funnies

Flat Tire
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I ease
my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully, get out of the
car and open the trunk.I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers........
To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men.
And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper! "What's going on here?" "My car has a flat tire," I said
calmly. "Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard
men doing here by the road?" I couldn't believe that he didn't know.
So I told him.............
"Hellooooo, those are my emergency
flashers!"



I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. He took a sip of his drink, smiled at the young man and replied...

'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'