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fringetree · January 2010

I lost my dad, Ron, one month ago today.

I haven't been able to talk about it because I can't seem to verbalize what this experience has been, and I certainly can't put into words what kind of human being he was. Believe me, I have tried and failed, but I will try again. He was sweet, funny, smart, and tough. He was interested in everything, capable of anything, and never without a project. My dad only had four months after his diagnosis (can that be?), and I am amazed at what he did with that time. He fought so hard to live, but what was most amazing was how selfless he was in the face of his own death...he was so much more concerned with us than he was with himself. He was special. I loved him. Nope...words can't cut it. He and I were like two sides of an apple cut in half...we understood each other in a way I am sure I will never experience with another person. I am still in shock that I have to live in a world without him in it. It is just not right.

It's not right that any of us are going through this. Phoebe, Melissa, Jennifer...I'm so sorry. All of you still fighting...I'm so sorry for you, too. Thank you all so much for sharing your love, your advice, your hope, and your sorrows. It has helped me so much. I find myself still checking in almost daily to see how you are all doing. For those of you who believe in such things, please pray for my dad and my family.

love, love, love
Melissa

AnneCan · January 2010

Melissa, I am so sorry for
Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your Dad was wonderful; you must have many lovely memories of him. Please know that I am thinking of you. I appreciate you letting us know; please take good care of yourself.

JDuke · January 2010

AnneCan said:
Melissa, I am so sorry for
Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your Dad was wonderful; you must have many lovely memories of him. Please know that I am thinking of you. I appreciate you letting us know; please take good care of yourself.

Melissa my heart
just aches for you. I am so very sorry to read of your loss. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your Dad. I pray that the precious memories that you have will help carry you through this most difficult time.
With deepest sympathy,
Joanne

christinecarl · January 2010

I am sorry for you loss
I think sometimes it is harder to lose someone to this than to go through it yourself. I lost my mom to colon cancer in 2006, she was my best friend, not a day goes by that I do not miss her. I think though that first year is the hardest, you could try a grief counselor if you feel really stuck and can't seem to feel better or get past the point you are at now. Again I am sorry, your dad sounds amazing you wrote an amazing tribute to hinm and I know he is looking down on you now and not wanting for you to be unhappy, but I know those words do not stop the pain.

Kathleen808 · January 2010

Dear Melissa
Dear Melissa,
Your Dad sounds like a wonderful man. What a blessing that you had such a beautiful relationship. I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family.

Aloha,
Kathleen

KathiM · January 2010

I carry pictures in my mind of my daughter....
She is still very real to me....

Embrace your grief, get it out, it will take awhile, but never feel you cannot share, especially here....

I lost my dad a very long time ago. It was a real shocker...

I am sending big hugs...I agree, it shouldn't happen to any of us.

Hugs, Kathi

dianetavegia · January 2010

Melissa
Gosh I'm so sorry to hear this and send you hugs, wish you comfort. You were so loving and helpful to your Dad and I know it meant the world to him.

God bless,
Diane

Fb489 · January 2010

HI
It really hurts to loose a loved one.
Really sorry for your lost.
Take care and keep in touch.
Hopefully he is in a better place now.

Crow71 · January 2010

I'm sorry you lost your dad.
I'm sorry you lost your dad. I know it feels like "words can't cut it," but this is a beautiful piece of writing. Thanks for sharing. Your dad sounds like the kind of guy that I aspire to be when I'm with my son and daughters.
Peace,
Roger

just4Brooks · January 2010

Melissa... Sounds like you had a great dad!!
I too am a dad and like you said we try hard to fight for our family and never try to let them see our pain or fear. It sounds like he did a good job. Sounds like a wonderful man and I wish I could have met him and get some of his insight on life. Now I get his insight from you. Thanks for helping me today and thank you to your dad. Sounds like he was a special guy

Brooks

HollyID · January 2010

Melissa, I am so sorry for
Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family as you go through this difficult time.

AceSFO · January 2010

So sorry for your loss
My heart goes out to you, Melissa. The bond you describe sounds wonderful and amazing and he'll always be with you because of it.

Sending you strength and grace,
Adrian

Shayenne · January 2010

AceSFO said:
So sorry for your loss
My heart goes out to you, Melissa. The bond you describe sounds wonderful and amazing and he'll always be with you because of it.

Sending you strength and grace,
Adrian

Melissa...
I lost my parents when I was very young, and still think about them everyday. They visit me in my dreams, so I know that they're still around me. It's for real..we don't die, we just go to eternity where we will be angels looking over our loved ones. He will always be with you, just like my parents are still with me. You will be together again one day, just don't lost sight of that, he sure sounds wonderful, and you sure are a wonderful daughter as well.

Hugsss!
~Donna

lcarper2 · January 2010

Shayenne said:
Melissa...
I lost my parents when I was very young, and still think about them everyday. They visit me in my dreams, so I know that they're still around me. It's for real..we don't die, we just go to eternity where we will be angels looking over our loved ones. He will always be with you, just like my parents are still with me. You will be together again one day, just don't lost sight of that, he sure sounds wonderful, and you sure are a wonderful daughter as well.

Hugsss!
~Donna

Melissa
I am so sorry for your loss it is never easy and I will pray for you...

fringetree · January 2010

lcarper2 said:
Melissa
I am so sorry for your loss it is never easy and I will pray for you...

Thank you all so much. I
Thank you all so much. I haven't been able to talk about it with my friends at home because I just don't feel like they will get it, but sadly, everyone here understands.

