Is It Just Me, Or, Has Anyone Else Missed Going To Radiation Treatments?
Megan
Comments
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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I understand completely Megan! It might have been me saying that I felt safe at my cancer center because I did. I was the same as you, I knew that I was doing something good and everyone there was just so kind, loving and compassionate to me. I really had fun going. And, my hubby made everyday special too in some way, so, it was fun. I still stop by and see everyone and we still hug and talk as long as we can. We mainly email so that we can stay in touch easier. And, my rads oncologist is my main caretaker now of my health. So, to answer your question, YES, I was just like you. And, you will get past it somewhat. It will just take some time. I will help you in anyway that I can. PM me if you want.
Sue
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Hi, Megan -
I finished rads a week ago today, and I can't say I relate to missing the rad techs or the radiation center -- if you saw any of my posts while I was going through rads, I'm the one who had the rad techs who made me feel like a naughty child every time my stickers fell off.
But I certainly do relate to feeling kind of adrift, like I'm not really DOing anything to kill the cancer anymore. I'm on Tamoxifen, but it's not the same as lying there under that formidable-looking machine feeling like I'm nuking cancer cells every day.
I'm reading an excellent book right now, After Breast Cancer: A Common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment, by Hester Hill Schnipper, and it's really helping me see that this period after treatment can be (and is, for me) more difficult mentally than treatment itself. The author is an oncology social worker and a two-time breast cancer survivor herself, and she talks a lot about exactly the kinds of feelings you're talking about, and has lots of practical advice about how to deal with them. If you're interested, it's available on Amazon.
Traci0 -
ThanksTraciInLA said:Hi, Megan -
I finished rads a week ago today, and I can't say I relate to missing the rad techs or the radiation center -- if you saw any of my posts while I was going through rads, I'm the one who had the rad techs who made me feel like a naughty child every time my stickers fell off.
But I certainly do relate to feeling kind of adrift, like I'm not really DOing anything to kill the cancer anymore. I'm on Tamoxifen, but it's not the same as lying there under that formidable-looking machine feeling like I'm nuking cancer cells every day.
I'm reading an excellent book right now, After Breast Cancer: A Common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment, by Hester Hill Schnipper, and it's really helping me see that this period after treatment can be (and is, for me) more difficult mentally than treatment itself. The author is an oncology social worker and a two-time breast cancer survivor herself, and she talks a lot about exactly the kinds of feelings you're talking about, and has lots of practical advice about how to deal with them. If you're interested, it's available on Amazon.
Traci
Thanks Ritzy. It seems that you feel the same way that I do, so, I don't feel so crazy. My husband thinks I am nuts because I feel like this. But, he said nuts in a nice way. LOL I am sure that when I start filling my time with other things that it will help too.
Hi Traci. I am so sorry that your experience was bad. No, I didn't read anything about what you had gone thru. I will get that book though. Thanks for the recommendation. I just feel like I need someone or something to tell me that this is normal. Thanks!
Megan0 -
I felt that way more after
I felt that way more after chemo than rads...I describe it as being on a highwire without a safety net. What was going to keep the cancer away now???? I cried the night after chemo was finished more than I did the first day they stuck that pre-port IV in my hand.
Rads? Not so much! I was the first pt of the morning, and rarely saw the same pts there with me. I finished rads 2 weeks before Christmas, and got gifts for the rad techs, but honestly, if I saw them on the street today, I wouldn't recognize them! Ditto my rad oncologist, who was very nice, but who's name I have long forgotten...
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
I didn't have chemochenheart said:I felt that way more after
I felt that way more after chemo than rads...I describe it as being on a highwire without a safety net. What was going to keep the cancer away now???? I cried the night after chemo was finished more than I did the first day they stuck that pre-port IV in my hand.
Rads? Not so much! I was the first pt of the morning, and rarely saw the same pts there with me. I finished rads 2 weeks before Christmas, and got gifts for the rad techs, but honestly, if I saw them on the street today, I wouldn't recognize them! Ditto my rad oncologist, who was very nice, but who's name I have long forgotten...
Hugs,
Chen♥
I didn't have chemo chenheart, so, I might have felt the same after it. But, everyone was so nice to me there and I was just so used to it. I have found myself crying about it even. I guess the fear of a recurrence is creeping in since I feel that I am not doing anything now. Thank you.
Megan0 -
Not at all nuts!
