Mom's chemo started Friday....learning to navigate this crazy world.

helenud00
helenud00 Member Posts: 6
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
I know this is a discussion board focuses on Ovarian cancer; however, there were no sections for Peritoneal cancer and it's my understanding both are treated similarly. My mom was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer two weeks ago. Her first chemo treatment was friday - seven hours in that chair!! Yersterday was good - spent time with family, had an amazing night out. Unfortunatly the whole time we were out I kept wondering, "when does it kick in?" Today we got our answer. It's heart-wrenching to watch her in so much pain. There's nothing we can do to make her feel any better. It's so helpless....and then I feel guilty for focusing on how it makes me feel when she's the one suffering. Gawh!! I truly just don't know what to expect!! As a family member, how do you cope??

Comments

  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #2
    Not a "family member", but......
    Helen,

    As the patient, I can tell you that your support and care is deeply valued by your mom. My first chemo session took a full 8 hours. They had to stop it altogether for 45 minutes, then resume at a slower rate because I had a bad reaction to the drugs. When we finally left, there was no one there except us, the infusion nurse, and the cleaning people! I thought how will I endure this every 3 weeks? But each session has gotten easier, gone faster, and brought fewer side effects. That will likely be the case with your mom, too.

    I know all about feeling helpless. My daughter lost a baby to SIDS 15 years ago, and I have never felt so helpless in my life, as I did the day Baby James died. I was the mom......I had always been able to fix it when things went wrong in her life. I could not fix that.

    I have 4 grown children and a host of grandchildren. As I said in another thread, in a way my illness has become theirs, and I hate that. Shortly after Christmas, my 17 year old granddaughter broke down. She said, "It just makes me so sad." We shed a few tears together. It was a sad moment, but moments like that can be special, too. Don't try too hard to keep it all inside. After 4 months I feel better and 100% more hopeful; consequently, so does my family.

    Not long after I was released from the hospital, my best girlfriend came over and when I had to go back to bed, she went with me. We just lay there, side-by-side, and talked. It was great. I don't like the "hovering" type attention that some people insist on giving cancer patients, but I appreciate company and companionship.
  • Mawty
    Mawty Member Posts: 133
    #3
    Hissy_Fitz said:

    Not a "family member", but......
    Helen,

    As the patient, I can tell you that your support and care is deeply valued by your mom. My first chemo session took a full 8 hours. They had to stop it altogether for 45 minutes, then resume at a slower rate because I had a bad reaction to the drugs. When we finally left, there was no one there except us, the infusion nurse, and the cleaning people! I thought how will I endure this every 3 weeks? But each session has gotten easier, gone faster, and brought fewer side effects. That will likely be the case with your mom, too.

    I know all about feeling helpless. My daughter lost a baby to SIDS 15 years ago, and I have never felt so helpless in my life, as I did the day Baby James died. I was the mom......I had always been able to fix it when things went wrong in her life. I could not fix that.

    I have 4 grown children and a host of grandchildren. As I said in another thread, in a way my illness has become theirs, and I hate that. Shortly after Christmas, my 17 year old granddaughter broke down. She said, "It just makes me so sad." We shed a few tears together. It was a sad moment, but moments like that can be special, too. Don't try too hard to keep it all inside. After 4 months I feel better and 100% more hopeful; consequently, so does my family.

    Not long after I was released from the hospital, my best girlfriend came over and when I had to go back to bed, she went with me. We just lay there, side-by-side, and talked. It was great. I don't like the "hovering" type attention that some people insist on giving cancer patients, but I appreciate company and companionship.

    How to help
    You made me think about my friend and my sister who spent time in bed with me when I couldn't get up to do anything. We wanted TV reruns and movies and laughed and talked. It wasn't hard for them, I didn't have to entertain, and we were both happy. Sometimes it's just little thing like that that help the most.
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #4
    it ain't pretty
    Helen,

    I helped my mom get through 6 rounds of chemo, and it ain't pretty. This may sound strange, but either you or your mom should keep a diary of chemo symptoms. That way, when they come back around next cycle, only different, you can remember what worked.

    By day 4 my mother needed constipation relief badly. May need more than one dose of Miralax to move things along. Also either Immodium or Lomotil (rx) if things boomerang in the other direction.

    Everyone tolerates chemo differently, so symptoms and problems vary. Do what you can to keep your mom well hydrated. Ensure, instant breakfast, etc., are often better than food.

    The fatigue was hard to watch, but I knew that my mother was doing exactly what she wanted, so I stood behind her every step of the way. Good luck, sweetie. Things will turn around in a few days.
  • helenud00
    helenud00 Member Posts: 6
    #5
    Barbara53 said:

    it ain't pretty
    Helen,

    I helped my mom get through 6 rounds of chemo, and it ain't pretty. This may sound strange, but either you or your mom should keep a diary of chemo symptoms. That way, when they come back around next cycle, only different, you can remember what worked.

    By day 4 my mother needed constipation relief badly. May need more than one dose of Miralax to move things along. Also either Immodium or Lomotil (rx) if things boomerang in the other direction.

    Everyone tolerates chemo differently, so symptoms and problems vary. Do what you can to keep your mom well hydrated. Ensure, instant breakfast, etc., are often better than food.

    The fatigue was hard to watch, but I knew that my mother was doing exactly what she wanted, so I stood behind her every step of the way. Good luck, sweetie. Things will turn around in a few days.

    thank you!
    Thank you for your advice! It's greatly appreciated. I have actually started a diary to document these things. I'm taking pictures too - she may not feel up for it, but it will be something to look back on to say, "see - you were knocked down, but got back up again. We can face anything!"

