fustrated

e_hope
e_hope Member Posts: 370
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
ugh.... I am so fustrated. Has anyone else found this to be true?????

When your diagnosed, everyone is around wanting to help. as you go through treatment the crowd gets smaller and smaller and once your done!!!!!!!!

everyone things your back to normal 100% and expect you to take on all the duties you had before diagnosis.

I am back to work full time, trying to get some exercise into my life, and have 3 young children. I have been done with treatment since Nov. And have notice my Husband doesn't think he needs to help around the house. prior to diagnosis I did it ALL. I was home with the kids during the day and would go to work in the evening full time. My day would be 18 hours long.

Since diagnosis, I have returned to my job but no longer in the evening now I work day shift. while my husband is usually home all (his job allows him to be flexible with his hours) and I come home to a mess every day.

I feel like he hasn't taken anything from this last year!

I just can't do it!

Comments

  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181 Member
    #2
    frustrated
    I know what you meen by people disapering that used to be around.I finished treatments two weeks ago.And yes they think i should be back 100%.I am so tired all the time.I have to still take a afternoon nap.And I am not working like you are.Your husband should be helping you with the house and things if he is home all day.It takes awhile for us to get our energy back.And the mental part of what we have been through is still their to deal with.I would try talking to him and telling him you need his help.I don,t know how old your kids are,but maybe they could help a little.Good Luck. Pat.
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #3
    ppurdin said:

    frustrated
    I know what you meen by people disapering that used to be around.I finished treatments two weeks ago.And yes they think i should be back 100%.I am so tired all the time.I have to still take a afternoon nap.And I am not working like you are.Your husband should be helping you with the house and things if he is home all day.It takes awhile for us to get our energy back.And the mental part of what we have been through is still their to deal with.I would try talking to him and telling him you need his help.I don,t know how old your kids are,but maybe they could help a little.Good Luck. Pat.

    I completely understand
    and agree. Somehow everyone expect you to b back to normal the next day after you finish radiation. I had several very serious discussions with my husband, who was very supportive through the treatment, because he had unreasonable expectations for my recovery. It takes from several months to up to 1 year to gain your energy back.You definitely need physical and emotional help,especially with 3 small children. I cried more after finished treatment than during treatment itself. I felt like I could not keep up with pace of normal life. I am much better now. I took afternoon naps for about 6 moths after radiation, I have been getting acupuncture to combat fatigue, walk every day, positive attitude and environment.
    You need to reach out to your husband, family, and fiends. You still need a lot of physical help and moral support. Counseling could be helpful too.
    Hugs,
    New Flower
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #4
    I Know What You Are Saying
    I know what you are saying. My family and my boss forget that just because you finish with a phase of your treatment, it does not mean that you are 100% and things are the way they were before. And when you try to explain, it just seems useless because you can see that they are looking at you thinking "well you look alright". It's hard but I fight sometimes for what I need. If I don't feel like doing something, I won't if I am too tired. If I need a nap, I take it. I go to bed early and I do my chores a little at a time. Take care of you.

    P
  • GrandmaJ
    GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
    #5
    aztec45 said:

    I Know What You Are Saying
    I know what you are saying. My family and my boss forget that just because you finish with a phase of your treatment, it does not mean that you are 100% and things are the way they were before. And when you try to explain, it just seems useless because you can see that they are looking at you thinking "well you look alright". It's hard but I fight sometimes for what I need. If I don't feel like doing something, I won't if I am too tired. If I need a nap, I take it. I go to bed early and I do my chores a little at a time. Take care of you.

    P

    Me too
    I noticed the phone calls and cards have stopped since I finished chemo and surgery. I start radiation tomorrow. I'm so tired of hearing "my cousin had breast cancer and she never missed a day of work.." OR "So and so had breast cancer and she continued to attend Curves while having chemo"...... Well, that certainly isn't me....

    I seem to be worried more about radiation than I was about chemo.... Still working full time and when I get home my husband says, "what's for supper"....Enough to make me want to throw a frying pain at him !!!

    I usually answer "whatever you want to make".. MEN !!

    Judy
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #6
    Frustrating
    Folks just have no clue having never had to deal with cancer, they think its over now and you are back to the same gal you were before. Truth be told you will never quite be that same gal you were before. I suggest you have a heart to heart with your husband, it takes a long time to come back to some semblance of what you were before your fight to survive began. You do not need nor want to wear yourself down, when we get worn down our immunities drop when our immunities drop we are open to illness that simply is not an option for us. I hope things improve!

    Hugs,

    RE
  • newbiefromcananda
    newbiefromcananda Member Posts: 234
    #7
    are you married to my
    are you married to my husband?? sounds alot like him!! very frustrating ... I am by far a hateful mean person...but I told my husband the other day ... you think I was bitchy before ... just wait.. no offence but its about me now...life is to short I don't know if I will be single or married after this but all I know is I will make every moment count!!! I hope everything gets better for you hun!!!!(((((hugs))) kisses)))) xoxoxo Lisa
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #8
    RE said:

    Frustrating
    Folks just have no clue having never had to deal with cancer, they think its over now and you are back to the same gal you were before. Truth be told you will never quite be that same gal you were before. I suggest you have a heart to heart with your husband, it takes a long time to come back to some semblance of what you were before your fight to survive began. You do not need nor want to wear yourself down, when we get worn down our immunities drop when our immunities drop we are open to illness that simply is not an option for us. I hope things improve!

    Hugs,

    RE

    Thank you Very well said. It is a tough reality we all have to admit and learn living with it. Probably developing a new lifestyle, which is crucial for happy survivorship. Semi-balance - I am still looking for it. How have you found yours?
    New Flower
  • mom62
    mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
    #9
    I Know How You Feel
    My husband lets me get up every day at 6:15 to get my kids off to school. If I want him to get up now I have to say "can you get up this morning". I just finished chemo on 1/6/10 and may still have radiation as I have two new bone mets. I'm not working this time (2nd bout with cancer), but did the last time. My husband is unemployed and sometimes sleeps till 12. I'm like "hello I'm the one who is still sick". Okay, I feel better now that I've vented. Thanks for bringing up the subject. I hope none of you ever get cancer again. My friends were so supportive last time. I'm lucky if they text me once a month during my second bout with cancer. My family has been great with meals and support but my friends just don't know how to deal with it I guess. Okay, now I'm really done. Sorry for all the venting.

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