Megan,
I felt just the same way after finishing rads in July - I was no longer actively doing anything, how would I be safe, etc. Had a real meltdown for a couple of days. I didn't build any real rapport with the rad techs; they were nice enough, but... In fact, when I had an appt with the rad dr in November, I saw one of the techs, said "hi" and could tell she had no idea who I was (no celebration from them on the last rads day, either). The rads dr. was another thing - he's got more personality and caring attitude than my onc dr and surgeon put together! Unfortunately, I don't see him again until July.
Yes, you will get past the feeling in time. As life goes on, and as you rest up from the radiation, you'll develop your own new normal.
I also read Hester Schnipper's book, and highly recommend it to everyone. She really "gets it", explains things and supports survivors so well.
Hang on - you've done so well to get this far!
-rainbow40 -
Chemo Rads???????Megan M said:I didn't have chemo
I didn't have chemo chenheart, so, I might have felt the same after it. But, everyone was so nice to me there and I was just so used to it. I have found myself crying about it even. I guess the fear of a recurrence is creeping in since I feel that I am not doing anything now. Thank you.
Megan
I felt a VOID after both of them, More Rads as that was the end of my active treatment.... I don't think I'll feel a void at the end of the tamoxifen LOL......... It's normal, they are such great people and great support, you are bound to miss them................. Also what you are feeling about recurrence is absolutely normal and understandable now that your safety-net is no longer there. I wish you only the best Megan. Jxxxxxxxxx0 -
Thanks Tasha and Rainbow4rainbow4 said:Not at all nuts!
Megan,
I felt just the same way after finishing rads in July - I was no longer actively doing anything, how would I be safe, etc. Had a real meltdown for a couple of days. I didn't build any real rapport with the rad techs; they were nice enough, but... In fact, when I had an appt with the rad dr in November, I saw one of the techs, said "hi" and could tell she had no idea who I was (no celebration from them on the last rads day, either). The rads dr. was another thing - he's got more personality and caring attitude than my onc dr and surgeon put together! Unfortunately, I don't see him again until July.
Yes, you will get past the feeling in time. As life goes on, and as you rest up from the radiation, you'll develop your own new normal.
I also read Hester Schnipper's book, and highly recommend it to everyone. She really "gets it", explains things and supports survivors so well.
Hang on - you've done so well to get this far!
-rainbow4
Thanks Tasha for making me feel normal. What you say is so true, it was my safety net, and, now it is gone. It is so great to have someone understand me. I am so lucky to have found this site and people like you.
I will get that book Rainbow4. It sounds like just what I need to help me to get over this. I haven't really got my strength back from finishing rads. I find it hard to sleep as this has been bothering me so much. I am looking forward to my new normal.
Thank you, Megan0 -
i didnt miss itrainbow4 said:Not at all nuts!
Megan,
I felt just the same way after finishing rads in July - I was no longer actively doing anything, how would I be safe, etc. Had a real meltdown for a couple of days. I didn't build any real rapport with the rad techs; they were nice enough, but... In fact, when I had an appt with the rad dr in November, I saw one of the techs, said "hi" and could tell she had no idea who I was (no celebration from them on the last rads day, either). The rads dr. was another thing - he's got more personality and caring attitude than my onc dr and surgeon put together! Unfortunately, I don't see him again until July.
Yes, you will get past the feeling in time. As life goes on, and as you rest up from the radiation, you'll develop your own new normal.
I also read Hester Schnipper's book, and highly recommend it to everyone. She really "gets it", explains things and supports survivors so well.
Hang on - you've done so well to get this far!
-rainbow4
i missed my chemo nusres after chemo they were angels. radiation no way sorry to say they were very rude and mean!0 -
Missing rads techs
Megan,
I also felt a sense of loss after I finished my radiation treatments. I hugged the techs and cried on my last day of rads. I had to go back for my one month check up in December and the one tech that I saw almost every day had left the clinic to take another job. I was really sad to hear this because the care and compassion he showed to the patients and their family members was outstanding. My husband felt comfortable talking to him about my skin reactions, my fatigue, and how he was feeling about all of it.
I think you hit it on the head when you said going through radiation makes you feel safe. The big machine and the room were a little intimidating at first for me, but by the time I was done it had become just a nice place to hang out at every day.
Thanks for the reminder (sniff). :-(0 -
You are not alone. I alsoWolfi said:Missing rads techs
Megan,
I also felt a sense of loss after I finished my radiation treatments. I hugged the techs and cried on my last day of rads. I had to go back for my one month check up in December and the one tech that I saw almost every day had left the clinic to take another job. I was really sad to hear this because the care and compassion he showed to the patients and their family members was outstanding. My husband felt comfortable talking to him about my skin reactions, my fatigue, and how he was feeling about all of it.
