lost

pattynonews
pattynonews Member Posts: 176
edited March 2014 in Emotional Support #1
Well it has been 2 month since Jack and I feel like im lost and lost connection with jack and just distraction from everything, I am trying to do to keep my mind off of things and doing it anyway I can which is probaly not a really good thing, I start a project but cant finsh it, If i go off and enjoy my self I feel guilty that i am being disloyal to jack if i just do nothing well i cry , i am just not getting any better, Anyone going through what I am going through

love patty

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Hi Patty
    The two month anniversary of Doug's death really hit me hard, too, even harder than the first. I couldn't stop crying in church that morning. Luckily, I go to a church where a lot of people understand. Another lady who lost her husband this year took me to lunch and several of the other widows at church told me they had similar experiences. One told me she did pretty good until two months and then cried for a month solid. I think we just have to give ourselves the time we need to grieve. I have the same problem with remaining focused. I felt better when a book I was thumbing through used the term the "fog of grief." It described exactly what we are going through as far as not finishing things we start and moving on to new things. I keep misplacing things as well. If you think about it, women used to stay in mourning and wear black for a year after losing their husbands. Now days, some seem to think we should pick up and go on like nothing has happened after just a few days or weeks. That is just unrealistic! Prayers and hugs, Fay
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #3
    grandmafay said:

    Hi Patty
    The two month anniversary of Doug's death really hit me hard, too, even harder than the first. I couldn't stop crying in church that morning. Luckily, I go to a church where a lot of people understand. Another lady who lost her husband this year took me to lunch and several of the other widows at church told me they had similar experiences. One told me she did pretty good until two months and then cried for a month solid. I think we just have to give ourselves the time we need to grieve. I have the same problem with remaining focused. I felt better when a book I was thumbing through used the term the "fog of grief." It described exactly what we are going through as far as not finishing things we start and moving on to new things. I keep misplacing things as well. If you think about it, women used to stay in mourning and wear black for a year after losing their husbands. Now days, some seem to think we should pick up and go on like nothing has happened after just a few days or weeks. That is just unrealistic! Prayers and hugs, Fay

    I am with you
    It been 9 months since angel died but i still cry everyday maybe 10 times a day or maybe once a day it depends It was angels birthday sunday went to the cemetary and put flowers and ballons.House sold on a short sale i have to move in 30 days i found a place but i don't really want to leave our house but i have to . I have had nothing but stressful situations come up since angel died but did manage to get threw those so I know we all have the strength to go on but it is so hard to do. I must start packing but i don't feel like it but i have to push myself really no one to help me .I was married for 35 yrs and there is no way i can get over angel in months it will be years for me and that is ok . take care patty and fay maybe in the future we could meet that would be wonderful.

    michelle
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
    angelsbaby said:

    I am with you
    It been 9 months since angel died but i still cry everyday maybe 10 times a day or maybe once a day it depends It was angels birthday sunday went to the cemetary and put flowers and ballons.House sold on a short sale i have to move in 30 days i found a place but i don't really want to leave our house but i have to . I have had nothing but stressful situations come up since angel died but did manage to get threw those so I know we all have the strength to go on but it is so hard to do. I must start packing but i don't feel like it but i have to push myself really no one to help me .I was married for 35 yrs and there is no way i can get over angel in months it will be years for me and that is ok . take care patty and fay maybe in the future we could meet that would be wonderful.

    michelle

    Hi Michelle
    Where do you live? I know Patty is in Texas. I'm in Northern California. It would be nice if we could get together some time. Take especially good care of yourself the next few weeks. I know you are strong and will do what you have to do, but be sure you take some down time, too. This is going to be a very difficult time both emotionally and physically. I will send thought of prayers and good thoughts your way. Fay
  • mr steve
    mr steve Member Posts: 285
    #5
    You all
    I just want you ladies to know what a great service you are doing for me and I sure of others. I admire your strength and perseverance in such hard times. I hope I can continue to draw from your strength and hope in any small way I can help you.

