One year anniversary and can't get it off my mind

dianetavegia
dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Tomorrow, Jan. 7th is my 1 year anniversary of surgery to remove Stage III colon cancer. The 2nd was the day I was told by the gasto doing my colonoscopy that I had cancer. I can't stop checking boards, thinking about cancer, etc.

ACK! The good news is my check up and blood work a few weeks ago was all fine. Three months til my CT and I have to schedule a colonoscopy for the next month or so.... Make it go away!

Comments

  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #2
    our lot
    Hi Diane,

    Rejoicing with you in your good news- everything is looking good for you! I know, though, with the "make it go away" comment... I sure wish I could! Unfortunately, it's our lot in life to have to endure the ongoing bloodwork, scans, etc. to make sure we're still alright. Cling to that strong faith you have, Diane! He'll get you through all this!

    Hugs to you,
    Lisa
  • just4Brooks
    just4Brooks Member Posts: 980 Member
    #3
    It just part of having cancer
    Cancer not only eats at your body, But what it does to our mind is worse. I think it's just part of cancer. Welcome to the new normal


    Life is funny sometimes
    Brooks
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #4
    It's OK :)
    Those memories make us who we are - and keep us firmly rooted in reality :)

    I remember the days of my Dx, and all the different days I had surgeries - they are a part of me and is what made me who I am today.

    Reflect and ponder on these events of your life and then look at yourself today and how far you have come and how all of us "grow" with these type of events and the memories they create.

    I'm just so happy that we can all share in each other's grief and joy and have a nice safe place to do so - I'm so glad to have you with us, Diane - you're such an important piece of our puzzle :)

    And BTW, I would go through "hell and high water" for all of us if I could just make it all go away. Until that day...my love and support will have to do - that's OK isn't it?

    -Craig
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #5
    We all do that
    Diane,

    I don't think any of us can escape the worried feeling that comes with time for any testing or when the anniversaries come. Because 2 years ago at this time I was home recovering from surgery and thinking, "What the heck just happened?", I've been having sleepness nights this week. I've gone over and over in my head hearing the doctors tell me the diagnosis, reliving the moments before surgery, etc. I don't think this worry will ever completely leave any of us.

    You are such a positive, loving, beautiful person. My prayers are that you will continue to be FINE.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • thready
    thready Member Posts: 474
    #6
    Time Heals
    Diane,
    I am not even close to were you are yet, but looking from here you have had victories, and now it seems you need to finish and conquer this thing, but then how does one leave part of a life that has impacted us so much? I would love to hear how those who have been NED for a few years or more deal with this issue.

    I have been trying to take my thoughts captive and concentrate on " whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. This is a daily struggle because of the impact of cancer and chemo. I do come to this board, but don't post much because I feel so many like your self has so much to offer. Please take comfort in that. I come to the boards to see who might need prayer etc, this is all I can give right now to those who might be struggleing. So I guess I am saying that part of my journey includes the need to help others and often all I can do is pray.

    I have really appreaciated your help during my early days. I am walking more, trying to stay on a good diet and will be taking my vitamins as soon as I can figure out how to swallow them-I'm not a good pill taker and I thank you for all the information you gave and give to those who need it.

    One last thougt, I have been limiting my time here. For a while it totally consummed me, but now I visit only once or maybe twice a day then I try to fill my time with other things. Have been thinking I need to follow Brooks example and find a few rocks to paint!

    Take care
    Jan
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #7
    thready said:

    Time Heals
    Diane,
    I am not even close to were you are yet, but looking from here you have had victories, and now it seems you need to finish and conquer this thing, but then how does one leave part of a life that has impacted us so much? I would love to hear how those who have been NED for a few years or more deal with this issue.

    I have been trying to take my thoughts captive and concentrate on " whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. This is a daily struggle because of the impact of cancer and chemo. I do come to this board, but don't post much because I feel so many like your self has so much to offer. Please take comfort in that. I come to the boards to see who might need prayer etc, this is all I can give right now to those who might be struggleing. So I guess I am saying that part of my journey includes the need to help others and often all I can do is pray.

    I have really appreaciated your help during my early days. I am walking more, trying to stay on a good diet and will be taking my vitamins as soon as I can figure out how to swallow them-I'm not a good pill taker and I thank you for all the information you gave and give to those who need it.

    One last thougt, I have been limiting my time here. For a while it totally consummed me, but now I visit only once or maybe twice a day then I try to fill my time with other things. Have been thinking I need to follow Brooks example and find a few rocks to paint!