I think you hit it on the head when you said going through radiation makes you feel safe. The big machine and the room were a little intimidating at first for me, but by the time I was done it had become just a nice place to hang out at every day.
Thanks for the reminder (sniff). :-(
You are not alone. I also missed going to radiation every day. I could not believe it, i complained the whole time and counted the days until it ended, good grief!. I think i felt safe there. But here is what helped, I met 3 wonderful woman we ended treatment the same time and we went to lunch and we meet every month since, we also call each other and send cards. I also still go to my chemo nurses for lab work every 4 weeks and for my zometa treatment. I also started coming here, we need each other0 -
oopsWolfi said:Missing rads techs
Megan,
I also felt a sense of loss after I finished my radiation treatments. I hugged the techs and cried on my last day of rads. I had to go back for my one month check up in December and the one tech that I saw almost every day had left the clinic to take another job. I was really sad to hear this because the care and compassion he showed to the patients and their family members was outstanding. My husband felt comfortable talking to him about my skin reactions, my fatigue, and how he was feeling about all of it.
I think you hit it on the head when you said going through radiation makes you feel safe. The big machine and the room were a little intimidating at first for me, but by the time I was done it had become just a nice place to hang out at every day.
Thanks for the reminder (sniff). :-(
oops0 -
I am sorry that the one techWolfi said:Missing rads techs
Megan,
I also felt a sense of loss after I finished my radiation treatments. I hugged the techs and cried on my last day of rads. I had to go back for my one month check up in December and the one tech that I saw almost every day had left the clinic to take another job. I was really sad to hear this because the care and compassion he showed to the patients and their family members was outstanding. My husband felt comfortable talking to him about my skin reactions, my fatigue, and how he was feeling about all of it.
I think you hit it on the head when you said going through radiation makes you feel safe. The big machine and the room were a little intimidating at first for me, but by the time I was done it had become just a nice place to hang out at every day.
Thanks for the reminder (sniff). :-(
I am sorry that the one tech that you liked had left Wolfi. I know how attached I am to the ones that I had. You are so right, it did become a nice place to just hang out every day. I am sorry for making you upset
So sorry that yours were mean Teresa. Mine couldn't have been nicer.
Meena, that is so great that you still meet with those women. That is the best thing to do, stay in touch.
Megan0 -
No, it isn't just you as youMegan M said:I am sorry that the one tech
I am sorry that the one tech that you liked had left Wolfi. I know how attached I am to the ones that I had. You are so right, it did become a nice place to just hang out every day. I am sorry for making you upset
So sorry that yours were mean Teresa. Mine couldn't have been nicer.
Meena, that is so great that you still meet with those women. That is the best thing to do, stay in touch.
Megan
No, it isn't just you as you can see Megan. I got the royal treatment at my rads cancer center too and that is the way it should be. I think anyone working with cancer patients should possess special qualities on the good side, and, mine did. You just finished, so, give yourself some time to rest and build your strength back up. Then, when you feel stronger, you will probably find all kinds of things to do and you won't be missing them so much. I admit that I still miss the people, but, I go back still every month. Congrats on finishing rads!
HUGS0 -
It isn't just yousurvivorbc09 said:No, it isn't just you as you
No, it isn't just you as you can see Megan. I got the royal treatment at my rads cancer center too and that is the way it should be. I think anyone working with cancer patients should possess special qualities on the good side, and, mine did. You just finished, so, give yourself some time to rest and build your strength back up. Then, when you feel stronger, you will probably find all kinds of things to do and you won't be missing them so much. I admit that I still miss the people, but, I go back still every month. Congrats on finishing rads!
HUGS
I felt the void when I finished chemo ... before I started radiation. Then after radiation I REALLY felt the void. Like I needed to be doing something to fight the fight. Even though I still go in every 3 weeks for herceptin ... I see that the herceptin part will stop in March ... and then it will just be ME ...taking my tamoxifen ... and going for routine check ups. It just makes me feel "better" when I'm seeing people regularly and knowing that they are watching over me very carefully. When that ends in March with my last herceptin infusion ... I think I'll feel as though "they" have "cut the apron" strings I must do the rest myself... whatever that means. I know I'll miss all the wonderful people at the infusion center ... but I just felt so much "safer" seeing them regularly. It sort of gives me a "helpless" feeling ... knowing they've done all they can now ... and the rest is up to me and my body.
hugs.
teena0 -
I know I'm late
on here-but just wanted to say that I went through the same thing 2 years ago. I felt like I was being cut off from their apron strings and I didn't want to be!I would go back and visit and try to keep in touch with my friends that I met in the waiting room-because some of the other patients and their families did become my friends and some still are!
