tram flap 12/11) and he is the biggest baby in the world. He can't do a thing for himself. Thank God we have kids to help out. He can't even get out of his chair. I am furious because if he doesn't get the attention he needs he finds a way to get it. I'm even wondering if this is all in his head.
You have a right to feel the way that you do. You have been through a lot, I'm just sorry that you have to go through this as well. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.0 -
What a time for her to break
What a time for her to break her arm! But if you stick together and help each other you can get through this. She still has one good arm and even tho you should take it easy, there are things you can do. Maybe forget the stuff that is not necessary. Just do what needs to be done. Find other ways of doing chores. Like laundry maybe use a tall rolling laundry basket. I've seen cloth ones on metal frame with wheels. You won't have to lift. Of course this depends on if your laundry room is on the same floor as the bedrooms. But my point is to think of ways to do what you got to do. Leave the rest go.
Stuff happens but it'd be nice if it was all good stuff! Hang in there. Hugs!0 -
I see that you said your momMarcia527 said:What a time for her to break
What a time for her to break her arm! But if you stick together and help each other you can get through this. She still has one good arm and even tho you should take it easy, there are things you can do. Maybe forget the stuff that is not necessary. Just do what needs to be done. Find other ways of doing chores. Like laundry maybe use a tall rolling laundry basket. I've seen cloth ones on metal frame with wheels. You won't have to lift. Of course this depends on if your laundry room is on the same floor as the bedrooms. But my point is to think of ways to do what you got to do. Leave the rest go.
Stuff happens but it'd be nice if it was all good stuff! Hang in there. Hugs!
I see that you said your mom came down to help. Where is her home? Is she also alone? I am thinking your dad is in the picture it might be better for her to go home and have him care for her and you to look to other assistance such as Cleaning for a Reason, a church group if you belong, a neighborhood teen. You might check with your local high school and see if there are any teens looking to do community service. Most schools require some and almost all colleges want to see involvement on their applications. I would think that helping someone would qualify. I am not advocating tossing your mom out but if she has someone at home that would benefit both of you and take the additional strain off you.
I don't think you are being the least bit bratty. You are just frustrated and tired and only 3 1/2 weeks out from surgery and look at all you are doing. I don't think I would be back at work, and doing all that. And here was Mom coming to the rescue, helping to ease your burden, and wham now she is hurt and becomes one more thing for you to deal with. Not exactly how it was supposed to go. I would be venting also. My suggestion for her to leave is also for your relationship with her. If she stays and you feel you have become the caregiver and her needs are the only ones being met it could put a strain on your relationship and that would be sad. We all know that sometimes harsh words are exchanged during these times of duress. Just my thoughts. A big cyber hug is being sent to you. I hope you can find a good resolution to this dilemma.
Stef0 -
wow!
im so sorry....
you
wow!
im so sorry....
you didnt mention how old your daughter is, even very young kids can and are willing to pitch in (sometimes more than adults). if shes little, maybe make a list of chores that you think she can handle, and ask her what shed like to help with, offer "the gold star" approach with maybe a chart & stickers & a little reward each week for being such a good "helper". older kids generally just need direction & its ok to tell them you need their help. kids get it, theyre way more resilient & sometimes alot smarter & useful than we give them credit for.
take a moment (when both your mom & you are well rested & in a good mood) and just put it out there with an "ok, this is what we've got, what are we gonna do now?" decide together what you guys can tackle together & what really doesnt matter right now. let her know that sometimes you are just going to need to rest & recharge, and you will offer her the same courtesy after her surgery.
try contacting the community colleges in your area, most have home health care programs & although you dont need care, you do need help. Explain your situation & the instructors can usually recommend students to help out for school credit. (we took advantage of this years ago when my brother in law was extremely ill)
you're not being bratty......you need time to heal phyically & emotionally.
best wishes
xoxoxoxoxoxo
aimee0 -
I'm sending warm hugs...