    Good luck and I hope you can all get together.
    Steve
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #6
    mr steve said:

    You all
    I just want you ladies to know what a great service you are doing for me and I sure of others. I admire your strength and perseverance in such hard times. I hope I can continue to draw from your strength and hope in any small way I can help you.

    Good luck and I hope you can all get together.
    Steve

    Patty and Fay
    I live in az right in the middle of you two my place would be good to meet some day. Take care,

    michelle
  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #7
    grandmafay said:

    Hi Patty
    The two month anniversary of Doug's death really hit me hard, too, even harder than the first. I couldn't stop crying in church that morning. Luckily, I go to a church where a lot of people understand. Another lady who lost her husband this year took me to lunch and several of the other widows at church told me they had similar experiences. One told me she did pretty good until two months and then cried for a month solid. I think we just have to give ourselves the time we need to grieve. I have the same problem with remaining focused. I felt better when a book I was thumbing through used the term the "fog of grief." It described exactly what we are going through as far as not finishing things we start and moving on to new things. I keep misplacing things as well. If you think about it, women used to stay in mourning and wear black for a year after losing their husbands. Now days, some seem to think we should pick up and go on like nothing has happened after just a few days or weeks. That is just unrealistic! Prayers and hugs, Fay

    wearing black
    It is funny you say that I wear alot of black lately or jack jimi hendrix shirts any thing to feel close and I look for signs to the point it is drivinf me crazy, Yea I get tired of people telling me time Patty it will heal , My man is gone time is not going to bring him back and to tell me he is in a better place, does not help he would be better with me or at least I would be better, this grief is so overwhelming and being a caretaker has there moments, Thank for listen love patty
  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #8
    angelsbaby said:

    I am with you
    It been 9 months since angel died but i still cry everyday maybe 10 times a day or maybe once a day it depends It was angels birthday sunday went to the cemetary and put flowers and ballons.House sold on a short sale i have to move in 30 days i found a place but i don't really want to leave our house but i have to . I have had nothing but stressful situations come up since angel died but did manage to get threw those so I know we all have the strength to go on but it is so hard to do. I must start packing but i don't feel like it but i have to push myself really no one to help me .I was married for 35 yrs and there is no way i can get over angel in months it will be years for me and that is ok . take care patty and fay maybe in the future we could meet that would be wonderful.

    michelle

    That would be nice my sister
    That would be nice my sister in law said it would be good for all of us to meet in a centralization place and have some fun, Patty
  • onlyhuman
    onlyhuman Member Posts: 99
    #9
    lost too
    Hi Patty
    I lost my husband six weeks ago and I fell kind of stuck in a limbo. I completely agree about being distracted. I have a list of thigns I need to get done but somehow nothing seems to get completed. I am back at work and am trying to be as productive as possible (some days are better than others). Unlike others on the board however, I seem to be stuck in that I know I have not fully or even partially grieved him but for some reason the tears are refusing to come. I have two little girls so I do have to get going every morning but I fear I have tucked away my grief in a corner of my heart and mind and one day it'll all unravel.
    Sangeeta
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #10
    onlyhuman said:

    lost too
    Hi Patty
    I lost my husband six weeks ago and I fell kind of stuck in a limbo. I completely agree about being distracted. I have a list of thigns I need to get done but somehow nothing seems to get completed. I am back at work and am trying to be as productive as possible (some days are better than others). Unlike others on the board however, I seem to be stuck in that I know I have not fully or even partially grieved him but for some reason the tears are refusing to come. I have two little girls so I do have to get going every morning but I fear I have tucked away my grief in a corner of my heart and mind and one day it'll all unravel.
    Sangeeta

    Grief
    We all grieve in our own way, but if you feel you are not finding a way, you might want to talk to a grief counselor. I know you are trying to be strong for your girls, but sometimes we need help to be strong. On the other hand, maybe you have found your way to grieve. Crying isn't for everyone. The lack of focus sounds so familiar. I guess our minds are grieving at the same time we are trying to do other things. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves. Take care of yourself and your precious girls. Fay

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