I agree, I was so lucky to have had such a wonderful bond with my wonderful dad. I am also grateful that I had the opportunity to take care of him while he was sick, since it was the only way I felt I could express how much I loved him. My dad often felt guilty that we were exhausted or ignoring our own needs or that I was missing my life. On the contrary, it was the single most fulfilling thing I have ever done in my life. I hope those of you with great caretakers understand it is a privilege and not a burden, and that letting them help you is a GIFT.

Thanks to those of you who said you aspire to be like my dad with your own children. You're not supposed to make me cry, people! Seriously, though, that is an amazing tribute. I'm sure you are fantastic dads, too.

I'm so sorry to those of you who have experienced this kind of loss for yourself, and thank you to those who shared that loss with me. It is so true that our loved ones are still with us. I didn't really believe that before, I just thought it was some kind of platitude or something, but it is undeniable. I feel him with me ALL THE TIME. It is weird, I sometimes wonder if maybe I am just in denial or that I haven't let him go, but I don't think that is it. I hear his voice all the time, too...just commenting on what I am doing...or what I should be doing...or making fun of me!

It is strange and wonderful.

He made me promise not to let this crush me, so I will do my best. Seriously, I don't know how to explain it to other people in my life, but you have all helped me survive this.

With deep gratitude and love
Melissa

Kelly41 · January 2010

Melissa, I am very sorry to
Melissa, I am very sorry to hear about your dad. He sounds like he was a wonderful person and it sounds like you had a great relationship with him. I am watching my mother go through cancer and I know the pain you feel. It is so hard to watch them suffer when you cannot help them. Just know that your dad is in a better place and he is out of pain. Try to focus on the good memories that you had with him. And talk to people when you feel down. I am new to this board but it has been a great support for me. Again, I am so sorry.

ganders2 · January 2010

fringetree said:
Thank you all so much. I
Thank you all so much. I haven't been able to talk about it with my friends at home because I just don't feel like they will get it, but sadly, everyone here understands.

I agree, I was so lucky to have had such a wonderful bond with my wonderful dad. I am also grateful that I had the opportunity to take care of him while he was sick, since it was the only way I felt I could express how much I loved him. My dad often felt guilty that we were exhausted or ignoring our own needs or that I was missing my life. On the contrary, it was the single most fulfilling thing I have ever done in my life. I hope those of you with great caretakers understand it is a privilege and not a burden, and that letting them help you is a GIFT.

Thanks to those of you who said you aspire to be like my dad with your own children. You're not supposed to make me cry, people! Seriously, though, that is an amazing tribute. I'm sure you are fantastic dads, too.

I'm so sorry to those of you who have experienced this kind of loss for yourself, and thank you to those who shared that loss with me. It is so true that our loved ones are still with us. I didn't really believe that before, I just thought it was some kind of platitude or something, but it is undeniable. I feel him with me ALL THE TIME. It is weird, I sometimes wonder if maybe I am just in denial or that I haven't let him go, but I don't think that is it. I hear his voice all the time, too...just commenting on what I am doing...or what I should be doing...or making fun of me! It is strange and wonderful.

He made me promise not to let this crush me, so I will do my best. Seriously, I don't know how to explain it to other people in my life, but you have all helped me survive this.

With deep gratitude and love
Melissa

Thank you all so much
Melissa,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know you are not imagining feeling your dad with you - my dad passed on 4 years ago and I frequently feel his love, hear his voice, and hear him laugh. I think when you have a close relationship like that that the person lives on in our hearts in a very real and vivid way.
My deepest sympathy to you and a big hug.
Gini

tootsie1 · January 2010

So sorry, Melissa
Melissa,

I'm so very sorry about your father. Just a couple of months before I was diagnosed, my daughter and her husband lost his dad. He, like your father, only lived a few months from diagnosis. So tough.

It sounds like you and your dad had such a special relationship! I'm sure you have so many memories to treasure forever. Hold those close to your heart.

Feel free to come to the board any time you need to share the emotions you're going through or if you just want some comfort. We're all about that here.

*hugs*
Gail

Aud · January 2010

fringetree said:
Thank you all so much. I
Thank you all so much. I haven't been able to talk about it with my friends at home because I just don't feel like they will get it, but sadly, everyone here understands.

I agree, I was so lucky to have had such a wonderful bond with my wonderful dad. I am also grateful that I had the opportunity to take care of him while he was sick, since it was the only way I felt I could express how much I loved him. My dad often felt guilty that we were exhausted or ignoring our own needs or that I was missing my life. On the contrary, it was the single most fulfilling thing I have ever done in my life. I hope those of you with great caretakers understand it is a privilege and not a burden, and that letting them help you is a GIFT.

Thanks to those of you who said you aspire to be like my dad with your own children. You're not supposed to make me cry, people! Seriously, though, that is an amazing tribute. I'm sure you are fantastic dads, too.

I'm so sorry to those of you who have experienced this kind of loss for yourself, and thank you to those who shared that loss with me. It is so true that our loved ones are still with us. I didn't really believe that before, I just thought it was some kind of platitude or something, but it is undeniable. I feel him with me ALL THE TIME. It is weird, I sometimes wonder if maybe I am just in denial or that I haven't let him go, but I don't think that is it. I hear his voice all the time, too...just commenting on what I am doing...or what I should be doing...or making fun of me! It is strange and wonderful.

He made me promise not to let this crush me, so I will do my best. Seriously, I don't know how to explain it to other people in my life, but you have all helped me survive this.

With deep gratitude and love
Melissa

Melissa
I am very sorry for the loss of your Dad. As you said, that you feel your Dad with you, I too feel my Grandmom with me. My Grandmom died 11 years ago this March. She was like a Mother to us. A month after she died, I started keeping a journal, writing letters to my Grandmom, writing poetry (I'm not a poet). I wish I had kept it.

This is very painful to you. Your love and sharing is appreciated.
In the Light,
Audrey

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