I'm sorry for all of your troubles...
I know what it's like to be in a cast, if you remember, recently I wore one for just 10 days and it drove me NUTS! But, I was bound and determined to do things for myself...a bath, for instance, instead of showers...and a scrub ball or washcloth worked GREAT for cleaning!!
My right arm, and I am right handed, was casted. So, even potty trips were changed...lol...my left hand had to do all the 'cleanup' work...
Have her wear zipper tops...no buttons...or a size bigger that she can just pull on. It was a lifesaver for me.
Sit her down and tell her that you very much appreciated all that she did to help, and that you are certain that she understands the you can't help her very much, you just had major surgery. Could you call some friends to come in? Or, I know I called a service to come help with my mom when she fell...and LET them HELP!!!
As far as laundry...remind me again how old is your daughter? Could she help? Even by taking her clothes off and putting them in the room with the washing machine every day?
Mom should adjust quickly, after the pain goes away...I know I did...
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Thank-you everyone for atKathiM said:I'm sending warm hugs...
I'm sorry for all of your troubles...
I know what it's like to be in a cast, if you remember, recently I wore one for just 10 days and it drove me NUTS! But, I was bound and determined to do things for myself...a bath, for instance, instead of showers...and a scrub ball or washcloth worked GREAT for cleaning!!
My right arm, and I am right handed, was casted. So, even potty trips were changed...lol...my left hand had to do all the 'cleanup' work...
Have her wear zipper tops...no buttons...or a size bigger that she can just pull on. It was a lifesaver for me.
Sit her down and tell her that you very much appreciated all that she did to help, and that you are certain that she understands the you can't help her very much, you just had major surgery. Could you call some friends to come in? Or, I know I called a service to come help with my mom when she fell...and LET them HELP!!!
As far as laundry...remind me again how old is your daughter? Could she help? Even by taking her clothes off and putting them in the room with the washing machine every day?
Mom should adjust quickly, after the pain goes away...I know I did...
Hugs, Kathi
Thank-you everyone for at least reading this post, for the support and great ideas.
Right now my mother is in the emergency room again, she is worried she is going to loose her fingers. I am at home, where I need to be and I have a friend on standby for when she needs to be picked up. She also told me she might stay for surgery. Not sure how I feel about that.
My mother and her husband live in Vancouver, BC. I live in California. I must admit, it is not that bad, I do have friends who once they found out about my mom were calling to find out what they could do. We also had a meal delivery. My job, fortunately I can do it from home, in fact I sit up in bed with the laptop and work so going back to work has not been a big deal. My daughter is 10, usually not very helpful but she is starting to pull a little weight.
I feel compassion for my mother on one hand and on the other a little resentment. She did cry this morning saying this was meant to be about me and now it has become about her. I told her this is really about both of us. Perhaps this is time to really let go of the past and all the times she has 'crashed my party' and do something different so we both can heal, at least I can 'cause that is what I want.0 -
Just when we think that itmariam_11_09 said:Thank-you everyone for at
Thank-you everyone for at least reading this post, for the support and great ideas.
Right now my mother is in the emergency room again, she is worried she is going to loose her fingers. I am at home, where I need to be and I have a friend on standby for when she needs to be picked up. She also told me she might stay for surgery. Not sure how I feel about that.
My mother and her husband live in Vancouver, BC. I live in California. I must admit, it is not that bad, I do have friends who once they found out about my mom were calling to find out what they could do. We also had a meal delivery. My job, fortunately I can do it from home, in fact I sit up in bed with the laptop and work so going back to work has not been a big deal. My daughter is 10, usually not very helpful but she is starting to pull a little weight.
I feel compassion for my mother on one hand and on the other a little resentment. She did cry this morning saying this was meant to be about me and now it has become about her. I told her this is really about both of us. Perhaps this is time to really let go of the past and all the times she has 'crashed my party' and do something different so we both can heal, at least I can 'cause that is what I want.
