friend hasnt talked to me

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xskeetshooter
xskeetshooter Member Posts: 169
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
when i was working my boss and her aunt talked to me everyday on computer after work. these people did alot for me. and love them for it. when i started chemo i never heard from them, so i put on face book..out of sight out of mind. well the aunt didnt talk to me for 6 months. she said to me the other day she was hurt by that and felt used ..omg i was depressed and lonely back then ,and didnt mean anything by it.

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  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #2
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    careful honesty
    I always say honesty is the best policy, if the honesty is handled with care. It takes 2 to get along and it takes 2 not to. If you and she both value your relationship it is worth working on it. Do your best to explain how lonely you were and how difficult it can be to be a survivor, and that you did not want to hurt her. If you both care about each other and are both willing to forgive, you can rebuild your friendship. If not, just try to do your job as well as you can and be professional.

    That's my 2 cent's worth, anyway. seof
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    #3
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    seof said:

    careful honesty
    I always say honesty is the best policy, if the honesty is handled with care. It takes 2 to get along and it takes 2 not to. If you and she both value your relationship it is worth working on it. Do your best to explain how lonely you were and how difficult it can be to be a survivor, and that you did not want to hurt her. If you both care about each other and are both willing to forgive, you can rebuild your friendship. If not, just try to do your job as well as you can and be professional.

    That's my 2 cent's worth, anyway. seof

    I've been overly sensitive throughout this ordeal...
    and I know what you mean. Some of the people I expected to be there for me were not, and others who I never would have expected stepped up to the plate and were amazing. I'm still upset about a few of the ones who ignore me, but maybe they're scared or don't know what to say, so I don't say anything to them. Thank you GOD that I have friends to lean on, even if they aren't the ones I expected....
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #4
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    Mama G said:

    I've been overly sensitive throughout this ordeal...
    and I know what you mean. Some of the people I expected to be there for me were not, and others who I never would have expected stepped up to the plate and were amazing. I'm still upset about a few of the ones who ignore me, but maybe they're scared or don't know what to say, so I don't say anything to them. Thank you GOD that I have friends to lean on, even if they aren't the ones I expected....

    years of this I am used to
    years of this I am used to it. sometimes I get annoyed but let it go. My neighbor and friend. cried when I told her and genuinely cares but cannot deal and I havent been into to much contact. But I know if I needed a favor she would help me. She cant deal. I am not mad everyone has their limits. Its different with family. I do have a selfish SIL that at first I tried but really no longer care is her problem. I have lots of support. I focus on that.
  • Tinabug
    Tinabug Member Posts: 158
    #5
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    sounds like forgiveness is needed on both sides
    It sounds like you were also hurt by her actions(or lack of.) I have family members who haven't called in quite some time & it breaks my heart. I just have to assume they aren't dissing me, but it's the only way they can deal with the situation. I know I have been sensitive, hurt, depressed, & angry...I always explain, "I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I haven't ever been down this road before & like you I don't always do or say the right thing."

    If you apologize for hurting her & explain that you were also hurt & missed your conversations with her, hopefully she will be a good enough friend to understand.

    I also have people that have told me they don't won't to call because they are afraid I'm resting & I will call them when I want to talk. Sometimes that frustrates me, but other times I'm glad(like when I finally get to sleep & the phone rings.)

    Good luck with your situation. I hope she gives you a pardon for this one error.

    Hugs,
    Tina
  • blackroze1000
    blackroze1000 Member Posts: 50
    #6
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    Been there, done that . . .
    When I went through my first cancer, a long-time friend didn't contact me at all. I was really hurt. But then I realized that some people just don't know how to handle the situation or know what to say. I know this first hand because when my best friend's son became extremely ill and had to have chemo, I didn't know what to say or do, so I, myself, withdrew. Then when I became ill, I realized how much I must have let her down and sincerely apologized for it. Our relationship is fine now, thank God. Cancer is very scary stuff -- not only for you, but for all those around you. It's hard to understand, but I've been on both sides of the coin. Pray on it and ask God to give you the words to say. Then try to mend the fence. If they really do care about you, they'll reach out, too. If not, sad as it may be, you'll have to move on. Remember, you need to concentrate on taking care of your health right now, so that you can be a blessing to others in the future.

    Best of luck, Elaine
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    #7
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    blows my mind...
    I was told by a fellow pink lady that after going through treatment you would find out who your real friends are.. they are the people who are still at standing with you as you cross that finish line.

    For someone to tell you they felt used.. is crazy! friends give unconditionally. You are walking a long depressing road. filled with ups and downs, confronted with our own mortality for the first time. Its often a dark lonely road.

    True friends..... don't care, They understand we are in a place they can't imagine being. They hold our hands even if we don't say a word to them. They call just to check in, even if we don't return their calls. They do stuff for us, and expect nothing in return.

    I'm sure a lot of us out there can relate to "friends" we don't have anything to do with anymore since our diagnosis.

    I have learned life can be short and I don't bother with the people who couldn't support me through my whole journy

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