    Take care
    Jan

    Diane
    I don't even have cancer but i think about it every day.. I try not to but it there in my mind every day .Take care

    michelle
  • JIM
    JIM Member Posts: 9
    #8
    colon rectal cancer
    Hi Diane, Seems like I'm in the same boat. I think about it all the time. I had my surgery in May of 2007. Doing ok so far I got a colostomy coming up in a couple of months myself. Good luck. to you. Jim
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #9
    JIM said:

    colon rectal cancer
    Hi Diane, Seems like I'm in the same boat. I think about it all the time. I had my surgery in May of 2007. Doing ok so far I got a colostomy coming up in a couple of months myself. Good luck. to you. Jim

    If it was the 1 year anniversary to have it removed then that...
    should be cause to celebrate , not commiserate..The removal of any foreign object be it cancer, ex hubby or wife etc is a reason to celebrate not dismay ...You Diane have every right to be happy not sad, don't try to get it out of your mind, celebrate the dismissal of it out of your body and dance like nobodies watchin'..........Love and Hope, buzz
  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942 Member
    #10
    Not sad...
    I am fixating on the 'what ifs' and dreading the tests three months from now. How dumb is that? I'm going to move the bottle of CT scan gunk out of my cabinet so I don't see it 3 times a day!

    My mother is very negative and I'm having to limit my time on the phone with her. She's determined my onc doesn't know what he's doing and that I should be having all these tests.... I told her yesterday that I'd make the call for the colonoscopy when I am ready and I don't want to talk about it!

    Our daughter is sitting with a friend's mom who is end stage pancreatic cancer and Erin will call and go into great detail...... Horrific stuff..... I'm going to tell her we can't talk about this lady anymore.

    Today is one year since surgery and I know God has healed me! I feel wonderful and have loads of energy. I need to do like Buzzard just said and dance like nobody is watching. (Hubby and I won many, many dance contests just 15 years ago. We'd go out dancing every Friday night. Love 50's/ 60's stuff.)

    Thanks my sweet friends! Thanks so much.

    Buzzard: Put on a DVD of the Gaither's. Dancing to that!
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #11
    dianetavegia said:

    Not sad...
    I am fixating on the 'what ifs' and dreading the tests three months from now. How dumb is that? I'm going to move the bottle of CT scan gunk out of my cabinet so I don't see it 3 times a day!

    My mother is very negative and I'm having to limit my time on the phone with her. She's determined my onc doesn't know what he's doing and that I should be having all these tests.... I told her yesterday that I'd make the call for the colonoscopy when I am ready and I don't want to talk about it!

    Our daughter is sitting with a friend's mom who is end stage pancreatic cancer and Erin will call and go into great detail...... Horrific stuff..... I'm going to tell her we can't talk about this lady anymore.

    Today is one year since surgery and I know God has healed me! I feel wonderful and have loads of energy. I need to do like Buzzard just said and dance like nobody is watching. (Hubby and I won many, many dance contests just 15 years ago. We'd go out dancing every Friday night. Love 50's/ 60's stuff.)

    Thanks my sweet friends! Thanks so much.

    Buzzard: Put on a DVD of the Gaither's. Dancing to that!

    Diane...We did a Christmas Cantata
    at our church year before last that was written by the Gaithers. I sang the very first solo on the tract...The tract was named " Tonight, Heaven Touches Earth".....I weighed only 182 and sunken face and all and doing post op chemo and after watching the filming saw just how bad I really looked...I weigh in at 221 now and feel great...I think about that time right now and get very emotional, and Im at work so Im going somewhere else to post for now...Love ya, Buzz
  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942 Member
    #12
    Much better
    Thanks for all the replies and loving words. I'm much better. It seems I just couldn't get past the anniversary dates without thinking about that time last year.

    I DID tell my mother and daughter, no more negative talk!

    Diane
  • SandyL
    SandyL Member Posts: 218
    #13
    dianetavegia said:

    Much better
    Thanks for all the replies and loving words. I'm much better. It seems I just couldn't get past the anniversary dates without thinking about that time last year.

    I DID tell my mother and daughter, no more negative talk!

    Diane

    There you go...
    You just godda do what you godda do. And if negative talk gets to you, eliminate it for sure. It's not necessary. So happy for your NEDness, Diane. Keep on dancing.
    Sandy

Discussion Boards