    I'm certainly not trying to hover, but I'm keeping in constant contact. My sisters are helping too. Hopefully, this will be something that makes us stronger and we all come out healthy and happy on the other side!!

    Thanks again for the tips.
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #6
    Chemo
    Can not drink too much water. The bone pain was bad and I had pain pills. Sleeping gets me thru the hardest part and focus on something intresting. Ballgames... work for me.
    Was your mother given some instructions? I keep a daily journal to refer back to...Ask questions of us to the home remedies we all use to g et through it and we will give them...Saundra
  • tngirl
    tngirl Member Posts: 28
    #7
    Just Being There . . .
    Hi,

    I just finished my 6th round of chemo. I have to say just having my family there for support was really helpful for me. I also kept a journal and documented my chemo side effects. This helped me get ready for the next round and also helped my family. Unfortunately, the day after chemo is no too bad, but day 2, 3 and sometimes 4 were my worst. My husband really did not ask if he could help me, he just did things around the house, he let me sleep when I needed to, and was there when I needed to just to talk and even cry. Hang in there, just be there for her. That is the best gift! You and your mom are in my prayers.

    TNGIRL
  • lisazee
    lisazee Member Posts: 12
    #8
    My mom just finished her
    My mom just finished her second chemo today. As others have said, it was the 3rd day for her that she started feeling bad. She kept saying "I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop." When my mom was feeling the worst, I just tried to be around but not in the way. I don't live at home, so I visited and gave my dad a bit of a break. It was hardest on him. I made him get out of the house and there were times I just lay on the floor next to my mom's bed. We napped together, chatted while she was awake... I just tried to take her mind off things I guess.

    This time I think at least my mom will know what to expect - yeah, she knows she will feel awful, but she also knows it will go away. The first time, she couldn't see her way out of it, and she was doing really great by the second and third weeks. I think that will be in the back of her mind this time. Hopefully it will be that way for your mom, too. I think the unknown is the worst of it...

    Just be available, I think. I know it means a lot to my mom that I am there... Sending good thoughts to you and your mom... Lisa
  • msfanciful
    msfanciful Member Posts: 559
    #9
    I Used My Down Time As A Much Needed Time to Rest
    Hi Helen,

    After I had my chemo (I've had 8 cycles my first time and 6 cycles my second time) it may sound a bit bizarre, but I actually developed a routine around my chemo days. I would tell friends "okay I'm having chemo on such and such day, so I'll be out for about one week."

    I would usually feel the effects of the chemo after the second day after chemo and knew for the next three days I'd have to remain in bed, but honey after that third day...it was on and I was up and back at it :-).

    I'm not trying to make light of this, but I will be a 3yr stage 4 cancer survivor next month.

    I am living with cancer and sometimes when I would just see the face of my daughter peep in on me; or know that my husband had just pulled the covers up over me, that gives me more peace than one can imagine!

    Just continue to do what you're doing...be there for your mom.

    Many blessings to you and your mother.

    Sharon
  • helenud00
    helenud00 Member Posts: 6
    #10
    msfanciful said:

    I Used My Down Time As A Much Needed Time to Rest
    Hi Helen,

    After I had my chemo (I've had 8 cycles my first time and 6 cycles my second time) it may sound a bit bizarre, but I actually developed a routine around my chemo days. I would tell friends "okay I'm having chemo on such and such day, so I'll be out for about one week."

    I would usually feel the effects of the chemo after the second day after chemo and knew for the next three days I'd have to remain in bed, but honey after that third day...it was on and I was up and back at it :-).

    I'm not trying to make light of this, but I will be a 3yr stage 4 cancer survivor next month.

    I am living with cancer and sometimes when I would just see the face of my daughter peep in on me; or know that my husband had just pulled the covers up over me, that gives me more peace than one can imagine!

    Just continue to do what you're doing...be there for your mom.

    Many blessings to you and your mother.

    Sharon

    Continued thanks for all of
    Continued thanks for all of your advice. Luckily, my mom has three daughters - one of which still lives at home, who have offered help in any way possible (cleaning, dishes, running out for medicines and popsicles). Luckily, we got to enjoy the day after treatment, but the "other shoe fell" on the 2nd day and progressively got worse on days 3 & 4. So I am hoping that things start to turn around today and the next few weeks. As you mentioned, we're definitely paying attention to know what to expect in the coming chemo cycles. Your advice has been helpful and seeing so many survivors is inspiring. :)
  • helenud00
    helenud00 Member Posts: 6
    #11
    saundra said:

    Chemo
    Can not drink too much water. The bone pain was bad and I had pain pills. Sleeping gets me thru the hardest part and focus on something intresting. Ballgames... work for me.
    Was your mother given some instructions? I keep a daily journal to refer back to...Ask questions of us to the home remedies we all use to g et through it and we will give them...Saundra

    Yes, she was given pain
    Yes, she was given pain pills, but she said they only helped to subdue the pain. The instructions were pretty vague (from our end, but I think she got more information at a meeting I couldn't make it to). I hope she gets her energy back to get moving again; the pain has left her in bed for the last three days. Fortunately, my aunt works with breast cancer patients and she passed along a cookbook called, "Cooking for Cancer" (or something similar) that has recipes to help alleviate symptoms. I think we'll be trying that out for the next cycle.

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