Husband and Myself Have Cancer

peacefulheart
peacefulheart Member Posts: 34
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
This past summer my husband and myself were diagnosed with cancer. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in July. I had a mastectomy and 10 lymph nodes removed. The tumor was almost 7 cm and 7 nodes were cancerous. I am stage 3a. Two months after my surgery, my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He has GBM4. For a few months we were numb and it was surreal. We did everything that we had to do. I declined chemo considering my husbands situation. In all honesty, even without his diagnosis, I don't know if I would have agreed to chemo. I am going through radiation right now and I am taking hormone therapy. My husband had surgery, 6 weeks of radiation and Temador. He did unbelievably well through all of this. For the last 2 months he has been on Temador 5 days a month. I totally understand this treatment makes him kind of out of it for 7-10 days. He promised me he would not "roll over and play dead" with his diagnosis and yet that seems to be exactly what he is doing. I am rallying myself everyday and feel that even though my body is broken, my spirit is healthy and that a positive spirit will get me through. His oncologist prescribed him ritlin to pep him up a little, but he hasn't taken it. He will not talk about our cancer. I'm getting more worn down day by day as I try to keep the mood up. Has anyone out there been in my position? I need someone who has gone through this similar situation to give some advice or encouragement on how do deal with it. No matter what, I know I have to be positive, but it is getting harder and harder.

Cathy

Comments

  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #2
    So sorry
    Cathy, I am so sorry to read what has happened to you and your husband. I have not been thru anything like your situation. I had bc, a lumpectomy and radiation treatments. I have not taken tamoxifen yet, and, probably won't. Can you seek counseling at your cancer center or thru the American Cancer Society? They have a toll free 24 hour hotline that you might call. And, most hospitals have some sort of therapy for cancer patients. And, take care of yourself.

    I pray for you and your husband!

    KYLEZ ♥
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
    You need to watch out for yourself.....
    Your hubby is obviously making choices that he wants...refusing the drugs, etc, so you should not hold yourself responsible for his troubles. Yes, he has cancer...but so do (did) YOU!!!

    I was diagnosed with cancer (times 2...rectal followed by breast) during the time my beau was very ill with congestive heart failure. We made the plan that we would help each other as much as possible, but would make our own choices about treatment for ourselves, listening to each other and discussing the options. It worked out fairly well...it seemed when I was at my worst, he was better, and the opposite. His situation 'waited' till after my treatment to get truly life threatening...not by his choice, but the way it worked out. I was strong enough to live thru a crisis with him where he was hospitalized and technically died for 4 minutes...

    You MUST take care of YOURSELF!!!!! Cancer has this habit of cutting the weary out of the herd....and, as you can see by my experience (not to scare you...but) it can strike more than once...

    I have a wonderful counsellor that I can talk to about my grief over losing my 'old' life, and the stresses with my beau's life...can you find one? Ask your (or hubby's) oncologist...she is a Godsend for me!!!

    BIG hugs to you, Kathi
  • LadyParvati
    LadyParvati Member Posts: 328
    #4
    My Heart Goes Out to You
    Oh, Cathy--what an overwhelming situation. It sounds as if your husband is so completely overwhelmed that he just can't deal with it, so he's shut and locked a mental door on all of it, while you are overwhelmed trying to take care of both of you.

    I agree with Kathi--ask one of the oncologists for suggestions/prescriptions for counseling services/support. Meds aren't always the answer, and certainly not the only answer--at least you need someone to talk with about all of this. If your DH is anything like mine, he may not be willing to talk, though--mine simply won't talk with anyone about what's going on other than details of treatment. Talk about emotional stuff? Never! It can be very frustrating and disheartening.

    I'll be praying for you and your DH, Cathy.

    Sandy
  • jamiegww
    jamiegww Member Posts: 384
    #5
    Bless your heart, Cathy!
    My husband does not have cancer (unless we just don't know about it yet) but he has stated that he probably would not get chemo if he did have it. I have assured him that yes he would get chemo because I would take his having cancer much worse than I am taking my having it. I keep hearing that God never gives us more than we can handle but sometimes I think God needs the Dr. Phil......."what were you thinking" speech. I hope you have a family member or even a friend of the family who can help you deal with your husband. Take care of yourself.

    Jamie
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #6
    jamiegww said:

    Bless your heart, Cathy!
    My husband does not have cancer (unless we just don't know about it yet) but he has stated that he probably would not get chemo if he did have it. I have assured him that yes he would get chemo because I would take his having cancer much worse than I am taking my having it. I keep hearing that God never gives us more than we can handle but sometimes I think God needs the Dr. Phil......."what were you thinking" speech. I hope you have a family member or even a friend of the family who can help you deal with your husband. Take care of yourself.

    Jamie

    Sending hugs and prayers to
    Sending hugs and prayers to you Cathy and your husband!
  • sallyf
    sallyf Member Posts: 33
    #7
    My candle is lit....
    for you, Cathy. What an incredibly challenging journey you are on. As suggested above, find a counselor if you can, as well as a support group for YOURSELF, maybe thru the ACS. Yes, being postive is important, but doing this alone is tough.

    Hugs, Sally
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #8
    Cathy
    I am so sorry. Both you and your husband are in my prayers.
    Hugs - Pat
  • jbug
    jbug Member Posts: 285
    #9
    Cathy
    I'm so sorry for everything that your going thru! I haven't been anywhere close to your situation, so can't offer any advice on that end. As our other sisters have said though, you do have cancer and you DO need to take care of yourself! Women, in general, make everyone else a priority...but sometimes, you need to be the priority.

    My prayers are w/you and your husband. God Bless...
    Julie

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