Now that I am 2 years out,I don't go back to visit so much anymore..busy with life and enjoying it again.
They will still keep watch on you,I know for me it seemed like I had appointments often enough at least for the first year afterwards.0 -
I was the same way as yououtdoorgirl said:I know I'm late
on here-but just wanted to say that I went through the same thing 2 years ago. I felt like I was being cut off from their apron strings and I didn't want to be!I would go back and visit and try to keep in touch with my friends that I met in the waiting room-because some of the other patients and their families did become my friends and some still are!
Now that I am 2 years out,I don't go back to visit so much anymore..busy with life and enjoying it again.
They will still keep watch on you,I know for me it seemed like I had appointments often enough at least for the first year afterwards.
I was the same way as you Megan and the others. I missed it and I also felt that my safe haven was gone. I still keep in touch with the techs and I see my rads oncologist too. So, it isn't an everyday appointment like it was with rads, but, it is every month. You will feel better about this once some time has gone by.
Debby0 -
Thanks survivor and teena!tgf said:It isn't just you
I felt the void when I finished chemo ... before I started radiation. Then after radiation I REALLY felt the void. Like I needed to be doing something to fight the fight. Even though I still go in every 3 weeks for herceptin ... I see that the herceptin part will stop in March ... and then it will just be ME ...taking my tamoxifen ... and going for routine check ups. It just makes me feel "better" when I'm seeing people regularly and knowing that they are watching over me very carefully. When that ends in March with my last herceptin infusion ... I think I'll feel as though "they" have "cut the apron" strings I must do the rest myself... whatever that means. I know I'll miss all the wonderful people at the infusion center ... but I just felt so much "safer" seeing them regularly. It sort of gives me a "helpless" feeling ... knowing they've done all they can now ... and the rest is up to me and my body.
hugs.
teena
Thanks survivor and teena! That word helpless is perfect. That is how I feel now. Like I am just so lost, what do I do now?
It makes me feel saner knowing that I am not the only one that feels like this. Thank you!
Megan0 -
Me 2!DebbyM said:I was the same way as you
I was the same way as you Megan and the others. I missed it and I also felt that my safe haven was gone. I still keep in touch with the techs and I see my rads oncologist too. So, it isn't an everyday appointment like it was with rads, but, it is every month. You will feel better about this once some time has gone by.
Debby
I loved going to rads as I loved the people there so much and it also made me feel like I was really doing something to fight bc again. My techs were awesome and I see them quite often and have almost adopted one of them. LOL My rads oncologist is mainly in charge of my health now as I trust him and he truly looks out for me. My hubby joked that he was a tad bit jealous of him even. LOL Megan, you will feel better and not so lost as time goes by. You will fill your days with more of what you did before bc and your loss will be less. Trust me, it does get better! And, you can always stop in and see them, email them or call them.
Love, Jeanne ♥0 -
End of Rads.....
Terri, I think we all experience this to some degree or another.....It's like most have said...you have spent weeks and some of us months, with chemo and then rads, doing everything we can to kill the beast and reduce it's chances of coming back. Them BOOM! It's over for us, other than the ones who must take, Tamox./and other drugs for a number of years....I'm not one of those. I actually had a meltdown in my radiation oncologist's office one week before completing rads...I sobbed and by nature I am not one to cry often......he was so wonderful! He said these feelings are perfectly normal, that he'd be more concerned if I didn't experience these feelings...That it was going to take time to heal, physically and mentally........that each one has to find a "new normal" for ourselves.......I've worked really hard on that one.......I finished chemo the end of August and rads the 2nd of Nov.....I think having the holidays to concentrate on helped a lot.....
I feel ALMOST normal again......My hair is now about an inch long..I'm chucking the wig!...my eyelashes have returned so those things are not a constant reminder every time I look in the mirror...My boobs almost match now......my rads tan has faded greatly!!!!(I had a lumpectomy) My energy has returned, for the most part......I am back to doing all that I did before the beast reared it's ugly head last March......OF course bc stays in my mind, but not like it did before...I've made a conscience decision to NOT let it ruin my today and tomorrows........I start the "checkups" next week.......4 in the month of Jan.......but I have had a two month reprieve, and that's been wonderful and I am grateful.....Being grateful for even the smallest of things have helped me so much......Every day I remind myself of what I am grateful for....All we can do is go on living the best way we know how.....Each of us must find out for ourselves what that is.........
I wish you the very best.......and ALL going through this....
Peace be with you
Nancy0
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