Just when we think that it FINALLY gets to be "all about us"~ there's an El Nino on our parade! So sorry about the things going on in your life; from your latest post it seems that things are starting to settle a bit, and that you have some great resources!
I am in California too~ in Santa Barbara county...we have lots of Ca sisters here on the boards! Where are you???
Hugs,
and NO, you were never, and are not now a Spoilt brat!
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
Mariam,mariam_11_09 said:Thank-you everyone for at
Thank-you everyone for at least reading this post, for the support and great ideas.
Right now my mother is in the emergency room again, she is worried she is going to loose her fingers. I am at home, where I need to be and I have a friend on standby for when she needs to be picked up. She also told me she might stay for surgery. Not sure how I feel about that.
My mother and her husband live in Vancouver, BC. I live in California. I must admit, it is not that bad, I do have friends who once they found out about my mom were calling to find out what they could do. We also had a meal delivery. My job, fortunately I can do it from home, in fact I sit up in bed with the laptop and work so going back to work has not been a big deal. My daughter is 10, usually not very helpful but she is starting to pull a little weight.
I feel compassion for my mother on one hand and on the other a little resentment. She did cry this morning saying this was meant to be about me and now it has become about her. I told her this is really about both of us. Perhaps this is time to really let go of the past and all the times she has 'crashed my party' and do something different so we both can heal, at least I can 'cause that is what I want.
Glad to see this
Mariam,
Glad to see this post. It could very well be that this will allow you both to grow closer. Good to hear that you have other stepping up to help. And your 10 year old can be a big help. She just may need some guidance from you of what would help the most. She can sort laundry and learn to set the machines. She can even learn to prepare simple meals and to help by picking up. She doesn't have to become Cinderella but she might enjoy being the woman of the house and taking charge. And she will learn from this. It's great you can work from home. Just don't overdo or stress too much. There are many things that you might want done that can be postponed or done less frequently. Hope all goes well with you and your mom. My prayers for you both.
Stef0 -
I just read your post, andfauxma said:Mariam,
Glad to see this
Mariam,
Glad to see this post. It could very well be that this will allow you both to grow closer. Good to hear that you have other stepping up to help. And your 10 year old can be a big help. She just may need some guidance from you of what would help the most. She can sort laundry and learn to set the machines. She can even learn to prepare simple meals and to help by picking up. She doesn't have to become Cinderella but she might enjoy being the woman of the house and taking charge. And she will learn from this. It's great you can work from home. Just don't overdo or stress too much. There are many things that you might want done that can be postponed or done less frequently. Hope all goes well with you and your mom. My prayers for you both.
Stef
I just read your post, and my heart goes out to you. It sounds like there are friends who are happy to help out, and you need to let them. Accepting help from others is often the hardest thing to do.
Please take care of yourself. I had the same surgery that you had, and by 3-1/2 weeks, I was able to drive and do some cooking, but I was only working maybe an hour a day, and only when I wanted to. I didn't go back to work fulltime for 8 weeks. I would feel really good for a few hours and then hit the wall, exhausted. Ten hours in an emergency room would have put me over the edge.
Lots of good advice from everyone.
Joyce0 -
Sometimes it takes somethingjk1952 said:I just read your post, and
I just read your post, and my heart goes out to you. It sounds like there are friends who are happy to help out, and you need to let them. Accepting help from others is often the hardest thing to do.
Please take care of yourself. I had the same surgery that you had, and by 3-1/2 weeks, I was able to drive and do some cooking, but I was only working maybe an hour a day, and only when I wanted to. I didn't go back to work fulltime for 8 weeks. I would feel really good for a few hours and then hit the wall, exhausted. Ten hours in an emergency room would have put me over the edge.
Lots of good advice from everyone.
Joyce
Sometimes it takes something like this to draw you closer. I hope for both you and your Mother that you can work it all out. You have to get well first. Life is just to short. Take care of yourself. Hugs0
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